Sex, Secrets and South Beach (28 page)

"What was it like, being so young?"
Ginger asked Dez. "You had to be scared. It must have been awful
for you. I remember how disgusted I was when I first started
dancing."

"At first I felt degraded. It was
embarrassing to be half naked in front of strange men. They said
some of the nastiest, foulest shit I'd ever heard in my life. I
couldn't believe that there were bigger pigs in the world than
Ernesto. They would lick their crusty lips, leer at me, and touch
themselves. And, of course, they tried to touch me. It thoroughly
disgusted me. But when I got my first taste of money, it was like
crack. I was addicted, and there was no going back. Gone was the
disgust and shame. Suddenly, nothing I did felt too low, as long as
I got my high in the end, my dough. But there was something else.
There was the rush of power I felt when a man stared at me, longing
to touch me, and both of us knowing that he couldn't without paying
the consequences. These men could have chosen any other woman in
the club to dance for them, but they chose me. They could be out
spending money on their wives, girlfriends, or even on themselves.
But they chose to give it to me, all because of an illusion. It was
a game to me, playing pretend. I pretended to be interested in
their weak conversation. I laughed at their corny jokes and told
them how cute and smart they were. Sometimes I was a total bitch.
It didn't matter. It was like they couldn't help themselves. In the
end I always got paid."

"But Dewante was your first trick,
wasn't he?" Ginger asked.

"Yeah, but I would have
had sex with him for free. Now, imagine what
that
would have done to me! I'd be
scarred for life. I used to have a huge crush on him. I'd have been
ruined when I found out that this guy I thought was the business
liked it in the butt. Besides, if it hadn't been for that trick, I
wouldn't have met you. And I don't know where I would have been if
I hadn't met you. I mean, honestly, think of how low-budget I would
have been!" Dez laughed.

"I feel like I was a bad influence."
Ginger looked filled with guilt.

"Don't. You didn't make me do
anything. It wasn't my first situation like that, where I was faced
with temptation. If anything, that whole episode went down because
the price just happened to be right. Money can tempt even the
strongest of people. Greed is natural, even if it is wrong. Come
on, twenty-five hundred dollars? Who wouldn't go there?"

"I guess you're right," Ginger said.
"So you came to Miami looking for Mr. Lopez."

"Yeah. One Sunday morning, after I had
been stripping for nearly four months, me, Tasha, and Shelle were
sitting in the TV room watching football. The camera scanned the
crowd and stopped on a group of wives chilling in the stands
watching their men ball. The commentator remarked on how lovely
they all were, and I agreed, but they weren't any prettier than me.
I eyed their perfect hairdos, their artfully made-up faces, their
fancy fur coats, and their blinding diamonds. The shot only lasted
a few seconds, but for me it was an eternity. It was like I saw my
destiny laid out ahead of me.

"I was going to end up with a man like
the football players I saw on TV. That's why I wanted a baller so
bad. Fuck bumping and grinding for perverts in strip clubs. I'd
never have to struggle again. My man would pamper me and spoil me,
and maybe someday I'd have children of my own. Everyone would
respect me and envy me. I pictured a fancy house with a swimming
pool and gardens and a maid to cook and clean for me. My kids would
know nothing but the best, never suffering. If I married a guy like
that instead of linking up with some loser like Ernesto, I could be
a good mom, a good woman.

"When they happened to mention that
the Super Bowl was in Miami, I saw it as providence. Tasha and
Shelle told me some girls from Sue's were gonna dance at the
Rolexxx. So I came up with the plan to make money and find Mr.
Lopez. Instead I found you. I just packed my stuff a little bit at
a time and either took it to the club or stashed it in my locker at
school, since I wasn't keeping any books in there, and I bounced,"
Dez concluded.

"Girl, you are so blessed you can't
even see it. But I can. Anything could have happened to you! Your
little fast behind probably should have been dead. But now you're a
success. You should be proud of yourself."

"But I've done so many things that I'm
not proud of. Besides the tape, I slept with Sparks. Here I am,
supposedly in love, and I can't keep my legs closed for the man's
brother," Dez confided.

"How the hell did that
happen?"

"Well, you know how it goes. I was
feeling all vulnerable and sad over Bentley, and Sparks was there
to listen. One thing led to another..."

"And you let him hit it."

"You got it."

"But it was a one-time thing, right?"
Ginger asked.

"Not exactly. There was the first
time, there was New Year's Eve, there was All-Star Weekend..." Dez
rattled off their encounters.

"Well, when was the last time it
happened?" Ginger wanted to know

"Right before I invited you out here,"
Dez admitted.

"You're kidding, right?" Ginger
inquired. Dez shook her head.

"No wonder he left town. Obviously,
dude's head is messed up. Desi, you gotta slow your roll. If you
want Bentley, you have to commit to that, but if you want Sparks,
you need to admit to that."

