See How She Runs (9 page)

“We thought that it would be best if you did
not really remember me. It would make it hard for you when you got
older to treat me like a peer or a friend. If we had known back
when you were born that I would be your Guardian, I would never
have stayed as long as I did. We are meant to be the same age as
the one we protect. So when I left, I took the memories of a girl
that radiated sunshine and you were left with vague memories of a
family friend." He went back to eating without saying anything
more.

For a while we sat in silence. Both lost in
our own memories. But a question that kept tugging at my mind would
go unanswered no longer.

“Wasn’t it weird for you though, I mean to
see me again and have to act like you didn’t know me? Don’t you see
me like the five year old you left, the daughter of your best
friend? I just don’t know how we are meant to be on equal footing
when you have borne witness to my entire life. You still have all
of the memories that were taken from me." I looked at him, hoping
my question was not a foolish one. With everything else happening,
it somehow seemed petty to even spend time thinking about it.

“I was afraid it would be. After Grams died,
I knew that I had to come back into the picture. That first night
you came into the bar, I immediately knew it was you. The same hair
as your mother, the same eyes as your father, and the same sense of
lightness that seems to cling to you, I knew. But you were so
different from the last time I saw you. I did not watch you grow
up, I couldn’t or I would have aged as well. So I got reports from
Grams and from everyone else. I knew how well you did in school,
and all of the little events that made up your life. But I was not
witness to you. Just the events." He got up from his chair and
moved toward the kitchen. I could see him weighing his next words
and wondered what would come next.

“Izzy, I do have the memories of a little
girl, a bright ray of sunshine. You were always so happy as a
child. I think that I only ever saw you cry twice. But the you that
came into the bar, you aren’t the same person. You had not lost the
sunshine, but you were grown. You were a woman, tempered by loss
and tragedy. Your brightness not gone but dulled by a life of loss.
Even right after you lost Grams and came down to the bar, you still
had a sense of optimism that I would have recognized anywhere."

He walked back over toward me and placed his
finger under my chin tilting me to face him.

“Make no mistake Izzy, I do not see you as
the child I left." He looked at me a moment longer with a fire
burning in his eyes before releasing me and heading out the door
once more. I could swear that I heard him mutter something about
complications before he left.

Alone with the unspoken promises in Kennan’s
eyes, I was forced to distract myself with something mundane like
the dishes. I stood up and moved into the kitchen, taking my plates
with me. As I got to the sink, I was struck by a wave a nausea so
strong I doubled over, dropping and shattering the dish . Just as I
felt the wave of nausea subside, my head suddenly felt as though
every synapse was firing simultaneously. I yelled out as the
overwhelming pain threatened to pull me under. I fell to the floor
as my consciousness slipped to somewhere far away.

**********

TEN

There was screaming. Everywhere I looked
there were people running, horrified. I looked around and saw that
I was standing in the middle of a highway. Directly in front of me
was a bridge, or at least there used to be one. In its place was a
yawning chasm breathing fire and smoke. The wide gap was
accompanied by a cacophony of wails that spoke of unimaginable loss
and horror. I attempted to talk to the people surrounding me, but
it seemed I was but a phantom in all of the chaos.

I got confused. Why could no one hear me?
How did I even get here? I yelled as loudly as I could in an effort
to attract someone’s attention. How could I be saved if no one
could even see me?

I moved to the edge of the chasm and looked
across to the other side. There, standing in all of the wreckage,
with a smile upon his face, was Xavier. He looked across the divide
and smiled. His smile chilled my blood and seeped into my soul,
turning it to frost.

Then he whispered, “Tell me where you are.
You can be with your mother once more. Don’t fight me, Little One.
We don’t have to be enemies."

I had no time to think how I could hear his
whisper across such a great distance. Instead I turned to flee. My
only concern was getting as far from him as I possibly could. As I
ran, I glanced back behind me to make sure I was not being
pursued.

I ran into something solid that wrapped its
arms around me. I screamed out, sure that Xavier had caught me.

“
I’ve got you, Izzy. Come back to me,"
the wall said.

I looked up to see not Xavier, but
Kennan.

“
It’s not real, Izzy. It is but a vision.
Calm yourself and come back to me. Reach for the now. You can see
it. Just reach out and grab it.”

I looked around, trying to find what he was
talking about, and I saw a glowing path. It was like a stream,
flowing through the vision. I waded into it and I felt myself rush
away.

**********

I was lying on the kitchen floor,
disoriented. I felt the sorrow of the wreck, the memories pressed
in on me. I looked up to find Kennan, sitting on the floor leaning
against the cabinets. His giant hand gently stroked my hair. My
mouth felt full of cotton, causing the formation of words to be a
challenge.

“What happened?”

“You had a vision. I am so sorry I was not
there when you went in. I got there as fast as I could." I noticed
the look of strain on his face, and wondered how much it cost
him.

“How?" the only word I was able to utter. I
hoped that he was able to understand what I was asking without much
more explanation. I was afraid that my mouth might have quit
working all together at this point.

“If you are asking how I got in, well to be
honest I don’t understand how it works. I know that I have been
witness to your dreams since you were a child. The only ones I
can’t see are those between you and your mother. That is how I knew
you were still having the visions, dreams, whatever you want to
call them about her. Anytime you would have them, I would be
unceremoniously kicked to the curb. But as to how I physically got
there today, well that has never happened before. I came in when I
heard you scream, and you were shaking on the floor. It took a lot
to get there, but I think next time it will be easier. I had to get
you back. I told you, I will come for you, always," he said, while
still gently stroking my hair.

“Did you see him?" I asked, the fear evident
in the shaking of my voice.

“Who? All I saw was the bridge collapse and
you in a disoriented panic.”

