Selling the Drama (42 page)

"Anyway," Royce continued. "I felt sorry for
Iris. Really sorry. She was a fine girl, only fourteen too. So
young. I gave her my number so we could keep in touch, just in case
she ever needed someone. I don't know, I suppose I liked her back
then, maybe I just felt sorry for her; I know I felt bad that she
was headed off with that handful of cash and nothing more." Royce
paused, clearing his throat, working at the collar of his shirt.
"Anyway, fate would have it, Iris kept in touch. Her family moved
to Queensland, and I decided when I was twenty that I would move
too, so I sought her out. We got to know each other properly and
got together."

Toby cleared his own throat, finding his
voice. "Was the other woman from that summer my mother?"

Royce nodded. "Yes. She met up with your
father later on, while they were both at uni. She remembered him,
he remembered her; you know the rest of that story. But she was
still in contact with Iris, even though Iris had moved. They'd been
best friends all their lives, after all. It affected Iris deeply,
coming to terms with your parent's relationship. That's the first
time I saw how much she still carried a torch for your dad. A
summer fling. And he'd blown her off too. I couldn't understand it,
so I ignored it. But all those years later, when I saw how she
pined for you, because you reminded her of him, I decided that I
just wasn't going to put up with it. It was ridiculous. Absurd. And
it hurt. So I left her." He paused, looking down at the floor with
his next words. "And Charlotte too. And I regret hurting Charlotte;
but like I said, she was grown up, and she had you."

Toby gripped the window sill behind him, the
wood digging into his hands. An idea was forming within his mind;
an idea that changed so much. "Iris didn't get that abortion, did
she?" he asked, knowing the answer before Royce even gave it.

"Of course not. Her parents took the baby as
their own. That's why they moved. No one to know. It was more
common than you might think, back in those days."

"So, Jenna, is both my sister and
Charlotte's, at the same time?"

Royce nodded. "Yeah. But she doesn't know
that. Her birth certificate has her grandparents listed as her
parents. They made Iris have a home birth and paid off the midwife.
You have to understand though, Iris was only fifteen when Jenna was
born. She didn't really have a choice, and her parents were willing
to bring Jenna up. They'd always wanted more kids; it suited
everyone. I only knew because I had been a part of it at the
start."

Toby turned again, back to facing out the
window, resting his forehead against the glass. He closed his eyes;
his head hurt. His stomach was churning. He had a clear moment of
seeing Iris in his head, telling him that day, after Royce had
gone, that it was Jenna's fault. But that was so not the case. It
was his. In a roundabout way that he had no control over. And it
was not that he blamed himself for Royce leaving, that would be
incredibly naive, but the awareness was still there, and with that
knowledge came a weight, one that he feared might be too heavy to
bear. He knew too much now. Far too much. And he did not have a
clue what to do about it.

"I want you to leave. Now." He did not turn
around.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to
tell Iris you found me?" Royce's voice sounded panicked.

"I don't know. I need you to leave," he
repeated. "I wish I'd never seen you out here," he muttered.

"You and me both," Royce replied softly.

Toby heard the door click moments later.

PART FOUR

What it All Comes Down To

Charlotte watched as Ellie cradled a
sleeping Danielle, her hand gently stroking the baby soft hair,
that look in her eyes, the one that spoke of a barely disguised
misery. Her heart ached for her friend; here she was, having babies
left, right, and centre, and there was Ellie, unable to have any at
all. It was deeply unfair.

Ellie looked up, catching Charlotte's gaze
with a long look of her own, the two of them exchanging much
without saying anything. Eventually, Ellie smiled weakly, her hand
gesturing above Danielle, tears welling in her eyes and spilling
over her lashes rapidly. "I'm sorry," she wept, running her hand
over her face, trying uselessly to wipe away her tears.

Charlotte was filled with a deep sympathy,
yet she remained in her seat, allowing Ellie the opportunity to
compose herself. She left Danielle where she was; it was probably
more comforting for Ellie to continue to hold her, rather than have
Charlotte whip the baby out of her arms as though she were doing
something wrong. She would be weeping too; in fact, the thought of
not having any of her precious children was almost enough to bring
a lump to her own throat. She sighed deeply, overcome with sadness
for her best friend.

