Shattered Dreams (13 page)

...he had no idea what those were.

He tried to make sense of his emotions as he followed Fellingsdown to the terrace but couldn’t. The emotions raging inside him were all so new. So foreign.

When he reached the bottom step he looked up. Elly’s brother, George, stood at the edge of the terrace holding one of the mallets he and Elly had used to practice.

“Look, Harrison.” George lifted the mallet high. “I think the reason Charfield stayed behind today was to practice his game.”

“Perhaps he intends to challenge you to a rematch,” Spence said. The gathering on the terrace cheered in avid expectation.

Jules stepped forward and held up his hand. “Place your wagers here. This promises to be the rematch of the summer.”

The shouts and cheers increased.

Brent couldn’t stop a grin from covering his face. Everyone was truly enjoying themselves and he was glad for such frivolity after the serious conversation he’d had with Fellingsdown.

Fellingsdown slowly turned, then crossed his arms over his chest. “Have you been practicing behind my back?”

Brent couldn’t help but look at Elly to see her reaction.

She shook her head several times as if pleading for him to keep her secret, but she was also laughing behind her hands clasped over her mouth.

Brent couldn’t help but laugh, too.

“I’ve been found out,” he said. He struggled to look as humble and guilt-ridden as possible. “I’d intended to wait until an opportune time to challenge you to a rematch, but I see I’ve been discovered.”

“Rematch! Rematch!” the group lining the edge of the terrace cried out.

Fellingsdown let the cheering go on for a few seconds, then raised his hand to quiet them. “I’ve been challenged to a rematch by the esteemed Lord Charfield...and I accept!”

Another loud cry went up.

“Choose the time, Charfield.”

Brent nodded gravely. “In two days.”

Another cheer went up, this one even louder than the one before.

“Two days it is,” Fellingsdown decreed when the guests had quieted. “On the side lawn.”

Brent nodded again. “Agreed.”

“Very well. We will have a replay of our croquet match in two days, immediately after our noon luncheon.”

Another loud cheer erupted and Fellingsdown gave Brent a dismissive bow then turned.

“One moment, please!” Brent raised his hand to gain the crowd’s attention as well as Fellingsdown’s.

Fellingsdown stepped level with Brent and waited until the crowd quieted.

“Since our last match was not a singles match, I would like to propose that our rematch not be one either.”

Fellingsdown arched one brow. “You are suggesting we each have a partner?”

“I am.”

Fellingsdown arched both brows. “Do you have a certain partner in mind?”

“I do.”

Brent didn’t look at Elly. He knew her reaction wouldn’t be positive.

“Very well. Name your partner.”

“Choose me!” a female voice cried from the crowd.

“No, me!” another voice echoed.

“If you truly want to win, Charfield,” Elly’s brother, Spencer, said in a loud, commanding voice, “you’ll pick me to be your partner.”

“Hardly,” Elly’s brother, Jules boasted. “I best Spence every three of four matches. You’d be better off with me as your partner.”

“Make your choice, Charfield.” Fellingsdown smiled, obviously finding genuine humor in this odd turn of events.

“Very well. I choose—“

Brent turned and looked at the chair where Elly sat. Two bright circles dotted her cheeks and she frantically shook her head to stop him, but Brent refused to let the pleading in her eyes deter him.

“I choose Lady Elyssa.”

There was a sudden hush from the group. Fellingsdown took a menacing step toward him as if he’d uttered a profane word in polite company. “How dare you,” he said through clenched teeth. “You know Elly hasn’t mastered swinging a mallet.”

“I know nothing of the sort.”

Brent ignored Fellingsdown’s anger and locked his gaze with Elly’s, willing her to accept his invitation. “Will you agree to be my partner, my lady?”

For a long time she didn’t answer. The longer the seconds stretched, the more fearful Brent was that she intended to refuse. From the looks of fury in George, Jules, and Spencer’s eyes, Brent considered that if she didn’t make her choice soon, he might not be around to hear her decision.

As if George thought Brent had humiliated his sister enough, he took a step toward him. His clenched fists were the evidence Brent needed to realize George’s mission was to either plant a fist into his jaw, or bodily remove him from the premises. He hoped Elly would not hesitate any longer.

At just the right moment, she rose to her feet.

With her hands anchored on the edge of the table, she pulled herself up. Everyone turned their attention to where she stood. Even George halted a few feet from Brent.

