Secrets (27 page)

“I just can’t……..I don’t kn
ow how this happened to me,” Sam said seemingly to herself as she cut into my thoughts.  Her eyes were sad and I wished that I could turn back time and return to a place where things were so much simpler. 

I
eventually decided to let Terrell and Maisha have a chance to see Sam and returned to her room as soon as they were done.  I gave Terrell my keys and asked him just to come back for us in the morning.  Sam didn’t say anything else to me for the rest of the night, but I could tell that she was more at ease with me there.  Neither of us slept, there was too much to think about.  When the nurse gave her the okay to leave the next morning, I left the room to let her change into the clothes that Maisha picked up for her and then we were able to leave.  She walked slowly to the wheel chair that the orderly brought up for her and I took her to the front entrance where Terrell had already pulled the car around.  I helped her inside and then we went to a hotel about ten minutes from the hospital.

Valet parked the car while Terrell and I followed the ladies to their room, carrying the bags Maisha packed for
her and Sam.  Dee would’ve been there too, but it was up to Sam who to tell and who to leave out of this.  For that reason, it was just the four of us for now.  The most I could do was call Karl and tell him to make sure Deanna stayed with him for a few days.  Sam was concerned about Antonio going to her dorm room looking for her because he had her keys.  Karl asked what was going on, but I asked him just to trust me.  That seemed to be good enough.

Inside
, I put Sam’s clothes away in the drawers for her while she lay on the bed.  Now that she was out of the hospital and safe again, I could refocus my attention on the growing anger inside of me.  I wasn’t sure how the whole thing played out, but I had a vivid mental picture of what Antonio did to her and that made me want to hurt him so much that my hands ached with anticipation. 

When I looked up, Sam was watching me and I thought I saw a faint smile on her face, but
it faded quickly.  If she knew my thoughts, she wouldn’t think I was so sweet.  I realized just how much I loved this girl when I asked myself how far I’d go to avenge her.  The answer didn’t surprise me; I’d do whatever it took.  Ignoring the sadistic thoughts that were now swirling around inside my head, I smiled back at her.

Sam was desperate to shower, so
Terrell and I decided to go to my adjoining room to let her and Maisha have some privacy.  Sam watched me from the doorway of the bathroom as I got ready to walk out.  It seemed like she wanted to say something, but decided against it at the last second.  When she closed the bathroom door without a word, I couldn’t ignore the look in her eyes.  She was broken in too many pieces for me to even know where to start trying to put her back together.  Something had to be done about Antonio, and since the cops currently had no clue who was responsible, I’d gladly take matters into my own hands.

*****

I sat on the edge of one of the double beds in the room.  Terrell sat on the other, looking like he hadn’t calmed down any since the night before either.  His arms were tense and flexed like he was ready to attack.  “We gotta go find this dude,” he demanded.  I agreed wholeheartedly, but it wasn’t quite time to deal with Antonio yet.  It needed to be dark out, and I couldn’t leave Sam while she was awake.  I promised her.

“She
give you a name or anything?”  He asked.

I nodded.  “Antonio.”

Terrell’s jaw tensed and he looked down at the ground.

“Let’s just focus on Sam for now,
though” I replied, in an attempt to pacify him; besides I was already making plans of my own.  The only thing I needed was Antonio’s address.

“But what if the police get to him first?”  He protested.

“Not gonna happen.  She didn’t get that far with the officer yet.  No one knows who did it, but us.”  However, I knew that the test they run at the hospital in situations like these would eventually make this theory null and void.

“When we
rollin’ out?” He asked as soon as I finished speaking.

I lowered my head.  “No, I don’t need help and I
wanna handle this myself.  I’m going alone.”  This wasn’t Terrell’s fight; it was mine, and it’d been going on for more than a year now.  Antonio and I were about to have it out one final time.

Terrell glared at me when I looked up again, but didn’t say a word.  He’d have to understand that I wanted to do this on my own.  Besides, depending on the way things went down,
he might not want to deal with the repercussions.  I’d already made my peace with what the aftermath of my actions could be.

*****

It didn’t take long to get Antonio’s address and apartment number off the internet.  I gave Sam a couple hours to get settled, and then Terrell and I went back to her and Maisha’s room to check on them.  I knocked on the door and Terrell stood beside me, silent.  He hadn’t spoken one word since I told him that I didn’t want him to come with me that night.  Even when Maisha answered the door, he still looked angry.

“What’s the matter, baby?”  Maisha asked softly.

He rolled his eyes at me and replied, “Nothing.”  She looked at me curiously as he walked past her without anything else to say.  Sam was sitting at the table stirring her spoon around in a bowl of soup that it didn’t look like she had eaten at all.

“I tried to get her to eat something, but she said that she can’t,” Maisha whispered to me.  Sam stared blan
kly at the wall in front of her.  When I approached, she jumped like she didn’t even know that they had visitors.

“How’re you feeling?”  I asked.  She only shrugged her shoulders and continued to stir the soup.  Her hands were shaking like she was freezing cold.  Slowly, I walked around the table and sat next to her in the chair.  Maisha looked at me and then turned to Terrell.

“You know what?  Have you eaten yet?”  She asked him.  Terrell shook his head ‘no’.  “Good, we should go get something and give them some privacy,” she added.  Maisha smiled at me sympathetically and shoved Terrell toward the door.  When it shut, Sam stared at it like she didn’t want Maisha to leave her.  Was she scared to be alone with
me
?  There was an awkward silence between us.  Sam finally stopped watching the door longingly and put both of her hands in her lap and stared at them.

“You should try to eat something,” I said quietly.  She shook her head and stood from the table
like she couldn’t wait to put distance between us.  I saw that she was moving slowly which meant that she was still in a considerable amount of pain.  She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged her pillow.  As she lay there with her back to me, I wanted to lie beside her and comfort her.  Seeing her like this made me more certain that I had to follow through with my plan.