"Don't apologise. You have nothing to be
sorry for."

Ellie nodded tearfully. "Jake and I have
decided to apply to be foster parents. For babies. Helping to look
after your kids while Toby was in hospital made us think that it
might be something we could do after all. Jake was always
reluctant; he sees so many kids from bad homes. I guess he just
worries about becoming attached and having to send them back to
homes that aren't ideal. But adoption is so hard; everyone keeps
their babies nowadays, whether they want them or not. Jake thinks
it's because of all the parenting payments you can get; it
encourages people to hang onto them for the money." Ellie sniffed
at that. "It's sad for the kids; the ones who end up neglected.
They could have much better homes elsewhere."

Charlotte had no opinion one way or the
other on that. She supposed though, if anyone was going to be in a
position to know, it would be a police officer, so perhaps Jake's
opinion was worth something to go by, even if it was harsh in its
analysis. Even so, she was not entirely sure if being a foster
parent was the best idea for Ellie. She would get attached, no
doubt about it. And that was not necessarily a bad thing. It was
the un-attaching that concerned Charlotte. Giving them back. "Are
you sure?" she ventured, careful about not raining on her friend's
parade with a reality check.

"No." Ellie shrugged then. "But I'm running
out of options. We can't afford to adopt a baby from overseas.
We've been approved for the adoption register here, but like I
said, we're not holding our breath."

"What about IVF?"

Ellie shook her head again. "It's not an
option." She looked away from Charlotte then, effectively ending
the discussion. "When are you going to set a date for this
wedding?" she asked, switching topics seamlessly. "It's getting
ridiculous."

"We've kind of been busy," Charlotte
replied, a tad put out by Ellie's accusing tone. "It's not like
Toby almost died or anything."

Ellie rolled her eyes at Charlotte's
sarcasm. "Yeah, yeah. Well, he's all good now. Or as good as he's
going to get. Too bad he didn't cop a personality adjustment while
recovering; he's still the same old arrogant arsehole he's always
been."

Charlotte frowned at that. "Really?
Still?"

"Always," Ellie replied.

Charlotte let it go, not wanting to get into
it with her about Toby right now. "We're pretty much settled into
the new house now, so when Toby gets back from Mount Isa, I'll get
him to pin down a date. You'll be the first person I tell."

"Better be. I think I've found the perfect
dress."

"Good. Then buy it."

"You need to see it first!"

"No, I don't. Just buy it. I'm pretty sure,
that if you like it, it'll be fabulous."

"I can't believe you bought a second hand
rag to wear as your wedding dress," Ellie whined, giving Bree a run
for her money in the pout stakes.

"Get over it. I like it."

"Does Toby?"

"He hasn't seen it. But he liked the price."
Charlotte grinned at Ellie's deepening pout.

"For someone so loaded, he really is cheap
sometimes."

Now it was Charlotte's turn to roll her eyes
at Ellie. "That is completely untrue!" she scolded. "He just bought
us a brand new house and has given me free rein to buy anything I
want for it. He's not cheap at all. Not in any way. He never has
been. You're just being mean about him now." It was an age old
argument between them, emphasis on the old part, and Charlotte was
totally over it.

Ellie just shrugged, returning her attention
back down to Danielle. "I guess you're right. He was going to pay
for you to have an abortion; he really is super generous."

Charlotte felt her cheeks flame. She rose to
her feet, hands on her hips. "What exactly is your problem?"

Ellie looked up at her fiercely, her eyes
shining once again with tears. "It just grates at me; he was
prepared to just waste this." She raised her arms slightly, careful
not to disturb Danielle, yet still intent on making her point.
"When you can't have this, everything changes. You think about
things differently. They plague you."

"It was a long time ago. Neither of us think
about it anymore. It doesn't matter; we got past it and we've moved
on. Toby loves every single one of his children and would never
wish for things to be otherwise. I hate that you think it's okay to
bring this up right now. It's just plain hurtful."

