Shades of Blue (31 page)

Brad ran his fingers along Emma’s hair for another hour, long after she’d fallen asleep, until the storm moved on and night fell over the beach. Here he was alone with Emma Landon, a million miles away from Laura and his life back in New York. He still loved Emma, he knew that now. But not the way he had before. The love he felt now had more to do with the shared loss of their daughter, and the weight of the mistakes they’d made ten years earlier. They never should’ve gone to the clinic, never should’ve had the abortion. Maybe then he never would’ve said good-bye, and today — this stormy afternoon — would’ve been marked by the laughter of a nine-year-old girl.

“I’m sorry, Emma … you don’t know how sorry I am,” he whispered the words, not loud enough to wake her. There were moments today when he wasn’t sure how he could walk away from Emma again, but watching her now he was more clearheaded. He did not want a new love with Emma. He wanted the old one, along with their daughter and everything that would’ve been so different if they hadn’t had the abortion. He wanted a way back.

But there was none.

When he was sure she was okay, and that she wouldn’t wake up, he slid off the sofa and looked around the room. He found a quilt in a wicker basket beneath the windowsill a few feet away. He carried it back to her, unfolded it, and carefully spread it over her. Then for a long time he looked at her, the striking features and damp dark hair.

He would call her in the morning, ask her to go to church with him. He needed to know she was going to be whole and well after this. To the degree that it was possible. As he left her house, as he silently closed the door behind him, he realized something that terrified him. They only had one day left together. They needed to find closure and healing tomorrow, with God and each other. If they didn’t, he couldn’t imagine getting on a plane and returning home to Laura. Not because he didn’t love her, and not because he had doubts about marrying her.

But because unless she was okay, he wasn’t going to leave Emma Landon again.

Twenty-Four

L
AURA MADE THE DECISION EARLY THAT
morning to take Bella Joy up on her offer and head into the city. She was tired of feeling sad, tired of lying in bed crying, and most of all, tired of her new role as victim. She didn’t want to talk about centerpieces or flowers or whether it was time to at least warn their hundreds of guests that the wedding was in jeopardy.

She wanted an escape. A trip into Manhattan seemed like the perfect answer.

They met up at Laura’s house around noon and the two of them were taken into the city by one of the Towne Cars from the service Laura’s father used. Bella Joy waited until they were in the car, a glass panel separating them from the driver, before she turned to Laura. “Have you heard from him?”

“No.” Every hour that passed without a second call made Laura more certain things were not going the way Brad had planned. He had clearly found his old girlfriend, and they’d stumbled onto some still-strong connection. Otherwise he would’ve at least left her another message. “Monday’s coming.” Laura refused to get emotional. She patted her friend’s hand. “I’ll know more then.”

Bella Joy studied her for a long moment and then smiled, her expression marked by compassion and understanding. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

“Not now.” She sucked in a sharp breath, keeping her sadness and uncertainty at bay. “Today I don’t want to think about Brad or talk about him. If it’s over between us I need to know I can be okay without him.”

A deeper knowing filled Bella Joy’s eyes. “Got it.” She smiled again and gave Laura’s hand a quick squeeze. “Today it’s just us and the city.”

“Exactly.” Laura swallowed the fear and hurt. She was only saying what she wished were true. She couldn’t really stop herself from missing Brad Cutler any more than she could stop her heart from beating. But she could pretend for a day. Even that much would be better than hiding away in her room.

Bella Joy filled the rest of the ride with a story about her friend who’d landed the ensemble role in
Wicked
. The details were just distracting enough, and by the time the driver let them off at Fifth Avenue and Central Park, Laura was fairly sure she could get through the day without dwelling on Brad, without imagining what he was doing. Even if she still missed him.

“Coffee?” Bella Joy’s eyes sparkled.

Laura was grateful to her friend. Not only was Bella Joy willing to let the subject of Brad die for the day, she would do everything in her power to make their time together as fun and normal as possible. Laura hung her long purse straps across her body and grinned. “A trip down Fifth Avenue without Starbucks?” she laughed. “Impossible.”

