See Dick Cook: A Culinary Voyage for the Average Man (9 page)

Dicks Tips

Halloom cheese is a semi-soft cheese that is designed for grilling as it will keep its shape and resist melting so long as you cook it slow enough and at a moderate heat. I guarantee you that your guests will be raving about it. It will be found in the specialty cheese section of the deli and will be wrapped in a folded cube. Unfold the cheese and cut each half into six equal pieces. Don't try to cut these too small or they'll fall right off the skewer Dick.

If you don't have time to whip up your own Dick's Tzatziki Sauce then you will find the store bought varieties with all of the other special dips and sauces also near the deli section of the grocery store Dick. This is a must for this recipe as it's great as a dip for your kabobs, or should I say ShishkaDicks.

Stick a Fork In It Porchetta Roast

When it's done, it's done Dick. This slow cooked pork roast will give you all day to figure out your next steps. Tomorrow is another day.

Procedure

In a small food processor, puree olive oil, garlic, rosemary, oregano, salt, fennel seeds, peppercorns, and red pepper flakes to form a paste.

Rub mixture all over the pork shoulder and cover with saran wrap. Allow pork to marinate in the refrigerator overnight Dick. A good 24 hours if you can manage to plan ahead.

Remove the pork from the fridge the next day about 2 hours prior to cooking it and allow to warm.

Turn the crock-pot on to high setting.

In a large frying pan over medium heat, sear all sides of the pork. About two minutes a side Dick. Remove pork and place in the crock-pot,

Add your wine and chicken broth to the frying pan and bring to a low boil for five minutes, combining the remaining juices from the pan.

Now add the wine and broth to the crock-pot. Cover and cook for one hour on high. Reduce the crock-pot temperature to medium and cook for another 5 - hours.

Servings: 8

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Moderately difficult

Preparation Time: 30 minutes

Cooking Time: 6 hours

Total Time: 6 hours and 30 minutes

Dicks Tips

Some Gold Digger Scalloped Potatoes would be a great side for this meat. Leftovers, if there are any, can be used for pulled pork sandwiches.

We're Better Off Friends Fettuccini

Making the transition to 'friends with benefits' can be tricky Dick. Lucky for you this dish isn't tricky at all. Now you just have to figure out how to broach the subject...

Procedure

Cook your fettuccine in a large pot of boiling salted water, or according to package directions until desired consistency is reached. Drain pasta keeping about ¼ cup of the liquid.

In a medium sized sauce pan over medium-high heat, melt your butter and add shallots. Sauté for about five minutes or until they begin to soften. Watch your heat here Dick. If your butter starts to brown, turn it down.

Reduce heat to medium low and add your cream, garlic, salt and pepper. Bring sauce to a low simmer, ensuring it doesn't reach a full boil. Stir this often Dick and simmer for 5 - 10 minutes or until sauce thickens.

Now add the cream cheese, parmesan and Romano cheese. (If you opt for the Dick Factor this is when you would add your meat.) Stir for 2 -3 minutes until cheeses are melted and well blended with the sauce.

Now take your pasta and put it back into the pot it was cooked in. Cooking over medium-high heat add your sauce to the pot and stir to completely coat your pasta. If your sauce is too thick for your liking here Dick, just add some of the liquid I told you to keep from when you cooked the pasta until your desired consistency is reached.

You'll want to serve this immediately Dick because it cools fast. Spoon generous portions onto the plates and sprinkle the top with some chopped fresh parsley.

Now...where were we?

Servings: 4

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Easy

Preparation Time: 15 minutes

Cooking Time: 20 minutes

Total Time: 35 minutes

Dicks Tips

If you can find it, some fresh pasta would be great here as opposed to the boxed versions.

Dick Factor: To really impress throw in 2 cups of cooked diced chicken breast or shrimp. Hell - throw them both in, and serve with Dick's Bread n' Butter.

Splitsville Pea Soup

Splitsville...population one. Nothing warms the soul like some hot soup with hot sausage. This should last you the week while you lick your wounds, and the bowl.

Procedure

In a large soup pot, melt butter and olive oil together on medium heat.

Add onion, carrots, celery and garlic then sauté until tender, about 10 minutes.

Increase heat to high and add chicken broth, water and parsley.

Using a strainer, rinse peas in cold water and then add to soup pot, bringing to a boil. Boil on high for 10 minutes then reduce heat to low.

Add sausage and salt and pepper to taste. Simmer on low for at least one hour, stirring occasionally to allow soup to thicken.

Servings: 10

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Easy

Preparation Time:

Cooking Time: 1 hour and 20 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour and 20 minutes

Dicks Tips

If you don't feel like eating soup all week Dick, this one freezes well. Get yourself some of those single serving disposable plastic containers at the grocery store and freeze some bowls. When you get a hankering just thaw one out in the microwave.

COOKING WITH HOOCH

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
~ W.C. Fields

Beer Me Cheddar Soup

This is a great soup with a little kick to serve on its own, or as an appetizer. Use your favorite beer Dick, but I would recommend sticking to the paler ales.

Procedure

Using a large sauce pan (soup pot), melt butter on medium heat. Add onions and garlic and sauté for five minutes.

Next add Worcestershire, cayenne, mustard, salt and white pepper, cooking for an additional five minutes. Add the flour and stir constantly for one minute, until bubbling.

Gradually stir in the broth, cream and beer and cook until thickened, stirring constantly.

Add your cheeses and stir until melted. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring frequently until ready to serve. Try not to let the soup come to a full boil.

Servings: 8

Dick’s Difficulty Gauge: Moderately difficult

Preparation Time:

Cooking Time: 30 minutes

Total Time: 30 minutes

Dicks Tips

When stirring in flour Dick, it tends to clump up. An easy trick to smooth things out is to use a wire whisk here instead of a spoon. Also, milk products will burn easily and stick to the bottom of the pan if the heat is too high and it sits too long. (And it's a nightmare to clean.) So have your final ingredients on hand, close to the stove so that you can stir the soup constantly.

Your mustard spice and will be in the spices section Dick. The Worcestershire and white pepper should already be in your cupboard since they’re Dick Staples, but if not you'll find the Worcestershire in the condiments section by the sauces. The Dick Factor: Fancy this up by serving with fresh parsley or some Dick's Croutons floating on the soup bowl.

Chili on a Bender

Okay Dick, this is a little more challenging...not hard, just time consuming but perfect for your Super Bowl Party. So grab yourself a couple of beers (one for you, one for the chili), put on some tunes and prepare to make a kick ass pot of chili.