Shatter Me (12 page)

I shake my head. “I don’t want to leave her.”

“I will be here, Kari.” Christian assures me. “Go home and rest. She will need you later.”


      
 

             
“I broke up with Christian.”

             
Bianca’s coolly stated news is not something I haven’t been expecting. For weeks now, ever since she had lost the baby Bianca has been pushing Christian away. She couldn’t get over it. And with her hormones all over the place from PPS she was an emotional wreck.

             
I
sit on our sofa in the living room of the apartment and hug her close. I have been here a lot more lately.
Trying to help my bestie get over the tragic loss of her baby boy.

             
But I have seen very little of Keith recently. I miss him so badly. And he is starting to get impatient.
Wanting me home with him every night.

             
Tonight, however I cannot accommodate him. I stay up half the night with Bianca, letting her talk through her feelings. She keeps focusing on how Christian was at the beginning of her pregnancy. Their
fighting,
and h
is
pulling away from her. I just sit and nod, because that is all Bianca really needs; for someone to agree with her right now.

             
Around midnight my cellphone rings and I pick it up thinking that it is Keith. “Hey, I miss you.” I murmur. Bianca is in the bathroom taking a shower and I want five minutes alone to talk to my boyfriend.

             
But it isn’t Keith.

             
“Kari.” It is Christian and he sounds so emotional that my heart clenches for him. Over the last few weeks the loss of his child has paid its toll on him too. I have watched the man begin to hate himself from thinking that he was the reason the baby was gone. And I have also watched him take everything that Bianca has dished out at him and come back for more.

             
“Christian.” I pull the phone closer and glance in the direction of Bianca’s room. “How are you?” I murmur.

             
He lets out a tear filled laugh. “I have lost everything I never knew I wanted. How do you think I am?”

             
“Oh, Christian.”
I bite the inside of my
cheek
.

             
“Look, can we talk? I really need a friend right now. And you are the only one who will understand.” The breaking of his voice makes me close my eyes, hurting for both him and Bianca.

             
“Yes.
Of course.
But not tonight.
I’m with Bee right now. I’m sorry.”

             
“I understand. She needs you…I wish she needed me.” He whispers.

             
“She does, she really does. It’s just that right now she’s mixed up.” I hear her moving around in her room. “I’ll meet you for lunch tomorrow.
Text me with a time and place.”

             
“Thanks Kari.”

             
“Anytime, Christian.”
I say goodnight and toss the phone aside just as Bianca comes out of her bedroom wrapped up in a thick robe.


      
             

             
After a morning filled with everything seeming to go wrong and then an emotional lunch with a man who
thought that
he had nothing left all I wanted was to go home to Keith and get lost in his arms. But I still had three meetings that afternoon, one of which was with the exclusive party planner that Winthrop Charities used. We were going to do a benefits concert to raise money for the music departments for the inner city schools.

             
I throw myself into work. When I unlock the door to Keith’s apartment I am dragging. “Keith?” I call out. “Keith, are you home?”

             
He calls out from his study and I drop my briefcase on the sofa as I pass. I find him sitting at his desk frowning at something on his computer screen. But his head snaps up when he notices me in the doorway and that sardonic brow
raises
. Ever since I told him how much I love that d
amn eye
brow he does it whenever he sees me. “Hey, baby.”

             
“Hi.” I murmur. I can’t move. All I can do is stand there and soak in the sight of him. His dark hair is
in
desperate need of cutting and my fingers ache to comb through it. He needs a shave, but I love that dark shadow of stubble and the feel of it against my soft skin when we make love. His suit jacket is gone and the top three buttons of
his dress shirt are undone, giving
me a tantalizing glimpse of dark chest hair.

             
I feel as if I haven’t seen him in months when we had had dinner together just a few nights ago.
I realize that I have missed him more than I thought and I was determined that I
am
not going to spend anymore nights away from him if possible.

             
“Bad day?”
He asks, noticing the emotions crossing my face with concern.

             
I give him a small smile, too
close to tears
to offer more. “Just realizing how much I have missed the man I love.”

             
Those green eyes I love so much darken and before I can
even
blink he is across the room and I am being lifted into his arms.
“Kari, oh my sweet Kari.”
He kisses my lips, my eyes,
my
forehead. “I have missed you too, baby.”

             
“I’m sorry I have been gone so much.” I say as I wrap my legs around his lean waist.

             
“Kari, just shut up and kiss me.” He nibbles on my bottom lip. “I have gone without my beautiful temptress for far too long.”


      
             

             
Hours later I surface from my Keith high and snuggle closer
into
his hard chest. The bed is a mess with sheets and
the comforter
twisted and half off the bed. Keith yawns and I raise my head to gaze down into
his sleepy green eyes. “Did I wea
r you out?” I ask with a happy grin.

