Sexy Beast (13 page)

‘I’ll get the mojitos,’ he says and walks away. Strange. He is the criminal and yet he is the more honorable of us.

BJ

W
hen I come back with the drinks she has slipped into my t-shirt and is seated in a recess of one of the tall windows. Twelve feet of pale yellow glow from the wintry evening sun falls on her wonderful, thick hair and tinges it with a light that I have only seen in paintings from the great Dutch masters. Perhaps a Rembrandt.

A living spectacle.

She turns to look at me and smiles a smile that nearly knocks me backwards. I have been with countless women, all of them beautiful, vibrant and sexy. But she makes them all pale into insignificance. The thought is terrifying and beautiful. Never again will I be with a woman who can satisfy me the way she does.

I stand over her and hold out the drink. She takes it with both hands. She is the first woman who has persuaded me to drink a mojito. And now I fucking like it!

‘You promised me a tour,’ she says. There is a hint of laughter in her voice. I love that about her. Only children and the truly innocent have that. I don’t really want to show her my sex room, but she stands and holds out her hand. So we go through the entire house until we get to the sex room. I open the door and she goes in, flicks the switch, and the disco lights come on. She touches the switch beside it and Kanye West’s
Gold Digger
fills the room. For a few seconds she says nothing.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I see what I have never seen before. I see how bad it really is. How stupid and vulgar and truly ugly and cringingly embarrassing it is. What was I thinking bringing her here? She is too grand for this gaudiness. I want to usher her out immediately and rip it all up.

Slowly she turns to look up at me and I swear I stop breathing. Her shoulders come up as she is about to be sick, but instead of being sick, her mouth trembles. I’ll be damned. She is trying not to laugh! I don’t know what is worse. That she should think it hideous or laughable.

‘Come on, let’s go,’ I say brusquely.

She grabs my arm. ‘No, no, I think it’s great. Really.’

I look at her curiously. Is she serious?

She gestures around her. ‘Everything all at once like this. I’ve just never seen it before. That’s all.’ She becomes serious. ‘But in fact, I should have expected it. It’s you. You say it like it is. There’s no pretense. No veneer of what is socially acceptable. It is what it is. A room for sex. If someone gets brought here, they’ll know without any doubt what you want from them.’

She walks into the room, heads for the bed, and sits on the edge. She pats the space next to her and strangely I don’t feel my cock rise to the occasion. Instead I feel a horrible feeling in my gut that even just sitting on that bed would somehow contaminate her.

She pats it again and smiles slowly.

I walk over and sit next to her. She climbs into my lap. My cock forgets its reservations and stirs to life.

‘I was thinking of dismantling this room,’ I say.

‘Why? I like it. We can have funny sex here.’

‘Funny sex?’

She draws away from me. ‘Yeah, like when you bang your head on the headboard, laugh, and then have sex anyway.’

‘Right.’

‘You’ve
never
had funny sex?’ she asks incredulously.

‘I guess not.’ And judging from her description it’s not something I’m going to rush to try either.

She tilts her head to one side and I feel something inside me melt. Shit, I’m done for. This woman has me all tied up in knots. She tries to tickle my midriff. I’m not ticklish. Her fingers move to my armpits. I shrug. ‘Sorry.’

‘You’re really not ticklish?’

Her expression of incredulity is adorable and I laugh.

‘There you go,’ she says laughing and pushes me backwards towards the bed. She puts her palms on either side of my face and brings her open mouth to mine. Ah, the kiss. This is not me kissing her. This is her kissing me. Soft. Her mouth is so soft and sweet. Smelling of mojitos and sugar and Layla. My Layla.

It seems that I like funny sex after all.

What part of her flesh have I not tasted? Her smell adheres to my hands and nails.

Layla

‘C
ongratulate me. I’m an aunt,’ I shout excitedly into the phone.

‘Brilliant. How’s the mother?’ BJ asks.

‘She’s fine. Now ask me how the father is.’

He laughs. ‘How’s Jake?’

‘Freaking out. You should see him. He’s so crazy about his baby he won’t even let anyone else carry her. I had to elbow him out of the way to even look at her.’

‘So everyone is happy.’