They walked past Tiffany’s and ducked into the lobby level of Trump Tower, up one floor in the glass elevator, and into a busy Starbucks. They ordered a couple of grande soy lattes, extra hot, and then set out south on Fifth Avenue. Laura was glad this wasn’t where she’d purchased her wedding dress. Instead they window shopped for handbags at Louis Vuitton and Gucci, and a Father’s Day tie for Bella Joy’s dad at Bergdorf Goodman.

Laura’s only purchase was a short-sleeve polo at Lacoste for her mother. “For her golfing dates with my dad.” Laura smiled at Bella Joy as she paid. She loved looking at the stores on Fifth Avenue, but she rarely felt right buying anything. Many of the stores had clothing items well over a thousand dollars. Ridiculous, really.

Their shopping led them to H&M across from St. Patrick’s Cathedral. The store was three stories high, full of the newest fashions at rock-bottom prices. Bella Joy found two pairs of shorts and three summer tops for under a hundred dollars total, and Laura bought two jean Capri pants and a summer dress for less money than the tax on other items along Fifth Avenue.

Laura glanced at St. Patrick’s as they made their way south, but she didn’t mention stopping inside and Bella Joy didn’t either. Laura looked up at the blue sky overhead.
God … be with Brad. Whatever he’s doing today. I don’t know what’s happening, but You do. For today that has to be enough.
She uttered the silent prayer, but she kept walking past the ornate church. She didn’t need a reason to lose her composure. They passed NBC’s headquarters and Rockefeller Center, and they spent half an hour in Anthropologie, where Bella Joy bought a colorful tablecloth for the summer picnics she hoped to have with Laura and their other friends. “Sometimes it’s all in the setting.”

“That’s true.” Laura loved this, loved these few hours where she didn’t have to think about Brad or their wedding or her life with or without him. She wanted to hug her friend. Bella Joy had spent the day doing exactly what Laura had asked — keeping things light and avoiding any discussion of Brad. Before they left Anthropologie, Laura picked out a pair of sandals for herself and a candle for her mother.

Once they were back out on the street, she called for the car. They set their bags inside but declined his offer of a ride to the theater. “We’ll call you after the show,” Laura told him. “Sometime around midnight.” The driver promised to stay on call if the girls changed their mind or needed him sooner.

They walked farther west on Forty-Ninth toward Broadway and ate dinner at Sbarro in Times Square. It wasn’t fancy, but they ordered salmon and baked ziti and took their food to a table downstairs. Bella Joy talked about the guy she knew who worked at the Stardust Diner up Broadway a few blocks. “He’s been going to Times Square Church, the one that meets in that old theater. Bunch of Broadway people attend. He says it’s a great worship service, great preaching. I’m sort of interested.”

Laura raised her brow, again happy for the diversion. “In the guy or the church?”

A sparkle lit up Bella Joy’s eyes. “I’m not sure.” She took a sip from her bottled water. “You’re the first person I’ve told.”

The conversation moved from that to the idea that Bella Joy still intended to audition for dance roles on Broadway. “It’s something that never really leaves you.”

“Mmmm.” Laura’s mind flitted to an image of Brad, the two of them walking hand-in-hand through Central Park in happier times. “Some things in life never do.”

Their dinner flew by and they walked north to Fifty-First, west to the Gershwin. The show was set to start in fifteen minutes, and a flood of people gathered near the door, buzzing with excitement as they made their way into the theater. Laura had tried to see
Wicked
a number of times, but for one reason or another her plans never worked out. She and Brad had seen most of the other shows — even the new hit sensation,
In the Heights
. But this would be Laura’s first time to see the prequel to the
Wizard of Oz
, a show that had become one of Broadway’s biggest.

Inside, the theater was decorated with an enormous map of Oz and other items that looked like they’d been plucked from the set of the original movie. Laura hadn’t read
Wicked
, the book — most people said it was a very dark story and not anything like the Broadway play. But she knew the premise.
Wicked
told a story that explained what happened before the twister hit Dorothy, the story of the friendship between the good and bad witches of Oz.

Their seats were amazing, fourth row center. Bella Joy leaned close as they sat down. “It helps having a friend in the show.”

