Second Chances (16 page)

“What documents?”

“Johnny was friends with one of the soldiers who tried to stop the massacre in My Lai. There were three of them. They gave statements, first-hand descriptions. There were also memos about how to handle the situation. Johnny was in a position to get copies. The army doesn't want any of this shared with the public.”

I chewed my bottom lip as I thought it over. “Why not just let the media print the story?”

“People could be at risk more than they are now. There have been threats, hate mail, and even dead animals placed on the doorsteps of the three who tried to stop the slaughter. It's not time yet.”

“What's Johnny's real name?”

“It's better if you don't know. Candy used her real first name but picked a different last name. That's as much as I'm going to say.”

“I can't believe you used her like that.”

“Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do for a bigger cause. She … figured out in Toronto that I'd fallen for her, and she flirted like crazy. I started to spend time with her. It hurt when I figured out that she was just trying to make Johnny jealous. I started keeping my distance.”

“Will Johnny stay here much longer?”

“We're moving him tomorrow to another location. I'm here to make it happen. I'll be bringing the last of Candy's things to her in Toronto when I go home afterwards.”

“And Mom?”

“She'll know that she's been part of something more important than all of us. Someday, the history books will tell the full story, but for now, I'm counting on your silence.”

“You know I won't say anything that could get you or Mom in trouble.”

“You can't breathe a word to Dad.”

“Cross my heart,” I said again. “Dad thinks deserters are scum. No wonder Mom doesn't want him to know.”

“Mom's done a lot of good work. You know there's an underground network run out of Toronto? They help the draft dodgers get to Canada and start new lives.”

“How did she get involved?”

“One of her visits to Toronto. I told her I was thinking about joining up because I wanted her advice. She said I should and that she was going to join as well. It wasn't long after we found out about My Lai. It got real hard to look away.”

“And that's how she met Johnny?”

“Yes. They met in November on one of her visits. Dar, if they keep digging, it could put Mom in jeopardy, and I don't mean just with Dad. I won't let that happen. If it means leading Candy on for now, I can live with it.”

“I still don't get why Candy came to Canada if she and Johnny weren't together, you know, as a couple.”

“You really don't know? Candy is Sean's mother. She and Johnny were supposed to get married when he came back from Nam, but she started living with somebody else while he was overseas.”

“But Sean is Johnny's too right? Otherwise, he wouldn't have taken on him and Candy.”

“You just have to look at Sean to know he's Johnny's kid.”

“She would leave Sean just like that?”

William's voice got so low, I could hardly hear him. I leaned closer. “… Johnny doesn't love her the way she loves him. I think the baby reminds her of what she'll never have, what she threw away by being unfaithful.”

William put his arm around me and I leaned my head on his shoulder. We sat like that for a while, neither of us saying anything, just thinking our own thoughts and listening to the waves slapping onto the beach.

“Just so you know, I don't feel good about any of this,” William said. “I just can't see another way out that wouldn't hurt the network … and Mom.”

“I know.”

We stood up at the same time and started climbing down the rocks, William ahead of me in the darkness. When we reached the sand, I looked out at the silver light on the water. I said a prayer for Annie as I did every night before going inside.

T
he
next morning, I had breakfast then biked over to Gideon's. I wanted to let him know that Candy was staying in Toronto and he should give up on his Pulitzer Prize idea. He wasn't going to like it. I knew that for sure.

Ruby was waiting to be let in at the back door when I arrived, her nose pressed against the door as if she was trying to push it open. I was surprised to find Gideon making toast, still dressed in his pajamas. Usually, he was up and working at his typewriter by five a.m. Classical music was playing on his little kitchen radio.

“You're up late today,” I said as I put the kettle on for tea.

“Just a slow morning. I worked until past midnight on my column for the
Globe
and decided to sleep in as a reward for getting it done.”

His eyes were shiny as if he had a fever, his face pale.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“You keep asking me that like a little mother hen. I'm right as rain, child. However, I think it's time for my medicine, so I'll just go change and take my pills, if you would be so kind as to make the tea.”

“Aye aye, sir.”

I busied myself making the tea then brought the mugs to our usual spots. When Gideon sat down at the typewriter, he'd put on a bulky cable knit sweater and jeans, even though it was another warm morning. He sipped from the cup and swallowed some big white pills while watching me over the rim. Ruby circled the room then plunked herself down at his feet with a big sigh.

“Those look hard to choke down.”

“Antibiotics. Good for what ails.” Gideon said, setting his mug on the desk. “Any word if Candy's returned?”

“Johnny says she won't be coming back.”

Gideon sighed. “I was supposed to meet her that night of the last beach party.” His eyes were thoughtful.

“I thought I saw you at the beach. Were you waiting for her there?”

