Shadowborn (22 page)

“He didn’t have to be. He conned the creature formerly known as Parthalan into killing Bain for him then took over control of the Sluagh. And from what I can tell, he now uses Parthalan as his little pain slut.”
Gag me.
Images flooded my mental cinema, none of which I needed with an already churning gut.

Dead silence filled the room as Liam dropped his hands and faced me. A wicked smile ate up the bottom of his face. “Seriously?”

I couldn’t keep the sneer from my face. “Don’t look so happy about it. It’s not what you think.” My finger pointed toward the direction of Cargun. “Parthalan is not what we remember. He’s this … broken, terrified, scrawny thing who doesn’t have a clue who he is or what he was before.” A hot coal burned in my chest. “At least, until I forced him to see my memories from the day he killed my family. I think the elves knew that somehow, that he was different, maybe useful. I’m not afraid of him anymore, Liam, and I told him to take his rightful place as Lord of the Sluagh.”

His hand shot up. “Jesus, Lila! First, you defend the one who destroyed everything for both of us, then you tell him how to gain enough power to take us all out?” Liam’s fists curled at his sides. “It’s got to be the bond. He got to you, didn’t he?”

“No! I swear to you, it’s not that. He oathed himself to my service. He’s got some part to play against the Shadowborn, I know it. Once he assumes control of the Host, they’ll all come to our service willingly.”

“He’s playing you. With all you know of him, you have to know that in your heart.”

Liam’s distrust stung. “We’re bonded, remember? All that’s left of his evil lives within me. The soul or whatever exists within his skin is not the Parthalan who once was. He couldn’t hide from me. I’m sure he wouldn’t know how even if he wanted to.”

Liam remained mute for a few seconds. A sigh hissed from his lips. He nodded and held his hand out to me. “Okay. I’m so used to sorting through deceit all day long … it’s become sort of a habit.”

It took me a few seconds to shake off my growing anger, but I went to him and slipped my fingers into his. Power arched along my skin and drew a moan to my lips. “I don’t have enough energy to fight with you. Not tonight.” I tightened my grip on his fingers and looked up into his sad eyes. “The Magi hired the Shadowborn, or at least Parthalan said the ‘Old Ones’, and I assume that’s whom he means.”

“Shit.” Liam wrapped his arms around my lower back and rested his head against mine. “Yeah, that’s whom he means.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“When you were with Alogason and Laerni, I asked Galati about the Magi. She went white as the snow and said something in Elfish. I know enough of their language to catch ‘the Old Ones’.”

“And that’s not all I found out. Alastair doesn’t want me for himself. The Magi want my soul or maybe all of me. I think. I don’t know.”

Hands slipping up to grip my upper arms, Liam stepped back and stared long and hard at me. “But … Alastair hunts for the thrill of catching his prey. He wouldn’t just give you up without something else in return.”

I dropped my gaze and flexed my arms to free myself, but he held firm. “I won’t let them …”

“Oh, for Lucifer’s fucking balls.” Liam’s arms straightened at his sides. “They’re going to take me as payment.”

I blew a piece of golden hair away from my face. “According to Parthalan … yeah, that’s the deal Alastair made with them. I’d like to know how they’re getting away with offering up someone who isn’t of their race, but apparently the Shadowborn aren’t choosy. So what do they want? What can your death and my soul gain them?”

“No fucking idea, but based on the look Galati took on when I mentioned the Magi, I’m betting Alogason knows.”

“So maybe it wasn’t me they were afraid of after all. It was the Magi. Who could they be that the almighty elves would be terrified of them?”

“I wish I knew.”

After one last squeeze of Liam, careful to keep my thoughts from the next day’s events, I stepped away. “I guess I’ll get a bit of rest and go back there in the morning.”

“What time will I meet you?”

“You know you can’t go with me. You’re getting married tomorrow, Liam.” The words stuck. I summoned every ounce of will and held steady as I walked to the door and away from my last chance to be with Liam as we were. The next day, no matter how much I wanted us to remain the same, with a wife and child in his care, our relationship would never be the same.

A growl ripped into the room from behind me. “Just wait until after, and we’ll go together. Please.”

