Second Chance Christmas (The Colorado Cades) (12 page)

Even though she was finally starting to get drowsy, she didn’t think she was in the clear yet. If she went to bed too soon, with her mind still active, she’d wind up tossing and turning, plagued with thoughts of what could have happened today. She’d lie awake questioning whether a big family Christmas would be just the thing to help Kaylee heal or if it would be an insensitive reaction to her loss. And, most of all, she doubted she’d be able to sleep because she’d be tormented by thoughts of Justin and how good his body felt against hers.

Earlier, he’d given her a climax that had made up for five long months, but he’d been left frustrated by their encounter. Should she remedy that? There’d been a moment of temptation when he spotted a pack of cards behind the napkin holder on the counter.

“I’ve always liked poker,” he’d said. “I don’t actually have any money on me, but there are other varieties we could play.”

Given how few clothes they wore, it would take about two minutes for a game of strip poker to deteriorate into touching and kissing.
Yes, please
. It was an undeniably enticing proposition. But letting herself fall under Justin’s spell was a dangerous path, one she’d taken before—she knew where it led and how it ended.

“It’s nearly midnight,” she observed, sidestepping his question about bed. “Almost Christmas Eve.”

He suddenly raised his gaze to the ceiling. “I just realized what this cabin is lacking. Mistletoe!”

She rearranged a couple of pieces that went in the middle of the Eiffel Tower. “Do you really hate Christmas?”

“
Hate’
s a strong word. But I was serious about being perfectly happy to skip it. My mom loved the Christmas season. She had one hundred and one ways of making it special. I remember
that
, but the specific details elude me. Like, in my mind, I can still smell this cake she baked every winter, but for the life of me I can’t remember what it was called or the ingredients she used. She had this angel we put on the top of the tree, and I don’t know what ever happened to it.”

He rose, going to rinse out his tumbler, clearly stalling at the sink to collect his thoughts. “Kaylee lost her mother months ago. Hopefully, the distance between then and now will let her enjoy Christmas. But my mom died right in the middle of the holidays. Dad checked out emotionally, he was just a mess. And Colin was scrambling, doing the best he could. We were in pure survival mode. We weren’t bothering with niceties like the good tablecloth or preserving Mom’s traditions. One by one, they pretty much fell by the wayside. Does your family have any quirky Christmas traditions?”

“Pajama day,” she admitted sheepishly. It was lame, but it was theirs. “It was something my mom instituted about thirteen years ago, on the first Christmas in memory when Dad left the lodge in employee hands and didn’t stop by to check on things. We stayed home all day, exchanging presents, nibbling on leftovers, watching black-and-white holiday classics. It was so decadently lazy that Mom decreed we weren’t even going to get dressed. Now, every year, Lina and I give her special pajamas on Christmas Eve.

“Which means my mother now owns way more pairs of Christmas pajamas than one person needs,” practicality forced her to add, “but it’s our goofy ritual. She loves it. Sometimes, Dad or I have to spend an hour or two at the lodge on Christmas day, but as soon as we walk in the door, we humor Mom by changing into pajamas. She has a photo album just for the annual group picture of all of us in our pj’s.”

Justin was smiling at her story, but it didn’t hide the sorrow in his eyes. “It’s not that I hate Christmas. But I spend December with this nagging feeling that I’m doing it all wrong, that I’m overlooking—that I’ve forgotten too many of—the little touches that made Christmas with her special. It’s like, by not observing those traditions, I’m losing her all over again.”

Elisabeth tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. She and Justin had been together for months, but he’d shared more about his mom in the past five minutes than he had during the entire time they’d dated. All Elisabeth had really known was that Rebecca Cade had died of cancer. It was clear Justin had been very close to her and missed her even decades later.

It was alarming to think of Kaylee and wonder how she’d feel twenty years from now, whether Elisabeth would be enough to make up for the mother she’d lost or if Kaylee, like Justin, would still have a large empty place in her heart.

“Maybe you should come up with your own traditions,” she suggested tentatively. “From what you’ve said about your mom, she would’ve wanted that.”

“You’re probably right. But family was always at the core of Mom’s customs. Arden and her cowboy are starting a family, so they’ll be coming up with their own holiday practices. Colin’s in the wind. I don’t plan to have a family. I don’t have a steady girlfriend or a dog. I don’t even have a goldfish.”