"Well, that's not all. Sparks had been
kicking it with my so-called friend Leilani. She used to model with
me, and then she moved to behind the scenes. She's always been kind
of a hater, but aside from you, she was the only person I ever
really let into my life in Miami. We had been beefing really ugly
over Bentley, and when I got my deal, she started acting really
funky. She was a production assistant on the video, then she got
bumped up to assistant director by Sparks. We kind of clashed on
the set, so when Bentley confronted me about the tape, I just knew
she was the one who had set me up, and I kicked her
ass."

"No, you didn't!" Ginger doubled over
in laughter.

Dez smirked. "Yeah, I did. Real
bad."

"You oughta be 'shamed! So what's the
deal with her now?" Ginger asked, still chuckling.

"I don't know. Sparks said she was
cool, but he wasn't feeling her, he was feeling me."

"You believe that?" Ginger became
serious.

"Of course! Why wouldn't he? I am me,
after all," Dez joked.

"You better be careful. Hell hath no
fury like a woman scorned," Ginger warned her young
friend.

"I ain't worried about her. I'm
worried about K.G., my old sponsor." Dez realized that her life was
an even more tangled mess than she'd first thought. Bentley,
Sparks, Leilani, K.G.–all of them were pissed at her for some
reason or other.

"Why? What's up with him?"

"He's been paging me off the hook.
He's starting to get a little scary. I tried to end it, but he
keeps saying shit like I can't escape him. It's been like five
months! I told him that it was over, I needed to focus on my
career, I couldn't give him what he needed, he deserved more than
me, it wasn't him it was me, blah blah blah."

"Why not tell the truth, Dez? Lies
have already gotten you into so much trouble," Ginger
advised.

"What? Tell him I never felt anything
for him, that I played him and used him for his loot? Ginny, he's a
street-type nigga. You gotta be real careful with them, you know
what I mean?"

"Oh yeah. I feel you. So what are you
gonna do?"

"He claims to be giving me some space.
But eventually, I may have to get a restraining order."

"Let's hope it doesn't get to that. He
isn't saying he's going to hurt you or anything, is he?"

"No, but I still get this funny
feeling." Dez couldn't articulate it, but something didn't sit
right with her and K.G.

"Well, relax, girl. It sounds like
K.G. is the least of your worries. He's miles away. What about the
here and now? What are you gonna do about this brother situation?"
Ginger figured that Dez needed to deal with what was on her plate
and not worry about what was for dessert.

"I have no idea. I dig Sparks, I
really do, but in more of a big brother kind of way. My heart
belongs to Bentley. I can't explain it. It was like love at first
sight. He's who I want. What I feel for Sparks is more like a crush
or gratitude."

"Is this going to affect your career?
There could be some fallout if Sparks decides to confess to his
brother. Or what if he starts forcing you to keep doing it? He
could blackmail you. He knows all your business, plus he signs your
checks."

"I don't know. Sparks is cool, plus he
doesn't want to hurt his brother. I'm pretty sure that he'll keep
his mouth shut. I still love Bentley. So I'm going to make sure
that what happened before, never happens again. I've got to make
this work out. I'm not ready to give up on Bentley."

They were interrupted by the intercom
alerting them a visitor was on the premises.

"I wonder who that can be," Dez
pondered aloud. "I'm not expecting anyone. And no one ever comes
all the way out here unannounced."

"Only one way to find out!" Ginger
instructed her. ''Answer the door. I'm nosy!"

Ginger followed Dez into
the foyer to look at the closed-circuit TV that monitored the
house.
It couldn't be!

"It can't be!" Dez
exclaimed.

"Who is it?" Ginger peered at the
monitor.

"It's Bentley!"

S
parks was consumed with guilt. He had mixed
business and pleasure as well as betrayed his
brother. He knew he'd crossed a line that never should have been
crossed, but he couldn't resist Dez. Now he was falling in love
with her! He knew she didn't feel the same. It was obvious that she
was still hung up on Bentley. What did he expect? He had known that
what his brother and Dez had shared was real. He knew his brother.
And he never wanted to hurt him, but he couldn't help but covet
such a prized possession as Dez. He'd only wanted to experience her
love for himself, even if it wasn't real. Besides, Bentley was too
young to give Dez what she needed. He was still into getting with
groupies. Sparks could provide her with a home, a career, a sense
of stability, more love than she had ever known, and he could buy
her the world.

He was interrupted from his thoughts
of Dez by the ringing of his cell phone.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Baby, it's me, Lani. I haven't heard
from you in a few days. Is everything all right?" Leilani asked
sweetly on the other end.

