Shackled: A Stepbrother Romance Novel (5 page)

W
hen it became
clear that Jonathan wasn’t going to let me go no matter what I said or did, the uncomfortable silence began. He crawled away from where I was sitting and the two of us stayed there for what felt like hours, each lost in our own thoughts.

I had no idea what he was thinking, but all
I
was thinking about was how to get him to take off the damn chain and let me leave. He was the one who had created this rift between us. Not me. And he had no right to drag me back into a mess that he had caused when I wanted nothing more to do with it.

I wondered what he expected to come from giving me an explanation. Did he think it would magically fix what he’d broken? What could he possibly say that would excuse his actions?

Was he going to tell me that he didn’t mean to sleep with her? That he fell on top of her and his dick just happened to slide in? Even if there was some sort of logical explanation, why would it have taken him this long to tell me?

It was as if I didn’t even know him anymore. If it truly had been a mistake, the Jonathan I knew wouldn’t have let me get away so easily. Even if I
had
managed to slip away, he would have come to my college and chased after me. He would have explained his mistake and told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. Then we would’ve run into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

But the Jonathan I thought I knew wouldn’t have slept with her in the first place. It would have been
me
.

It
should
have been me.

My head wanted nothing to do with him. But my heart, the stupid thing that got me into this mess in the first place, was begging me to give him a chance.

After hours of silence, his stomach gave way first. I heard the rumbling and purposely ignored it. But when my bladder started to protest, I was left with little choice but to speak up or risk further embarrassment.

“I need to pee.”

He didn’t flinch, but the surprise in his eyes was obvious as he slowly turned to look at me. His jaw clenched and unclenched like he wanted to say something, but he simply nodded and moved to stand up. I followed suit, wincing a little when pain went shooting up my back from lying on the floor for so long.

“You all right?” he asked as I shifted around uncomfortably.

“Fine,” I mumbled as I stalked past him. He followed close behind and when I reached the bathroom door, I turned back to glare at him as I asked, “You going to let me pee in peace?”

He rolled his eyes and shook the chain. “Why do you think I made it so long? Put it under the door. I’ll be right here.”

“Clever. So are you going to make a career out of holding people against their will or is this more of a hobby for you?”

He chuckled at my sarcasm as he propped himself against the wall beside the door and crossed his arms over his chest. I arranged the chain to feed beneath the door and closed it, flicking the lock just in case.

After I finished, I stood in front of the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror as I washed my hands. I was a complete wreck. The minimal makeup I had thrown on this morning was smudged from both my nap and tears, and my eyes were still red from the latter.

My hair was in an even worse state and I frantically tried to smooth it down, then abruptly stopped when I remembered that the only person who would being seeing me like this was Jonathan.

I splashed my face with cold water and tried to shake off the urge to continue making myself look presentable, wishing that I could just stop being attracted to him altogether. But it seemed like no matter how badly he hurt me, a small part of me was still hanging on to the hope of reconnecting.

Not that that was ever going to happen. Not for lack of effort on his part, but primarily because every time I saw his face, I was taken right back to those painful memories.

But here, in private? I wished it could be different. I wished I could see past what happened because I actually
wanted
to. I
wanted
to move forward. I wanted
him.

“You almost done in there, princess?”

And just like that, I remembered why it would never happen.

F
iona didn’t speak
to me again for hours after the bathroom incident. After I came out from voiding my own bladder, her face was back to the stoic
‘don’t-fuck-with-me’
look that I was slowly becoming used to seeing on her.

I really missed the
‘you-mean-the-world-to-me’
look that she used to throw my way, even before she admitted to having feelings for me. It was never unwelcome—she certainly had meant the world to me as well—but when she said those three words… I knew those looks would soon be over. Everything was going to change. Everything was going to fall apart.

I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

Maybe it was for the best that it happened that way. I certainly didn’t go to prom with the intention of breaking Fiona’s heart or fucking things up right off the bat, but I still somehow managed to do it.

Even if it hadn’t gone down like that, even if I had said it back to her like I should have… it still would’ve ended the same way.

Because the truth of it was—Fiona was too good for me. Even as a friend, she was way more than a guy like me deserved. I was selfish, sarcastic to a fault, and far from reliable. I hadn’t started out that way, but at some point, I started blowing her off to hang out with guy friends or go on dates. But Fiona was always there when I came back around. Always there when I needed her.