“You know I can’t do that.” I gripped the knob as much to keep me standing as to keep from fleeing. “I need something to do so I won’t go crazy tomorrow, and you need to be here. I’ll take Nix with me to make sure I’m back in time—”

Liam’s hand grasped my arm and whipped me around. His lips crushed mine. The strength in his hands slipped under my butt and lifted me while he pushed me back into the door. Wetness coated my cheek. At first, I thought I was crying, even though I fought to keep my emotions in check, but the tears were his.

“Liam.” I spread my fingers into his hair and forced his face back from mine. “I know you’re doing what you have to do.”

“I don’t want this.” He shook his head and buried his face against my throat. I wrapped my arms around his head and held him against me. “Every time I think of what I have to do, it tears up my chest from the inside. How can I stop this without ending up dead? How can I stop this and still help you with the prophesy? I want you and only you. It’ll always be you, Lila. I still remember what our bond was like, and I want it again so badly it makes me crazy sometimes.”

I’d have done anything to end his suffering, but I didn’t know how. “I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.” I nuzzled his ear, hit him with a jolt of my energy and coaxed a moan from him. Steady concentration allowed me to force all emotion from my voice and swallow my own agony. “If you have to take a queen to keep yourself safe, then you need to do it. I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Hands against his chest, I pushed him back, opened the door and stepped out into the starless night.

His footsteps announced his emergence behind me. “I forbid it.”

“It’s part of the whole good will thing, remember? A show of solidarity between our Courts and all that.”

“But …” The desperation in his tone dug claws into my chest.

My face grew hot as I realized why he protested so hard. “You’re doing her right there in the Court, aren’t you?”

A pause stretched into a painful silence. “It’s our custom.”

Pain swept my body.

I broke into a run, hyperventilating by the time I made it to the portal doors. After rolling my shoulders and breathing deeply, the hurt passed into the background. I needed to focus on what had to be done and nothing else. Yes, I loved Liam and always would. If the Goddess wanted us to be together again, I’d have to place my trust in her that I would somehow find the path to take me there. For the time being, I had to put on a good front, watch him take his queen and not lose my mind.

Yeah, I’d get right on that.

19

When I arrived at Seven Gates, I did a mental sweep of the area around the portals. Only one mind lingered, all stirred up in a tornado of panic, anger and guilt. A peek around the cavern entrance revealed Nix pacing, the tendons in his neck pulled so tight they looked like wires stretched beneath his skin.

Confusion by the sudden ache for a comforting touch, for someone to tell me everything would work out, plagued me as I walked into the peach dawn. “I’m here,” I said, digging the toe of my sneaker into the fresh crust of snow.

“Thank the Goddess.” Nix bounded to me in three long strides and scooped me up. “You’re shaking. What’s happened? Has that bastard hurt you?” Tension sang along his arms.

Yes.
“He’s not a bastard. And no, I’m not hurt.” Not the way he meant. “Let’s go inside.”

“Of course.” He paused with his hands still on my arms. “Please, don’t hit me, but I’m going to ask anyway.”

I huffed out a laugh. “No, you can’t carry me.”

His fingers slipped against mine, injecting me with a small amount of Light that gave me enough energy to move forward. As long as I didn’t look into his eyes, I could pretend Nix was everything I needed.

We walked in silence into the cavern and through the portal door.

My momentum stalled as I stared down the white cobblestone street at my city. Yes, it was my home, my city.
I’d fallen in love with Dun Bray but not its people.

“What’s wrong, Li? You look sad.”

“No. Just … thinking. What do the Seelie Sidhe do … you know … to have a good time?”

Nix’s chuckle earned him a poke in the ribs from my elbow.

“I’m not talking about
that
kind of good time.”

“I know some of the guards were playing poker over at Neve’s last night. I bet they’re still at it.”

I dropped my hands to the fluttering in my stomach.
Why am I nervous?
“Would you … take me there?” Peering through a shield of my hair, a giant smile on Nix’s face greeted me.

He held his arm out to me in an old-fashioned movie sort of way. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Linked with him, we walked down a street I’d never been on before. “How come you’re not all over me about what happened with the elves?”

