Secrets of My Hollywood Life (7 page)

"Oh my God," I whisper. My head spins. I've wanted to work with Hutch forever, but this hiatus? No, I can't audition ... I
need
a break ... Oh God I'm confused. This wasn't how my conversation was supposed to go at all....

"What's the movie about?" Dad asks eagerly. "Do they need a producer?" He scratches the shiny bald spot on his head.

"The movie takes place in the distant future," Laney explains breathlessly, ignoring Dad's second question, "and it's about a young man and a woman who suddenly realize they're part of a government experiment. They're being bred to form a super-human race!"

"Have they cast the man, Laney?" Matt interjects. "I
love
sci-fi." Everyone starts talking at once.

"When does it start filming?" I ask quietly.

"June," Laney exclaims.
"Perfect timing.
Your press commitments will be done by then."

"A Hutch Adams project would be perfect for us, Kaitie-Kat," Dad says. "We need a strong vehicle this summer."

Hmm ... I could still go to Clark all of March and April and be free to do pre-production work in May. My schedule would be clear if Hutch wants me.... Who am I kidding? I don't even have an audition! Hutch Adams probably doesn't know who I am. "Speaking of my press commitments"-- I clear my throat, gripping my chair under the table -- "I wanted to talk about the hectic schedule."

"What about it, Kate-kins?" Dad bites into a juicy crab cake. "Laney makes it and you do it. She's a machine, this girl." Dad pats me on the back. "The more work, the better!"

"Actually, Kaitlin was just telling me how tired she is," Liz says, nudging me.

"Did you?" Mom asks me impatiently. "Now's not the time to be tired. We're talking about Hutch Adams here. What
we've
wanted for a long time."

"Liz, that's crazy!" Laney chuckles. "It's not like Kaitlin's working twenty-four-seven. She's on a soap series, for God's sake."

Everyone laughs. Even Matt, who has no clue what he's laughing about.

"I
do
work hard," I try to speak up, but not so loudly that people in nearby booths will hear me. "And I'll keep working hard. But I need some time off." I sit up straight. "And I'm going to take some this hiatus."

It's so quiet I can hear the
50
Cent tune that's being mixed in the background.

"We shouldn't be talking about this in public," Dad grunts. He loosens the blue-checkered Armani tie around his neck. "The competition could be listening."

"No one can hear us over
50
Cent, Dad," I remind him. "Now's the perfect time to talk."

"Sweetie, you're just tired," Mom says. "You don't need to change your hiatus plans. We gave you a week off before your press starts. That's plenty of time!"

"It's not, Mom." I look her in the eye. I pause and glance at Laney and Dad. "I need some time to do what I want to do this hiatus; otherwise I'll get burnt out --"

"You're not getting burnt out." Laney cuts me off. "Are you?" Did a shadow of doubt just cross her sun-kissed face?

"I will be if you keep pushing me like this." I'm surprised at the confident sound of my own voice. I glance at Nadine. She nods her red head for me to keep going. "You guys can't decide everything for me. This is my career and I think the best thing for it right now, with all this tabloid garbage and the stuff with Sky, is to take a breather."

"A breather is code for retirement!" Mom gasps, clutching her chest. "You're not thinking of retiring, are you? Because you have a three-year contract with
Family Affair.
You can't break that, Kaitlin, you just can't!" Matty rolls his eyes and fans her with his white linen napkin.

I want to remind Mom about Hollywood Secret Number Seven, but I think better of it. The word "retirement" doesn't exist in this town. Stars can be washed up, or overworked, or claim they want to spend the rest of their life sipping margaritas on St. Vincent -- but they always have a shot at returning to the bright lights if they want it enough. Look at John Travolta. After a string of movies about talking babies, the guy did
Pulp Fiction
for peanuts and totally revived his career. I'm not worried about mine though. Two months off is not going to kill it.

"I'm not retiring," I say firmly. "I'm just taking two months off to ..." Laney chokes on her Scotch (neat) and coughs explosively. "Go to school," I finish.

Everyone is quiet. Glasses clink as a waiter brings over a tray with Kaitlin Kolas. Mom grabs the Russian military officer's arm. "I'll have a sour apple martini. Make that two."

Dad blinks. "School? But... you study already. You have a tutor."

"No, Dad, I mean a
real
school," I correct him. "With classrooms and other kids. Not Monique and me perched in my dressing room summarizing evolution. I want a chance to be an ordinary teenager. I want to see what it's like to have homeroom, school dances, and gym class."