             
He slaps me on the behind just hard enough to making a loud noise without causing a sting. “When a man has to snuggle up to his pillow and no
t
the warm, soft body of his girlfriend he doesn’t get much sleep. Then when she comes home and
ravishes
him
non-stop for three solid hours…” I giggle and kiss his lips.

             
“Good answer.” I murmur and cuddle close, starting to drift off while he plays with the ends of my long blond hair.

             
“Kari…”

             
I bury my face deeper into his chest.
“Hmm?”

             
“Kari I need you.”

             
My eyes snap open and I slowly raise my head to look down at him. There is something different in those emerald green depths that I have never noticed before and my heart skips a beat. “I need you too, Keith.” I tell him softly.

             
He raises a hand to cup my cheek. “I mean it. I need you. Baby, I care about you…” He seemed to be struggling with his words and I felt like he was trying to tell me…
He
is
trying to tell me he loves me!
             
I bend and brush my lips across his, stopping his difficult flow of words. “I know.” I tell him as I pull back just enough to meet his gaze. “It’s the same for me.”

             
It is Thanksgiving.

             
Surprisingly my father is home for the Holidays and I have planned a
small
dinner at the Winthrop estate. It has been a year since the death of my mother and step-father and I want this Thanksgiving to be better than the last one.

             
The house feels warm and cozy. A huge turkey is baking in the kitchen thanks to the wonderful housekeeper. And I am snuggling close to Keith on the sofa in the entertainment room watching football while my father and Hunter talk foreign politics. I feel loved and so thankful that I have everything I want and need right in this room with me.

             
Bianca is spending the day with her parents and I feel a little guilty because I
am
glad to not have to trip over her every time I turn around. In recent weeks she has begun to get back to her old self. And she keeps calling me to talk about Christian. The phone call from last night had really made me want to slap her, but I had simply gritted my teeth and let her rant.

             
“I think Christian is seeing someone else already.” Bianca had said, sounding hurt and angry.

             
“What makes you say that?” I asked as I had stretched out on the sofa.

             
“Because his secretary told me that he was out to lunch with some blond the other day when I called to talk to him. Have you talked to him, Kari? Do you know if he is screwing around on me?”

             
I grimace. I have been seeing Christian at least once a week and talk to him on an almost daily basis. Since his breakup with Bianca we have become really close friends. And I knew for a fact that Christian was not seeing anyone else. He was too torn up over losing Bianca and the baby to even think about dating right now. “I have spoken with him. And I don’t think he is dating anyone. He misses you Bee.”

             
She gave a less than amused laugh. “Yes, I can tell. Every time I call to talk to him he is busy or gone out with his blond. And he never calls me back. That sounds like he is just torn to pieces!”

             
She went on and on for a good hour before I was able to hang up. I hated hearing her speak of Christian like that. Even when
w
e hadn’t been close friends I had known that he was a good guy. And now that I have gotten to know him a bett
er I knew just how good he is.

             
Which was why I had invited him to dinner tonight.

             
Of course Keith had thrown a big stink about that when I had told him this morning. I was secretly thrilled that he was jealous, but peeved all the same that he thought so little of my feelings for him that he would think I would ever want anyone else.

             
“I love you, you stupid man!” I had shouted at him in his study this morning. “Don’t you trust me?”

             
His eyes had darkened. “I don’t trust
him
. He is vulnerable right now and you are always there for him and handy. I do not want you spending so much time with him.”

             
“Christian is my friend. He doesn’t think of me like that and even if he did I would never encourage him. Why can’t you understand that?”

             
The argument had only escalated, but had ended as most of our spats do. With me in his arms and him loving me to death. Now, with that loved feeling still coursing through my veins I snuggle closer against him and snack on popcorn while the game continues on.


      
 

             
Dinner is delicious.

             
I sit at the big dining room table with all the men in my life spread around me. Everyone is smiling and eating and having a great time. I sit there,
enjoying the company as much as the food.

             
Keith drapes an arm along the back of my chair and plays with the ends of my long blond hair while he jokes with his brother. From time to time he will drop a kiss on my lips, or run a finger down my nose. The look in his green eyes is
possessive  and
I wonder if he is putting on a show for Christian’s sake or actually being this loving because he can’t help himself.

             
Across from me Christian seems to be having a good time too. He and my father talk shop and he laughs along with the other men at their jokes. But I can see in his eyes that he is still hurting.

             
Over dessert I send him a questioning look and he just shrugs. So when we are all
back
in the entertainment room I drop down onto the sofa beside of him instead of taking up my usual place beside of Keith.
             

             
Tucking my legs under me I pull one of the many pillows into my lap and hug it close. “What’s up?” I ask quietly, while the other men get involved in the seven o’clock football game.