I took it for granted. Took
her
for granted.

She deserved better.
Still does.

But I wanted her regardless of whether or not I deserved her.

“I’m hungry.”

So am I, angel.

The words nearly slipped out, but I managed to clamp my jaw down just in time to smother them. Instead, I gave her a curt nod and a broad gesture as if to say
‘be my guest.’
When she started heading to the kitchen to rummage through the bags of food our parents brought to stock the cabin, I followed right behind her.

We ate in silence, and then wound up back in the living room. I put a couple of logs in the fireplace and as it started to glow in the room, I was left to ponder what the fuck I was supposed to do next. I knew that Fiona used to play cards with her dad when she came out here as a kid and I wished I had the foresight to bring a deck with me or at least look around for one before I chained us together.

Another opportunity lost.

The more we sat doing nothing, the more silence I was forced to endure, the more I was stuck with nothing but my own guilty thoughts… the more I wanted to drop to my knees and outright beg her for forgiveness.

But I stopped myself. I needed to make damn sure she was ready to listen to me before I said a word. The same tells like avoiding eye contact warned me that she was still really pissed about the shackles. I was hoping she would eventually calm down just enough to give me a chance to explain.

Until then, I was just going to have to wait. But I wasn’t going to give up, no matter how long she dragged this out. One way or another, I was determined to get a word in this weekend and have her actually hear it.

I managed to keep a leash on all the sarcastic things I wanted to say—things I would have joked around with her about had we still been on good terms—right up until the sun went down and she finally turned to look at me.

“Did you even think about how we’re supposed to sleep like this?” she asked coldly, raising her hand and shaking the chain to illustrate her point.

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but at least she was speaking. It was a start.

“I did, actually.”

There was a long pause and I could practically
feel
the disdain rolling off her in waves.

“
Well?
” she asked impatiently, tilting her head to the side as she waited for an answer.

I grinned and watched as the color drained from her face, already knowing exactly what I was going to say and still dreading to hear the words.

“We’re going to share a bed.”

“
Y
ou have got
to be kidding,” I said with a scoff as I shook my head. “No.
No.
This whole thing is ridiculous enough already. I am
not
sharing a bed with you.”

Jonathan just shrugged. “Why the hell not? It’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

“That was
before
.”

“Before I fucked everything up?”

Was that supposed to be some kind of apology? Him acknowledging that he fucked up? Hearing him admit to screwing up was enough to make the ache in my chest ease just a tad, but it was hardly enough for me to even consider forgiving him. I stepped a little closer, waiting for him to elaborate.

But he said nothing. He just pursed his lips together as if he had already said more than he intended and looked away.

I couldn’t say I was surprised. After all, this was
Jonathan
. He
never
apologized.

“So how am I supposed to change into my pajamas with this thing on my wrist?”

His eyes blatantly travelled down to my top and lingered there, a blush rising to my cheeks from the attention. His voice was thick when he spoke, sending a shiver up my spine.

“Well… I could tear that off for you.”

I growled my distaste. “That’s not funny.”

“Wasn’t trying to be.”

Our eyes met and I froze, unsure of where to go from here. But Jonathan was already standing up and stalking towards the bedroom—
my
bedroom—and the yanking of the chain left me little choice but to follow.

When I came into the room, he was already rummaging through my bag.

“
Hey!
” I cried out, rushing over to smack his hand. “Don’t go through my stuff!”

He smirked. “I was just trying to be helpful.”

“Bullshit,” I hissed, yanking the bag away from him. “You’re being nosy.”

The smirk remained and he shrugged. “Hey, it’s not like I went through your phone or anything. Could have, but I didn’t. Hell, I could have taken your phone and hidden it so you couldn’t call anyone, but I didn’t do that either.”

“And why didn’t you?”

Suddenly, Jonathan was directly in front of me, leaning over far enough for me to feel the heat of his breath on my cheek. I felt my heart speed up from the close proximity and my eyes drifted shut at the soft sound of his voice in my ear.

“Because I knew you wouldn’t call anyone to rescue you. Because even though you may
want
to hate me, there’s still a part of you that’s hung up on me.”

I wanted to deny it—to argue that I’d moved on—but the feeling of his warm fingertips brushing against my hand stopped the words before they could come close to being spoken.

