Secrets of My Hollywood Life (6 page)

"Hi, Frances." I extend my hand graciously. Frances is a new gossip writer at
Hollywood Online.

"You're ... you're ... um, welcome, Kaitlin," Frances stutters. She's staring at me as she fumbles for her tape recorder in her pocket. "I'm a huge fan
of Family Affair."

"That's nice to hear. Thanks for watching." Poor Frances. I want to tell her not to be nervous. I'm just a person doing a job, like she is. But I don't want to embarrass her. Besides, plenty of people react this way. It happens so often, I barely notice anymore.

"Um, I was wondering if things on set have been as fun as last year." I see Frances awkwardly glance at Laney out of the corner of her eye. "There's been a lot of press about you and Sky feuding on set. Care to comment?"

"Tonight is about
Off-Key,
remember?" Laney replies hotly. Frances looks like she might pass out. "I told you on the phone today that if you were going to ask about Sky, we weren't going to do an interview."

Laney can be scary when she wants to, even if she does look like a teenager. (I couldn't tell you how old Laney is; she won't even tell me that.) With her girlish figure, Laney wears the same brands I do, accessorized with the hottest handbag draped on her tiny arm. ( "Kaitlin, you don't want that Birkin bag they just sent over, do you? Because the color would look unbelievably
great
against my Audi.")

"I, um, told my editors I'd ask her that question," Frances stutters mechanically. The color drains from her face as Laney continues to glare menacingly.

"Sky and I play sisters so like all sisters we disagree sometimes, but it's nothing as dramatic as you've read," I reply, hoping it doesn't sound too rehearsed. Laney starts pulling me away. "Enjoy the movie, Frances!"

Why fight it? This is what people want to know -- not what I think of Mac Murdock. It's just a shame that Sky's and my personal relationship is so different from our onscreen one. On
FA,
our characters always stick up for each other. We shot an episode a few weeks ago where Sara charged a pair of $1,000 Manolo Blahnik butter-suede boots on Dad's credit card and he wigged out. Sam claimed the boots were hers, sacrificing her weekend plans so that her sister could go out on a date with this James Dean-like hottie she was crushing.

In real life, Sky would have charged the shoes to my account, called the tabloids, and told them I stole from her (even though I never could squeeze my hoofs into her size five boots).

After a few more pictures, Rodney, Laney, and I head inside the theater to take our seats.
Star Wars
premiered here. Maybe I'll be sitting in the same seat that Harrison Ford once sat in. Just the thought gives me goose bumps.

As Laney, Rodney, and I make our way past the Asian wall murals decorating the red- and gold-columned lobby, I spot my
FA
costar Trevor Wainright. He's shoveling butter popcorn in his mouth.

"Hey, beautiful," he beckons when he sees me, then gives me a big hug.

Right about now you're thinking the tabloids are right, I do like Trevor. Well, the answer is yes, but seriously, just as a friend. Trevor is a little too quiet for my taste. I prefer someone funnier and more dynamic, like ... um ... Han Solo.

FA
is Trevor's first role. When he arrived in Hollywood a year ago, fresh off a bus from Idaho, having left his whole family back on the potato farm, he was immediately snatched up by an agent. Trevor still needs help in the wardrobe department (tonight he's wearing a seersucker shirt and beat-up jeans), but looks-wise he's totally a California boy -- tall, blond, and blue-eyed with mega muscles. Must be all that hay he hauled.

"I'm glad you could make it, Trev." I smile genuinely, squeezing him back.

"Gosh, are you kidding, Kaitlin?" He takes another handful of popcorn. "Did you know they're giving away free food?"

"You don't say." I deadpan. Laney rolls her eyes and walks away. She's not too fond of Trevor, having tried to sign him as a client once, but he told her he didn't see the point of a publicist. I don't think he knows yet what a publicist does. Seeing Trevor's popcorn prompts Rodney to head over to the snack line to grab something himself.

"Seriously," Trevor continues his routine when Rodney walks away, "they're even giving out bonbons and gummy bears. Gummy bears are, like, four dollars a pack." I'm still laughing when I notice a blood red-manicured hand slip itself around Trevor's waist.

"I was wondering where you scooted off to, sweetie," Sky coos after planting a long wet kiss on Trevor's surprised face. Sky's wearing a black satin strapless dress with a corseted waist. "I told you to
wait
for me outside the ladies room."

What is
she
doing here?

Before I can say anything, Liz runs over and grabs my shoulders.

