Second Time Around (37 page)

Doug poured the wine. ‘I know that you wanted to keep it under wraps, Suzie, but this seems like a perfect opportunity to tell Jess the truth.’

Suzie’s food suddenly lost its flavour and she reached for her glass. ‘She’ll hate me. Mind you, she probably does anyway.’

‘Why would she hate you? If you’re honest with her I’m sure it will bring you closer than ever,’ Doug said with conviction.

Suzie was sceptical but, before she could comment, Percy was on his feet and barking at the door. ‘Hey, Percy, what’s up?’

‘Wow, he’s loud.’

‘There must be someone outside. It better not be Maurice or I’ll let him have it.’ Suzie was about to go to the window to check but froze when she heard the key in the hall
door. ‘Feck. It’s Noel.’

‘Stay calm, Suzie,’ Doug warned her.

She took another sip of wine, her eyes on the door. ‘I’m not making any promises.’

‘Mum? Where are you?’

‘Jess.’ She shot Doug a horrified look and he squeezed her hand.

‘It will be fine.’

‘In here,’ she called, her voice unnaturally high pitched.

Jess pushed open the door and pulled up short when she saw Doug. ‘Oh, sorry. I didn’t know that you had company.’

Doug stood and Suzie watched his face break into a happy smile. ‘Jess!’

Her daughter blinked a couple of times and then looked at her mother, a question in her eyes. ‘This is my good friend Doug, Jess.’

Jess came closer, not taking her eyes off him. ‘Doug.’ Her eyes widened. ‘You’re the man in that photo album.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t
understand.’

‘You’re right, this is Doug Hamilton, the man in the album and the MD of CML. By total coincidence, he is also the travel writer who Mandy works for.’

‘We’re having a bit of fun at her expense,’ Doug confided. ‘She doesn’t know we’re old friends. I go by the name Douglas Thornton now.’

Jess continued to stare at him and Suzie wondered if she remembered him. ‘Doug knew you when you were little.’

‘You probably don’t remember.’ Doug’s smile was affectionate.

‘Are you my dad?’ Jess blurted out.

His eyes widened and then he sighed, looking pensive and shook his head. ‘Unfortunately not.’

Jess looked from him to her mother. ‘So, who is? Please, Mum, just tell me.’

Suzie avoided Doug’s gaze, which was pleading with her to be honest.

‘You can’t look me in the eye and tell me that John was my father.’

Suzie gave a weary sigh. ‘He was your father in all the ways that counted.’

Doug went to stand up. ‘I should go.’

Suzie reached for his hand. ‘Please don’t.’ She couldn’t handle the thought of doing this alone and Doug might be able to fill in any gaps because there were still parts
of her past that evaded her. She looked into her daughter’s eyes. ‘I was single and pregnant when I went to an interview in CML. Doug was the MD, although his wife, Pamela, was running
things when I joined.’

‘I just dropped in and meddled,’ Doug added, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Suzie squeezed his hand and he returned the pressure. ‘My dad threw me out when he found out about you, and Doug took me in. We lost touch after his wife died and I never realised that
Mandy’s Douglas Thornton was also CML’s owner, Doug Hamilton.’

Jess’s eyes slid to Doug’s and she gave a small smile of acknowledgement before looking back at Suzie. ‘You still haven’t answered the question. Who’s my
dad?’

‘I’m afraid there’s not much I can tell you other than he was gorgeous. You have his colouring, his hair and the same wonderful smile.’

‘What was his name?’

Suzie felt herself flush under her daughter’s steely gaze. ‘I don’t remember,’ she mumbled.

Jess flopped into a chair. ‘So I was the product of a one-night-stand?’

Suzie gave a guilty nod. ‘I’m afraid so.’

‘Didn’t you consider abortion?’ Jess asked.

Suzie looked up at her and smiled. ‘Not for a moment. But I did plan to give you up for adoption. I wanted you to go to a good home and have all the opportunities I never had. But then
Doug gave me the job and a home’ – Suzie smiled at him – ‘despite his better judgement. So, you see I owe him a lot, we both do.’

‘One of my better decisions. CML was a small company,’ he explained to Jess, ‘and we worked as a team, so it was important your mum fit in. And, despite the huge chip on her
shoulder, she did.’

Jess absorbed this for a moment. ‘So when did you meet Dad? I mean John?’

