Secrets (59 page)

He was somewhat surprised that his first thought was to rush to her. Over all the years of rows and bitterness, he had grown used to disregarding Emily and thinking of all three children as his, alone. If he did sometimes concede they had traits from their mother, it was always the negative ones. In the past, if there was anything to celebrate, he wouldn’t for one moment have asked Emily to join him.

It was only when Michael was reported missing that he saw Emily as an ally. Until then she’d been a nuisance, an embarrassment, someone he would gladly have cut right out of his life and done his best to forget. It was only a sense of duty and responsibility which made him visit her.

But once he believed Michael was dead, Emily was the only person who he knew would share his grief. The only one he could reminisce with. And he rushed to her and she gave him solace.

Then she told him of her close shave with death, and how Rose rescued her. He found it absurdly ironic that it was Rose and her mother’s influence that was helping Emily hold herself together so well, and in turn supporting him. On some of the darkest days he felt God was playing some terrible joke on him. Why should it be that he could only gain comfort from an estranged wife who had never given him any before, and feel indebted to another woman who had brought him great heartache?

Yet by recognizing that Emily was still important to him, Myles found it harder to decide what to do about Adele. He wanted her in his life, up in the forefront of it, visiting his home, meeting his friends and colleagues. He wanted to treat her as a daughter, not meeting her in secret as if he were ashamed of her.

Until last night, 80 per cent of him believed that he must tell his whole family about her. He didn’t expect Diana and Ralph to be very happy about it, but he’d thought that if Michael was found alive he would prefer to know the truth about why Adele ran out on him. But now Myles was afraid his desires were selfish and that the truth would bring nothing more than hurt.

Myles arrived at Harrington House shortly after nine, having stopped a couple of times en route so he wouldn’t arrive too early. He was so keyed up now that he could barely stand still and wait for the door to open.

The door opened, but it wasn’t the housekeeper or Emily standing there as he expected. It was Rose.

A cold chill ran down his spine and he moved back. He knew of course that Rose spent a lot of time with Emily, but he hadn’t run into her before, and hadn’t for one moment anticipated she might be at the house today. She looked so very different too to the way she’d been when he last saw her in his chambers.

‘Don’t look so stricken,’ she said in a low voice. ‘I’ll behave perfectly.’

He assumed that meant she intended to act as if they’d never met before, but only a complete fool would trust a one-time blackmailer.

Yet this Rose had nothing in common with the brazen, over-madeup harpy who had stormed into his chambers. She looked pretty and fresh-faced in a simple print dress, with bare legs. Gone was the elaborate hair-style – now her blonde hair hung down her back in one neat plait. She might be in her forties now, but she looked closer to thirty.

‘I am not your enemy,’ she said in a low voice, then quickly explained why she was there. She said she was just about to go up and help Emily down the stairs, and then telephone Adele at the hospital. The respectful way she spoke and acted was as if she were a younger sister of Emily’s, meeting her brother-in-law.

‘Come on in,’ she said more loudly, switching on a bright smile. ‘I’ll just make you both some breakfast, then I’ll clear off and go and tell my mother the wonderful news. You two have a great deal to talk about today.’

Myles’s fear abated as she flew up the stairs. Adele had claimed she’d changed for the better, and he supposed that if she was going to tell Emily anything, she would have done it a long time ago.

‘Oh Myles, isn’t it wonderful news?’ Emily said rapturously as she came hobbling down the stairs on Rose’s arm. ‘I’m so glad you’ve come. No one else could possibly know how I feel today.’

Myles involuntarily went to hug her once she was down in the hall, something he hadn’t done for years, and she responded with great warmth. She giggled and caught hold of his cheeks, pinching them affectionately between her fingers. ‘I think we must be the happiest people on this earth today. I feel about eighteen again.’

Myles thought she looked lovely. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes shining, and he was reminded of how much he had loved her once.

Rose laughed too, and it was the sound of someone who shared their joy. ‘I’m off to cook the breakfast,’ she said. ‘You’ll want to be alone.’

Myles and Emily went into the drawing room. ‘I hope Adele and Michael will get back together eventually,’ Emily said as she sat down. ‘Adele must still love him, Rose said she was thrilled at the news when she rang her last night. One good thing that’s come out of this wretched war is the breakdown of class barriers. That’s what split them up in the first place.’