"Adam Brody is sitting two rows behind us!" she screeches, then looks at my blank face and turns around to see why I'm so pale. "Oh, hi, Sky," Liz coolly greets her, smoothing out a crease in her white linen dress. Liz accessorized it with a purple-and-yellow Pucci scarf that only she could pull off. "Who invited you?"

"Trev, of course," Sky answers flatly, turning her bony bare back to us to plant another kiss on Trev's beet red face. Poor guy. Give Sky two weeks and she'll have moved on to someone else, like she always does.

"When Trev told me he was coming to K's premiere, I asked who his date was." She flashes her trademark smirk. "When he said he didn't have one, I told him there was no way I was letting him do the red carpet alone. Everyone knows that's premiere suicide!" She looks from Liz to me. "Speaking of dates, who are you with, K?"

"ME," Liz states, taking a confident step forward.

I'm speechless. Suddenly I have comeback-itis. I can't form a single zinger. I can't believe Sky is crashing my movie premiere! Well, it's actually Mac's movie premiere, but I'm in the film too.

"Figures you would be here, Liz," Sky purrs. She takes Trevor's buttery popcorn from his hands and takes a step towards Liz and me. "You're always Kaitlin's date. I'm surprised the
Star
hasn't done a story on that yet. People are probably wondering why you two are always together." Sky grabs a fistful of the greasy popcorn. "Want some, K?" She holds the dripping kernels in front of my face. I move to swat her hand away, but they drop right down the front of my dress. "Oops!" she exclaims in mock horror.

I want to throw something, or yell that Sky is pulling yet another childish antic, but before I can freak out, Trevor swoops in with a packet of pre-moistened wipes. "Here." He offers them quickly. "I always carry these in my pocket in case of an emergency."

I pull the kernels out and dab the dress gingerly. Thankfully, there doesn't seem to be a stain. "Trev, you're a life-saver." I breathe a sigh of relief and shoot daggers at Sky. Where is Rodney when I need him?

"Funny how that happened though, isn't it, Kates," Liz comments, moving closer to Sky. Her face is wrinkled up in disgust. "When Sky is around, there's always a problem."

"It was just an accident," Trev protests, stepping between them.

"That's right, sweetie," Sky agrees innocently, looking up at him wide-eyed. "Maybe we should find our seats though before there's another one." Sky turns Trev around, slips one bejeweled hand into his back pocket, and steers him away.

"Can you believe her?" I whisper incredulously to Liz. I check my dress again. I have to remember to tell Nadine to buy thoses wipes.

"Kaitlin, the movie is going to start," Laney informs me, reappearing suddenly. She looks at my shell-shocked face. "What happened?"

"You missed the fireworks," Liz responds dryly. She quickly fills Laney in on the popcorn debacle as Rodney, carrying an assortment of snacks, helps us find our seats in the large auditorium.

"The nerve," Laney seethes as we walk past the beautiful Asian vases and statues that decorate the 2,000-seat theater. Even though the lights are dimmed, I recognize many industry folks seated nearby. Behind me I hear a fan call out, "HI, KAITLIN!" "Looking, good Samantha!" someone else screams.

"... showing up at your movie premiere," Laney is fuming in an undertone, spitting out her words in disgust. "She's unbelievable."

"I gave Trevor two tickets," I explain sheepishly, wiping my arm from Laney's wet rant, and take a seat next to Liz. Mom, Dad, and Matt are already seated and busy greeting everyone around us.

"Is Trevor a moron?" Laney asks, and then shakes her head. "Never mind, you just enjoy yourself. I'm going to find Barry Weinberg and tell him that we don't expect to see Sky at the after-party."

"I don't want to cause a scene," I protest. "I'll stay clear of her."

"I'll make sure she does," Liz promises. Liz hates Sky. Their dads are partners at the same entertainment law firm and Liz says Sky's father is always trying to steal Mr. Mendes's clients.

The theater lights start flickering to signal the movie starting. Laney mouths "stay put" and walks away to find her seat.

"We're so proud of you, honey," my dad leans over and whispers as the credits roll. Mac's name appears on the screen, and the audience cheers loudly. My name follows, and our whole row hollers along with the auditorium. It's an amazing feeling.

"Kates, did you see who's sitting in front of us?" Mom looks like she's going to have a conniption. "Hamilton Wein-berg." He's the head honcho at the hot new indie company, Famous Films. Everyone wants to work with him -- including me. "Make sure you go over and introduce yourself after this."

