Second Chance Christmas (The Colorado Cades) (9 page)

“Losing your touch, bro?”

“I...” For a moment, Justin was tempted to resurrect the decades’ old habit of confiding in his brother and asking for advice. The image of Elisabeth’s face haunted him. She’d looked upset at his house yesterday. He didn’t know how to interpret her assertion that she was no longer the same person she’d been six months ago. And now Arden was worried that Elisabeth lacked the emotion she’d felt for Justin.

A sudden, vibrant memory assailed him, of making love to Elisabeth on a warm summer night. He’d rolled her over, not paying enough attention to the mattress edge and nearly sent the both of them careening to the floor. She’d cracked up, laughing between her kisses, completely unselfconscious, uninhibited in both her passion and her humor. That moment had stuck with him for a long time afterward, making him grin inwardly when he heard a guy in town say that both Donnelly women were attractive but that Elisabeth was a lot more “buttoned-up.” Justin had seen her unbuttoned. Had he done something to damage that, to extinguish that flame in her?

He hoped not. For her sake, he hoped that behind closed doors she was just as unexpectedly passionate with Steven—although he automatically recoiled at the image of her laughing and kissing anyone else.

“Did I lose you?” Colin asked, sounding perplexed. “You go through a tunnel or something?”

“Reception can be pretty lousy in the mall. How about I let you go, and you can text me later if your plans change or if you have a definite time for when you’ll get to town Tuesday? You still have a spare key?”

“Yep.”

“Travel safe,” Justin said.
And slow down
. Even if his brother had days when he didn’t care whether he lived or died, there were others who did. At least Colin always wore his helmet.

He disconnected the call and walked back through the mall, wondering how much closer Arden was to Santa now. Had Hope’s picture already been taken? He didn’t—

“Justin!”

He stopped in his tracks, scanning the bustling crowd for the pint-size owner of that now-familiar voice. Despite some mixed feelings about letting Kaylee get too close to him before moving away, he couldn’t fight the smile already spreading across his face. The little girl was holding hands with a disgruntled Elisabeth; they’d been about to enter the ice cream shop.

He greeted the six-year-old with a friendly fist bump. “What brings you to the mall?”

“Ice cream!” Kaylee declared.

“I’m running some errands for my mom while Dad and Steven are snowmobiling. The ice cream was just an added bonus,” Elisabeth said.

“As I recall, you used to get some wicked cravings for ice cream.” He remembered her, wearing only his shirt, blending peppermint milk shakes to cool them down after a hot couple of hours in her bedroom. To Kaylee he said, “Bet I can guess what Beth’s gonna order. Peppermint ice cream.”

Elisabeth ducked her gaze. “Everyone orders peppermint this time of year. It’s the seasonal special.”

But Kaylee looked impressed with his deductive skills. “How do you know what she’s gonna order?”

“Because peppermint’s been her favorite since even before she was born.”

Patti Donnelly had once shared the information that peppermint had been the only thing that soothed her queasy stomach when she was pregnant, so she’d taken it in as many forms as possible—peppermint tea, hard candies, peppermint ice cream. It had always been one of Elisabeth’s favorite flavors, and Patti claimed her daughter’s fondness for it had started in utero.

“You can’t have food
before
you’re born,” Kaylee said, exasperated.

“You don’t think babies get food in their mommies’ tummies?” he asked.

“Elisabeth?” The little girl tugged on her guardian’s purse, her face very serious. “How do babies get inside mommies’ tummies?”

Elisabeth smacked her forehead with the heel of her hand, then glared at Justin. “Don’t you have somewhere else—anywhere else—to be?”

“Actually...” He gave her a sunny smile and lied through his teeth. “I was headed in for some ice cream myself.”

As he followed them to the counter of the creamery, he texted his sister to let her know he’d be back soon but had stopped to spend a few minutes with Elisabeth and Kaylee. He included their names because he knew it would get him out of trouble for bailing on Santa duty, but as soon as he hit Send, he wished he could take it back. Arden had an overactive imagination where he and Elisabeth were concerned, and he shouldn’t encourage that.

Her response text
“Elisabeth, huh?”
was positively dripping with I-told-you-so. She followed it up with
“Take your time!!!!!!”
Her use of exclamation marks was not subtle.

He groaned, drawing Elisabeth’s notice. She was probably eager for any excuse to end to her whispered conversation with Kaylee about rescheduling their baby-making talk.

“Problem?”

“Sister,” he said as if the two words were synonyms. “I’m sure you can relate.”

“I’m guessing yours didn’t ruin clothes she borrowed without asking?”

“No. She’s just convinced that she knows better than me.”

Elisabeth made a sympathetic noise. “I get that one a lot, too.”

“I want a sister,” Kaylee announced to no one in particular. “Or a baby brother. Babies are cute. Are you going to have a baby, Elisabeth?”

