Sebastian: The Complete Series (53 page)

I was just dragging out the boxes of decorations which we’d bought when there was a knock at the front door. Hating being broken off, I threw it open and stared blankly at the delivery guy before me. It was when I caught the Amazon stickers on the package that I brightened up.

Thor!! Yay.

Harry didn’t get why I was so excited. “First of all, why the fuck haven't you seen this before? It has Chris Hemsworth in it, and second… there’s something you're not telling me, isn't there?”

“Not at all. I just fancied watching it, you know, to help me with my course work on Norse gods.”

“You and I know Marvel doesn’t take these things as historic fact, so what's the real reason?”

I toyed with the idea of not telling him about my secret Fanfiction addiction, but what the hell. He was my friend.

An hour later, the tree was forgotten and both of us were pouring over the story I’d read in the library. We were both hot and bothered by the time I shut down the laptop.

Harry slid his eyes to mine. “Okay, I see why you wanted to watch this after reading that, but don’t be pissed off when Thor and Loki don’t fuck on screen.”

“What! That’s not fair at all.” I grinned at him. “I'm watching this in bed with Robert tonight.”

“What? You're not going to be sitting under your colossal tree and having a romantic night together?”

“Okay, so we’ll watch it down here
with
the tree.”

Harry snorted, and then checked his watch. “I have to go. It’s five thirty.”

“No way! Shit, I need to bang the roast in the oven.”

“Oh shit, more cooking? Let me help. I don’t want the house to be burnt to the ground just in time for Robert to come home.”

“I was hoping you'd say that.” I grinned as I opened the fridge. “If he ever asks, I totally did this all by myself.”

Harry shook his head with a smile. “My lips are sealed.”

J
acob’s apartment wasn’t exactly what I'd been expecting, but then it wasn’t just his. Dominque lived there too, and you could see the melding of their personalities throughout the place. “How long have you lived together, Dom?”

“About a year now. Probably just over because I moved in around September time when my sister went to university. Why?” Dominque lifted his head from the oven with a smile. He was busy preparing for their party later that night and I’d turned up early to ‘help’ or to watch him while asking stupid questions, it seemed.

“Just, you know, he doesn’t seem like the easiest person to share with.”

“He’s not,” Dominque laughed out as he placed a tray of perfectly cooked mini beef wellingtons on the counter. “I’ve got to admit, when I first came to visit I was expecting to hate this place, but that didn’t happen. Yeah, we had disagreements over stuff, minor things—mainly the bills and me contributing to them—but they worked out in the end and we found a common ground to work from.”

“Yeah, see… the bills.”

Dominque raised a brow as he dusted off his hands on a towel. “He doesn’t want you to contribute?”

“I've not asked yet. I have money, not tons. I wasn’t really saving up, I was spending as I went, but I had a few grand. Now I have no job and I live in the most expensive area I could have picked. I want to help, but even if I offered, it wouldn’t be half of what he pays.”

“Well, you'd earn half of what he does, so really that’s fair.”

“I need a job. I’ve
sort of
been looking for one, but with how behind I was with my studies, that's been my main prerogative, and then there’s the time off I would need next year for the trial.” I bit my nails as he slid onto the bar stool next to me. “I don’t want to talk about it with possible employers. It would get around, and before I knew it everyone in the place would be giving me the evil eye.”

Dominque nodded understandably. “What were you thinking of?”

“A bar probably.”

He raised a brow again. “Why when you have so much to offer in other jobs? You could easily get a position in one of the museums around here. Even if it’s just as a student placement.”

"I know, but they pay like nothing. I would enjoy it, but it doesn’t resolve the financial issues I worry over.”

“You know, Robert is okay money-wise, and if someone had said this to me a year ago I would have bit their head off, but then I wasn’t in your position, so… You're young and going through a tough time. Robert is settled and has his professional life and home sorted. He wants to see you in the same as he is in the future, and the only way he can help is to let you concentrate on your studies and this trial. Money isn't the be all and end all of life. Yes, you feel like you're taking advantage of him, but that’s not what’s happening.”