Say something. Do something. At least back the fuck away from him!

My mind was screaming at me to take action, but my body definitely wasn’t on the same page. I felt almost drunk from his proximity and my body slowly swayed forward to get closer to his warmth. We were close enough together now for me to detect the faintest hint of the cologne he always wore and the scent made my heart pound against my chest.

God, I missed his smell.

“Believe me, I understand how you feel,” he whispered, drawing his head back just far enough to lock his heated gaze onto mine. “Because I’m still hung up on you, too.”

I slowly shook my head, unable to break eye contact as I whispered, “You were never hung up on me to begin with.”

The smile that curled his lips didn’t even come close to reaching his eyes. “You see, that’s where you’re wrong. I’ve always been hung up on you. Just took me a hell of a lot longer than you to figure it out.”

“You’re lying. You only
think
you want me because you can’t have me.”

Everything changed the instant the words slipped past my lips—his eyes darkening with something wild and passionate as his jaw ticked. The fingers that were running against my palm suddenly gripped my wrist and he straightened his spine to tower over me, his stance almost menacing.

I instinctively backed away, and then let out a whimper when I found myself trapped between the wall and his strong chest. He was breathing heavily as he stared down at me with desire.

“Can’t I?” he asked, and it took me a moment to remember the context before my eyes went wide.

Then his lips were on mine and my resistance shattered.

S
o much for apologizing
.

Fiona moaned against my mouth and I answered with a groan, pressing her harder against the wall and slipping my thigh between her legs. Her hips immediately ground down and I rocked forward to meet her, lust sending all my good intentions straight to hell.

I hadn’t intended for this to happen, but when she called me a liar, I had been unable to stop myself. I didn’t want her because I couldn’t have her. When she accused me of it, something in my gut screamed at me to take her. To prove to her that I
could
have her and after I had her screaming and begging for more, I’d be right here to tell her that I still wanted her.

I would
always
want her.

When I was on top of her earlier, it had been a total accident. Between her blatant teasing and her squirming, my cock had immediately risen to the occasion. If she hadn’t pushed me away when she did, I would’ve kissed her then. Maybe I would have pushed for more.

Okay, I
totally
would’ve pushed for more. That was pretty much a guarantee.

And she probably would have slapped the shit out of me in return.

But now? I had no idea
why
, but she was responding in kind to every touch of my body against hers and letting out these sexy, breathless little groans every time I pressed my lips harder against hers. I was going to take full advantage for as long as she’d allow it.

So I used my thigh to open her legs wider and placed myself between them, letting my hands go to her ass to hold her up against the wall while I ground my lower body into hers. She broke the kiss and gasped, looking at me with wide, shocked eyes.

“I want you,” I growled, praying to all that was holy that she wouldn’t ask me to stop. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to walk away now. I bent my neck down and softly kissed her neck before I choked out, “
Need
you.”

“
Yesss
,” she moaned, pulling my face back up and smashing our lips together.

My control was shot. My intentions to be honest with her and apologize like an adult were forgotten. The only thing left in my mind were the needs of my cock—the need to rut and thrust and
fuck
.

But when I tried to move my hands to better grope her ass, she made a pained noise of discomfort and somehow, my brain managed to recognize it. I pulled away immediately, breathing heavily as I stared down at her flushed face. Her shaking hand was pushing at my chest and I swallowed hard as I took a generous step back to give her some space.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered into the thick silence of the room.

Words I’d never said before. I wondered if she realized the severity of what saying them meant to me. I
never
admitted when I was wrong. Never owned up to it even if someone stood before me with proof that I was wrong.

Fiona used to have my back in whatever arguments I got myself into, even though I could always see it in her eyes when she disagreed. But it never mattered.

When I stood by my opinions, she stood by me.

I should have stood by her in return.

“It—It’s fine. Will you please unchain me so I can get changed for bed?”

I narrowed my eyes, mentally going through the very few options I had. None of them would go over well with her, but I wasn’t willing to risk giving in to her wishes and having her run off on me.

I wasn’t done trying to win her back.

“I’ll unchain you so you can change your shirt, but I’m not leaving the room.”

“W-What?”

I folded my arms across my chest and stared directly into her eyes. “You heard me. I’ll take it off, but I’m watching. After I re-cuff you, I’ll turn my back so you can preserve your modesty when you change your pants.”