It stung, to see him in pain. She forced a smile. “Would you like one? A goldfish, I mean? I’ll wrap up the fish, you get me those Waldo books, and we’ll meet for a gift exchange. I’ll bring the fruitcake.”

“Cades don’t do fruitcake. Our holiday dish of choice is lasagna with burned edges. It’s Colin’s specialty.”

“What about when your mom was alive?” she prompted. She understood what he meant about some of the traditions being lost in the mists of time, but there had to be a few things he remembered clearly. “What was one of her specialties?”

“Lemon bars,” he said after a moment’s thought. “I’ve looked recipes up on the internet and experimented, but none of them were exactly right. I know it’s stupid. My mother was a complex and loving woman. Her existence can’t be boiled down to a lemon bar.”

“It’s not stupid,” she protested. “You loved her.” It was a revelation, seeing this depth of feeling in him. Just as she knew the people in town viewed her as Lina’s quieter sister, they looked at Justin and saw a flirtatious ladies’ man—someone who was fun to share a round with, someone who would have your back on the mountain, but not someone who let himself care. She felt as if she’d been entrusted with a precious secret.

“So, I’ve revealed to you my embarrassing lyrical tendencies about your Caribbean eyes,” she said, “and now I know the importance you place on lemon bars. Should we make a pact not to tell everyone that I’m a would-be poet and you’re a big softie?”

He gave her a conspiratorial smile. “Even if we did tell, who’d believe us?”

* * *

J
USTIN
WAS
TAKEN
aback by the enthusiastic hug Patti Donnelly gave him the next morning. Hadn’t she, less than a week ago, been glaring at him in the lodge restaurant and looking for any excuse to toss him out? But now, she greeted him as though he were the conquering hero come home. Next to him in the lobby of the lodge, Elisabeth was similarly being smothered. Her father had crushed her in a bear hug, while Lina hovered behind him, impatiently declaring, “Me, me, me! My turn.”

Because Kaylee was short, she was able to dart between the adults, stealing underneath them to first hug Elisabeth, then throw her arms around Justin’s knees.

Considering Elisabeth had spoken with her family last night on the phone, and again this morning, he thought this welcome was perhaps overkill, but so what? Life was short, and loved ones were allowed some eccentricities. Besides, he was glad to see Elisabeth and Kaylee so joyfully reunited. He hoped that when the girl was one day grown and looked back on her childhood with an adult’s understanding, she could appreciate how Elisabeth had thrown herself heart and soul into parenting.

Mr. Donnelly clapped Justin on the shoulder. “Thanks for bringing her back safe, son. We’re grateful you went looking for Kaylee. I feel terrible that I indirectly caused so much trouble.”

“Dad,” Elisabeth said, “no harm done. We spent the night in a warm, cozy cabin, not on the floor of a bat-infested cave. But I have to admit, my curiosity kept me up most of the night. You’ve got to show me the new and improved Cupboard of Doom!”

He laughed. “Didn’t think your old man had it in him, did ya? I just wanted you to know, even though we’ll miss you and you’ll always have a place here as long as you want it, we’ll be okay when you go to California.”

“About that...” Elisabeth’s gaze flew to Justin’s, as if she was seeking his assistance on how to break the news. He wasn’t sure what the problem was. Based on everything he’d heard, the Donnellys would be thrilled with her decision.

Then again, he knew she’d agonized over how to best tell Kaylee. He smiled at Kaylee. “Has the dining room started serving the buffet breakfast yet? I’m starving.” At the little girl’s nod, he asked, “Elisabeth, would you mind if I borrow Kaylee for a few minutes? I hate to eat alone.”

He was stunned when Lina fell into step with him. “You probably want to stay with your sister. Spoiler alert—she has a big announcement to make.”

Lina lowered her voice as Kaylee skipped ahead to pick up a plate. “You really did it, then? You got rid of him.”

Was it only because of his guilty conscience that her words sounded like accusation? “I did no such thing. It’s not like I ordered a mob hit. All I did was ask Elisabeth if she was sure about her decision. Turns out, she wasn’t. But that has very little to do with me.”

“Uh-huh.” Lina crossed her arms over her chest.