“She was supposed to come to my house, but she never showed up. She'd called me earlier that day and said she had something to give me that would make a huge story. At the time, I thought she sounded like she was angry. Naturally enough, I thought she was mad at that Johnny fellow and ready to give me something I could use in a huge story. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.”

“Is that why you think she left so suddenly?”

“I did find it odd that she caught a bus out of here so fast.”

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I couldn't say anything without giving away my brother. Gideon had always told me not to say anything to a journalist that you didn't want printed. “There's no ‘off the record' when it comes to a story,” he'd told me countless times. Gideon was my friend, but he was a journalist above all.

He picked up a piece of paper to end the subject. “Thought you might like to read my latest offering on the war effort.”

“Okay.”

I got up and took the paper from him, happy that he'd changed the topic of conversation. I stood next to him while I read it, and then set the paper on the desk. I tried not to let on that I was disturbed by the topic. “You've written about draft dodgers. It's a good piece.”

He glanced over at me. His eyes were amused.
What did he know about Johnny and William and my mother?
He'd sent me to interview Johnny and had phoned ahead. Whatever he'd said to Johnny had made him talk to me, as if Gideon was holding something over him.

Gideon cleared his throat. “Seems like an issue that needs some coverage. The U.S. government needs to rethink what it's forcing these young men and women to do in the name of patriotism. This could be my best bit of writing in a long time.”

“It's strong,” I said. “Did you talk to some of the deserters?”

“I met a few dodgers in Toronto over the past few years. They weren't too keen to be interviewed until they were sure I wouldn't be printing names and addresses. It's not as if I'd do anything to support the war effort. I'm one hundred percent behind people who decide they don't have the stomach to fight.”

“Did you find any draft dodgers here at Cedar Lake?”

“You never know where they're hiding out.” Gideon was still watching me. His quick smile came and went. “How's your mother?”

“Good.”

Gideon stooped down to rub Ruby behind the ears. “That's my lovely old girl,” he said as he rubbed his hand across her back. “Did I tell you the story of how I got Ruby?”

“I thought you said somebody gave her to you.”

“Not exactly. I was driving here from Toronto one evening. It was a cool October day, if I remember, and I saw something lying by the side of the road. Looked like a bag of garbage at first. I slowed to have a better look and that's when I realized it was a dog lying there. For some reason I couldn't just drive by, even though I thought the animal was dead. I pulled over and when I got out, Ruby here lifted her head and looked me square in the eyes, like she believed I'd been sent to save her.”

“What did you do?”

“The only thing I could do. Loaded her into my back seat and took her to the vet in the next town. He set her leg and sewed her up. Luckily, she'd only been dealt a glancing blow from whatever lowlife hit her with their car and left her there to die. I put out the word where the owner could pick her up, but nobody ever tried to claim her. I was glad for that. It would have been tough to give her back.”

“It must have been fate that you drove by when
you did.”

“Turns out Ruby's been my most faithful companion for these eight years, so I was the lucky one.”

I finished my tea and stood up. “I guess I'll go back and help Mom in the store. Dad's arriving this morning and William leaves later today.”

“You're having a busy time of it. I wonder if you could do me a favour tomorrow.”

“Sure. Just name it.”

“I have to go into town for the day, so I wonder if you could come by, feed Ruby around lunchtime, and take her for a walk.”

“Of course I will. Is the house key in the same flowerpot?”

“Same as always. I'll owe you one.”

“I'll put it on your tab.”

I turned at the back door to smile back at Gideon. He started to say something but changed his mind and returned my smile with a quick one of his own and a wave. He'd already swung around to start typing as I stepped outside into the bright sunshine. The last picture I had of Gideon before I turned to open the door was him bending down to pat Ruby's upturned head while her tail thump-thumped against the hardwood floor.

I was halfway home and had just passed the split in the road that led to the Davidson cottage. I was torn between rushing home to be near my mother and making one last trip to see Johnny and Sean before they left Cedar Lake for good. What William had told me made me look at Johnny differently. Maybe I wanted him to know.

I started pedalled more slowly. I wasn't feeling too brave about facing Johnny again. Gideon always told me to follow the story, no matter where it led. I guess that also went for stories that were never going to make it into print. I turned the front wheel of my bike toward the Davidsons' and started pedalling for their driveway.

This time Johnny's flowered van was the only vehicle in the laneway. I stretched to look in the windows as I biked by. The back was loaded with boxes and suitcases. I got off my bike and leaned it against a tree just as Johnny came out of the cottage carrying a box of toys. He didn't see me right away, and I took a second to watch him now that I knew he was a man on the run. He was wearing a white T-shirt and his arm muscles were bulging. I hadn't realized how strong he was. A red bandana was tied around his forehead that held the black curls away from his face.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward. Johnny nodded in my direction before setting the box on the floor of the van. He slammed the door and turned to face me. His eyes weren't friendly exactly, but not angry either. He spoke first.