“No doubt.” Laura leaned back in her seat as the house lights went down around them. From the first note, Laura was swept into the beautiful story. She felt tears in her eyes when Elphaba — the green girl — sang about the guy of her dreams falling for Glinda and not her. The actress playing the role had a brilliant voice, and as she sang the line, “I’m not that girl …” Laura felt herself relating. That’s what had happened with Brad, right? He had left and returned to his first love. No matter what his reason, or how he’d tried to justify his time in North Carolina, the fact remained. Right now, no matter how much she loved him, she wasn’t the girl he wanted to be with.

Just like the song.

Bella Joy quietly pointed out her friend, and Laura was impressed. The girl was a beautiful dancer, and it was easy to see why she’d gotten the part. After intermission, the other moment that hit her was at the end when Glinda and Elphaba find each other again and share a good-bye song. “It well may be … That we will never meet again.” The words hit Laura square in the heart. Was that how it was going to be with her and Brad? They would have one last time together and then they’d say good-bye? The song played out, and Laura dabbed quietly at her tears. “Because I knew you … I have been changed … for good.” The song told about moving on and finding forgiveness, knowing that what the two had shared was never going to last. But it would never be forgotten either.

Laura watched through eyes blurred with tears. That’s how it would feel with Brad. If she were forced to walk away from him, she would do so believing that the experience of loving him had changed her for good. Bella Joy must’ve recognized that Laura was crying, because she slipped an arm around Laura’s shoulders and gave her a side hug. Laura was grateful for the show’s final number, when she had time to compose herself. When the lights came up, she dabbed her fingers beneath her eyes. “Amazing. I’d see it again tomorrow.”

It was Bella Joy’s third time to see the play and she nodded her agreement. “This was the strongest cast yet. The show gets better every time you see it.”

They filed out with the crowd and crossed the parking area to the stage door. Bella Joy’s friend had left their names on a list, and they were ushered inside and up a Service elevator to the stage level where they met the dancer. For half an hour she gave them a tour of the wings and the costume area. Then she had a meeting with the cast, and Laura and Bella Joy left the theater and walked back toward Broadway and the Stardust Diner.

The place was packed, bustling with tourists and theatergoers. A waitress was singing “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” as they walked in. “There he is,” Bella Joy had to shout to be heard, but she pointed at a waiter across the diner. “That’s my friend. His name’s Adam.”

Adam was tall with pale-blond hair and a tanned narrow face. He noticed them right away and met them at the door. Bella Joy introduced him to Laura, and though he was polite, his interest was entirely on Bella Joy. Laura was suddenly very aware of her engagement ring. She was proud of it, proud of all it stood for. But was she really still taken? She twisted the ring nervously and followed Bella Joy and Adam. He took her hand and led her through the madness. “Come on. I’ve got a table for you in the middle of the action.”

As he was seating them, another waiter, a tall guy with curly dark hair and flirty eyes approached them. He walked up to Laura and accompanied her to the table, the two of them trailing Bella Joy and Adam. He held out his right hand to shake hers as they walked.

“Hi.” He yelled over the loud singing. Their fingers connected briefly. “I’m Donny.” His eyes held hers. “The most beautiful girl in New York City walks through the door, I figure I should at least introduce myself.”

Laura felt her cheeks grow hot. She hadn’t thought of herself as being attractive to other guys in years. He mustn’t have seen her ring. The chaotic restaurant was brightly lit and very loud. She leaned in close enough to be heard. “I’m Laura.”

Donny locked eyes with her. “Nice to meet you.” He looked toward the back of the restaurant at another waitress signaling to him. “Looks like I’m up.”

He wove his way past the tables and took a microphone from the waitress. At the same time, the music from “Lean on Me” started through the restaurant. Laura took a spot at the table across from Bella Joy, who was still talking with Adam. Now though, Adam promised to be back in a minute to take their order, and the attention of everyone in the diner was on Donny. The guy was charm and charisma personified, and he had a voice that belonged on a stage. He made eyes with a number of older women and children as he worked his way around the restaurant. But very quickly he sang his way to the booth where Bella Joy and Laura sat.