Shampoo (39 page)

“
I know. Just cause he
was an ex, he can get away, UNDER THE TERM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, with
near killing me. The law needs to be changed.”

“
I’m so sorry for you,
honey.”

“
Don’t be hon. It’s
over.”

(is it?? Is it ever
over??)

“
You know what? When
the zombie apocalypse comes, I want you there, on the front lines.
You and that right hook of yours. You gave it back pretty good. You
walloped him right back, honey.”

“
Fucking oath. The
motherfucker!!”

We fell about laughing. “You and
my sister,” Tee laughed. “You can go to war for us, I’ll be back at
the camp, cooking.”

“
Sounds like a plan,
honey.”

“
Your poor hand,
remember that? Was so broken and fucking blue and completely
mangled, and all you could think about was your pink shoes ruined.”
Tee was hysterical now. “You were in the hospital, covered in
blood, you were black and blue, and all you were crying about was
your fucking pink shoes!!!”

Oh God, we were both
hysterical.

(now THAT’S HOW YOU COPE. Turn
everything into something funny)

“
I really fucking loved
those shoes!” I cried.

“
I could tell. So could
all those lovely emergency room doctors as they tried to fix
you.”

Stitches. We were in
stitches.

“
At least we can laugh
about it now, hey?” I spluttered.

“
Oh, honey,” Tee
laughed. “I love ya. You’ve got some fight in you.”

I pulled into a dark house at
midnight. I felt sad over Ever and what had happened on his stupid
party bus outing, and relieved Nat and Dan were already in
bed.

I wouldn’t have to talk to them
about it.

8.30pm

I’ve spent an hour lying in bed,
reading Linda Goodman’s Star Sign book on Scorpio and Pisces, my
heart in tatters, Giz in bed with me.

That book is so damn romantic I
can barely stand it. I also love it too damn much.

10.00pm

I was wallowing in my depression,
almost asleep, when Jules rang. She’s sick, so now I have to get up
at the crack of dawn and do both our shifts.

I really hate Dawn’s Crack. And 12
hour days.

And I haven’t slept from the
weekend.

All I can think about is
Ever.

He rang me at work today.
4.35pm.

(fuck our fucking special
time!)

And acted all normal and
nice!!!

(God I hate him)

He (claimed) had no idea why I was
upset.

“
Are you kidding me?” I
said, typing invoices in furiously while sending fury through my
headset at him.

“
Look, come over and
talk about it tonight.”

“
I really don’t want to
talk about it ever again.”

“
Well, that’ll be a
first – ”

“
Shut up,
Everard.”

He laughed. “Come over,
woman.”

“
I don’t want
to.”

“
I know you want
to.”

“
You know sweet fuck
all – ”

“
Save your outrage for
when you get here, woman.”

“
Ugh! I’m not coming
over!”

“
Really??”

“
Ugh. No. I’m coming
over.”

Why. Why why why why fucking
why.

Stupid me drives all the way over
there straight from work, and it was heartbreaking.

I dumped my bag in its usual spot,
my heart in ruins, him in bed watching his wall-sized tv as
usual.

I launched into it straight away.
I was not there to make nice. No pussy-footing it around by
me!

“
You told me, TO MY
FACE, ‘you’re not my girlfriend’ – ”

“
I’m sorry, I SHOULD
NEVER have said that – ”

“
YOU THINK!!!! What
about Gibbo’s girlfriend, saying that to YOUR BROTHER’S FUCKING
GIRLFRIEND!!!!”

“
What?? What did she
say???”

“
Are you fucking
kidding me?”

“
What! Tell
me!”

“
She told Casey, ‘no,
that’s not Ever’s girlfriend! That’s just some girl he’s fucking!’”
I picked up a pillow and threw it at him.

Ever caught the pillow, a
half-laugh escaping. I swear he fucking loves it when I throw fits.
“My mates and I NEVER would have said that about you!! FUCKING
NEVER – ”

“
BULL. SHIIIT!! Where
the fuck did Gibbo’s girlfriend get that from then???”

“
I DON’T KNOW!! But it
wasn’t from me or my mates – ”

“
Oh, FUCKING SURE,
Evvy!”

“
My mates all FUCKING
ADORE YOU, WOMAN, they beat my head in that I’m a fucking idiot for
how I treat you, THEY FUCKING LOVE YOU, THEY WOULD NEVER SAY THAT
ABOUT YOU!!”

“
It doesn’t explain
away YOU THEN FUCKING SAYING THAT TO ME, TOO!!!! And for telling me
off for being drunk!”

“
Karina, I’M SORRY –
”

“
WHAT THE FUCK was that
about anyway!! So I wasn’t allowed to be drunk at your fucking
twenty-first?? When EVERYONE ELSE WAS?? I had to BE FUCKING
SMASHED, JUST TO SURVIVE THE NIGHT!”

“
I’m sorry, woman, what
more can I say?”

“
You’re right! There’s
nothing you can say that will take this hurt away from me right
now. Or ever again!”

“
What are you
saying?”

“
I can’t do this
anymore!”

“
What are you saying?
You want to end it?”

“
According TO YOUR
BIRTHDAY, I’m just some girl YOU’RE FUCKING – ”

“
YOU KNOW, that’s NOT
TRUE!!”