“Will you agree, my lady?” Brent repeated.

She did not rush to give her final answer, but responded nonetheless with a firm response. “I will.”

Lady Lathamton was the first to react to Elly’s astounding news. With a broad smile on her face, she rushed the few steps that separated her from Elly and wrapped her arms around her friend’s shoulders. That was the beginning of the well-wishes and words of congratulations.

“Are you sure, Elly?” Fellingsdown asked when the noise quieted.

“Of course,” Elly answered. “I’m honored to be asked. Now I’d like to know who you intend to pick for
your
partner.”

Fellingdown looked shocked.

“I’ll be your partner,” Jules and Spencer said at the same time.

“No, I’ll be his partner,” George said, asserting the authority he assumed his age gave him.

Several of the female guests protested that it would hardly be a fair match if one of his brothers partnered him, that his partner should be a female.

Fellingsdown then turned to where his two aunts sat together at a table. “Aunt Esther, would you or Aunt Gussie please do me the favor of being my partner?” he said, his expression indicating he found more humor in the situation with each passing minute.

“Oh, we couldn’t,” they both countered at the same time.

“Our talent is not nearly adequate,” Aunt Gussie said.

“And you really should choose someone younger than either of us doddering old women,” Aunt Esther added.

“Neither of you are—”

“Might I suggest someone I consider equal in talent to Lady Elyssa?” Brent suggested, eager to see the issue resolved.

Fellingsdown nodded. “Of course.”

Brent shifted his gaze to the woman standing beside Elly. “Lady Lathamton, would you do us the honor?”

Fellingsdown made a choked sound from beside Brent and Elly’s friend opened her mouth as if to object, but both Aunt Gussie and Aunt Esther chimed in before their nephew or Lady Lathamton could say anything.

“Excellent choice, Charfield.” Aunt Gussie clapped her hands in excitement.

“Absolutely,” Aunt Esther echoed with a gleeful expression on her face.

“I presume you have no objection,” Brent said to Fellingsdown, knowing the Marquess of Fellingsdown would never embarrass a guest by refusing her assistance.

“Of course not,” Fellingsdown responded with unusual stiffness. “But the lady has not agreed. Perhaps she does not wish to be the other half of my party.”

“Of course, she’ll be your partner. Won’t you, Cassie?” Elly asked. Her enthusiasm made it impossible for Cassie to say no.

Lady Lathamton’s answer was not nearly as fervent as Elly’s had been, but she nonetheless agreed – if not reluctantly.

A round of applause and genuine cheers went up and Jules and Spence were left with no choice but to record the wagers the others placed on their winning preference. Then everyone gathered into excited groups to discuss the remarkable happening and wait for the day of the match to arrive.

Chapter 13

Excitement over the croquet match consumed dinner that evening and the next. It continued each evening even after everyone went into the drawing room for the evening’s entertainment.

By the time the eve before the match arrived, Cassie couldn’t pretend excitement any longer so she made her escape through a side door and onto the terrace to be alone. She spun around when she heard a noise from behind her. Harrison stood in the shadows.

“May I join you?”

She nodded and he walked toward her.

“I saw you come out here and thought I’d take this opportunity to talk to you privately.”

He stopped when he reached her and looked out into the garden instead of looking at her. She was thankful. Because of the soft, gentle breeze she could smell the intoxicating cologne he always wore. The unique fragrance always had an affect on her.

For months after her marriage to Everett she’d sworn she could smell Harrison’s special cologne. Each time her sense of smell betrayed her she looked about, hoping to find him. Praying he’d finally come to rescue her.

But he hadn’t. Having him burst through the door to save her had been a figment of her imagination.

It was still the same. She wondered why it couldn’t be different now. Nearly four years had passed and nothing had changed. The emotions she’d felt when she was young and carefree and...happy were still there.

Seeing him again after four years had opened the door behind which she’d locked all her memories. They’d only been in each other’s company for five days and every dream and longing she’d ever yearned for rushed back in the form of desperation and need.

Even though she’d attempted to avoid him, it had only taken that one kiss in the summerhouse to know she would never be over him.

She would never stop wanting him.

She would never stop loving him.

But that love held no hope. Her dream of a life as Harrison’s wife was shattered four years ago.

“Was there something you needed?” she asked, keeping as much emotion from her voice as she could.

“Yes. I’d like to apologize.”

She turned to look at him. “Apologize for what?”