‘And my disapproval,’ said Myles, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

‘But you don’t disapprove of her any more, do you?’ Emily said. ‘You said you were mistaken about her that time you called when she was here.’

‘No, I don’t disapprove of her. She’s a sweet and kind girl,’ Myles said, wondering what Emily would make of it if she found out they often met in London. ‘But the fact she cares that Michael is alive doesn’t mean she loves our son still. I suspect her feelings are only friendship.’

‘Honour doesn’t think that,’ Emily said with a pout. ‘She thinks they were made for each other.’

‘Now, Emily,’ Myles sighed. ‘It’s enough that Michael’s alive, without planning his future for him. The war is still raging on, we can’t count on anything. Let’s just live for the day, shall we?’

Emily couldn’t remember when she last had such a perfect day, and she didn’t want Myles to go home. They had talked and talked, about Michael, happy times in the past and where they wanted to be in the future. Myles hadn’t been critical about anything, in fact he’d been so kind and helpful, washing the breakfast things and tidying up – he’d even gone along to the shop to try to get her some sugar. He couldn’t get any, but brought back some saccharine instead. When he tried it in a cup of tea he pulled a face and said he’d rather go without sugar than be poisoned.

‘I suppose the war is a great leveller,’ he said thoughtfully as he peered into the pantry to look for something they could have for supper. ‘Here we are, rich by most people’s standards. But money alone can’t get you sugar, bacon or a fillet steak. It’s odd to think that even the King and the Prime Minister have exactly the same rations as us and those who live in slums.’

Emily was sitting at the kitchen table peeling a few potatoes.

‘Rose and Honour eat well,’ she said. ‘But then they grow stuff and keep chickens and rabbits. Those eggs we had for breakfast were from them.’

Myles closed the pantry door, a tin of Spam in his hands. ‘You talk about them a great deal,’ he said with a trace of sarcasm. ‘Why is that?’

‘Because I admire them,’ Emily said evenly. ‘They may live in a primitive cottage, wear shabby old clothes and have to work very hard, but they’ve got something special about them.’

‘Such as?’

‘Honour is very wise, she understands things about people without ever asking questions. As for Rose, she cheers me. She’s so honest, she admits she spent most of her life being a real witch to everyone who cared about her. Yet I really like her, she’s practical, a bit bossy, and she doesn’t allow me to wallow in self-pity. I do so hope it works out with Michael and Adele when the war’s over.’

Myles sat down beside her then and took her hands, making her drop the potato and the peeler. ‘You’ve got to stop this, Emily,’ he said.

She laughed because his tone was gentle, not a bit like the brusque way he used to speak to her.

‘I’m serious,’ he reproved her. ‘I don’t believe it will work out for them, and you’ll only be disappointed if you keep this up.’

‘I know my son,’ she said with a shrug. ‘He still loved Adele the last time I saw him, just a week before his last flight. He told me so.’

‘Maybe he did, but a lot has happened to him since. Affairs between real people aren’t like the ones in fairy tales. Love can die when it isn’t nurtured.’

‘Like it did for us?’ she said, and her eyes filled up with tears.

‘Yes, just like that,’ he said.

*

Myles suddenly felt unbearably sad. He could remember how his heart had been bursting with love and pride as he turned to watch Emily coming up the aisle on her father’s arm on their wedding day. Just sixteen, and the white silk gown, golden hair, flowers and her veil made her look like a beautiful angel. He remembered feeling quite sick with nerves about their wedding night, for he was sure someone so ethereal would be disgusted by carnal desires. Yet she hadn’t been. Once alone in the bedroom at The Grange, which had been newly decorated for them, she’d been as passionate as he was.

‘I wish I had understood you better, and been less selfish,’ she said softly. ‘You deserved better.’

Myles was astounded. She had never held herself in any way responsible for the failure of their marriage before. ‘I should have been more tolerant when Michael was born,’ he replied. ‘I’ve heard it’s quite common for women to lapse into melancholia after giving birth.’

She nodded. ‘Rose told me she suffered from it too when Adele was born. We were both bad mothers.’