“Not anytime soon,” she evaded. “It’s our turn next. Why don’t we concentrate on what you want to order?”

“The all-you-can-mix!”

One of the most popular features of the creamery was the massive selection of fruits, candies and other goodies they would hand-blend into your ice cream on a slab while you watched.

Kaylee proudly delivered her order to the teenager behind the counter. “Chocolate ice cream with butterscotch candies, watermelon licorice, pineapple chunks and Goldfish crackers.”

Justin’s stomach clenched at the unappetizing combination. “This is why you’re one of my favorite kids on the planet,” he praised Kaylee as they watched her ice cream being prepared. “It takes a lot of bravery to try new things. Some people are too afraid to step outside their comfort zone.” He ordered a cookies-and-cream shake for himself and a caramel swirl to take to Arden.

Kaylee scrunched her nose. “What’s a comfort zone?”

“I’ll explain it on the way home,” Elisabeth offered. “We should get our ice cream to go. Dinner’s waiting for us in the slow-cooker, and Steven will probably get to the loft before we do.”

Since they were all three going in the same direction, Justin continued his conversation with his young friend as they walked. “Did you see Santa while you were here today? That’s where I’m headed.”

“
You’re
gonna sit in Santa’s lap?” Kaylee asked incredulously.

“No, I’m here with my sister and Hope.”

“But the baby can’t even talk yet. How can she tell him what she wants for Christmas?”

“Good question.”

“Oh, she’s full of good questions,” Elisabeth said wryly. “Keeps me on my toes.”

He bit back a laugh, imagining how interesting their car ride home was going to be. “Maybe if Santa spends a few minutes with Hope, he’ll just know what to bring her. The nice thing about babies is, they don’t need much to make them happy.”

“I don’t need much to make
me
happy, either,” Kaylee declared, her voice full of virtue. “I only want one thing this year. To stay in Cielo Peak.”

Elisabeth’s expression was equal parts regret and frustration. “We talked about this. Steven’s job will be in California.”

“Couldn’t Santa help find him one here?” Kaylee asked hopefully.

“It doesn’t work that way, honey.”

“Then I don’t wanna visit Santa.” She burst into tears. “And I
don’t
want Christmas!”

Chapter Eight

On the ride home, Elisabeth tried to change Kaylee’s mind about her Christmas boycott. But she gave up after a few minutes, sensing that she was only strengthening the girl’s stubborn resolve. Classic case of be careful what you wish for. Hadn’t she told Justin the other day that it would be a relief for Kaylee to have a normal childhood meltdown like other kindergarteners had? The day had started promisingly, and Elisabeth had hoped they’d have a nice dinner tonight before Steven left early the next morning.

There seemed like no chance of that now.

When they walked into the loft, Steven was chopping cucumbers for the bowl of salad on the kitchen island. It was already filled with romaine leaves and tomato chunks. He smiled at both of them in greeting. “How was the mall? Packed solid?”

Kaylee startled them both by shrieking, “I hate you!
You’re
the reason we have to go to stupid California.”

Elisabeth gasped. She’d never heard Kaylee speak to anyone like that. “You’re entitled to be upset about moving, and you’re even entitled to be upset with me. But that does not mean you get to be rude. Tell Steven you’re sorry.”

The only answer was a mulish look.

“Kaylee, you have to apologize, or you’re going straight to bed.” It would be the first time Elisabeth had ever considered sending her to bed without dinner, but since the girl had recently gorged on ice cream, it wasn’t as if she were in danger of wasting away during the night. Ironically, Elisabeth had offered to buy the ice cream because Kaylee had been so good today, so patient and well-behaved. Was it seeing Justin that had stirred her up, or had this outburst been inevitable even without his presence?

“You’re being mean,” Kaylee accused. “You hurt my feelings!”

“You hurt mine, too,” Elisabeth said gently. “By acting out and not listening. Go up to your room, and we’ll talk after you’ve calmed down.” Maybe Kaylee would apologize then, and this would be behind them.

Steven moved behind her to rub her shoulders. “Tough day?”

“Only the past thirty minutes or so,” she said. “Maybe she got overstimulated by the mall. Santa was there, and she asked if Santa could get you a job here. So that we don’t have to move.”

He sighed. “Oh, boy.”

“I know I can’t let her act like that, but I also know this is her first Christmas ever without her mom. Sometimes I’m not sure exactly where the line between compassion and discipline is.”

“I wish I could help, but I honestly don’t know what to say. For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing great with her.”

“Thanks.” She appreciated the moral support, but... Was it naive that she’d been expecting more?

When she thought back to the emotions she’d experienced after accepting his proposal, she had to admit that one of them had been relief. She hadn’t wanted to do this alone. But now she was engaged and, when it came to parenting Kaylee, she felt just as alone as ever. After a few minutes, she went upstairs to see if she could reason with Kaylee. The girl had cried herself to sleep and was curled up in the middle of the bed, her soft breathing punctuated with the occasional weepy hiccup.

