Seven Shades of Grey (23 page)

VikSin
: what if I have dolly? ... for one moment let us assume that I have fallen for u ... so what ...?

Dolly66
: nothing baba

VikSin
: my profile doesn’t hide who I am ... so ... what ...?

Dolly66
: nothing

VikSin
: if I really wanted you to be mine ... dolly ... i would always believe in my love.

Dolly66
: I know

VikSin
: not in some half-assed explanation from some guy I don’t even know.

Dolly66
: vik he logged on to my name … and saw the offline messages and went berserk that day

VikSin
: he must have ... I don’t doubt that.

Dolly66
: because like u said he is in love with me

VikSin
: if he went berserk ... that is his problem ... if he wants to talk to me ... that is fine. … I NEVER RUN

Dolly66
: yup … I told him that … so be man enough to hear what I have to say. … ok

VikSin
: if u open the doors to my dark side ... I do have one … then be prepared to face what comes out.

Dolly66
: I know vik, I have felt ur core, I know what u r

VikSin
: well have hidden my dark side for very long … have buried it in love

Dolly66
: I know

VikSin
: n if someone wants to bring it out then let him be prepared for it.

Dolly66
: get ur anger out vik, only then will love flow.

VikSin
: with u dolly, there is no anger. I have taken all of yours away

Dolly66
: that is what I am saying … if I have let go mine u let go urs

VikSin
: I don’t have any left. am sorry if I made it out to be that way

Dolly66
: no u did not

VikSin
: I am here my love. ur Baba is inside me

Dolly66
: I was crying for him

VikSin
: well stop now n smile. he is always with u

Dolly66
: but I want to call u Baba my love

VikSin
: who is stopping u?

Dolly66
: ur email is … I have cried every time I read it

VikSin
: sorry … that was not my intention

Dolly66
: u spoke straight from ur heart. that is why I could feel how hurt u were

VikSin
: not anymore. am smiling with u

Dolly66
: I know. I can feel it now

VikSin
: so go back to sleep now … no more tears between us ok?

Dolly66
: I love u

VikSin
: I know

Dolly66
: no … u don’t know how much I love u

VikSin
: we have a lifetime to find out … not to worry … lol

Dolly66
: hee hee hee u said it

VikSin
: now go to bed

Dolly66
: I love u

And she was gone.

And the wail still dulled my brain. It made me very uneasy, restless, trying to remind me that I was forgetting something - something very important. I unconsciously closed Yahoo Messenger and logged off. The eerie feeling just refused to go away.

What was I forgetting?

I walked out of the office into my production area, sniffed the chemical-scented air, and suddenly felt the wail or a series of wails rising in volume, racing inside my head. This time there were voices, barely audible, trying to say something. I thought the chemicals I had been working with had fried my brains.

I left the production area, stood in the dark full moon night, and heard it again.

Was someone trying to reach out to me? Was my mind playing tricks on me?

And then it hit me. Marilyn!

I raced back to my computer. Within minutes I was back online, and Marilyn was still there.

VikSin
: sorry sweety … I went away for a few minutes.

AlfaRomeo66
: was waiting here … don’t know why

There was the sob again.
I was sure I was not hallucinating.

VikSin
: u know earlier I was chatting with Bindu my friend in Bombay?

AlfaRomeo66
: yes how is she?

VikSin
: she is well. … a strange thing happened there

AlfaRomeo66
: what happened?

VikSin
: I felt like someone was crying n trying to reach out to me

AlfaRomeo66
: and?

VikSin
: I knew it was one of my two dollys

AlfaRomeo66
: oh I c

VikSin
: I knew my wife was ok because I had spoken to her n so I called the one in Singapore

AlfaRomeo66
: and?

VikSin
: she was crying for me

AlfaRomeo66
: I c

VikSin
: so I chatted with her and calmed her down … but

AlfaRomeo66
: yes?

VikSin
: u know I will confess to you, I still feel very uneasy …

AlfaRomeo66
: why?

VikSin
: I went to check on my work, came back, but could still feel that someone was crying.

AlfaRomeo66
: who do u think it is?

VikSin
: give me a moment Marilyn. … the pounding in my head is increasing

It was increasing; a jackhammer relentlessly pounding in every grey cell, the din ready to shatter my skull.

I looked at Maa on my office table, desperately seeking relief. What was she trying to tell me? I lit some incense in front of her, the sweet familiar smell bringing much wanted relief. And master puppeteer descended to take possession of his possessions.

VikSin
: MARILYN WHY ARE U CRYING?

AlfaRomeo66
: about time vik

VikSin
: why Marilyn, why?

AlfaRomeo66
: have not stopped since early this morning since panda left.

VikSin
: my love, but why cry? Something wrong?

AlfaRomeo66
: oh no, am not scared or anything

VikSin
: then what happened?