"And what are you going to do?" Matt snorts. "Just walk into the school and say, 'Hi, I'm Kaitlin Burke, I'd like to enroll here for a few months?' E! would be staking out the school in no time." My mother moans.

"That's right," Dad bellows. "You'd be too much of a distraction to the other students, Kaitie-kins."

"Shh!" Laney hisses, glancing around suspiciously.

"I already thought about that." I squeeze Liz's hand for support. "That's why I'm not enrolling as myself."

"Kaitlin, don't be silly," Mom shakes her platinum-blond head dismissively. "Just because you change your name doesn't mean people won't recognize you."

I open my mouth to speak and Laney cuts me off.

"Don't even say it! Don't even think it!" Laney shouts crazily. She seems to have forgotten where we are. And Laney
never
forgets that she's at an exclusive Hollywood party. "If you're thinking what I
think
you're thinking, it's suicide!"

I ignore her -- for the first time ever. "Everyone: I'm going to go to school in disguise."

"What? What's she talking about?" my Dad asks Matt.

"Beats me," Matt mutters, and reaches for a mini filet mignon on crispy bread.

My mom narrows her green eyes at Nadine and Liz. "Did you two put her up to this?"

"Kaitlin, listen to me." Laney looks around the room again nervously. She grabs my hands in hers and holds my gaze fiercely. "I can't believe we're discussing this here.... Okay, look, I understand you're a teenager and you want to do normal teen stuff once in a while." I nod. "But now is not the time to disappear. You've got tabloid rumors plaguing your every move and a costar out for blood. Now is not the time for games! If someone catches wind that you're disguising yourself to go to school, they'll think you're doing it because you're unhappy with your work. If people start believing that, Kaitlin, you'll never get another role!"

"Laney, no one is going to find out." I stare into her eyes, which are wide with horror. "I'm not dropping off the face of the earth. I just want to do what I want for a change this hiatus. I promise I'm going to do my press as well, and be seen, and do everything."

Laney raises one razor-thin eyebrow doubtfully. "Well, how do you expect to do that?"

I look at Liz again, and then launch into my foolproof plan. My words tumble out so quickly that they don't even interrupt me, almost. How I'll only be going to class in March and April, all the while keeping my press commitments, which would be scheduled around classes. How I'll be enrolling as a sophomore at Liz's school, so I won't be going alone. How I plan on staying in the public eye and going to select events. Dad gets a little crazy about the security issue, but I reassure him by promising that Rodney will chap-erone my trips to and from school. Laney's big concern is the disguise itself, so I tell her that she can have approval over it. That seems to calm her down. A little.

"I want Paul and Shelly to come on board and supervise your look," she demands. She runs her long fingers through her hair. "I can't believe I'm even entertaining this."

"You have to." Liz slurps her kola. "You work for
her."
I kick her under the table.

Laney purses her plump lips. The table is silent for a minute. "I'm going to be watching you like a hawk, Kaitlin," Laney finally mutters. "Remember that. But I'll support you as long as you promise you won't tell
anyone
who you really are."

"Why would I do that?" I ask. "Liz is the only one who will know."

"Who can guess why?" Laney says, narrowing her black eyes at Liz. "You could meet some guy and want to spill your life story, but I'm warning you, don't do it."

"I won't. I'll be too busy for guys anyway." I try to suppress a grin. Once Laney caves, Dad and Matt aren't far behind. I can't believe it.
They're all actually listening to me!
Everyone looks somewhat placated, except for Mom. "Mom?" I reach for her hand. "Say something."

She sighs and pulls her arm away. "I don't understand this, Kaitlin. I just don't. We do everything for this career and now you're ... I don't know what you're doing."

"We'll keep up my social calendar," I reassure her. "You can talk to everyone in town about what parties I need to attend while I'm off, okay?"

She takes a big gulp of her martini. "I guess I do know about all the best events," she murmurs almost to herself. She says, playing with the olive in the bottom of her glass, "Okay. I'll say yes to this school diversion on one condition only -- that you audition for the Hutch Adams movie."

I bite down hard on my lower lip. "I don't even know I'll
get
an audition," I start to protest.

"We'll worry about that." Mom looks at Laney and Dad. "But if you get the audition and the movie, you leave school. Got it?"

I would never turn down Hutch Adams. But the likelihood I'd get a part is slim. He'll probably cast some hot twentysomething actress who
looks
sixteen instead of hiring an actual teen. "Got it." I lean over and plant a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you!"