“He was there Kennan, I don’t know how.
Maybe he jacked into my mom’s vision or something, but he was
there. He told me not to fight him. He promised that I could be
with my mom again." Tears began streaming down my face once more.
There had to be some limit to what a person was able to cry in one
day. This was just getting out of hand.

“I did not see him. You have to know that it
is lies. You know that right?" his voice gently pleaded.

“I know. I am not going to say the thought
of being with her is not tempting. I would be lying to say I don’t
want to be surrounded by her warmth once more. But I know I would
end up strapped to a machine just like her. What do we do about the
wreck I saw?" Changing the subject seemed to be for the best.
Repress and move forward.

“Did you see anything that would help you
know what date it was or where the bridge was located?”

“No, I was too panicked. I did not even know
I was in a vision. It was so real. How am I supposed to help people
if I don’t even know I am having visions?”

“You will get used to it, I promise. Did you
finish reading your mom’s letters? Maybe there is something in
there that could help?”

“Nope, only got through the one. Honestly, I
don’t know if I have it in me to deal with anything else today.
When I opened the first, I had a weird vision of her right before
she wrote it. Then with what just happened, I feel like my brain
has been liquefied. Am I allowed to take medicine, or does that
mess with the mojo?" I asked in earnest, hoping to bring some
relief to my now throbbing head.

“Go lie on the couch and I will bring you
something." He stood to rummage through some of the cabinets.

As I stood, my legs betrayed me. Quicker
than I could track, Kennan was there once again, scooping me up in
his arms. I guessed I should argue with the whole caveman routine,
but seeing as my legs decided to go on vacation, I was not going to
complain. He gently lay me on the couch before returning to his
search. A few seconds later I heard, “Victory.”

“Here you go, Red," he said, handing me two
pills. “Why don’t we call it a day and just relax for a while? We
can watch one of your movies if you want?”

I swallowed the pills praying for relief. I
did not even question what they were. At this point he could be
tranquilizing me and I would not care. This, as it turned out, was
in the running for the worst birthday ever. It was up there with my
parents dying days before my ninth birthday, or my Grams dying a
little over a week beforehand. Between the bad guys, the
kidnapping, the visions, and the unending supply of tears, I was
willing to call it a day.

“So, what will it be, birthday girl?" Kennan
asked, obviously trying to cheer me up and take my mind off of my
suddenly derailed life.

“I am thinking it is a
Jane Eyre
sort
of a night. It seems appropriate for the sort of day I am having."
I leaned back on the pillows finally feeling some relief.

As I nestled into the couch and made myself
comfy under my mother’s quilt, Kennan set the tablet up so that we
could watch the movie. After getting everything situated, he came
and lifted my head up, sliding underneath to become my pillow. He
started gently stroking my hair once again, and I was struck by the
gentleness of something so rough and large. He bent his massive
frame over and kissed me on my forehead like a thousand times
before, but this time he lingered, turning it into something full
of unspoken promises.

“Happy birthday, Red," he whispered, as I
started to go fuzzy around the edges. My last thought was that
those pills were made of magic.

**********

I awoke with a start and blushed violently.
No longer was Kennan my pillow. I heard him in the kitchen moving
about. Thanking God for the time to compose myself, and praying to
anyone listening he had not witnessed my dreams. He had just been
the leading man in a very graphic and detailed dream that was
anything but G rated.

I looked around the cabin trying to figure
out what time it was. Outside was not much help, the constant
drizzle made the sun an ineffective indicator. I looked at the
clock and noticed it was around four in the afternoon. Still dazed,
but grateful for the reprieve of the medicine and the time spent
unconscious, I decided to shake it all off and start moving
forward. No more tears, no more pity parties. Not even if there
were an imaginary piñata. I threw the best pity parties. Onward and
upward. Or wherever we were going.

“Don’t think that you got out of watching
the movie, Kennan. It totally does not count if I was asleep for
the whole thing," I said groggily as I wrapped the blanket around
my shoulders and trudged over to the table.

I decided to just ignore the dream and
pretend it never happened. Repression would be the key to my sanity
it seemed. I was sure it would all come back to bite me in my
hindquarters soon, but for now it was working.

“I said one movie, it is not my fault you
slept through the whole thing, Homey," he said, taking something
out of the oven.

“I thought we had discussed your lack of
gangster already. Do I need to put up the intervention banner
again, Kennan?” I deadpanned. “I am concerned that you are not
aware of how awkward it sounds when you use phrases like 'Homey' or
'G'."

He looked over his shoulder at me and stuck
out his tongue. A sight to see on an over six foot, tattooed,
mountain man. A very yummy mountain man. Alright, and moving
on.

Repress, repress, repress. That should be my
mantra.

“Fine, oh Izzy, the glorious. See if I ice
this for you when it cools off. Birthday or not, you can’t be
knockin’ my slang."

I peered around him and noticed that it was
a cake that he had taken out of the oven. More importantly, a
strawberry cake. My absolute favorite. I was not above begging or
groveling, especially when cake was involved. This birthday was
starting to look up.

I put on my best groveling tone and even
threw in some sad eyes.

“Oh mighty K.O., purveyor of delicious baked
treats, I apologize profusely for my inability to comprehend the
extent of your street cred. Please forgive me, and maybe ice that
cake as a show of your forgiveness?" I smiled hugely, hoping that I
did not look too desperate for the cake.

“Your giant eyes of sadness don’t fool me
woman, you just want the cake. I have lived with you long enough to
know better than to deny you baked goods."

He snickered before flipping the cake out of
the pan. It seemed being around for a few hundred years had taught
him to cook well.

“I was hoping to get this finished before
you woke up so that I could surprise you. But no, you had to go and
ruin the surprise.”

“I can go back to sleep and wake up in a
while."