“I guess you've figured out that Sean and I are moving on.”

“Where will you go?”

“I'm not sure. Maybe down east … or out west. Hell, could be up north with the Eskimos. Doesn't really matter anymore. There's nothing keeping us here.”

“Will you be seeing Candy?”

Johnny crossed his arms across his chest. “Maybe. Probably not. I figured you of all the people around here would be sorry to see her gone. She seemed to like you.”

“Did Candy really know all those famous people she talked about?”

Johnny sighed. “I'm not sure why I'm going to tell you this, but maybe it's just because of all your family's done for me. Come sit for a minute where I can hear Sean if he wakes up. I'm going to feed him and then we're on our way.”

I followed Johnny into the kitchen and sat at the table while he pushed himself up onto the counter so that he was looking down at me. The kitchen was spotless, as if nobody had lived there for the summer. The appliances were shiny enough to make even Mrs. Davidson happy. Only Sean's bowl and a jar of baby food were left on the counter.

“Candy,” said Johnny as he pulled a cigarette out of a package in his pocket, “in case you didn't know, isn't quite like other people. She grew up down the road from me in South Carolina and was always full of ideas and stories and dreams about going places and being somebody. Her mother left when she was three and her father never had any money. He drove a truck and was gone a lot. She was always getting picked on by the other kids for being dressed badly and for tagging along. I felt sorry for her and tried to look out for her. We got to be friends.” He shrugged. “Later, more than friends.” He struck a match and inhaled smoke from the cigarette as the end lit bright red. He squinted at me through the smoke as he exhaled.

“So was Frances really Sean's mother like she told me, or is Candy Sean's mother?” I asked.

“Candy told so many stories, I don't think she knew the truth half the time. She was a chronic liar. However, I can tell you that she is Sean's mother. No question about that. She told me I was the father and I've decided to believe it. I was home on leave about the right time.”

“Sean looks like you.”

“I know, but it doesn't matter if he isn't mine. As far as I'm concerned, he's my kid.”

“Why did Candy make up stuff?”

“It was her way of coping, living inside her head and making her world better than what it was.” Johnny shrugged. “I know I'm making her sound like a loony tune, but she wasn't. She was just getting by the best she could. Lately though, she'd gotten to be more than I could handle. I didn't feel I could leave her alone with Sean anymore.”

“I would have liked to say goodbye.”

“Candy isn't much for goodbyes, but don't worry, she won't forget you. She doesn't let go of people easily.”

“Why did she come to Canada with you?”

“When I got back from Nam, she told me to take Sean because she didn't think she could look after him. The truth was her new boyfriend didn't like kids. I bunked on their couch the night before I left for the Canadian border. Candy had a big fight with the guy over Sean, and he stormed out. In the morning, Candy convinced me that I'd get across easier with a woman pretending to be my wife. She was right about that.”

“She told me that she was crazy about you.”

“Maybe that was true once. The long and short of it is that she didn't like to be alone. If I hadn't left when I did for Nam, well, who knows? Anyhow, I knew we wouldn't work out when I got back, but it didn't seem right to leave her behind. There was also Sean to think about. I never let Candy believe we'd be anything more than friends when I let her come to Canada with me, even though it didn't stop her from trying.”

I thought about my mother. She was the polar opposite of Candy, and the way Johnny had looked at her made me think about what my mother was giving up staying with us. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I could hear Sean stirring in the other room.

Johnny said, “Candy always lands on her feet. Some people have that talent.” He took another drag from the cigarette before standing up to get an ashtray from the cupboard. He sat back down.

“Look, Candy was mad at me for rejecting her and she was like a child when she realized she wasn't going to get her way. She was like two different people — warm and giving one minute and spiteful and childish the next. I told her to go back to Toronto, that we were through. Your brother finally convinced her to go the other night. I just couldn't look out for her any more. Sean is my priority now.”

“I know.” I thought of how she'd left Sean alone in his crib when we went to the beach. I'd known it was wrong.

Johnny looked toward the hallway and the direction of Sean's voice crying out for him, and I stood to leave. Johnny jumped from the counter and landed in front of me. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans. “I think Candy would like you to have this.” He held out a silver ring with a dove's head carved into the band. I'd remembered seeing it on the ring finger of her left hand the last time we'd gone swimming.

“She might want it back.”

“Candy gives things she cares about to her friends. She likes you.”

I reached over, took it from his hand, and slipped it onto my middle finger. The metal was warm from his pocket.

Johnny took a step toward the door, then turned and looked at me. “You know you have a way of looking at people that makes them feel like you're seeing clear through them. Keeps you a little off balance. You get that from your mom.” He cleared his throat and looked away. “Well, anyway, give her my best. I hope to see you again sometime.”

“Yeah, me too.”
But not really.

I started walking away from him but stopped and turned as I reached the door. “What was it like? You know, being in Vietnam.”