Seven Shades of Grey (27 page)

VikSin
: listening

AlfaRomeo66
: I don’t care if u share that with me or not but the fact remains … dolly saw in u what she was missing in her life. … she fell very hard for u, n lost perspective … she wanted more than what u were willing to give

VikSin
: listening

AlfaRomeo66
: but at the same time there is some sanity still with her n when she realized that she would be hurting your wife with her thoughts, she decided … to leave u while she still had her dignity intact.

VikSin
: wow

AlfaRomeo66:
but her last email to you was sheer insanity.

VikSin:
listening

AlfaRomeo66:
she sent that out of spite, trying to hurt you… see she cant physically affect you n I believe that all she said in her last email to u was surely to hit at the one thing u prize, ur beliefs.

VikSin:
listening

AlfaRomeo66:
don’t read into it too much, she is denying a lot, n I can feel that she is lying, lying to herself, to u, her husband n the man she claims to love… I only pity her children, don’t know what they would be going thru… am I making sense to u?

VikSin:
as usual u r making perfect sense Marilyn

I was amazed at the clarity of thought that Marilyn had expressed. She was not too far away from my own.

AlfaRomeo66
: I am sorry that she hurt u in the bargain, but want u to understand something

VikSin
: yes?

AlfaRomeo66
: she loves u for sure, even now that she is not talking to u, I think at first she felt she would hurt ur wife more, if she got deeply involved with u, n then became a spiteful woman trying to hit u where she knows it will hurt.

VikSin
: but Marilyn I was very clear in my thoughts with her

AlfaRomeo66
: then she was not clear in her mind… she was probably searching for something else. … the last chat she had with u, u mentioned that she said, she was walking alone, correct?

VikSin
: yes

AlfaRomeo66
: well that is it, she is leaving u to ur wife n going away from u both because she wants u n cant have u … n then she says she is with this other guy… that part is out of malice

VikSin
: I understand

AlfaRomeo66
: don’t get me wrong on the spirituality … am sure she felt what u did, but for her it was a means to a different end

VikSin
: what do u mean?

AlfaRomeo66
: she wanted to use it as a path to get u, n for u it was to gain spiritual knowledge

VikSin
: understood

AlfaRomeo66
: now listen to me vik

VikSin
: listening

AlfaRomeo66
: when is dolly back? I mean ur wife

VikSin
: tomorrow night

AlfaRomeo66
: am sure u r looking forward to her return

VikSin
: very much so

AlfaRomeo66
: no matter how much she prods n probes about Singapore DON’T TELL HER ANYTHING for the next week or so

VikSin
: why?

AlfaRomeo66
: I want u to spend the time only with her n all ur thoughts should be only for her …

VikSin
: ok and?

AlfaRomeo66
: from what I have known of her she too is very sensitive, n might get upset that u were hurting

VikSin
: understood

AlfaRomeo66
: I want u to make lots of love to her n if she does ask u why u were sad then tell her that u missed her n NOTHING ELSE ok?

VikSin
: yes ma’am

AlfaRomeo66
: no am serious vik, I don’t want ur lovely wife to think that u were hurting so much because the amount of love u two share might upset her

VikSin
: understood Marilyn

AlfaRomeo66
: ms. Singapore has her own ghosts to exorcise n she will do them in time … if she doesn’t then its her problem NOT YOURS

VikSin
: understood

AlfaRomeo66
: I don’t want u to think about her for the next week … if she clears the cobwebs in her mind, then she will be back on the Net with u … if she doesn’t return then understand that her work for u is done

VikSin
: but Marilyn, how can I ever forget the one who actually made me one with the universe?

AlfaRomeo66
: I am not saying that u should forget her completely, I know u cannot … just leave her to her own devices for some time … that is all I ask

VikSin
: got it, am feeling much better today, n Marilyn

AlfaRomeo66
: yes?

VikSin
: words will never be able to express the love I have for u

AlfaRomeo66
: u don’t need words, I feel it vik, u r a part of my life n don’t u ever forget that

VikSin
: today u have proved to be more than a friend

AlfaRomeo66
: hey sweetheart u were there for me, when I needed u

VikSin
: I know, but still your words have given me purpose and lots of strength

AlfaRomeo66
: have never known u to be weak

AlfaRomeo66
: I know u have a lot of mental strength in u … ms Singapore must have messed u up n all I am doing is cleaning the cobwebs in ur mind

VikSin
: u have done a magnificent job of it

AlfaRomeo66
: its my love for u, vik, I told u I feel completely naked in front of u, have nothing to hide from u n that is when I realized how much u have helped me

VikSin
: it’s the love of my guru n mother nature that has done it, Marilyn I was merely a tool

AlfaRomeo66
: u r being modest but I know u speak the truth, that is ur most endearing quality

VikSin
: thanks a ton

AlfaRomeo66
: n when thoughts of ms singapore upset u, am sure u could write it out or exorcise it from ur mind

VikSin
: yes I can write it down, sometimes

AlfaRomeo66
: well do that n don’t let it affect ur married life

VikSin
: I won’t I promise

AlfaRomeo66
: I trust u, have to go now, vik

VikSin
: thanks a ton, my love, I love u

AlfaRomeo66
: I love u vik, more than I have loved anyone before

VikSin
: I understand Marilyn n I cherish this love.