"Hey, Leilani. I've just been really
busy. Me and Dez have been in the studio 24/7, trying to get this
album out. And the announcement for the nominees of the BET Awards
came out today. Bentley and Dez are up for Best Rap
Collabo."

"So soon? The song and video have only
been out a couple of months!" Leilani exclaimed.

"Yeah, can you believe it? It just
made the cutoff. The awards are in June in Cali," he informed
her.

The BET Awards!
Leilani thought.
He
better take me! L.A. is just where I need to be to network with the
real Hollywood players.

"There you go, leaving me again. I'm
never gonna get any time to spend with you. As it is, I already
have to share you with Dez! I'm not good at sharing," Leilani
pouted, hoping he'd catch the hint and suggest that they spend time
together in L.A.

"Uh, yeah. Well, you know...business
is business," Sparks stammered. He liked Leilani, but he knew in
his heart that she wasn't the one for him. She was far too jealous
of Dez, although she had good reason. But moreover, he wasn't
stupid; he knew a sack chaser when he saw one. Leilani put on an
excellent front, but her true colors were starting to show. She was
always name-dropping and hinting at things she wanted him to buy
for her or do for her. She also put on airs, trying to impress him,
instead of being herself. She just didn't get the fact that he
would have given her far more than she could have ever schemed out
of him. Dez was up-front and honest about what she expected, and he
could respect her for that. And she was real, faults and all. It
was just one of the reasons why he felt so strongly about
her.

Why can't I stop thinking
about Dez?
Sparks mused.

"Well, where are you?" Leilani said,
snapping him out of his daydream.

"Virginia. Had to holler at Missy
about some tracks," explained, silently debating whether he should
just end their fling now and get it over with.

"Think you can make it down here? Just
for a day or two?" Leilani pleaded. She'd whip some good loving on
him, and then it would be the BET Awards for her.

"Yeah, I think I can manage that. I've
got something I want to talk to you about anyway," Sparks told her.
Leilani felt a rush of excitement. Sparks was probably going to
make their relationship more "official." Leilani began to plan what
she was going to wear to the ceremony.

"Okay. Well, I'll call you with the
details a little bit later. I've gotta run," Sparks
finished.

"Okay, honey. I'll see you soon."
Leilani hung up the phone, satisfied and confident.

That settles it,
Sparks thought.
I'm
gonna break it off with Leilani.
If I
can't have Dez, I don't want anyone.

"It’s Bentley!" Dez
exclaimed. "What should I do?"
she
squawked, running around the foyer like a chicken with its head cut
off.

"Go upstairs, fix your hair, and put
on some makeup. I'll handle Bentley," Ginger instructed. Dez
hesitated.

"Girl, what little game you got, you
got from me! You love Bentley, right? You want your man back,
right?" Ginger asked her with her hands on her hips.

"Hell yeah!" Dez declared.

"Well, then, get your butt upstairs.
I'll buzz him in. Don't come downstairs until I tell you
to."

Dez took the steps three at a time,
nearly tripping when she got to the top. She ran with haste to her
bedroom.

Ginger looked in the mirror by the
door after pressing the buzzer that opened the gate. She fluffed
her hair, smoothed her clothes, and answered the door with a Martha
Stewart smile.

"Why, you must be Bentley." She
grasped his hand and shook it firmly before gently pulling him
inside.

"The one and only. But I haven't had
the pleasure of meeting you. Are you a friend of my brother's?" He
grinned at her flirtatiously. Although Ginger was much more
conservative-looking, she was still a dimepiece.

"No. I'm Ginger. I'm Dez's sister."
Bentley's smile faded immediately.

"Where's my brother?" Bentley asked
impatiently, his tone ice-cold.

"Your brother is out of town, but
there's no reason to be funky with me, Bentley. I haven't done
anything to you." Ginger looked Bentley squarely in the eyes. It
would take more than some pretty boy with an attitude to intimidate
her.

"Yo, I'll be back when he comes home,"
he announced, and turned to leave.

"Huh-uh. You're coming in the kitchen,
and you're gonna sit down and talk to me," Ginger commanded.
Bentley looked at her, but before he could object, Ginger was
dragging him to the kitchen table.

"You got a lotta balls to be ordering
me around in my brother's house," he snarled.

"Yeah, so what's your
point?" Ginger threw his attitude back in his face.
Lord, please don't let this boy make me forget
I'm saved!

"Yeah, you Dez's sister, all right!"
Bentley laughed, softening.

"Well, yeah, I guess I am. You
hungry?" Ginger asked him.

''A little."

"Cool. I'll fix you a plate. Want some
sweet tea?" she asked him pleasantly. Men were so simple. A little
food in their bellies made them putty in a woman's
hands.

"Yeah, thanks." Bentley began to relax
a little.

"So my sister told me what happened
between you two,"

Ginger informed him as she set his
plate in front of him.