“You would never have let Jacob pay for you like this, right?”

Dominque sighed heavily, running his long fingers through his locks of hair. “No, but then Robert isn't Jacob, and I needed to control certain things or I’d be swept away. Jacob doesn’t need someone who he has to mollycoddle twenty-four hours a day, and despite him trying to get me in that position, we both knew it wasn’t right and wouldn’t have worked out. You're not me, and you two are going through such a difficult time right now that money should be the last thing on your mind.”

"It sort of is. It’s just with all the cash I've spent over the last couple of weeks on gifts and decorations, it hit home that my bank account is lower than it should be.” I slid my gaze to his and frowned. “I even thought about joining another agency.”

"Fuck no, Seb.”

I chuckled at his use of the F word. I didn’t think he had it in him to use it. “I know, I know, but it’s—”

“It’s not easy money, no matter how you think it will be, and Robert couldn't go back to sharing you.”

“I know. It was a stupid idea, and one I won't follow through on. It was just an option which I knew I could take and get a few grand in my back pocket.”

“Robert would rather do anything than let you do that.” Dominque took my hand in his and stared right into my eyes with his heavy gaze. “The money will fall through your fingers just as easily as this has and before you know it you'd be right back here thinking if you should go on a few more dates, then a few more. The more you earn the more you spend. It’s like an addiction, one which you find difficult to step away from. Trust me, I lived that life for a lot longer than you did and I know without Jacob I wouldn’t have walked away. I had no reason to do it. I wanted to, but then I would talk myself out of it. Don’t go back to that world, Seb.”

While I thought on his words, his phone rang and I gave him some space to chat while I looked out of the floor-length windows and down at the city below me.

A few minutes later, he was beside me. “Jacob’s mum is ready to be picked up from his sister’s place and I have a ton of things to do and Jacob is running behind.”

“I don’t mind staying here and… I can do whatever you need me to do. Just write me a list.”

“I’ll only be gone about an hour.”

“That’s okay. Robert is bringing me a change of clothes over, so I’ll just ask him to come round earlier to keep me company. You go and get his mum. I can't wait to see what spawned him.”

Dominque chuckled. “She’s going to love you.”

“Oh goodie, and that will irritate PETal, won't it?”

“It will.” Dominque chuckled. “I love that pet name. I laugh every time I hear it.”

I wanted to ask if he got punished for it, but I felt that was a conversation which would need longer than the five minutes he had before he left, so I shelved it for later. “Okay, you get going. I’ll call Robert up.”

“Thanks.” Dominque grabbed his coat and waved as he made his way to the front door. “I have my mobile if you need anything, and I’ll let Jacob know to expect you when he arrives.”

With a sigh, I hoped Jacob would turn up after Robert. The less time alone we spent together seemed to be for the better.

After calling Robert and reminding him to bring my change of clothes with him, I checked the latest delicious dish cooking in the oven and kept myself busy by cleaning up the kitchen a little bit and doing some prep in the way of pouring myself a glass of wine. Whilst I sipped it, I mooched around the place.

I wasn’t being nosy. Not at all. I was just…

Okay, I
was
being nosy, but it wasn’t like I was opening drawers or looking through private files or anything.

I was picking up pictures and wandering around the shared spaces, keeping well away from their bedroom. I did find the gym and had a play on the rowing machine and some weights, but quickly got bored and found another room leading off from it.

Thinking it could be some sort of steam room or sauna—the fact we were in an apartment block and it was probably highly unlikely that would happen escaped me for the moment—I opened the door without thinking and found myself frozen in place.

It wasn’t a sauna. It wasn’t a dungeon either, but it had all the gear I would expect to see in one, including some sort of medieval looking swinging chair hanging from the ceiling which I thought too hard about how it would be used.

Dimly lit and mainly painted black and grey with lots of leather stuff hanging around—literally hanging around, like on the walls and from the ceiling—I found myself stepping into the room and looking around.

I’d wondered if Jacob housed a torture chamber in the apartment, but after finding it so… normal, I’d given up on the idea and just thought they went to a club. I was wrong,
obviously
, and although I felt this was more private than their actual bedroom, I couldn't turn away.