"At least she hasn't totally lost her mind," Laney growls. Mom slides her remaining martini over to Laney, and she drains the whole thing down in one gulp.

I can't believe it.
It's really happening!
I turn to Liz.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I whisper.

"Nothing, it's Saturday," she whispers back. "Why?"

"We're going shopping." I can't stop smiling. "I need a whole new wardrobe for Clark Hall."

Seven:
Makeover Central

"Hello?" I mumble into my sparkly green cordless phone that was buried under my comforter.

"KAITLIN? ARE YOU AWAKE YET?" Laney shouts in my ear.

I turn over and look at my
Revenge of the Sith
alarm clock. It's 9:15 AM the morning after the
Off-Key
premiere.

"Um, yeah, I am now."

"GOOD, BECAUSE I JUST SPOKE TO YOUR NEW SCHOOL."

"Laney, why are you yelling?"

"I'M GOING THROUGH COLD WATER CANYON. THE PHONE IS BREAKING UP."

"Oh." I yawn. "Did you just say you spoke to Clark Hall?"

"YES. MRS. PEARSON, THE PRINCIPAL. YOUR MOM WANTED ME TO CALL AND EXPLAIN THE SITUATION. YOU START NEXT MONDAY AND ... HEY!" I hear Laney's car horn beep like mad. "THIS ISN'T SENIOR CITIZEN DAY! SPEED IT UP!"

"LANEY!" I shout into the phone, trying to get her attention. "Did you just say I start next week?" I can feel my stomach start to ache immediately. I don't have anything ready yet. No disguise, no clothes. No fake life story. "Next week?"

"YES. NEXT WEEK. NO TIME TO WASTE, KAITLIN. HUTCHIE'S MOVIE STARTS JUNE FIFTEENTH. DID YOU GET THE SCRIPT FROM YOUR AGENT YET?"

"You just told me about it last night."

"OH RIGHT. GET IT. I HEAR IT'S BRILLIANT."

"Okay." Now my heart is racing too. "But Laney, what did you tell this woman. Mrs. Who?"

"PEARSON. STRANGE WOMAN. WANTED YOUR TRANSCRIPTS AND TO TALK TO YOUR TUTOR, BUT OTHERWISE YOU'RE ALL SET. SHE SAID YOU CAN REGISTER UNDER ANOTHER NAME, GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES, AND SHE'LL SIGN A CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT. BELIEVE ME; SHE'LL BE SORRY IF SHE BREAKS IT."

I'll bet. "Okay."

"GO STRAIGHT TO HER OFFICE NEXT MONDAY MORNING. GET THERE BY EIGHT. SCHOOL'S OUT THIS WEEK FOR SPRING RECESS, BUT I TOLD HER WE'D CALL AND LET HER KNOW YOUR NEW ALIAS AND ..." I hear tires screeching in the background. "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD SIGNAL WHEN YOU CHANGE LANES?"

"Thanks, Laney."

"YEAH, WELL, I DON'T LIKE THIS, AND YOU'RE
STILL
DOING PRESS.
THE TONIGHT SHOW
TAPES NEXT WEDNESDAY, BY THE WAY. NADINE IS PREPARING THE REST OF YOUR SCHEDULE AS WE SPEAK BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO JUGGLE BOTH KAITLIN, NO ..."

"Laney?" I hear a dial tone.

I lie down again and pull the soft down comforter over my head. Just as I close my eyes, the door creaks open.

"Kaitlin, get up."

It's Liz. She pulls my warm down blanket off me.

"Hey," I say, yawning. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? What are
you
doing in bed? We have a ton of work to do!" Liz sits down next to me, bouncing on the mattress. "You said you wanted to go shopping."

"Yeah, but Fred Segal doesn't open till ten," I gripe.

"Fred Segal? You aren't wearing anything from Fred Segal," Liz corrects me, jumping up. "Nadine is out at Discount World right now picking some clothes up."

"Discount World?" I bite my lip. "I didn't know Discount World sells ... clothes."

"Yep, apparently so." Liz rummages for my robe in my still-packed luggage. She finds it and pulls it out. "Here, throw this on. Everyone is waiting downstairs. We're going to create the new you."

Wow, for people who wanted no part of my idea, they sure got on board quickly. I throw on the green robe and slide into my fuzzy slippers. I can't help smiling.

"What are you grinning at?" Liz asks.

"You. Laney. Mom. You're ... all... so ..."

"So
...?"