Semper Fidelis (12 page)

“You’ve been right all along. And you’re right in what you said just now. There’s no reason we can’t make this work. I can’t imagine ever loving anyone the way I love you. And if you’re willing to wait for me…until we can be together for real…” Owen dropped his gaze and stopped talking for a moment as he slid the ring back onto Cary’s finger. “Someday, I’ll do this again, and it’ll be a different ring,” he vowed in a deep voice. He still wouldn’t look up.

Cary cupped his chin, needing to see. At last Owen lifted his head.

Cary reeled back in horror. Instead of the warm brown gaze he loved, there were gaping holes where Owen’s eyes should be.

“Incoming!” The shout came from nowhere, and now they weren’t in the foyer of Cary’s mom’s house, but in the desert.

A huge explosion rocked the ground and a crater formed just yards away.

“Owen!” He tugged at his hand. “Come on! Run!”

Owen shook his head and looked down again.

“No!” Cary screamed when he saw that Owen wasn’t kneeling, but legless…

Cary woke up flailing in his uncomfortable desk chair as the telltale Skype tones woke him from the memory turned twisted. His heart was racing as he hurriedly tucked his earbuds into his ears then hit ‘Accept Call’.

“Owen, hi.” He had to clear his aching throat, and wondered whether he’d actually screamed out loud.

“Hey, Care Bear.”

Cary was still a bit shaken from his nightmare, but managed to pull up a grin at the computer screen as Owen’s comforting, deep voice came through the distance like a balm. “Hey, you.”

It wasn’t very often they could do a face-to-face, between their duty schedules and the time difference of eight and a half hours, but sometimes breaking up a night’s sleep was worth it. Some shifting around on both their parts and he could finally see Owen’s grainy image. “Are you in bed?”

Owen smirked. “Is this one of
those
kind of calls?” he teased. They both knew that it wasn’t feasible to do any sort of phone sex—there just wasn’t enough privacy for Owen in the desert base camp.

“I wish.” The thought was tempting. Cary had the benefit of being alone behind a locked door, and he palmed his semi-hard cock. The nightmare had taken its effect, but Owen’s voice—combined with how long it had been since he’d seen his man—had him hardening as the last vestiges of his dream faded.

“Are you okay?”

The video was a bit choppy, but the concern in Owen’s voice was clear.

“Yeah. Fine.” Owen’s eyebrow rose and Cary confessed, “Just woke up…from a nightmare,” he added reluctantly. “And don’t ask.” He wasn’t going to tell him about it—no way—but he knew Owen wouldn’t leave it alone until he admitted what had him off-center.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Definitely. I’d rather hear what you’ve been up to.”

Owen shrugged and sat back in the chair. “Same old. Really looking forward to heading back stateside end of the month. Everyone is. You can just feel it—short-timer’s. You know.”

“Yeah.” And that was the crux of it, really. Cary’s worst fear was that so close to being reunited—or at least on the same continent again—that something bad would happen…

No! Stop it.

“You seem distracted. You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” His voice sounded curt to his own ears and he twisted the Academy ring on his finger while he tried to enjoy the rare chance to talk to Owen face-to-face. “So, it’s about time to make some decisions,” he changed the subject. They were both nearing the end of their first five years of service, and though the decision to re-up wasn’t a difficult one—neither one of them had gone into this to do a five-and-dive—figuring out what duty stations to put in for and trying to end up close to one another was the real challenge.

Owen nodded and a little smile teased at the corners of his eyes.

“What? Did you come up with a plan?” That would be the best news ever. Cary’s deadline to fill out his paperwork was the following month and he was nowhere near knowing what to do. The options for a Naval aviator were somewhat limited—and so were Marine officer stations—and unfortunately there weren’t that many that coincided. Owen was a seasoned combat veteran, and Cary had been on and off carriers with his squadron. In the past four plus years, they’d spent a scant number of days together. He would miss the guys if he left for a different posting, but being close to Owen was a greater priority for him. “Tell me you’ve worked something out.”

Owen nodded—one quick tip of the head.

Cary frowned at the screen and scooted closer. “Well?”

“Um, hold on a second.” Owen rose and the view rocked and rolled a little bit as he moved the computer on his end. “Fuck.”