She came back downstairs feeling deflated. When Steven had arrived in town, she’d assured herself that this would be the perfect time for the three of them to become even closer, to start preparing for life as a family. So why did she feel as if they hadn’t made any progress?

The two adults ate a subdued dinner, both of them seeming lost in their own thoughts. As they cleared the table, he said, “I’m close to a breakthrough, I think. I just need to nail it down.” He absently kissed her cheek, then returned to his laptop.

It was funny—she’d once told her sister that she and Steven used their time more efficiently than most couples because of their long-distance status. Yet, under the same roof, she felt as if they’d barely spent any time together at all. She idly flipped through TV channels, hardly registering the pictures that passed as she mulled over her relationship with Steven. He’d often complimented her as the most understanding girlfriend he’d ever had, but it was easy to be understanding about someone’s work habits from a whole state away.

Just as, she imagined, it was much simpler to be supportive of someone’s child-rearing difficulties when you didn’t have to live with the child in question. She knew from her own experience how challenging instant parenthood was. Did—

“
Mommy
!
No
!” The childish screams were full of pain and fear, slicing right through Elisabeth. She shot off the sofa, bolting to Kaylee’s side. She cradled the little girl against her, feeling her rapid heartbeat and her hot tears against her neck.

By the time she’d soothed Kaylee back to sleep and had her tucked under her blankets, Elisabeth’s hands were shaking.
Michelle, what am I doing?
Help me out here.
Elisabeth had read one school of thought that said not going to a child’s side would eventually teach the kid to calm down on their own and become more self-sufficient. The opposing viewpoint—that if she proved to Kaylee she didn’t have to face life’s traumas alone the girl would start to feel more secure and the nightmares would lessen—made far more sense to Elisabeth. Besides, she had plenty of memories of her own mother stroking her hair and murmuring assurances after bad dreams.

Steven was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, his gaze pinched with worry. “That sounded worse than usual.”

She nodded. “We need to talk.”

“I was afraid of that,” he said ruefully. “I’ve been horrible, haven’t I? Glued to my laptop. What if I can promise you that things will get easier after this version is released?”

She laughed without malice. “And what about the next version? And the one after that? You haven’t been horrible at all. You’ve always been a wonderful friend, Steven.”

He winced.

She sat on a step, feeling too drained to go farther. “I adore many things about you, but if I’m being honest, I think I looked at you as a life preserver. When I suddenly lost a friend and became a mother, I felt like I was drowning and desperately needed help.”

“Which I’m not successfully providing.”

“That’s not the problem.” At least, not completely. “You deserve a woman who loves you for you, not one who loves you because you represent salvation from single-parenthood. It was so comforting to feel like I’m not alone, but that emotional security blanket isn’t enough to uproot Kaylee. She’s not ready for this, and neither am I. Between you and me? With all the demands of relocating and the learning curve on your promotion, I’m not sure you are, either.”

He sighed. “You’re a hell of a woman, Elisabeth Donnelly. I’m going to miss you.”

“You can still call me,” she offered, “whenever you need to talk.”

“Maybe not. Maybe it’s time we stop being each other’s crutch and see where life takes us.” He smirked. “And now that you’re free to act on any attraction to a certain ex-boyfriend, I wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

“What? Justin? No!” She jerked her thumb upward, indicating the bedroom above them. “I have that little girl to think of. Justin Cade couldn’t handle the emotional responsibility of caring for one person, much less two.”

His expression remained skeptical, but he didn’t argue. “I hope you find the right guy someday, for you
and
Kaylee.” He lifted her hand and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t be him.”

* * *

M
ONDAY
WAS
,
AS
P
ATTI
always put it, “Christmas Eve Eve.” Yet Elisabeth felt anything but jolly when she strode into work, a red-eyed Kaylee in tow. A steaming mug of coffee sat on the edge of her dad’s desk, but he wasn’t in the office. It was just as well since neither Elisabeth nor her daughter was fit company right now.

Kaylee had been up twice more during the night, and neither of them had gotten enough sleep. This morning, Kaylee had thrown a fit over breakfast, changing her mind three times about what she wanted to eat until Elisabeth decreed she no longer had a choice. Today had been when Steven was originally scheduled to leave, so they’d said goodbye to him as planned. Kaylee had been so sullen with him that Elisabeth had decided immediately she couldn’t tell the girl about the broken engagement or canceled move. What if Kaylee thought, even subconsciously, that she’d been successful in running him off with her bad behavior? Elisabeth couldn’t encourage her to use tantrums as a means to get her way. The other, less likely but equally troublesome possibility was that Kaylee might guiltily blame herself for Steven’s departure.