He huffed out a breath. “I thought we were cool. What gives? First, you badger the hell out of me because you think the engagement is somehow my fault. Now that she’s called it off, I’m still getting the stink eye.”

“We
were
cool. Before you spent the night shacked up with my vulnerable sister in a romantic cottage.”

Romantic? It wasn’t as though there were silk sheets and a tub for two. The cabin had been sparsely furnished—even more sparsely now that he’d broken a lamp—and rustic. Then again, who needed silk sheets? All he needed to put him in a romantic mood was Elisabeth. Last night, she’d gotten to him in ways he hadn’t expected, ways he’d never really experienced before. He’d walked out of that cabin feeling somehow altered.

“If I find out you’re taking advantage of her...” Lina snapped her fingers. “Hey! Are you even listening to me? I’d hate to waste perfectly good threats on a guy too spaced-out to heed the warning. Don’t forget, I’m the—”

“Yeah, I got it. You’re the evil twin,” he finished for her. She was not, however, the dangerous one.

* * *

W
HEN
E
LISABETH
TOLD
her parents that Steven was out of the picture Patti Donnelly shrieked with joy. Repeatedly.

Surreptitiously glancing at the ceiling to watch for falling plaster, Elisabeth told her mom, “I’m not sure that’s the appropriate parental response for when your daughter tells you she’s calling off a wedding.”

“In this case,” Patti argued, “it is. You’re staying! You’ll be here with us where you belong. Steven was nice enough, but I don’t think he was the great love of your life. Now you’re free to follow your heart wherever it may take you.” She left no doubt as to what direction she thought that should be. Elisabeth wouldn’t have been surprised if Patti offered to draw her heart a map.

“I don’t mean to throw you guys out—Daddy, I know this is your office, too—but can I have a few minutes alone? I need some space, some time to process everything.”

“Anything you need,” Graham told her.

“Remember,” Elisabeth told her parents, “don’t breathe a word of this to Kaylee. I need time to tell her in my own way.”

“We promise,” Patti said. She waited until she’d cleared the doorway to add over her shoulder, “While he’s still here, I’m going to invite Justin to have Christmas dinner with us. When you talk to him next, remind him the dress code is pajamas, won’t you dear?”

“What— Mom, wait.” After everything he’d confided last night, Elisabeth doubted that Christmas with her family was Justin’s idea of a good time. But if there was anyone who could pressure him into it, it was Patti Donnelly.

Oh, well
. Elisabeth could always call him later to assure him he wasn’t obligated to attend.
On the other hand...
She herself had pointed out that he needed new Christmas memories. He’d said he didn’t have anyone with whom to make those memories. Could Kaylee’s hero worship help distract him from his habitual Christmas blues? Elisabeth could recruit him on the pretext that having him there would be healthy for the little girl, who would also be making some fresh holiday memories this year.

In light of Justin’s experiences, Elisabeth planned to ask Kaylee about some of her traditions with Michelle. Maybe it wouldn’t work to implement any of them this year, but Elisabeth would write them down, maybe start a journal for when Kaylee was older. She wouldn’t let her friend be forgotten and didn’t want Kaylee to grow up feeling adrift from her heritage.

Wasn’t heritage as important as moving forward? She thought again of Justin’s sadness at losing cherished traditions and wondered if she knew someone who might be able to help. Arden had been very young when her mother died, but talking to her was worth a shot. Elisabeth reached for the phone.

“Cade Photography,” Arden answered.

“Hey, it’s Elisabeth. You have a minute?”

“For you? Definitely! What’s up?”

“For starters, my wedding. Which won’t be taking place.” Every time she told someone, the decision felt more right and the words came easier.

She and Steven had met when she was struggling to cope with Michelle’s death and Steven had been at a career crossroads. They’d vented and bonded and offered each other emotional sanctuary. It had been exactly what she needed at the time. But it wasn’t what she wanted for the rest of her life. Not without more to elevate it.

Michelle had been a single mother because she’d believed it was better to raise Kaylee alone than be with the wrong person. Elisabeth had a more thorough understanding of that philosophy now. Hopefully Steven’s words would prove prophetic, and she
would
find the right man. If not, she had a lot of good people in her life and had been blessed with a lot of love. That would be enough for now.