She Comes First (6 page)

W
HEN IT COMES
to the female genitalia and the hidden parts of the clitoris, seeing is only the first part of believing. You need to rely on all of your senses, especially touch. In their book
A New View of a Woman’s Body,
the Feminist Center for Health identified eighteen parts in the clitoral network, many of which are unseen but are nonetheless felt or contribute to the experience of feeling. Let’s review the internal parts of the clitoris:

The Clitoral Body.
Attached to the head, and running just beneath the surface of the skin, the clitoral shaft can easily be felt, especially when aroused and filled with blood. A soft little pipe, the shaft is composed of spongy erectile tissue that is extremely receptive to
sensation. The shaft extends north from the head toward the mons pubis for about three quarters of an inch before forking and dividing like a wishbone into two thin crura (or legs) that flare downward along the path of the inner lips and surround twin bulbs of erectile tissue, known as the clitoral bulbs.

If you’ve ever noticed that the clitoral head seems to retract and disappear under its protective hood during peak arousal, that’s because the suspensory ligament—attached to the head at one end and the ovaries at the other—is being stretched, causing the head to retract.

Additionally, the clitoris has layers of muscle, usually referred to as vaginal muscles or pelvic floor muscles. There is the oval-shaped bulbocavernous muscle that rests between the inner lips and the bulbs of the clitoris. This muscle is interwoven with muscle that encircles the anus, and is part of the reason that anal stimulation is often a turn-on and hence part of the clitoral network.

Underneath it all is a broad, flat layer of muscle called the pubococcygeus (pew-bo-cok-SIH-gee-us) or PC muscle. The PC muscle is also known as the “Kegel” muscle, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel who observed that the PC muscle contracts during orgasm. Kegel subsequently developed a series of exercises designed to strengthen the pelvic muscles and heighten pleasure for both partners, hence the birth of “Kegels.” In both men and women, the PC muscle is easily identified as the one that allows us to stop the flow of urine.

L
ET’S TALK
about spot removal, G-spot removal that is. Starting at the urethral opening, and running about two inches deep to the bladder, is the urethra, which first and foremost enables the removal of urine. Surrounding the urethra is a ring of spongy erectile tissue, known as corpus spongiosum, which fills with blood during arousal and protects the urethra from the friction of penetration. This area of spongy tissue is also known as the much-ballyhooed G-spot, named in 1944 after Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, who described a “zone of erogenous feeling…located along the suburethral surface of the anterior vaginal wall.” In layman’s terms, Dr. Kinsey observed, “Most of those women who did notice some response had the sensitivity confined to a certain point, in most cases the upper wall of the vagina just inside the vaginal entrance.” For all its hype, the G-spot, as cited earlier, may simply be nothing more than the roots of the clitoris crisscrossing the urethral sponge.

While sensitive to stimulation, but without nearly as many nerve endings as the clitoral head, the G-spot generally responds to a more persistent, massaging pressure. It’s not uncommon for a woman to feel a fleeting urge to urinate when this area is stimulated.

A whole lot of fuss has been made over the difference between a clitoral orgasm and a G-spot orgasm, with many claiming that the latter is responsible for the production of the fuller vaginal orgasm. This hubbub reached its apex with the publication in 1982 of the
The G Spot
by Alice Kahn Ladas, Beverly Whipple, and Dr. John Perry. In retrospect, it’s possible to argue that all their book ultimately accomplished was to reintroduce a spruced-up, hyped-up theory of vaginal orgasm into the mainstream, with the added bonus of female ejaculation. Of course it was a cultural sensation; the notion of a G-spot dovetailed seamlessly into the “intercourse discourse” and gave penetration a new, invigorated raison d’être. Is that revolutionary, or just plain reactionary?

As we discussed earlier, the whole idea of a
mature
vaginal orgasm vs. an
immature
clitoral one was a bogus construct to begin with, promulgated by Freud, perpetuated by his followers, and reinvented and sensationalized in the form of the G-spot. And although the urethral sponge is indeed attached to the vaginal ceiling, it is nevertheless considered an integral part of the clitoral network and not a separate part of the vagina that produces pleasure. A G-spot orgasm, like all female orgasms, is a clitoral orgasm; it’s part of the same pleasure network. As such, when we address the techniques in Part II, this book will make a somewhat radical break from the tradition of erotological literature by referring to the area that is generally known as the G-spot as the “clitoral cluster,” a name that more accurately, and simply, expresses its anatomical power and role in the process of female sexual response.