AlfaRomeo66
: kiss ur wife for me n tell her that I love her too

VikSin
: I will

AlfaRomeo66
: bye love

VikSin
: bye

The cobwebs had cleared in my mind. The love that Marilyn expressed was one that I had sought all my life--selfless and without any kind of desire behind it. It was pure; that is why it warmed the two of us. Our respective spouses had their own places in our hearts, and nothing would change that, but this other planet that we shared had made room for the two of us. We lived in this cyberspace in a relationship that did not fit any predefined one. We were not married, and we were not siblings. We were in love, but at a level that did not require any form of physical contact. We used the Net to contact each other, but even this was not needed to communicate our pain. I would love to coin a word for what we were, but then I knew words would limit me. I felt a poem coming on.

To You

When the pain in my being ran high,

Like the first spring shower you brought relief,

When the yearning for a soul ran wild,

Like the cool moonlight you calmed me.

When the need to talk took over,

Like words from the heavens you spoke to me,

When the sun set on my dreams,

A glow of hope you brought to me.

When the dark night betrayed my sleep,

Your words of comfort made my slumber complete.

When the world shut me out,

Your open arms welcomed me.

To you, my friend, these words I give

At a time when words limit me.

A sincere effort I make to tell you

That in my heart you will always live.

I dedicated this poem to my friends and made a mental note to send it to them. Marilyn had given me back my strength and I was going to follow her advice. It was time to focus on the arrival of my wife. But before that I had to meet a friend on the Net that night.

9pm arrived, bringing Reshma with it. As promised, I was there too.

Delta2000
: hi vik,

VikSin
: hi mirchee, how r u?

Delta2000
; first tell me how r u?

VikSin
: I am ok, why do u ask.

Delta2000
: since yesterday I have been very ill at ease.

VikSin
: why?

Delta2000
: I thought it was because hubby was to leave last night, he flew out of Delhi this time

VikSin
: ok, and

Delta2000
: but it was not him, I kept seeing your id in my mind, dont know why.

VikSin
: yeah u have been off the Net for awhile, u miss me, I know

Delta2000
: vik this time it was different, I felt very uneasy when I went to sleep last night

VikSin
: probably because u were alone

Delta2000
: no, I am used to that, I dreamt of u

VikSin
: oh, n was I messing with u? lol

Delta2000
: no that is why I was surprised, u seemed to be upset

Why was I not surprised?

VikSin
: tell me exactly what u saw

Delta2000
: I saw u, very vividly and u seem to be stuck in some quicksand. U were not even trying to get out, just seemed to sit there

VikSin
: then?

Delta2000
: after a long time u seemed to just float out of it, there were two or three angels or people, I dont remember who helped you out and there was a lot of yellow light shining there.

VikSin
: ok and?

Delta2000
: what does this mean, vik? I was very scared when I saw u in the quicksand, but then I knew you would be ok, I can’t explain that at all, can u?

VikSin
: I could explain it but here is what happened

Delta2000
: ok I will listen

VikSin
: yesterday was very upset because Dolly from singapore left me a message saying she never wanted to talk to me again

Delta2000
: why?

VikSin
: the exact reason only she could give u

Delta2000
: ok

VikSin
: the last statement she made was ‘I am the one who walks alone and will be back’

Delta2000
: does that make sense to you?

VikSin
: what do u think?

Delta2000
: as a woman I will tell u something

VikSin
: yes?

I knew what was coming next.

Delta2000
: u were very close to her n she had an unhappy marriage?

VikSin
: that is what she told me

Delta2000
: that was the truth for sure, here is another … she fell in love with you and could not handle that

I was not surprised.

VikSin
: why do u think that?

Delta2000
: I know u vik. I love u too, but in my case I am also happy with my life. … it is not at all difficult to fall in love with u as u r very honest, fun-loving and handsome

VikSin
: thanks

Delta2000
: no I mean it, I would love to spend the rest of my life as ur wife, but as I got to know u, I dont want that way anymore cause u made me love my husband more, n I love u more because of that. … whatever time we spend on the Net, I know u r there as a very good friend, n there is nothing wrong in loving a friend. … I can’t explain it, but I know even if I don’t chat with u for weeks, u will still be my friend if I needed any kind of help. … I don’t know any other way to explain it.