See Dick Cook: A Culinary Voyage for the Average Man (4 page)

Dicks Tips

Find yourself some good pita wedges as they taste the best with this dish. To serve, place a napkin on a small glass plate then rest the hot dish out of the oven onto the napkin. This will keep it from sliding around.

Good Shit Baked Brie

I struggled to name this dish for months when one night a fellow 'Dick' takes a bite and exclaims to a patio full of people, "This is good shit". Nope, can't top that.

Procedure

Immerse a cedar plank in water prior to starting this recipe to prevent burning of the wood.

Prepare your brie. This isn't difficult Dick so pay attention. Lay the brie down on the table and using a small paring knife, trace a circle around the top of the brie leaving about a ¼ inch lip on the outside edge. Just cut enough to pierce the rind. Next, trace out equal "pie slices" from within the circle, then gently peel away each slice to expose the top of the brie. Be careful to cut as little of the soft inner cheese as possible. Set aside.

Go outside and spark up the barbecue to medium heat so that it's ready when you are.

Now, finely chop the red pepper, shallot and garlic.

In a small frying pan, add olive oil and melt the butter on medium heat. Add the peppers and shallot, then sauté for five minutes or until mixture begins to soften. Next add garlic and Montreal Steak Spice, then cook for another two minutes.

Now add the wine, reduce heat and simmer for 10 more minutes until the wine is reduced and mixture is thick.

Spread mixture on top of the brie, keeping within the perimeter Dick, and place in the center of your cedar plank.

Turn off either the center our outside burner of your barbecue and place the cedar plank over the section of the barbecue that is NOT lit. Close the lid, and have a
spray bottle with water handy to occasionally spray the cedar plank as the brie cooks.

Cook for approximately 20 minutes, or until Brie is soft in the center. Keep an eye on it Dick because if it cooks too long the outside edge will give way and your brie will look like a busted above ground swimming pool.

Remove from heat, and place in the center of a small serving plate. Serve with Triscuit or your favourite crackers.

Servings: 4

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Easy

Preparation Time: 25 minutes

Cooking Time: 20 minutes

Total Time: 45 minutes

Dicks Tips

You can buy cedar planks dirt cheap at most grocery stores in the seafood department. They provide an amazing smoked flavor to dishes. If you don't have a barbeque, get one. You're a man for the love of God. In the meantime, you can cook the brie in the oven on a baking sheet instead at 375° F for 20 minutes, or until it appears soft and jiggly.

I'm The Man Hamburgers with Sautéed Onions

Every respectable Dick needs a good burger recipe and this is it. Super simple with high-speed taste.

Procedure

Combine lean ground beef, soup mix, eggs, bread crumbs, your favorite barbecue sauce and some Montreal Steak Spice in a large bowl and mix well with hands.

Form into good sized patties and place in a baking dish or shallow container, then refrigerate for at least an hour.

Shortly before barbecuing, thinly slice your cooking onions and place in a small sauce pan with butter and sugar. Cook on medium heat, stirring occasionally until onions are soft and slightly opaque (clear looking). This will take about 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, spark up the barbee to medium heat and throw on your burgers. Be sure to flip them every five minutes or so for about twenty minutes.

Melt your favorite cheese on the patties just before removing from the barbecue and spoon some of the sautéed onions over top. Serve with some fresh buns (Kaisers are good) and your condiments of choice.

Servings: 8

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Very easy

Preparation Time: 20 minutes

Cooking Time: 20 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour

Dicks Tips

The Dick Factor: Don't be a boring Dick with your cheese choice either. Why not try some Jalapeno Monterey Jack or Havarti slices instead? Go ahead, be crazy. And for you garlic lovers, opt for the Roasted Garlic Onion Soup Mix if you can find it. This serves well with Corn on a Bender and some Manly Macaroni Salad, not to mention it makes for great leftovers.

Love Slugs

Okay Dick, nothing says romance like Escargot. Historically used as an aphrodisiac, if you can't get your date warmed up with snails, then you might be on your own.

Procedure

In a small dish, mix together Dick's Garlic Butter, parsley, pepper and nutmeg. Set aside until ready to use.