“
Oh yeah, cause you
make me feel so fucking secure and stable in your love!!! NO I
DON’T FUCKING KNOW IT – ”

I was standing at the end of his
bed, pacing up and down. I stopped to stare at him. “I CARE about
you Evvy! You must know this! And you hurt me EVERY WEEK, EVERY DAY
with this shit!”

Oh God, the way he looked at me
then. With longing and pain, and, yes, LOVE, in his eyes. He was
burning me with those eyes.

“
Say something,
Everard!”

“
What can I say? You
won’t believe me anyway.”

“
I can’t DO THIS
anymore. So please, I’M BEGGING YOU, just say
something.”

“
I don’t want you to
go. I don’t want you to leave here.”

But what else could I do? He was
killing me.

I picked up my bag, turned to
leave. He looked torturous.

“
Karina – ”

“
Yes?”

“
I don’t want you to
leave.”

I leaned against the door. “Dear
God, Evvy – ”

“
Listen to what I’m
saying! I don’t want you to leave.”

I shook my head, the tears
falling. “It’s not enough, Evvy.”

And I opened his door and I
left.

I’m so sick of roaring
away from his house. It loses its meaning by the
100
^th
time.

Tuesday 14 November
2000

7.20pm

Work was so busy today. Neither of
the girls were there, so I was flat out.

I kept glancing at the clock near
4.30, once it hit 4.35 my heart flipped, thinking he’d ring, since
he always rings dead on 4.35.

But that time came and went, and I
sunk into this intense sadness. Then at 5.10pm, my direct line
rang, and my heart stopped, praying it was him…

And it was.

Ever tricked me with a voice
again, and made me laugh.

(damn him)

Then he said, “Come over,
woman.”

“
What for?” I
gulped.

“
Oh you know what for –
”

“
Stop it, I’m too upset
with you – ”

“
Don’t you want to come
over?” Oh, God, he sounded wounded.

“
You know I do. But I
just don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

He made a noise. Part growl, part
moan, mostly sigh. “Okay. I’ll try again tomorrow,” he said, in
this ‘I’ll show her’ tone.

Oh God, I hope he
does!!

Then I drove Joy home from work,
and we had our usual deep and meaningful. She told me I should
stick with Evvy, so now I’m totally confused, cause I normally
totally trust Joy’s advice.

She said if I really did love him,
I’d stick around, enjoy our time together and see where it ends up.
That I’m just trying to protect myself now by bailing.

Which is so true. I need to
protect myself though. I’ve been too battered by life.

Wednesday 15 November
2000

11.27am

I’m home already. These tablets
for my cough are making me sick.

So is work. Too many fucking 12
hour days.

I’m watching a Gene Wilder movie
on Encore, and it’s ripping my heart out.

All I can think about is that
fucker.

And the more I think about him,
the more upset I get, and the more upset I get, the sicker I
feel.

And this movie is making me
cry!!!

I’m in love with Ever. How did
that happen?? It hurts!! It hurts so fucking much.

Oh my God, a movie has never made
me cry this much before.

It’s brilliant. I don’t even know
what it’s called.

What’s going to happen with Ever
and I???

6.05pm

Tee came over about 2pm and
brought me a homemade lunch. She’s so lovely!!! She loves
me!!

Tee expresses love via food. She’s
like an Italian widow.

Ever rang dead on 4.30pm today.
Was so funny, cause I’d just told Tee he rings me dead on 4.30 –
4.35, so when the phone rang, we both looked at our watches, then
each other.

And he was SO ADORABLE to me on
the phone, lecturing me like a boyfriend, and we all know how much
I love that!!!

He was making me laugh so much,
too. He was in one of his comedic moods that I love so
much.

I teased him

(I secretly and shamefully love
ribbing him),

asked, “So why are you ringing me,
Everard?”

“
To say hello to you,
woman,” he replied, his voice his happy/interested one.

(not his couldn’t care less voice
that makes me want to do him physical harm)

“
Is that all it’s ever
going to be between us?”

“
Hey, I’ve rung every
day wanting you to come over! I’ve wanted you here Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, tonight!!!!” Pause. His tone turned to that sexy gruff
one. “And not to talk, that’s for sure.”

My legs went weak. I wanted to run
over to his place and have sex IMMEDIATELY.

“
I’m not well enough,”
I replied, plonking down on the floor. “You can come here, you
know!”

“
I can’t, cause of my
lunch tomorrow.”

“
What?”

“
If I come to yours, I
won’t have lunch to take to work tomorrow.”

“
Ah, ever heard of
BUYING your lunch? For just one day?”

“
That’s a waste of
money, and I’ll never get my house wasting money like
that.”

(God, he’s so organized and
disciplined and WEIRD)

“
One day will not ruin
your future financial empire, Everard.”

“
Yes. It
will.”

“
SIGH. We do actually
have bread here, Everard.”

“
I like my chicken
wings!!”

“
You eat them for
dinner every night!”

“
And lunch.”

“
I’m getting off the
phone before your weirdness freaks me out any more – ”

“
Says the girl OBSESSED
WITH PINK – ”

“
I’d like to see you
before another week goes by, Ever.”

“
What do you think I’m
doing? I’m trying to call, and be there, and get you to
relax!”

“
Oh, is that what
you’re doing? Guess I better appreciate it then – ”

“
Shut up, you. I’d like
to see you relax finally – ”

(then you should behave better,
Everard!!)

“
I know how I’ll
relax.”

Ever laughed. “Hmm. Then come over
so I can work on relaxing you – ”

“
You come here,
Evvy!”