‘Yeah, everyone is really happy. I’ll send you a picture of her. She’s got hairy ears, but ma says even I had hairy ears when I was born and it will fall off.’

‘You still have hairy ears.’

‘Quit it or I’ll send you the pictures where she still has cottage cheese all over her body.’

He bursts out laughing.

‘Layla,’ my mother calls from behind me.

‘Got to go, Maddie, I’ll speak to you later, OK?’ I say and quickly cut the connection.

‘Are you staying for dinner?’ my mother asks. She is so happy she is glowing like it’s Christmas morning. This is her first grandchild and an event she has been praying for ever since Jake turned 21.

I touch her hand. ‘Might not be a good idea, Ma. I have to work tomorrow. I’ll come back on the weekend.’

‘Are you leaving now then?’

‘Yeah, before the traffic gets heavy.’

‘Do you want me to make you a sandwich before you go?’

‘No, I’ll go and say goodbye to Jake and Lily and be off.’

‘Lily is sleeping. Poor thing is exhausted.’

‘Fine. I’ll just go say goodbye to my brother and my niece then.’

‘Come and see me in the kitchen before you go. I’ve made some food for you to take back.’

‘OK,’ I say and run up the stairs of Jake’s house. I stand at the door of the nursery transfixed by the sight of Jake bent over Liliana’s cradle.

‘Hey,’ I say softly and he looks up, his expression soft.

‘Hey,’ he whispers.

I walk up to the cot. He is gently stroking her cheek with his finger.

‘Congratulations, Jake. Other than the hairy ears she’s beautiful.’

He looks up at me, a huge, stupid grin on his face. ‘She is, isn’t she.’

Suddenly I feel an overwhelming wave of love for my brother. All these years he never had anything for himself. To call his own. Always he was fighting all our battles. I blink back the tears.

His eyes narrow. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s just perfect.’

He nods. ‘Are you going back to London now?’

‘Yeah. The traffic won’t be so bad now.’

‘Why don’t you stay a bit longer and let Shane drive you back?’

I shake my head. ‘Then you’ll just have the hassle of sending my car back to me.’

He frowns. ‘It’s no trouble.’

I smile softly. ‘No, it is trouble for you. I’ll be back for the weekend.’

‘All right. Drive safely.’

‘I will.’

That’s the thing about Jake. Even at a time like this he is worrying about me. I hug him tightly and go down to the kitchen. My mother is putting together plastic containers of food into two carrier bags. The containers are labeled so I know exactly what’s in them. Dom is sitting at the table finishing off a massive bacon and sausage sandwich.

‘Are you off?’ he asks me.

‘Yeah.’

‘Didn’t you have something else you had to do?’ He puts the last bit of the sandwich into his mouth and raises his eyebrows meaningfully.

I glance at my mother, but she is busy washing her hands.

‘I’m not doing it today. I’ll be back this weekend, I’ll do it then.’

My brother wipes his mouth and stands up. ‘I’m off then. See you at dinnertime, Ma.’ As he passes me he whispers, ‘I wouldn’t wait beyond the weekend if I were you.’

I watch my brother leave with a heavy heart.

‘Put this bag into the fridge and consume it today, tomorrow at the latest,’ my mother says. I turn back to her. ‘And the other bag, you can freeze it and eat on Thursday and Friday. You’ll be back here on Saturday, won’t you?’

‘Yeah. Thanks.’

‘Do you want to take some cake for Maddie too?’ my mother asks.

‘No, I’ll share what I’ve got with her.’

‘All right then,’ she says moving towards the fridge.

‘Ma,’ I say sinking into a chair.

‘What?’

‘Did you ever think we’d all turn out like this?’

She looks at me. ‘Never.’

‘What did you think we’d become?’

‘I didn’t know. I didn’t dare dream anything like this. I thought we’d always be struggling,’ she says softly.

‘You’re really proud of Jake, aren’t you?’

She is so choked up she can’t even speak. Just nods violently, her body clenched tight.

‘Me too,’ I say.

She comes outside with me, and waves as I drive away. I watch her become smaller in the mirror and I get a horrible cold feeling in my stomach. When I am far enough away, I pull over by the side of the road and call BJ.

‘What’s up?’ he asks immediately.

‘Oh, BJ. I don’t know how I can ever tell Jake about us.’ My voice is shaking.