“It was my fault,” she whispered, interrupting my thoughts.

“What?”  I asked, unsure that I’d heard her right.

“It was my fault. 
The whole thing.  I went over there at my own free will and it was my fault”

“No, it wasn’t.  You didn’t make him do this to you,” I assured her.

I could hear her crying now.  “It was.  I should’ve just left well enough alone.”  There was a pause while she gathered her thoughts and words.  “We started hanging out again.”

Her admission came as a shock, but I hid it.

“We were supposed to be chilling at his place last night, but when you came by…I changed my mind.  All I wanted to do was tell him face to face why I was canceling, but he got soooo mad,” she sobbed.  “I’ve never seen him like that – not with
me.
”

I lowered my head and continued to listen.

“The whole time it was happening, all I wanted was you.”

My heart broke at the thought of her going through what she went through, and
me not being there to save her.

She lost control and couldn’t talk anymore.  I moved toward her slowly and touched her arm.  If it hadn’t
been for me not wanting to leave her there in the hotel alone, I would’ve already been halfway to his apartment already.

The feel of her hand on mi
ne caught me off guard and made me look.  Her eyes looked reluctant, but I could see that there was something that she wanted to ask me.  Her lips separated for a moment like she was getting ready to speak, but then she lost her nerve.  After another couple seconds, she finally asked, “Will you come lay with me?”  I moved toward the other side of the bed cautiously and got behind her.  At first I just lay there motionlessly, but then she pulled my arm around her slowly and held my hand.

I felt like less than a man for not being there to protect her that night.  He should’ve ne
ver been able to get that close.  The only thing that kept me calm was her touch.  It was hard to be angry and vengeful when I was with her.  She moved her feet back to where they were touching my legs but kept the rest of her body separated from me.  Antonio left her emotionally scarred so deeply that it’d take years for the wounds to heal, and even then there would probably always be some trace of the trauma.  Another bout of anger temporarily came over me, but I stored it in the back of my mind so that I could recall it at the appropriate time.

Sam dozed off and I was glad that she was at peace enough with me
there that she could sleep.  Terrell and Maisha came in loudly, but Sam must’ve been extremely tired because she didn’t even move.  I kissed her forehead and then pulled away slowly, trying not to disturb her.  Maisha smiled weakly when she saw that Sam had let me get close to her. 

“You ready?”  I asked Terrell. 
I was supposed to take him to pick up his car before taking care of Antonio, besides I needed to change into something inconspicuous.  He glared at me momentarily and then kissed Maisha on her cheek as he left the room.

“When Sam wakes up, if I’m not back…just
tell her that I love her,” I said to Maisha.  She looked at me questioningly like she detected something in my tone.

“Ok…….I’ll tell her.” 

I walked past her and followed Terrell to the car. 

“Wha
t if you need my help?”  He reasoned.  “Then what?”

“I can handle myself.  We’ve fought before so I already know h
is weaknesses.  I’ll be fine,” I answered, recalling my scuffle in the hallway at school with Antonio the year before.

“Look, I care about Sam like she’s my own family and I think I should be there to get at this dude too,” Terrell replied.  He was despe
rate to get a piece of Antonio, but not nearly as desperate as I was.  Still, the reality of it was, if there were two of us, the possibility of getting caught doubled.  So, I had to turn down Terrell’s offer for a second time.

He climb
ed out of my car without a word and I went to my room to change into a pair of black jeans and a long-sleeve black shirt before heading out to set things straight.  My mission was direct and I imagined that it wouldn’t take long.  I grabbed the address from my pocket, memorized the numbers quickly and tossed the piece of paper to the ground.  I burst through the doors and nearly ran from the dorm back to my car.

             
My true emotions came over me quickly now that I was alone.  I hopped in the car and peeled out of my parking space, ignoring the driver honking and cussing behind me.  No one and nothing was going to stop me.  The street lights seemed to turn green as soon as I reached them, almost like I was
supposed
to do this.  It didn’t even take me five minutes and I was pulling into the parking lot and I took note that there weren’t many cars – maybe seven or eight.  I could feel my blood pumping through my body as I grabbed my key from the ignition and ran up the walkway. 

102…102…102
.

              I found it, knocked once and moved to the side with my back against the wall so that I couldn’t be seen through the peephole.  I couldn’t help but to smile as I prepared myself.  The chain rattled on the door and the deadbolt lock clicked; this was it.  I spun quickly and caught Antonio with a quick jab to the face.  He stumbled back a few feet and I slid inside, shutting the door quietly behind me; I didn’t need nosey neighbors interrupting what I had to do.

             
Blood poured from his nose and he buried his face in his hands, cursing loudly.  I could’ve gotten him again then, but I wanted him to see it coming. I waited.  Antonio glared at me and drew back his fist and swung, but I ducked in the nick of time and caught him with another one to the gut.  All the air left his lungs as he staggered to keep his balance.  When he finally composed himself he stared at me with hatred in his eyes.  This was a hatred that went back to that first day in October when I’d stolen Sam’s heart from him.  I actually felt kind of bad for him when it first happened, but now when I looked at him all I could see was what he did to her. 

It
sickened me that Antonio had even touched her; she belonged to me no matter what we’d gone through and he was going to pay for what he’d done.  Rancid thoughts and sordid images pumped anger through my veins like venom racing toward my heart as I lunged, tackling him and narrowly missing the coffee table.  Over and over again, my fists struck his face with such force that the left side began to swell before I even finished with him.   The floor and wall were spattered with his blood and the stains grew each time I made contact.   Even when one of his teeth flew out of his mouth, I didn’t let up; I couldn’t.