AlfaRomeo66
: He told me how his head was pounding the day he had called, the day you told me about him and when he left I just felt very very close to you and my tears never stopped

VikSin
: stop crying my love. … u r my best friend here

AlfaRomeo66
: can’t help it vik, I just can’t

VikSin
: have I upset u?

AlfaRomeo66
: no vik, not at all, I just kept reading ur words to me

VikSin
: and?

AlfaRomeo66
: and u explained about panda so well, u have helped me love him even more

VikSin
: that is all I was doing Marilyn

AlfaRomeo66
: after the talk with me that day, panda cut short his trip to get back home, had
the most wonderful time
with him

VikSin
: yes n u now know why

AlfaRomeo66
: yes I have finally understood him vik, thanks to u

VikSin
: not me, I am a mere mortal. … it is mother nature who does it

AlfaRomeo66
: she sure does, I believe that today.

VikSin
: yes we all possess this power. … it is lost in our mundane world that is all

AlfaRomeo66
: I believe u now vik, I really do. If I had not seen this first hand I would never have

VikSin
: n I heard u cry … no doubt about that in my mind.

AlfaRomeo66
: yes u sure did

VikSin
: sorry it took me some time, because I never thought about u, was worried about dolly in Singapore.

AlfaRomeo66
: understand that she has more problems

Master puppeteer making puppet-fingers type. Rationality prompted that the statement could have hurt Marilyn. Time to make amends.

VikSin
: listen to me. … u r still my best friend because u were with me when all hell broke loose in my life

AlfaRomeo66
: same here vik

VikSin
: no matter how many new friends I make u will still be in my heart, n don’t u ever forget that

AlfaRomeo66
: not after today, I will never forget it for sure.

VikSin
: whenever u want me near u, Marilyn, look at a mirror. … u will see my image there

Master puppeteer making puppet-fingers type.

AlfaRomeo66
: can feel u vik, I was uncomfortable with the thought earlier, but not anymore

VikSin
: don’t be uncomfy, I am there to help

AlfaRomeo66
: I know vik, I feel very naked in front of u, n still don’t mind that, I have nothing to hide from u

VikSin
: I know my love, I am there as ur friend, for a long time to come

AlfaRomeo66
: yes vik, I know that now

VikSin
: don’t u forget that.

AlfaRomeo66
: it is like I know u could see all of me, the physical form does not bother me anymore

VikSin
: yes that is love of the soul, it was my karma, my destiny to meet u on the Net

AlfaRomeo66
: definitely destined

VikSin
: among the millions that log on to the Net I had to hook up with u n we have both evolved

AlfaRomeo66
: I know I have for sure

VikSin
: so have I.

AlfaRomeo66
: yes vik, we both have

VikSin
: now go wash ur face n I must get back home.

AlfaRomeo66
: u do that sweety, thank u once again

VikSin
: I did nothing … remember that.

AlfaRomeo66
: yes I understand what u mean.

She left after that, my production staff following suit in a few minutes, me in tow; body heading home, head free of all wailing and still pounding.

I took a shower, went to my altar, lit some incense there, and sat before Maa. I was fully conscious of her, and there was no chatter in my mind. I understood all.

It was my destiny to clear my karmic debt with souls that I had been in touch with in a previous life. The Internet was accelerating my progress. I had no desires or fears inside me. I was reaching the state of supreme consciousness. My soul felt free that night.

After awhile I left the altar to sleep in my bedroom
,
blissfully believing I was in for a night of sound sleep, blissfully unaware that I had just armed a nuclear bomb and set it on a timer to explode. And soon.

My body was tucked neatly between sheets, the air-conditioner providing much needed relief from the heat, when the sandman came to wish me goodnight. The body became inert just as sandman sprinkled his magic sand, the mind trying desperately to follow suit. Darkness engulfed my eyes, serenity all around me. I felt safe in this vast expanse of inky black nothingness, surprisingly so. For an eternity, I drifted aimlessly and alone. I could sense a glow around me, one that seemed to emanate from me, and soon I had company - the woman in the white, single-piece nightgown who had met me before.

Her hair was open, freshly washed, and blowing in the wind. She was floating in this inky-black nothingness, making her way towards me. As she came closer, my eyes were accosted by hers; they were large and sensual. I had never seen her look this way before. Her floating turned to walking, very feminine, feline, and graceful. The eyes still rested on dark circles, edges crinkled.

Her face was trying hard to project a slight smile to accentuate the sensuality projected by her eyes, amply supported by a sexy walk. I felt myself stop floating, allowing her to come near me. My eyes left her face, raced past her body, resting at her feet. They were large for a woman, a distinct discoloration on the big toe of her left foot, like the toe ring mark. And this time I knew exactly whom they belonged to. And she was within touching distance from me when she stopped. My eyes were forced to leave the feet, face rising to level with her. The sight was enthralling, hair still gently making waves in the still darkness, eyes blazing, smile trying hard to impress me.