Shatter Me (11 page)

             
“More.” He growls.

             
“I love you.” I breathe into his ear and feel him shudder. “I love everything about you.”

             
His hold on me tightens. “Kari…” He captures my lips and doesn’t let me go.

             
“I’m pregnant.”

             
I nearly spit the mouthful of wine out of my mouth at Bianca’s news. When she had called me two days ago and asked me if we could get together I had had no idea that she wanted to give me such staggering news.

             
We haven’t been as close as we once had been over the last month. Bianca had called me the day after our argument to apologize, and I had accepted. But still things have been kind of strained between us. I spend most of my time at Keith’s apartment or at the Winthrop estate on the weekends with Keith and Hunter. I hardly ever come back to the apartment that I share with my bestie anymore.

             
And Bianca and Christian have been pretty lost in each other since his return from Japan. We have talked on the phone and texted every other day, but I have lost touch with Bianca.

             
And now she
i
s a mess. It didn’t look as if pregnancy was agreeing with her I notice as I give her a closer
inspection
. Her skin is blotchy, she looks thin and fragile and her hair has even lost some of its glossy shine. I thought that pregnant women glowed with motherhood. Not so with Bianca.

             
“How do you feel about that?” I ask, because I know that a baby had not been a part of my bestie’s ten year plan.

             
“I…” Bianca blows out a long sigh. “I don’t know how I feel about it.” She answers honestly. “I’m sick all of the time. I have big mood swings. And Christian…He thinks I did it just to get him to marry me.”

             
I reach for my friend just as she dissolves into a sobbing mess. I pull her close, ignoring the curious onlookers around the restaurant. I don’t say anything as I let her get it all out, simply sit there and stroke her short dark hair.

             
It takes a good ten minutes before she pulls back and I offer her a linen napkin from the table. She wipes her eyes and blows her nose. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a watering pot.” She hiccups. “I…I told you I have bad mood swings.”

             
“Stop it. I could care less about that.” I give her hand a gentle squeeze. “Bee, it’s going to be alright. You will get through this, I promise. I am here for you, you know that.”

             
She bites her lip as more tears spill down her cheeks.
“Oh, Kari!”
She hugs me tight. “I was such a terrible friend and you still have my back. I don’t deserve you!”

             
“Shut up. I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t have your back right now.”

             
We leave a little while later. Bianca begs me to spend the night at our apartment and I agree. Keith will understand that I have to be there for my friend. But he sounds disappointed when I call him a few hours later to tell him I won’t be home tonight.

             
Strange how I consider his apartment home now.

             
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He finally sighs. “I just don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight without you with me.”

             
I smile, happy that he needs me beside of him. “It’s only for tonight, Keith. And you hardly ever get any sleep anyway.”
Mostly because he tended to spend most of the night making love to me.

             
“Go. Bianca needs you.” He mutters. “I…Goodnight, baby.”


      
 

             
I spend most of the night just talking with Bianca. There is a lot to catch up
on
. Normally we know what is going on in each other’s lives immediately, but now that I am rarely here that isn’t the case.

             
Thankfully by the early hours of the morning I have convinced Bianca that this baby is something special. As for Christian, I planned to deal with him myself.

             
I left Bianca
sound asleep back at the apartment the next morning while I went out. I took a cab down to Marshall International, which was on the fourteenth floor of a gigantic skyscraper. His secretary gives me an odd look as she shows me into her boss’s office.

             
Christian is on the phone when I walk in, but one look at my face and he quickly ends the call. With a nod he motions for me to take a seat. “I guess I should have expected you to hunt me down.” He mutters.

             
“Yes, you should have.” I toss my briefcase aside and drop down into a leather chair in front of his desk. “She’s a mess, Christian.”

             
He stabs a hand through brown hair, reminding me of Keith. “Hell, I’m a mess myself, Kari. I am not ready to be a father. And marriage…That just isn’t for me.”

             
“Has she told you she wants to get married?” I ask. “Did she demand that you marry her?”

             
“No…”

             
“Has she asked you to do anything?” I ask, frost in my tone.

             
“No…” He is frowning now, thinking hard about what is going on not just with
himself
,
f
but also with the woman who is carrying his child.

             
“All she wants right now is for you to be there for her. This pregnancy isn’t all that easy for her right now. Bee isn’t well and you are only making her more stressed out.”
I
want to hit him, but that would be crossing the line. “Can’t you stop acting like a petulant little boy long enough to help her through this?”

             
“Christ!” He mutters. “What do you want me to do Kari? What
should
I do?”

             
“Just go home and hold her. Tell her that you love her and want this baby. Take things one day at a time.” My cell chimes alerting me to a text message but I ignore it for now. “That is all she wants right now, Christian. Not to take away your freedom.”