Cary snickered at the curse. “What’s wrong? Not one of those camel spiders again.”

“Oh fuck off. I’d like to see your reaction if one crawled into bed with you.” More vertigo inducing motion. “When I was planning this, I forgot how short the damn headset cord is. I don’t have much time left, and it doesn’t reach.” A huge, frustrated sigh.

“Reach? What are you trying to do?”

Finally the screen settled on a different view of the fairly small canvas-sided room. Owen was standing, bent over the computer to look into the camera. “Hold on. I’m going to take off the earphones for a sec and put you on speaker.”

“Okay,” Cary agreed, mystified.

Owen backed away from the computer enough so Cary could appreciate the sight of that muscular body encased in desert khakis and a tight green T-shirt. The memories of the familiar, hard form against him was the last thing he thought of alone in bed every night.

Then Owen knelt down.

The conflicting visions of Owen from years ago, offering his ring and heart, and the horrifying dream of earlier warred in Cary’s mind for a moment. But when Owen pulled off his matching ring and held it up, Cary drew in a sharp breath.

“Cary…” Owen visibly swallowed then cleared his throat. “Will you marry me?”

Frozen, Cary gaped at the screen as he tried to comprehend the short and to-the-point question.

“I mean, soon,” Owen continued with a rush. “Like, when I get back to the States next month.” After another second, Owen lifted his eyebrows and tipped his head forward. “Cary? You can hear me, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Owen shifted restlessly. “I thought I lost the con—”

“I mean yes—I will marry you as soon as you get back.” There was zero chance Cary would say anything else. If he didn’t know better, he’d think he was dreaming. Or maybe he’d passed out and hit his head. But no—Owen still knelt, holding up a ring to Cary for the second time in their lives, albeit this time from thousands of miles away instead of a few feet. No chance for Cary to tackle him to the rug like last time, but he grinned when Owen’s jaw dropped at his reply, then his neck and face darkened.

All of a sudden hoots and hollers from a couple of different voices went up from Owen’s end, and Owen quickly scrambled to his feet.

Oh my God. Poor guy.

“Fuckers! I’m not done!” Owen yelled at some people off-screen as he came closer. The jumbled laughing responses disappeared as he took Cary off speaker and wrestled his headset back on. “God, a guy can’t have ten minutes of privacy around here.” He glared at someone to his right.

“Hey,” Cary said softly, and Owen’s gaze immediately returned to him. “You know, we don’t have to rush or anything. I mean, we don’t have to do it right away.”

“What? Why?” Owen’s face went blank. “You don’t have to say yes just because I asked.”

Oh fuck.
“No, no, no. I
want
to marry you. I just don’t want you to feel rushed or…or obligated because of what you said before your first tour…” Saying it out loud made Cary realize he was being stupid.

“That’s stupid.” Now Owen was frowning, but Cary would take that any day over the emotionless, stoic Marine face Owen was so good at.

“Yeah, it is. My brain’s a little scrambled right now. I’m happy,” he whispered, emotion stealing his voice and making it hoarse. “Surprised, but very happy.”

Owen’s expression softened. “Good. Because I’m not just asking because filling out paperwork for Join Spouse will hopefully make it easier to get postings close to each other.”

It was Cary’s turn to have his jaw drop. “Oh my God. Why didn’t I think of that? I mean, I did for in the future, but…” He racked his brain. How could he have overlooked a relatively obvious solution? The DoD Join Spouse program wasn’t infallible—sometimes married military-to-military couples
didn’t
get close duty stations, but the vast majority ended up within a reasonable distance of each other.

Almost as soon as he started mentally beating himself up, he cut himself some slack. Even though Owen had told him he’d ask Cary for real someday, Cary really hadn’t been sure that Owen would actually marry him—a big, public statement—especially while they were still active duty. Really, he’d thought it would happen once at least one of them was out—maybe when they were middle-aged, balding and paunchy. He couldn’t hold back a laugh at the image.

“And now he laughs at me,” Owen mock-groused.

“Can I tell Mom and Jia? I mean, I’m not sure if I could keep it in when I talk to them, but if you don’t want me to, I’ll try. Maybe I’ll just email them for a while.”