“For not thinking of a way for you to avoid being my partner tomorrow.”

Cassie shrugged. “Charfield hardly gave you an opportunity.”

“No, and neither did my aunts. But I should have been able to think of a solution. I’m sure you’d rather be as far from me as possible.”

Each painful word stabbed into her like a dull needle pricking through tender flesh. “I doubt I resent your company any more than you resent mine.”

“Perhaps. Which is all the more reason I should have thought of a solution so we wouldn’t have to spend the afternoon together.”

The moon was a small crescent shape that gave a bare minimum of light. Cassie fought the tears that blurred the little sliver of light. She refused to weep in front of him. Tears had never done any good.

She should know. She’d shed enough of them when she realized Harrison wasn’t coming to save her. She’d shed even more when she realized he had believed every horrible word of the scandal and abandoned her to face her fate on her own.

“Do you ever think about the plans we made when we were younger?” she asked.

“Of course. To me, they weren’t just useless words. They were dreams for a future I thought we’d have together. Obviously, I was the only one of us who took them seriously.”

His words hit their mark and she felt a weight drop to the pit of her stomach.

She wanted to respond with an equally hurtful remark, but before she could get out her scathing retort, he surprised her by issuing another apology.

“I’m sorry. I came out here to apologize, not to throw stones. Besides, what I mistakenly thought was between us is far in the past. I’ve put it behind me.”

Cassie swallowed. “I’m glad.”

She knew it was too late to resurrect the feelings that had once been between them, but she had one more question she needed him to answer. “Why didn’t you at least come to talk to me? Why didn’t you come to ask if the rumors were true?”

“Why didn’t I come to—”

He stopped his words in mid sentence, but not before she heard the anger and hurt in his voice. When he resumed talking he spoke each word with tempered caution.

“I did. More times than I could count. But each time your father had me removed like so much garbage.”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “Would it have been so hard for you to explain what had happened? Couldn’t you have at least sent a note?”

A part of her died.
Couldn’t you have at least sent a note?
Hadn’t he gotten any of her frantic pleas for help? Somehow not one of the messages had been delivered.

Had her father done that?

Or Everett’s father?

Or both of them?

Heaven only knew. They were both desperate enough. For a reason she only
thought
she understood, the two of them were responsible for the lies and the scandal that destroyed her future. As well as her brother’s. Not only had her father disowned his only son, but he’d allowed his only daughter to be married off as if she were nothing more than a piece of horseflesh to be sold to the highest bidder.

How could she tell Harrison that? How could she expect him to believe they’d both been pawns in a terrible tragedy?

She couldn’t. It was too late, because nothing would undo what had been done – even telling the truth. But she had one more question she needed to ask.

“If I had sent a note to...to ask for your help, or to...explain, what would you have done?”

“I’d have come, of course. I’d have walked through hell and back if you’d wanted me. But you didn’t. When I wasn’t allowed to see you, I waited for word from you; any sign that the scandal involving you and Lathamton was a mistake. But no word came.” He paused. “Then you married him and it was too late for me to do anything.”

He stopped and she searched for the right words to say, but there were none.

“Why, Cassie? Why did you let me believe you loved me when you loved someone else?”

“I did love you, Harrison,” she heard herself say even though she swore she’d never say those words to him again.

“Obviously not enough,” he threw back at her. “Or perhaps just not as much as you loved Lathamton.”

“Harrison, I—”

“There’s no need, Cassie. The time for explanations is well past. Besides, that’s not the reason I came in search of you. I came to assure you that I won’t let our lack of feelings for each other affect the fun everyone seems to be having because of the challenge.”

“Everyone
does
seem to be having quite a grand time with this.”

“Yes. Even Elly.”

“She never told me she’d mastered swinging a mallet,” Cassie said.

“None of us knew.” Harrison was quiet for a moment before he shared his thoughts with her. “Do you think it’s possible she won’t be able to play?”

Cassie thought for a moment. “I don’t know. I haven’t given it a thought. Surely she wouldn’t have consented to be Charfield’s partner if she couldn’t.”

“Perhaps, but I can’t imagine how she’ll manage keeping her balance without her cane. Or holding on to her cane and swinging a mallet at the same time.”

Cassie felt Harrison’s worry. He and George had always been the most protective of Elly’s brothers. Perhaps that was because they were the oldest. But more than that, she thought it was because they considered themselves the most responsible for what had happened to her. She knew Harrison did. He’d admitted that to her a long time ago.