Ellie paused, swallowing deeply, her gaze
directed back down at Danielle. "He took that case on. The one all
over the news. The one where the mother killed her own kids. He got
her off. He defended her-"

"That's his job," Charlotte cut in, deeply
upset by this attack on Toby, both personally and now
professionally. "And it's none of your business. You hate him; I
get it. I would have hoped you might be over it by now; and while
I'm eternally grateful for you always having my back, right now,
you're just pissing me off. You're trying to stir up trouble and
I'm not happy about that at all. I'm sorry you're hurting; I really
am. I am so sorry that you can't have kids of your own. It makes my
heart sore. But none of that is Toby's fault. It's no one's. It's
just the way it is."

Ellie said nothing for a while. She just sat
there, staring at Charlotte wordlessly, her eyes brimming with
tears, yet none of them falling. Eventually, she rose and crossed
over to Charlotte, passing Danielle carefully into her arms. "I'm
sorry. I'm just so angry."

"I get that." Charlotte pulled Danielle
against her, breathing in the sweet baby smell of her. She was
getting heavy now; at eleven months, she was much bigger than what
either Bree or Courtney had been at the same age, rivalling Ashley
even.

"I can tell that you're pregnant again."
Ellie's statement was quietly delivered, yet no less impacting than
if she had shouted it out.

Charlotte looked up at her, stunned. "What?
How?" Flustered at being caught out, she slid her gaze away,
blushing furiously. The timing of this conversation between them
couldn't be worse.

"I can just tell. And that makes me even
angrier. I love you dearly, but I'm so incredibly furious at you
right now. It's not fair! You already have four kids; you weren't
even going to have anymore, and yet here you are, pregnant with a
fifth child. It's so unfair!"

Charlotte was saved from replying by Jake's
sudden appearance at the door. He had just arrived to pick Ellie
up, as arranged earlier. His face bore a horrified expression;
Charlotte was not entirely sure if it was on account of Ellie's
harsh words or the news of her being pregnant again.

"Ellie!" he admonished. "What the hell?" He
cut his gaze to Charlotte, apology softening his expression. "You
having an 'E', Charlotte?" he asked gently.

She smiled softly at that, his reference to
their alphabet system of naming their children something that had
always given him a lot of joking material. "Yeah. But Toby doesn't
know yet. I haven't told anyone." She shot a glance at Ellie then
who just shrugged, as if she were completely uninterested in the
fact that Toby did not yet know he was going to have a fifth
child.

"It's not like it's something he hasn't
heard before."

"Ellie!" Jake roared, exasperation mixing
with anger now. "Sorry, Charlotte. Really." He reached out to take
hold of Ellie's arm, gently pulling her towards him, casting
Charlotte a look over Ellie's shoulder as he pulled her out the
door. "We won't say a word."

"It's alright, he's home tonight. I was
going to tell him then anyway." Too bad if she'd been planning
otherwise. Charlotte smiled tightly at Jake and Ellie, wishing they
would both just leave. Ellie had soured her mood enormously.

Jake, as if sensing her discord, smiled with
discomfort, turning on his heel to go. He stopped just through the
doorway, watching as Ellie walked on ahead of him, exiting the gym
on her own. Turning back to face Charlotte, his expression was one
of misery and apology, a grim combination. "I'm so sorry. I only
caught the end of what she was saying to you. She's deeply upset
right now. We can't have kids. Not even with IVF, so she's pretty
cut up about it, as you can imagine." He shrugged, a hopeless air
about him that affected Charlotte immensely.

"I know. I'm so sorry." There was nothing
else to really say about it, even though sorry seemed a rather
empty platitude.

"Yeah, me too."

He left then; yet his sadness remained,
infecting Charlotte. She sighed wearily, looking down at Danielle,
still sleeping in her arms. Kissing her daughter on her forehead,
she inhaled deeply, cleansing herself of Ellie's sorrow, filling
the gaps with her own hope.

Travel was not as easy as it once had been.
Even sitting in business class was a strain; his height compromised
his leg space in the first instance; with less mobility, he was
even more restricted. He could not wait for the plane to land so he
could get off, get home, and get this damned prosthesis off for a
while. The more he sat there thinking about it, the more it all
aggravated him. He knew of course, it was not really his leg that
was bothering him the most. Focusing on his leg just allowed him to
ignore the more glaring object of his angst, the 'thing he wished
he had never found out', which encompassed everything about Royce,
his whereabouts, and his disclosure. Spitting about his leg was
just surer ground.