"Yeah?" he answered
nonchalantly.

"Want to hear a story?" Ginger asked
him brightly.

"What?"

"Well, Dez and I aren't blood sisters.
I took Dez in when she was sixteen. It was when she first got to
Miami," Ginger explained.

"You lie just as good as her," Bentley
replied sourly. "You had me fooled. Y'all do look alike, but y'all
ain't real sisters."

Ginger silenced him with an intense
look. "You know just as well as I do that family ain't just about
blood. So chill and listen to the story. Desi and I are sisters in
the strongest sense of the word. We go back a while. When she came
to me, I didn't know she was a runaway or anything, let me just say
that. But it probably wouldn't have mattered to me anyway. I used
to be a different woman. Back then I was a dancer, and Desi and I
stripped together. A lot of the things she was involved in were due
to my influence."

"So?" Bentley seemed unaffected.
Ginger knew he'd be a tough nut to crack, but she was convinced
that she could be a bridge between him and Dez.

"So you can't hold her
responsible for everything that happened. Some of it was my fault.
Now, like I said, I didn't know she was a kid. If anyone should be
mad at her, it should be me, because I committed countless felonies
dealing with her. Things I could have gone to jail for. She lied to
me big-time. I had her on the beach and drinking and clubbing. Desi
was green as hell when I met her. I knew Desiree, not Dez. I
know
her, you feel me? I
know Desi is a good girl, a smart girl, a talented girl. In many
ways I saved Desi's life. Her life hasn't been easy. She ran away
from a foster home she was put in after her stepfather raped and
tried to kill her. I'm sure you didn't know that."

"No." Bentley pushed his food around
on his plate.

"Well, that's the truth.
She's been to hell and back, and she might have made some mistakes
along the way, but she's sorry. Dez didn't have any guidance at all
growing up. She had to find her way on her own. Even you had your
brother. She had no one for a long time until she met me. But let
me get to the point and tell you something about her. If you let
her walk out of your life, you'll be sorry. She's special. In many
ways she saved
my
life, and for that I am eternally grateful." Ginger looked at
him with tear-filled eyes.

"I don't mean to sound cold, but what
does this have to do with me?" Bentley asked her.

"Look, I'm just trying to show you
that Dez is not the horrible person you want to make her out to be.
When we lived together, I was really messed up. I knew that the
Lord had something better planned for me, but I had no idea what it
was or how to do it. I was feeling like a failure. I drank, smoke,
and did whatever drugs I could get my hands on to try and forget my
pain. See, me and Desi are the same. Our pain comes from the same
source, and we're motivated by the same things. We didn't have
families. We didn't have homes. I had more of a stable family and
homelife than her, and I was a refugee. We both survived horrible
sexual abuse. And I don't rely on that as a cop-out. It explains a
lot, but it doesn't excuse everything, for me or for her. Because
once you know better, you should do better, which is so much easier
said than done. But I understand her. You would too if you
tried."

"Your little theory sounds good, but
everyone has choices. Dez made some fucked-up ones," Bentley
said.

"Yes, but everyone also makes
mistakes, even you. I used to feel the same way. When I first got
saved, I was so judgmental of people who didn't live the way I
thought they should. Especially Dez."

"So why did you change your
mind?"

"Because I realized that I was wrong.
You know, one night I got really high. I almost OD'd, but Desi took
care of me. That night I gave my heart to Jesus. And it wasn't easy
for Desi. I wanted her to change her life just like I was planning
to change mine. I must have seemed like the biggest hypocrite. I
turned her out, and then I wanted to save her. It messed with her
head. She was just a baby, you know. She decided she couldn't live
with me anymore, and that's when she got involved with
Dan."

"That's her fault. You didn't make her
leave."

"No. But I wasn't accepting her for
who she was. That's what love is. Accepting someone as is. I tried
to change her, when only God and the person doing the changing can
do that. I forced her hand. I promised to help her become a model,
and I let her down. I tried to push my dreams onto her, but instead
of telling her where I came from, and sharing my experience, I came
at her telling her what she had to do. No one responds well to
that, and you know it. You almost tore my head off when I ordered
you around. I hardly know you, imagine how I did Desi." Thinking
about how Ginger came in telling him what he had to do without
explaining who she was made Bentley chuckle.

"Look, I'm not gonna preach to you.
But I will tell you this. After I got out of that life, I met a
wonderful man that I'm going to marry." Ginger wiggled her ring
finger at him. "It was hard, but I told him my past. He loves me.
He's willing to accept me for who I am now, and not reject me for
the things that I've done. And trust me, what Dez has done pales in
comparison to my escapades. If you love Desi, you'll do the same.
You'll at least talk to her."

"Maybe," he said slowly, mulling it
over.