Preheat oven to 350° F.

Wash mushrooms and remove stems. (See
tips Dick
). Rinse and drain your snails.

In a medium sized sauce pan bring the butter and wine to a boil. Reduce heat then add the mushrooms and snails to the boiling wine and simmer for two minutes.

Remove from heat and strain mushrooms and snails with a strainer in the sink. Allow to cool until mushrooms can be handled. (About five minutes)

Lay each mushroom hollow side up, on a shallow baking dish. Place a snail into each mushroom cap. Then, using a teaspoon, spoon a scoop of Dick's Garlic Butter mixture into each mushroom, until level with the top of caps.

Sprinkle the top of the stuffed caps with the shredded cheese and place in oven, baking at 350° for 20 minutes, or until cheese is bubbling.

Remove from oven and serve on their own or with some thinly sliced garlic toasts. (A baguette would be a good choice here Dick.)

Servings: 2

Yield: 12

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Easy

Oven Temperature: 350°F

Preparation Time: 25 minutes

Cooking Time: 20 minutes

Total Time: 45 minutes

Dicks Tips

Taking the stems off of mushrooms is a snap Dick but make sure your mushrooms are fresh. Gently snap off the stem and discard. Then, with a small spoon, lightly scrape the inside of the mushroom to remove all remnants of the stem, leaving a small hollow for your slugs. And remember that a 'dash' is a single shake of the spice container.

Nascar Nachos

Having the guys over for the big race? Well Dick you gotta feed them, and this hits the Winner’s Circle with most. So heat up the oven, chill the beer and warm up the big screen.

Procedure

In a medium sized skillet (fry pan), brown the ground beef on medium high heat. Drain any excess fat.

Add the water, taco seasoning mix and salsa to the pan, and simmer on low heat until the mixture is thick (about 20 minutes).

In the meantime, preheat your oven to 350° F. If you don't have a baking dish that you can serve the nachos right out of, line a shallow pan or cookie sheet with tinfoil so that they can be easily lifted out onto a serving platter. This also makes for an easier clean up as melted cheese is a pain in the ass to clean.

Arrange a layer of nacho chips on the bottom of your baking dish. Spoon your hamburger mixture over layer and then top with some shredded cheese. Sprinkle with some green onion, tomato and jalapeño peppers, then repeat process with another layer of nachos. Depending on the size of your baking dish, you should get between three and four layers.

Bake nachos in the oven for approximately 15 minutes or until cheese is melted and nachos are slightly browned.

Serve immediately to all your pals with some sour cream, salsa and guacamole for dipping. Enjoy the race.

Servings: 6

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Easy

Oven Temperature: 350°F

Preparation Time: 40 minutes

Cooking Time: 15 minutes

Total Time:

Dicks Tips

The Dick Factor: Substitute the ground beef mixture with three cups of left over Chili on a Bender for a different twist. For a healthier version, skip the ground beef all together and throw on three cups of diced cooked chicken.

Pigs and Popper's

This is a great appetizer Dick, but make sure your guests like it hot.

Procedure

Preheat the oven to 450° F.

Cut the stem off of your peppers and then cut them in half lengthwise. Rinse with water to ensure all the seeds are removed. (These seeds are crazy hot and will burn your mouth if left in).

Spoon cream cheese into each pepper and then cover with the grated cheddar.

Wrap each pepper with a strip of bacon, being sure to cover the cream cheese filling as much as possible.

Place the poppers on a baking sheet sprayed with non-stick cooking spray and bake for 15 minutes or until bacon is fully cooked.

Remove from oven and allow to cool for about five minutes before serving. Serve on their own or with some ranch dressing on the side as a dipping sauce.

Servings: 4

Yield: 12

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Very easy

Oven Temperature: 450°F

Preparation Time: 10 minutes

Cooking Time: 15 minutes

Inactive Time: 5 minutes

Total Time: 30 minutes

Dicks Tips

You may want to practice safe cooking and throw on some rubber gloves here Dick. If you choose not to, be very careful with your hands during and after cooking. Any touching of your eyes or other 'sensitive parts' could prove a tad bit uncomfortable.