No, it was definitely best to wait before broaching the subject with Kaylee.

Elisabeth supposed she could tell the adults in her life about Steven, but sharing the news of yet another failed relationship was the last thing she wanted to do at Christmastime. While this breakup hadn’t left her quite as emotionally shattered as the split with Justin months ago, she was angry with herself. How had she let something with no future get so far? Elisabeth had always valued her family and respected their opinions, so why had she been so stubborn about this?
Hell, even Justin freaking Cade could see it wasn’t going to work out
. Then again, that shouldn’t count. Not working out was his default mode.

Two days before Christmas, she’d given back a diamond ring she never should have accepted in the first place and had to figure out how best to deal with Kaylee whenever she switched into hellion mode. Was the behavior an aberration, brought out by extreme stress, or did it signal the beginning of a new, prolonged phase? In which case, there wasn’t enough aspirin in the world.

Elisabeth booted up her computer, hoping for a few minutes of calm before anything pressing demanded her attention.

But Kaylee stood up from where she was supposed to be coloring on the floor and announced defiantly, “I’m going to see Chef Bates.”

“Oh, no, you’re not. Chef Bates loves you, but he’s got his hands full with the breakfast crowd right now. If you show me you can behave—”

“I don’t want to live with you anymore! I want to live with Justin.”

“Well, that’s not an option,” Elisabeth retorted.

“Am I interrupting something?” Lina asked as she strolled into the room. Kaylee dashed over to embrace her aunt.

Lina returned the hug. “Morning, sunshine.”

Sunshine? Not in this room. They were more like a couple of solar eclipses this morning, completely blotted out by the moon.

“Everything okay?” Lina asked. “Are we just feeling down because Steven had to leave, or—”

“I’m
glad
he’s gone!”

“Kaylee Truitt, that is enough.” Elisabeth knew the girl had been through a lot, but she wasn’t raising her daughter to be a disrespectful brat.

Lina’s eyes widened at the hostility in the room. “Kaylee, why don’t you go out to the reception desk? My mom’s got breakfast pastries there. I need to talk to Elisabeth alone, okay?”

“I hope she doesn’t hurt your feelings like she hurt mine,” Kaylee said as she flounced out.

They watched her walk to the desk that was within view of the office, then Elisabeth plopped down at her own desk, head in her hands. “I’ve had her less than six months, and I’ve ruined her. Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a parent.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. Mom and Dad raised you, so you know they must have been doing something right, but you also saw what I was like. My wild moments don’t mean they were doing a bad job. Parenting’s always been tough. Consider this your initiation into the club.”

“Thanks. I just... People’s childhoods shape who they are.” She thought of Justin, of all he’d suffered in his younger years and his resulting inability to let people close. “I’m afraid that what I do and say could affect her whole life.”

“Lots of things will affect her, but you can’t control all of them. Hell, you can’t control
most
of them.”

Elisabeth arched an eyebrow. “Well, that’s terrifying. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. It seems as if the two of you could use some space. Want me to take her off your hands for a while?” Lina offered.

Although Elisabeth wouldn’t come in to work on Christmas Eve or Christmas, that had still left today, when she had to contend with Kaylee being out of school. She hadn’t meant for it to inconvenience her family. “The mood she’s in, I’m not sure I want to inflict her on you.”

“I’ll bet getting her fingernails painted and a partial pedicure would cheer her up.”

“Probably, but that sounds too close to rewarding bad behavior. If she gets her act together this morning, she can join you for some beauty treatments after lunch.”

“See, that was an example of responsible parenting,” Lina said. “You balance sternness and caring. Stop doubting yourself.”

She managed a half smile. “You mean show a little self-confidence? Too bad I’m not more like you.”

“More like
me
? Bite your tongue. I’m a mess. If you don’t believe me, I have the phone numbers of some ex-boyfriends, former high school teachers and credit card companies you can call.”

“Thanks for the pep talk. You may not be perfect, but you’re a good sister.”

Lina winked. “And don’t you forget it.”

* * *

T
HE
C
IELO
P
EAK
patrollers covered four resorts, including the Donnelly lodge, and a number of backcountry and Nordic trails. Because the past two nights had dumped so much snow and conditions were expecting to worsen by afternoon, Monday was nonstop action. Whatever seasonal melancholy Justin had been experiencing lately was chased away by other demands. He had no time to think about his brother’s arrival tomorrow or Elisabeth’s engagement.

It was the way he preferred to live—in the moment, the bracing cold rough against his face where his skin wasn’t completely covered in protective gear. He chatted with guests on the mountain and encouraged as many as possible to check out a beacon from the top shack and take the free hour of training. No one ever thought they’d need a beacon, until they did. Several skiers and snowboarders expressed frustration at the predicted weather later today that would close even more trails. Patrollers had already roped off two that morning.