             
I only stay a few more minutes before I tell him goodbye. But I feel a little more confident that Bianca will be alright now. I
grab
a cab and just as it is pulling away another text message come
s
in on my phone. I pull it out of my briefcase and
bring
up the app. Both the one
from earlier and the new text are
from Keith.

             
Where are you?

             
Missing you.
Lunch?

             
I smile happily as the cab drives me toward work.

             
Keith is tinkling me. I am giggling and trying to fight my way free. But he is so much stronger and really, I don’t want to get away. Not when he seems to be having just as much fun as I am.

             
But the tinkling fingers soon become caressing fingers and my giggles soon turn to moans.
With a careful flip I am suddenly on top of him and he is gazing up at me with the most peculiar light in his dark green eyes. “Kari…” He says my name in that way of his that always makes me weak.

             
We have practically been living together for more than five months now. It is the beginning of October now. Other than a few nights here and there spent with Bianca when she has rough episodes with her pregnancy I have not spent a night away from him. Even when we can’t make love he still wraps me in his strong arms and holds me all night long.

             
“I love you.” I whisper as I bend to kiss his lips.

             
“Kari…”

             
The ringing of my cell phone on the nightstand interrupts whatever he is going to say.
I
t is after midnight
and
I am worried about who would be calling me. As my father
i
s on the other side of the world at the moment it could easily be him and he has forgotten about the time difference again. But something in my gut tells me that
isn’t
the case and I snatch it up before the call can go to voice mail.

             
“Kari!” A deep, distressed voice chokes out my name.

             
“Christian?” I clutch the phone tighter and Keith sits up on the bed beside of me. “Christian what’s wrong?”

             
“Bee.”
He takes a deep breath to calm himself before continuing.
“She…Oh, God Kari.
She lost the baby.”

             
I reach for Keith’s hand. He gives mine a gentle sque
eze for comfort. I feel the loss
just as sharply as I know that Bianca must be feeling it right then. I gather my strength because I know that my bestie needs me and ask Christian what hospital they are at. When he tells me I hang up and jump out of bed.

             
I can barely see for the tears clouding my vision as I rush to get dressed.
I am nearly sobbing before I can even get my jean
s
on. Strong hands stop me and pull me against a hard chest. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”

             
“She wanted him more than anything in the world.” I whisper.

             
Bianca had struggled through the pregnancy. But had been doing better lately with Christian’s support. The two were growing closer than I had ever seen them. And yesterday I had gone with them both to find out the sex of the baby.
A boy.

             
Bianca had wanted to call him Caleb.

             
I lean against Keith for a moment longer but then continue to get dressed. To my surprise Keith goes with me to the hospital and stays in the waiting room while I follow a distraught Christian back to Bianca’s private room on the Labor and Delivery floor.

             
Outside her door Christian grasps my hand hard. “She won’t talk to me, Kari.” He whispers. “I think she is blaming me.”

             
I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “Just give her some time, Christian. This is going to be difficult for her.
She’s just looking for someone to take it out on right now.”

             
He hangs his head. “Maybe she is right to blame me.” He whispers. “At first I didn’t want the baby. Maybe I wished the baby away…” A tear spills from his eyes and I hug him close.

             
“No, Christian.” I whisper fiercely. “Don’t think like that. You wanted Caleb as much as Bee did. Please, don’t torment yourself like that.”

             
He doesn’t respond but hugs me tight for a long moment. With a sigh he steps back and opens the door to Bianca’s room. “I’ll wait with Keith. Take your time.”

             
Inside I find Bianca curled up on a narrow bed, her face turned into the pillow while she silent weeps. I go to her and pull her into my arms. “Kari!” She sobs so hard her body shakes. “Kari, Caleb.”

             
“I know, Bee.” I murmur as I rock her. “I know.”
Tears of my own stream down my face as I hold her like that for most of the night.
A nurse comes and goes, giving me a small empathic smile as she leaves.

             
Bianca cries herself into a fitful sleep. She wakes several times and starts to cry again, but I just rock her until she quiets again and falls back to sleep.

Around six thirty the doctor comes in and gives Bianca an ultrasound.
He tells her that these things happen
sometimes
for no apparent reason
,
but that he
could
fores
ee
no reason why she could
not
have another baby.  It only makes Bianca start crying again.

“I wanted this baby.” She whispers brokenly and I send a killing glare at the insensitive doctor.

He takes on
e
look at my fierce expression and quickly makes an excuse to leave. A nurse comes in and gives Bianca an injection into her IV line. Something to calm her, the nurse explains to me. And would I like anything to drink?

I shake my head, to busy stroking my
friends
hair as she drifts off to sleep once more to worry about myself.

Hours later Christian appears in the door with Keith. I have been strong up until now, as I look at the man standing there waiting so patiently for me. I bite back a sob and he gathers me into his arms. “You need sleep.” He murmurs at my ear, careful not to wake up Bianca.