His shoulder heaved up in a shrug. “I’ll admit curiosity is killing me right now, but I figure if and when you want me to know, you’ll tell me.” His light-hearted chuckle rippled across the morning air. “I’ve learned prying into your head earns me nothing more than that evil stare of yours, so I won’t be doing that anymore.”

Feet glued to the spot, I halted. “I’m really that bad, aren’t I?”

“I’m just teasing, Li.” He rolled his arm like a swimmer, urging me forward. “Come on. Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad, I’m … why did it take an elf to point out that I don’t know my people, Nix? I’m ashamed to admit I don’t even know where you live.” My arms flailed around my head. “I stride up this street to my room in the castle without even a thought about what’s going on around me. Are fae falling in love? Getting married or mated or whatever? Are they having babies?” I clutched my abdomen and closed my eyes until the tightness in my throat let up. “I should know what makes my people happy, and I don’t.”

“Tonight was harder on you than I thought.” Nix came to stand in front of me. “I don’t know what they said to you, but I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

I turned away. “Don’t make excuses for me. No wonder they all hate me. I accuse them of being self-absorbed, but what impression must I be giving them?”

“You’ve spent the last ten years concentrating on survival, alone, in a world where everyone was a predator. Perhaps it’s time you share your story with them, the whole story, not the abbreviated version I heard once in a moment when you let your guard down. Let them feel how much your trials scarred you. Let them share your ghosts, and you’ll become more real to them.”

I took in a shuddering breath while my hand went in search of his. When I found it, I gripped it tight. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what Laerni said, but I don’t know where to start.”

He squeezed back. “Yes, you do. We’ll start at a poker game at Neve’s, and you’ll figure it out from there. Now, come on before I decide to throw you over my shoulder and carry you there whether you like it or not.”

Groaning, I allowed him to tug me back to his side and fell into step. His warmth and the rough texture of his hand settled my mind. If I’d never met Liam, would Nix and I have been happy together? I kept my cringe inside. Would I really consider never being with Liam that way again?
He’s getting married!
If the ancestors mated them, he wouldn’t want me anymore.
The idea punched me in the chest. The thought of him never looking at me that way again ripped open old wounds, the pain surging outward from my heart until it reached the far regions of my body.

“What’s wrong now?”

I blinked, my sight returning to the world beyond my restless mind. “Why? What do you mean?” My words jammed up together to go along with the train wreck in my brain.

“You stopped again, and you’re even paler than normal. What’s going on in that head of yours?” The concern darkening his ocean-blue eyes made me avert my gaze.

A shake of my head sent my hair down to obscure my face. “Nothing. Let’s go, or the game will be over.” I strode off without a backward glance. “Where does Neve live?” Desperation injected a tremor into my tone. Getting through the hours until the ceremony would drive me insane without distractions. I’d never wanted my mother more than I did in that moment—or even my father, if my people would have allowed him in my city.

Someday. I would make it happen.

Nix motioned down another side street with his head. He shot me glances every few paces, probably making sure I wasn’t about to explode, as I followed Nix to a white two-story shifter with a red door.

With his knuckles poised to knock, he spoke without turning. “You sure you’re up for this?”

I have to be.
“I think so.”

A few taps of his fist against the red door brought footsteps to the far side. It opened a moment later, and out stepped Neve, looking as beautiful as always with her pink sunset hair braided and lying along either side of her slender neck.

“Lila.” The shock in her voice matched her saucer eyes. “I can’t believe you’re here.” Her low-rise jeans showed off a flat belly, and her white lace top barely reached her navel. Sexuality rippled off her as it always did—not in a way that made me uncomfortable, rather in a way that made me jealous that I couldn’t be as comfortable in my own skin the way she obviously was.

“I told you she’d come.” Brígh appeared behind Neve wearing her usual innocent, welcoming smile. “Why don’t you invite them in, dough-brain, instead of standing at the door like a moron?” She reached past Neve and held her hand out to me. “Come in, Lila. Play with us.”

Brígh must have seen me come there with her Sight. I wasn’t sure I liked having her know what I’d do before I did. I stared at her hand, back at Neve’s fidgeting ones and wayward glances.