There is a tense pause. ‘Where are you now?’ he asks urgently.

‘About a mile away from Jake’s house.’

‘Look, I can be at Silver Lee in about an hour. Do you want to go there and wait for me?’

With all the excitement about the baby, no one will notice my absence so I could even spend the night there and leave very early in the morning for London. ‘But what about Marcel?’

‘I’ll ask him to leave the French doors open for you.’

‘OK, I’ll see you there in about an hour,’ I say.

‘Layla.’

‘Yeah.’

‘We’ll figure it out, OK.’

‘OK.’

‘BJ.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Nothing. I’ll talk to you when I see you.’

I sever the connection and stare at my phone. It seems impossible that I once thought my relationship with BJ would diminish with time. That I had actually told Dom that it was just a sex thing. It’s far from just a sex thing. My feelings have grown and grown.

I know BJ likes me. Maybe a lot, but I also know that I can’t base my future on that alone. He owns clubs full of beautiful women who are constantly throwing themselves at him. When I am not with him, I sometimes worry. All kinds of thoughts plague me. We haven’t promised to be exclusive with each other. Our relationship is like a dirty secret. We never go any place where we could be recognized. No one in his life knows. Even Marcel has never seen me. At least in my life, Maddy and Dominic know. Now that Lily has given birth, I might even tell her and ask her advice.

With a sigh I put my phone back into my purse and start the car. I reach Silver Lee in about 40 minutes. The gates are wide open and I drive through. It is the beginning of spring and there are daffodils all along the road up to the house. It looks beautiful. And somehow that makes me feel sadder. Will I see them next year or the year after? I park my car and walk along the side of the house. One of the French doors is open and I slip in and lock it.

I know Marcel would have taken Jeremy and the house feels silent and totally empty without BJ. My heels are loud on the floor. I go to the kitchen and open the fridge and smile. Marcel made a jar of mojitos before he left. I pour myself a tumbler and go into the vast, open living room. I sit on the long lilac sofa and gaze out into the countryside.

I’m surprised to hear BJ’s car roar up the driveway a few minutes later. I put my drink on a nearby table and go to the front door. He opens it as I get there. The moment is rare. I’ve never opened a door to him before. It’s nice. It makes me feel like we are a normal couple.

‘You got here fast,’ I say softly.

His eyes are dark and searching. ‘I drove fast.’

I take a step towards him. He pulls me hard into his arms and kisses me.

‘Come on. Marcel has made us mojitos,’ I say breathlessly.

He looks down at me and nods.

We go to the kitchen where I pour a glass for him and we walk out together to the sofa. We chink glasses.

‘Here’s to the new aunt,’ he says.

I smile. ‘And the new baby.’

‘And that,’ he adds.

We both take a sip. He eyes me over the rim of his glass. ‘My poor Layla,’ he says quietly.

‘I’m sorry I’m being such a baby, but I can’t bear the thought of disappointing them all, especially Jake.’

‘He has to know, Layla. Sooner or later. We can’t carry on like this.’

‘I know. I know. I will.’ I drop my face into my hands. ‘I just don’t want him to hate me.’

‘He’s not going to hate you. This is your life. Nothing would have stood in the way of him being with Lily. He has no right to stop you from seeing anyone you want to. You’re a grown woman.’

‘It’s just feels as if I have betrayed him.’

‘The longer you leave it, the worse the betrayal will be.’

‘‘Maybe I’ll tell him after Ella’s wedding. You’re going too, aren’t you?’

He grins. ‘Only to look at you.’

I blush. ‘Really?’

‘Abso-fucking-lutely.’

‘Anyway,’ I say, suddenly feeling all shy and awkward. ‘I’ll be staying over at my mother’s that night and I’ll break it to all of them at the same time.’

‘Do you want me to be there?’

‘No.’ I shiver at the thought. ‘Definitely not.’

‘OK.’ For a moment we are both silent. He takes a sip of his drink. ‘Have you heard the story of Layla and Majnun by Nizami?’

I shake my head.

‘It’s about a moon-princess who was married off by her father to someone other than the man who was desperately in love with her. It resulted in his madness.’

I bow my head. It would be all so different if he wasn’t a criminal.