‘When you were about six months old, I started working again part-time from the flat. I met John at one of the conferences we organised and he invited me out for a drink, and,’ Suzie
smiled, ‘we hit it off straight away and he didn’t care that I was an unmarried mother.’

‘So you loved him?’ Jess looked a little disappointed.

‘I did. He was lovely to me and, more importantly, he was great with you, Jess. Marrying John was a chance of a new start where no one knew me or would judge me. John adopted you as soon
as we were married and raised you as his own. No one in Limerick ever knew that you weren’t his.’

‘He loved me?’ Jess looked at her in disbelief. ‘I think you mean he tolerated me. So much makes sense now.’

‘He did his best, Jess.’

‘It didn’t feel that way. You know that you’ve turned him into some kind of saint since he died?’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Yes, it is. Have you forgotten all his business trips? Because I haven’t. He missed my fifteenth birthday and never even phoned.’

‘I had forgotten the trips until you mentioned them today,’ Suzie admitted. ‘And it brought it all back. When did you know he was—’ Suzie stopped, not sure how to
word it. Not sure how much her daughter knew.

‘Carrying on?’ Jess supplied. ‘I’d suspected it for a couple of years. He’d hang up the phone when I walked into the room or take the dog for a walk and not let any
of us go with him. Then one day, he called telling you that he had to stay on in Longford for a meeting first thing the next morning and when I was coming out of Eileen Doody’s house that
evening I saw him sitting in his car, kissing a woman.’

Suzie was aghast at how much her daughter had kept to herself all these years. ‘Oh, Jess, I’m sorry. That must have upset you.’

‘I was more angry than upset,’ Jess said. ‘It wasn’t just one woman either, was it?’ Jess leaned forward in her chair. ‘The night before he
died—’

Suzie shook her head and put up her hand to stop her daughter, feeling sick.

‘Where was he, Mum? Was he with a woman?’

‘I don’t know.’ Suzie massaged her temples with trembling fingers. ‘I don’t feel well.’

‘Jess . . .’ Doug started, but she ignored him.

‘You must know.’

Suzie shook her head as the images flashed through her mind but, the more that she tried to focus, the more confused and upset she felt.

‘Jess, I think that’s quite enough,’ Douglas interjected, casting worried glances in her direction. ‘I think you should go. This is clearly distressing your mum and
it’s not her fault that she can’t remember.’

Jess shot him a guilty look and then glanced back at her mother. ‘No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Mum. Thanks for telling me the truth.’

‘Are you okay?’ Doug asked after the hall door had closed.

Suzie shook her head, trying to unravel the various memories and grasp at the snippets of truth in Jess’s words, and then she gasped as the fog cleared momentarily.

‘It’s true. John was unfaithful. Something Jess said earlier triggered the memory. I don’t know how many women there were but certainly more than one.’

‘I’m sorry.’

But Suzie continued to stare into space, caught up in a memory struggling to surface. ‘Jess is right. He was with a woman the night before he died. She was waiting in his hotel room for
him to come back to her. A young policeman let it slip but I wasn’t that surprised.’ She shook her head, frustrated. ‘There’s something else, just on the edge of my memory
but I can’t reach it.’

‘You’ve had a long and traumatic day, Suzie. You need sleep.’

She nodded silently and stood up, feeling as if she was in some sort of trance. ‘Yes. Let yourself out, would you, Doug?’ she said and walked out of the room. Percy followed her
upstairs and lay down by the side of the bed and, putting out an absent hand to pat his head, Suzie drifted into a troubled sleep.

Jess was shivering as she let herself into the flat, despite the fact that the rain had stopped and the evening sun had broken through the clouds. She lifted the phone to call
Katie, desperate to talk about what had just happened, but her phone was switched off. Jess’s eyes filled up as she remembered that Katie was on a plane, on her way to Jersey. She called Noel
but his phone was off too. Probably just as well. He had enough problems of his own. Still feeling the need to talk, she left a message.

Jess tried to analyse her feelings. It was a relief to have it confirmed that John Connors wasn’t her dad, that there was a reason he was distant and didn’t show her the love that
he’d showered on Sharon and Noel. She’d thought for many years that she must have done something to justify her father’s lack of interest, and now she knew that it wasn’t
her fault at all. She would probably feel grateful to him for taking her in if it weren’t for how he’d treated her mother.

How long had he cheated on her? Jess had become aware of it only in his last couple of years but it had made it hard for her to truly mourn him when he died.