She looked at me as if she was ready to blow, but I wasn’t giving in. After a long, silent debate with herself, she finally threw her hands up and sighed.

“Fine. Here,” she said in resignation as she presented her wrist to me.

I reached into my pocket and fished out the key, undoing the shackle on her wrist and holding it for her, watching as she absentmindedly rubbed the skin that had been trapped beneath the cuff. After a long moment of her hesitation, I cleared my throat and raised an eyebrow.

“Sometime before Christmas would be nice.”

Fiona scowled and the sight made me chuckle. She bent down to search for a pajama top, grumbling to herself at the limited choices. While she was turned away, I used the moment to adjust my aching dick in my jeans, attempting to relieve some of the pressure.

Sleeping next to her without touching was going to be
hell
.

“Probably should’ve packed something less slutty,” I commented with a smirk, feelings of jealousy rolling through my stomach at the idea of her going out in some of the clothes I saw in her bag earlier. “Not that I really plan to complain about whatever you choose. Or you could always go naked. I think I could handle that.”

I prayed she wouldn’t call my bluff. I really couldn’t handle that. I was pretty damn sure my dick would explode sometime during the night.

Fiona managed to muster up some courage and she pulled her shirt over her head, exposing the curve of her back and hips to my eyes. The sight went directly to my cock and it twitched hard in my jeans, the need to thrust demanding to be sated. I just barely managed to stifle a groan while I adjusted myself yet again.

When she reached around her back to unhook her bra, twisting ever so slightly enough to give me the tiniest glimpse of the side of her breast, I bit down hard on my lower lip.

Fuck, she’s going to kill me. Death by unresolved sexual tension.

My eye twitched when she didn’t put on a bra before pulling a thin tank top that clung perfectly to her body over her shoulders. I hadn’t really expected her to sleep in a bra, but the eyeful I got when she turned back to face me was more than enough to send a shock through my system.

Instead of letting her sense my discomfort, I forced a smirk onto my face as I stared at her tight nipples and asked, “Cold?”

She rolled her eyes and held up her wrist, accepting the shackle back around it. When neither of us moved for a long moment, she let out an irritated huff.

“Well?”

She was obviously waiting for a reaction, but I didn’t have a clue what she was expecting me to do. I must have missed something while I was busy staring at her tits.

“Well, what?”

She held up her other hand, shaking a handful of black fabric in my direction.

“Are you going to turn around or what?”

Suddenly remembering the rest of our bargain, I turned around and listened as she unzipped her jeans and slid them down, imagining what type of panties she was wearing. When I subtly turned my head in the hopes of catching a peek in my peripheral vision, her jeans sailed through the air and hit me in the face.

“Don’t you dare!”

I raised my hands in mock surrender and waited until she came around in front of me, then lowered them and grinned at her. She was only wearing that tiny tank top and a pair of equally small shorts and I thanked all the gods in heaven that she had obviously packed to stay with Brenda and not me.

Because…
damn
.

She sat on the edge of the bed while I unlocked my own shackle and hooked it to the bed frame to keep her from bolting. She glanced at the bar, then at me, an idea forming in her mind that I had been hoping to avoid.

“We don’t need to share a bed,” she cried happily as I shut my eyes and cursed myself for my stupidity. “You can leave me like this. I promise I won’t even
try
to go anywhere.”

She was practically pleading with me. Was the idea of being close to me really so unappealing to her now? The thought stung more than I wanted to admit.

“And what happens when you need to use the bathroom?”

I pulled my t-shirt over my head and tossed it towards the door, reaching into my own bag to grab a pair of shorts to sleep in. When I realized she still hadn’t replied to my question, I glanced back, smiling to myself when I caught her checking me out.

“Like what you see, baby?”

Her eyes shot up to mine, wide and embarrassed. I chuckled lowly, turning around a little more to give her a better look at the muscles I’d developed since she last saw me. Not to mention the tattoos. Those were new to her as well.

“Don’t be embarrassed. If I didn’t want you to look, I would’ve left the room.”

I waited until she took the bait—her eyes hesitantly dipping down to my abs—before I reached for my zipper and pushed down my jeans and boxers in one fell swoop.

Subtlety was never really my specialty.