But he’d told her many things when he thought her heart belonged to him.

How she missed the closeness they’d once shared. How she missed having someone in whom she could confide her thoughts and dreams.

“How serious do you think Charfield’s intentions are toward Elly?” she asked. Even if she would never realize any of her dreams, it wasn’t too late for Elly to find her happily-ever-after.

“What do you mean? Charfield has no designs on Elly.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Surely you’ve noticed how he looks at her, and how eager he is to keep her company. Even if how he reacts to her isn’t plain enough for you, you can’t tell me you haven’t seen how she looks at him.”

“Charfield’s being polite. And Elly’s enjoying his attention. That’s all.”

“Oh, Harrison. There’s far more to it than that. I can’t speak for Charfield for I don’t know him on a personal level, but I do know Elly. It’s plain to everyone, including your two aunts, that Elly’s falling in love.”

He shook his head. “No. Elly’s never shown any interest in a man before.”

“Just because Elly’s never shown interest in a man before doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the same feelings as every other woman.”

“Even you, Cassie?”

She hesitated, but couldn’t resist answering him. “Yes. Even me.”

She knew how he’d interpret her answer; knew there was only one way he would take what she said. His reaction was exactly what she prayed it would be.

He stood next to her, close enough to gather her in his arms. When he reached for her she didn’t fight him, but moved toward him, even though she knew stepping into his embrace was like jumping off a cliff into the rocky crags below.

He held her close for several long minutes, her cheek pressed to his strong, warm chest and her ear taking in every thundering beat of his heart. His muscular arms bracketed her in a secure embrace that made her feel safer than she’d felt in a very long time.

But being in each other’s arms wasn’t enough. They both needed something more from the other.

Harrison placed his finger beneath her chin and tilted her head upward. With a lazy, half-lowered gaze he looked into her eyes to read her expression.

Then kissed her.

His lips were firm and sensual against hers, his kiss demanding. He tilted his head and deepened his kiss as if he’d gone without her for too long and couldn’t take in enough of her. There was nothing gentle in his kisses, yet he was the gentlest man she’d ever kissed.

He was the
only
man she’d ever kissed.

He pulled her closer, then opened his mouth atop hers. She followed his lead and allowed him to enter.

This is what she’d relived time and again during the long, lonely nights when all she had were her memories. She’d gone without the strength of his arms around her, the pressure of his lips atop hers, and the power of his thundering heart beating against and through her too long. For so many days and weeks and months after the scandal, this is what she’d thought she’d never learn to live without.

Now she didn’t know how she’d survive giving it up again.

He lifted his mouth from hers but didn’t release her. “After kissing you the other day in the summerhouse, I told myself I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.”

“So did I.” She tried to control her breathing so he wouldn’t know how much his kiss weakened her.

“I’m not sure it’s possible to keep that vow.”

“Neither am I.”

“That’s what I was afraid you’d say.”

Being near him was too dangerous. She had a son to consider.

“Then perhaps it would be best if we use as much self-control as we possess when we’re together.”

His statement gave her pause. “Yes. That would be in both our interests.”

Cassie looked into Harrison’s eyes and knew she could never allow their renewed friendship to become anything more. For her son’s sake she couldn’t let Harrison become part of her life. “Yes, I think there’s a chance that will work,” she whispered with the same shyness she’d felt as an inexperienced debutante during her first ball.

“So do I,” he answered. He dropped his arms from around her. “We’d best go inside.” He took a step away from her. “Tomorrow will be a big day.”

“You go ahead. I think I’ll stay outside a little longer.”

“Very well.”

Harrison nodded, then walked into the house.

Yes, she thought. If they both practiced self-control, there wasn’t a reason they couldn’t remain on friendly terms until the end of the party.

Cassie stayed outside for several minutes after Harrison left her. She’d been sure that after all this time his kisses would no longer affect her. But they did. Even more now than they had four years earlier.

She closed her eyes and mentally reminded herself it was too late for a future with Harrison. Their shared past made it impossible. Her son made it more impossible.

She took a deep breath then straightened when she heard someone approach from behind her. She turned, then stopped.

“It’s a pleasant evening, isn’t it?” Jeremy Waverley said walking toward her.

She watched him approach and decided to make a hasty departure. “Yes, very pleasant. But I was just ready to go inside.”