I smile weakly in the dark. It's going to be a long night.

Six:
The After-Party

I'm not sure if I should laugh right now or cry.

When the
Off-Key
closing credits begin to roll 136 minutes after the opening credits, and Mac Murdock's and my entourages are escorted out a side exit of the theater to thunderous applause, I start to hyperventilate. It's not because I could hear Sky's high-pitched cackle during the whole movie (she was a few rows behind me), or because I had just spent over two hours watching myself onscreen. The real reason for my freak-out is that I can't stop thinking about what's next on tonight's agenda -- the big talk about hiatus.

"Take deep breaths." Liz puts a firm hand on my shoulder as we're ushered inside the after-party. I exhale slowly. Okay, I
think
I'm ready to do this....

I lied. I want to throw up.

Well, at least I'll be sick somewhere fabulous. The LAX hangar where the
Off-Key
party is being held is lit almost entirely with tall white beeswax candles, and the fake-palm tree-bedecked dance floor is packed with people swaying to a Kanye West tune mixed by DJ-AM. Waiters are milling about the room dressed in Russian military uniforms, just like the one Mac steals to sneak onto the base where Kather-ine is being held captive. In a separate area is a piano bar where musicians are playing the same tunes Bo and Kather-ine practice during a scene in their Brooklyn loft.

Smack dab in the middle of the hangar, Liz and I are escorted to a reserved booth and given virgin "Macho Mac Margaritas."(Party planners think it's cute to come up with custom drinks named after the movie's stars. Tonight there's even a "Kaitlin Kola," which is vanilla-, raspberry-, and cherry-flavored Coke. It's actually pretty good.)

Nadine slides in the booth next to me. "Okay, I just saw your parents and Matt talking to Sandra Bullock," she murmurs, glancing around the room. "They should be making their way over here shortly. That is, unless Matt begs her to make
Miss Congeniality
3 with him as her costar."

I take another deep breath. "I can do this," I reassure Nadine and Liz. "What's the worst thing that can happen anyway?" An annoying laugh pierces my eardrum. The three of us turn to see where the noise is coming from and spot Sky and Trevor holding court with a reporter and camera crew from
Celeb Insider.

"Um, that Sky overhears you and sets out to singlehand-edly destroy your career?" Nadine offers brightly.

Liz nudges her. "That's
not
going to happen," she instructs us both.

"Of course not." I pluck the lime from my Macho Mac Margarita. "Sky's already got her tabloid story for the night." Liz and Nadine look confused. "Guys, how could you forget so quickly? Didn't you see me spill my popcorn all over her in the lobby? It's a good thing Trev was there to save her from my evil greasy clutches."

Liz giggles.

"I'm glad you two think this is funny." Nadine shakes her head. She stops suddenly and sits straight up in her seat. "Parental units, twelve o'clock," she whispers sharply. I look up and see my parents and Matt headed straight towards us.

"We just had the loveliest talk with Sandy Bullock," Mom announces as she slides into the booth. "She's a huge fan of
FA.
She said she hates summer Sunday nights because
FA
is in reruns. Sandy thinks you should have new episodes year-round."

"Maybe
then
Kaitlin could get me a part," Matt grumbles under his breath.

"Year-round?" Nadine repeats. "When would Kates have time to rest?" She steps on my foot a little too hard, considering she's wearing white Nine West stilettos. There's my segue.

"Time off is for people who don't have a hot career," Laney admonishes as she appears from behind a plastic palm tree. "Guess who I was just talking to?" We look at her dumbfounded. "Hutch Adams's agent," she shrills.

Hutch Adams. He's my absolute favorite director (not counting George Lucas, of course). All the big stars want to work with him. He does everything from smart dramas known for their witty dialogue to action-packed sci-fi fare with cyborgs and aliens -- done the right way. I especially like
Seeing Is Believing
and
Rock On.
(I've forgiven him for doing
High Stakes Part Deux.)

Mom squeals. "What did he say?"

"We were talking about Nobu," Laney starts off. "I said I had been there the other day with Sarah Jessica. We had her son James Wilkie with us, so we wanted something quiet for lunch. Asiade Cuba is just
too
loud. Anyway, Keith says he was just there with Hutchie and he's officially signed on to direct a sci-fi film for Wagman Brothers Studio. Are you ready for the best part?" Laney's French manicured fingernails tap the table dramatically. "The movie is shooting during hiatus and the lead is going to be a teenage girl! Kaitlin will
definitely
get an audition!"