As I gazed around the room, noting individual objects instead of being overpowered by the room as a whole, I saw certain things which I recognised… recognised from my time with the sadistic fucker who took me. Knowing Jacob was into this sort of stuff and then seeing it all laid out for me to touch and identify with the pain and fear I experienced with Leo, it made it all perfectly clear in a startling way for me.

Not moving further into the room, I simply stood in the doorway, cataloguing items which had been used on me and trying to understand why Dominque would be okay with someone who he considered a loving partner hurting him in such a way.

It was incomprehensible to me that someone who loved you could hurt you and that was acceptable in their world. Adding to that Dominque’s past as not just an escort who was used to being paid to do literally anything the clients wanted, but also his rape, it all sang loud and clear as abuse to me and I wanted to step out of that room, close the door and run to find Dominque and save him.

Save him like Jacob did with me when he turned up at Leo’s.

That made me pause, and I leaned against the frame, holding my chest as it tightened up.

Why would he save me and react so badly to Leo when this was all normal?

I couldn't breathe, or I was breathing too fast. It was all weird, and despite trying to control the panic rising through my body, it took over and I slipped to my knees, trying to recall all the advice my sexy psychiatrist gave me about how to cope when things built up like this. But it seemed all my brain could think about was panicking more and it soon spiralled out of control and I had my forehead pressed to the wooden flooring as I curled up into a ball and tried to hide from the world.

For some reason, I began listing in alphabetical order all the Norse gods I’d been reading about, and when I’d finished listing them in that order, I moved onto chronological order. By the time I’d finished, I realised my breathing was a lot slower and I could open my eyes.

It was just a tiny blink of a look, but it was enough. Enough to see Jacob sitting on the floor across from me in his dungeon, knees raised up to his chest, arms folded on them as he watched me laying a few feet away from him.

After a few deep breaths, I opened them again, this time keeping my gaze on him, thinking if he made a move I'd see it coming and be able to react rather than hiding and hoping everything would be okay.

Did I really honestly think Jacob would hurt me? No. But the fear I had which was connected to the world he enjoyed made me react illogically and I couldn't stop the thoughts from filling my mind.

When he didn’t meet my gaze, instead looking at his fingers playing with the tie he must’ve have taken off earlier, I felt a wave of stupidity run through me. I felt like a dog that’d been hit too many times which shied away from human touch, and seeing how Jacob treated me only reinforced that whole situation.

He kept back, not touching, just being there, not looking into my eyes, making himself as small as he could and being on my level on the floor when he could have chosen to stand over me. It was obvious Jacob was trying hard to make me feel as safe as he could without encroaching on my personal space. “Usually this door is locked.” Jacob’s voice filled the otherwise silence of the apartment.

Sitting up slowly, I leaned back on the doorframe, half in the room and half in the gym behind me where I'd started off this stupid journey God only knows how long ago.

“I locked it about a month ago and I haven’t opened it since.” Jacob curled the tie around and around one of his wrists. “Sometimes Dominque comes in. It’s usually when I'm not home to see it, so I’m not reminded of how I disappointment him perhaps.” Those green eyes met mine and he laid his head back on the wall and sighed. “Maybe he was in here earlier and forgot to lock it. Not that it matters, I just wanted you to know this was actually the last thing I ever wanted to happen when you came over. In fact, I had this exact nightmare three days ago. It’s irritating it appeared to be a premonition rather than just a collection of my worries pressed together causing me to wake during the night.”

Dominque had mentioned Jacob hadn't been the same since he rescued me, that he'd become confused. Before, part of me found enjoyment in that, that his emotions about what he did with Dominque were conflicted, and in some way that eased my own conscience. It was like he was agreeing with me on some level.

That was then.

At that moment, as I sat with my legs splayed out a few feet from him as he huddled up against the wall, things changed. It didn’t take a genius to see how hurt he was, and after only seeing the statuesque, stoic blond as a confident, controlled person, it was jarring to see him so lost beside me—because of me.