‘Michael turned out fine though,’ Myles said, wanting to distract her from talking about Rose again.

‘And so did Adele. Perhaps it was partly because of the way Rose and I were with them that they were attracted to one another.’

‘I expect it did give them a bit of extra understanding about people,’ he said. ‘But you look tired, Emily, after supper I’d better go home.’

‘No, don’t go,’ she said. ‘Stay the night.’

‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘I have to go to London tomorrow too, I have a big case to prepare for. But I’ll come back at the weekend if you want me to.’

‘I do,’ she said, and smiled. ‘And try to get some champagne so we can really celebrate.’

Chapter Twenty-seven

Adele smiled as she watched Myles studying the menu. They had met for dinner at a restaurant in Greek Street, Soho, but although the menu was very long, nothing Myles had ordered so far had been available.

She wondered why he didn’t just ask the waiter what he
had
got. But she supposed Myles thought that would mean he’d be fobbed off with whatever dish the restaurant had most of.

It was November now, and though the threat of invasion seemed to have passed since the Americans joined the Allies, bringing with them their Flying Fortresses, bombers capable of flying much longer distances without refuelling, the Navy had taken a terrible thrashing this year. The public weren’t supposed to know, but over a thousand British warships had been torpedoed by German U-boats.

Yet there was optimism too. The RAF now had Lancasters and Stirlings, planes which could also carry bombs for long distances, and with the Americans’ help they were giving Germany a taste of their own medicine. News had just come in that Britain had recaptured Tobruk in North Africa, and with an alliance between Britain and Russia there were plenty who now believed the Germans could be beaten.

‘You looked tired,’ Adele said. Myles’s face wasn’t as ruddy as usual and there were shadows under his eyes. ‘Have you been out on the tiles?’

‘No, I haven’t,’ he said, but grinned boyishly. ‘As a matter of fact I’ve been very busy trying to help get some Jewish people out of Germany. You do know what’s going on there, don’t you?’

Adele nodded. With so many Jewish people living in the East End and coming into the hospital, she was very aware of their plight, both here and in Europe. There was some very strong anti-Jewish feeling amongst Londoners, who tended to blame Jews for everything. Much of this was ridiculous and contradictory. One minute they were saying Jews took up all the room in the shelters, the next they were saying they were so rich they all went out of London in air raids. They were accused of running the black market and of looting bombed houses, but true cockney girls like Joan who knew all the local villains said it was they who were the black marketeers, and the Civil Defence workers who cleared the bombed houses were the looters.

Adele had got to know a lot of people in the Jewish community, and she was inclined to believe their stories of how badly their relatives in Germany and Poland were being treated. They said they were being rounded up and herded into ghettos, packed off on trains to camps, and shot outright if they tried to escape.

‘Is it all true?’ she asked Myles, for there were plenty of people claiming that such stories were mere propaganda. ‘The camps and stuff?’

‘Yes, Adele, I’m afraid it is,’ he said, and sighed deeply. ‘I’ve just managed to help a Jewish friend, who was a lawyer in Berlin, to get to England. He and his family are now staying with me at The Grange and they have lost everything, their home, money, valuables, to the Nazis. He has told me things that would seem impossible if they’d come from anyone else. My friend fears that Hitler intends to eradicate all Jewish people.’

‘But he can’t do that. Can he?’

‘I believe he’s already part of the way there. Reuben tells me he had already built camps with gas chambers and crematoria to burn the bodies afterwards. He says that when Jews are sent off on trains to be “resettled”, that’s where they are bound. Women and children too.’

‘No!’ Adele exclaimed. ‘That’s monstrous. Surely ordinary German people wouldn’t go along with something as barbaric as that?’

Myles shrugged. ‘People are too afraid of losing their own lives to speak out, I suppose. And it is difficult to believe such a fantastically evil plan. But let’s not dwell on horror tonight. Emily and I received another letter from Michael, and he sounds quite chipper, all things considered.’

Adele leaned forward eagerly. In the first two letters, or rather just brief notes from Michael, the content was frustratingly vague, parts of it blacked out by the censor. They only knew he was in POW Camp Stalag 8b, but where that was, how he got there, and the extent of his injuries, they could only guess at.