Jess had felt angry that Suzie hadn’t told her the truth about her father. Twenty-seven years and not a word. But, putting herself in her mother’s position, she knew that she may
well have done the same. Nice, kind and reliable, John must have been a very attractive option to a girl from such an unstable background. And, when she thought about the earlier years of her
childhood, it had been a happy house.

Life had dealt her mother a tough hand and yet she’d achieved so much and been a pillar of strength for her three children, always loving and forever optimistic. At least she had been
before the accident.

Although, now that she thought about it, Jess realised her mother was definitely improving. She was showing more self-restraint and it was clear that her memory was coming back. It was going to
be a painful process. It was obvious that tonight she’d suddenly remembered more details of John’s affairs than she let on. Jess felt bad for pushing her and reminding her of his
infidelity. She was glad Doug had been there to intervene. In future, Jess promised herself to let her mum remember things in her own time.

Tomorrow, she would apologise for badgering her and she’d ask her out so that they could talk in private about her dad. Surely her mum must know something about him? She hadn’t even
thought to ask where he was from or how they met. And how in hell Suzie had managed to keep her parentage a secret for so long?

Her birth certificate must either have her real dad’s name or say ‘father unknown’. How had she not noticed that? When had she last seen it, for that matter? And then Jess
thought of Mum’s filing cabinet, where all the family papers were kept under lock and key. She’d insisted on handling all their school and university applications as they were so
careless, and replacing birth certificates cost money. Jess smiled at her mother’s innovative way of handling a tricky problem. She treated them all the same, so there had been no reason to
question the way she did things.

Jess wandered around the flat, restless. If she stayed cooped up here alone she’d probably drink the full bottle of wine in the cupboard, so she decided to walk instead. Pocketing her keys
and phone, Jess locked up and went outside, pausing on the step to take a deep breath of fresh air.

‘Out to greet me? I knew you still cared.’

Her eyes flew open to see Louis standing in front of her, swaying slightly. ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, wearily. ‘I told you the consequences if you bothered me
again.’

Louis moved closer, and slipped an arm round her. ‘I know you didn’t mean it, Jess. You want me just as much as I want you.’

She shoved him away and he stumbled. ‘No, Louis, I really don’t. Now leave or I’m going to scream “rape” and you’ll end up in a cell for the night.’ She
held his gaze to make sure that he knew she wasn’t kidding.

‘You heard her. Get lost.’

Jess looked up to see her brother standing behind Louis. Her boss turned slowly, sighing. ‘You know, you’ve a lousy sense of timing?’

‘Just go, Louis,’ Jess said.

‘Fine. You’re a lousy lay, anyway.’ He pushed past Noel, only to come up against the brick wall of Cal’s chest.

‘I think you owe the lady an apology,’ Cal said.

Her drunken boss raised his head to try to focus on the man blocking his way. ‘What’s it got to do with you? Are you fucking her now?’

In the blink of an eye, Cal had slammed him against the pillar. ‘I think you should apologise and go home, don’t you?’

Louis’s eyes bulged as he tried to push Cal off him. ‘Hey, I was just kidding! Sorry, Jess. If you call off this animal I’ll be on my way.’

Jess nodded to Cal, who dropped him reluctantly, and Louis stumbled down the path, muttering to himself. ‘And don’t come back or your arrest will be front-page news,’ she
called after him.

‘What an asshole. What did you ever see in him?’

Jess glared at her brother. ‘Don’t start with me, Noel. I’ve had enough for one day.’

‘Mine hasn’t exactly been a picnic. You left me a message and I came straight round to check on you, and now you’re giving me grief?’

Jess looked at his sad eyes and haggard appearance and hugged him. ‘Sorry. Come on up.’ She turned to face Cal. ‘Thanks.’

He shook his head, his hazel eyes sad. ‘Don’t thank me. I’ve behaved like an idiot. He told me that you were together again and I believed him.’

She stared at him. ‘That morning?’

He nodded, shamefaced. ‘He stopped me at the gate and said I shouldn’t bother you, that you were going to need your sleep. He winked at me and I saw red. I’m sorry,
Jess.’

Jess thought of all that had gone on in the last few weeks – hell, in the last few hours – and Cal’s misreading of a situation didn’t seem that big a deal any more. She
gave a weak smile. ‘I can hardly blame you for falling for one of his lines. I’ve been doing it for months.’