Owen went from teasing to tender in a second. “You really are happy, aren’t you.” It was a statement, not a question. “Yes, you can tell your mom and sister. Oh, crap.” Owen’s eyes went wide.

“Yep. That means you’ll have to tell your mob too.” Cary was stationed in Virginia, so relatively close to Owen’s huge family. Cary’s mom still lived near Boston, but Jia had become close friends with one of Owen’s cousins, Rayna, who she roomed with at college in Charlottesville. “You don’t want them to hear about it secondhand. They’d never let you live it down.”

They grinned at each other across the miles then Owen’s gaze flickered to the side. “I really have to go.”

“Yeah. So…should I start, um”—Cary could
not
believe he was actually saying this—“planning the wedding?”

“Well, start thinking about it anyway. I’ll email you later with some ideas I have.”

Owen had been thinking about their wedding. Cary suddenly had a lump in his throat much larger than the usual one that hit whenever they had to say goodbye.

Once they’d closed the connection and Cary had shut down his computer, he flopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was going to marry Owen next month. The man he’d loved for close to a decade wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

His cheeks began to hurt from the smile he couldn’t keep from his face.

Chapter Two

The next few weeks dragged by for Owen. Everyone was handling the end of their tour differently, with the majority of guys impatient to get stateside again—some to the point of having a hair-trigger. Fights blew up out of nowhere. It was like living with a pack of hormonal adolescents. In fact, that was why he had his headphones on listening to music on his iPod while he cleaned their barracks. He was sick of mediating the fractious flare-ups.

His closest friends knew all about Cary—he wasn’t about to broadcast the fact he was gay to the world, but he saw no reason to keep the information from his team, especially considering the amount of time they spent together. Owen couldn’t imagine serving during Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, when the wrong pronoun or being interested in someone would result in a dishonorable discharge. In that instance, he would have had a hard decision to make—give up being a Marine or give up the only man he could see loving.

As it was, the separation over the past several years was in stark contrast to having been together almost round the clock when they were at the Academy together. At times, Owen wished he’d given in sooner, that he hadn’t wasted two years denying his attraction to Cary. No—that wasn’t exactly true. It hadn’t been denial of Cary, but of who he was as a man. It had just taken that long to admit to himself that he was gay and he didn’t want Cary to be with anyone else. The next two years—once he had succumbed—had been all about keeping his distance with an audience and being with Cary behind closed doors. It wasn’t until Cary’s silly stunt about switching their Academy rings that he’d realized that once they started their military careers, they were as good as done…unless they made extraordinary efforts. Cary had never once faltered in his commitment to Owen, so when Owen had received orders for his first tour in the Middle East, he’d known that he couldn’t give Cary any less in return.

Actually vocalizing that promise to Cary, that he’d wait for him too and give him a real ring one day, had been simultaneously the hardest and easiest words he’d said in his whole life. And everything after that—telling his family, his fellow Marines, and the hard work of keeping relationship going long distance—was rendered simple by the memory of Cary’s shock and pleasure and complete acceptance—his devotion to Owen.

Owen picked up a shirt and checked the label on autopilot. Lon’s. He absently tossed it on his bunkmate’s bed while his mind was completely focused on his thoughts of Cary.

Cary was the only man he’d ever seen that way. Owen had no idea what his life would be like if they hadn’t met and hit it off—as friends—during their first summer at the Naval Academy then subsequently been assigned to the same company. That had left them free to choose to room together, which they had for all four years. If they hadn’t? Owen shook his head, unable to fathom how different his life would be if he’d somehow missed Cary in the crowd of plebes. No—he firmly believed it was fate that had brought them together…and a damned lot of hard effort that had kept them that way.

Now that they were coming up on the end of their first five years of service, Owen had been going over and over what to do to get to spend more time with Cary. Being apart sucked, and Owen knew that it was even harder on Cary, who worried about Owen’s safety. Not that Owen didn’t worry in return—flying on and off carriers was insanely dangerous—but Cary had been struggling with nightmares he wouldn’t talk to Owen about. He could only guess that they had to do with the reality of having a loved one in theater.