T
HE G-SPOT
is also thought to be the source of female ejaculation, another matter of controversy. Does a woman actually ejaculate? The answer is yes, but not in the same sense as the explosive male orgasm and not nearly as often as the “ejaculation evangelists” would have us believe. In general, female ejaculation appears to be the exception rather than the rule. Today, a whole industry has emerged around the concept, pitching a vast array of books, tapes, videos, and seminars that urge women to discover and master their ejaculatory potential. But amid all the snake oil, it’s worth keeping in mind that the orgasm reflex is part of the autonomic nervous system—it’s an involuntary response outside of the control of the mind. The momentary out-of-body sense of “time-lessness” that we experience when we’ve reached the point of no return is intrinsic to the release of sexual tension and part and parcel of the joy of sexual ecstasy; it shouldn’t be muddled up with mind-control
exercises that may, in the end, enable a woman to produce a wee bit of fluid, but do not qualitatively enhance the experience of orgasm, and indeed may ultimately detract from it.

Cross Section of the Female Anatomy

Where does female ejaculate come from? Depends on what type of emission you’re talking about. The type of fluid that sometimes gets released as part of the natural involuntary orgasmic reflex appears to originate in the area of spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra and encompasses tiny para-urethral glands. Two of the largest of these glands are called Skene’s glands and appear near the urethral opening. Some studies have argued that the fluid produced by these glands is actually urine. Upon analysis, however, it’s been concluded
that these glands, in fact, produce a clear alkaline fluid that is much closer in composition to male prostatic fluid, and gives rise to the even more controversial notion of the existence of a female prostate. In fact, until 1880, these para-urethral glands were simply called “prostates.” In short, female ejaculate of this sort is
not
urine.

However, the fluid that is reputed to gush when consciously impelled by the bearing down of the pelvic muscles may very well be coming from the bladder and thereby contain urine. Women who train themselves to consciously ejaculate also appear to produce more fluid than women who emit fluid involuntarily, lending further credence to the idea that urine may be contributing to the overall volume of ejaculate. What’s interesting as well is that interviews with women who are able to voluntarily ejaculate reveal that the process is independent of sexual arousal and does not necessarily heighten the pleasure of orgasm, whereas women who involuntarily ejaculate are unable to parse the experience of orgasm and ejaculation and often don’t even know that they’ve ejaculated.

All in all, it does not appear that ejaculation, voluntary or involuntary, does much to enhance the pleasure of orgasm. To that end, a woman’s time would be better spent on Kegel exercises and the strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles—an exercise known to increase the quality of orgasmic contractions.

T
HE VAGINA IS VITAL
to the reproductive process—as a birth canal, a receptacle for sperm, and a vehicle for the release of menstrual blood—but not in the production of pleasure.

In a nonaroused state, the vagina is a compressed tube, about three to four inches long, composed of muscle, and lined with mucous membranes not dissimilar to the lining of the mouth. During arousal, a woman’s vagina widens and opens in order to accommodate the penis—a few inches in both depth and width—creating what Masters and Johnson referred to as the “ballooning” effect. Meanwhile, the outer third of the vagina begins to narrow and tighten as the clitoral structures that are located there fill with blood; this compression creates a “clitoral cuff” that actually helps stimulate a man to orgasm through the application of pressure and friction against the penis.

A woman’s vagina usually begins to lubricate shortly after stimulation—what
looks like beads of sweat form all over the vaginal walls; this is sometimes called vaginal sweating. Just below the vaginal opening are the ducts that connect to the vulvovaginal glands, which secrete a few drops of thick fluid that contribute, along with the sweating of the vagina, to the lubrication of the vaginal opening.

As we will discuss in the section on foreplay, lubrication is a big part of the arousal process, but is by no means an unequivocal indicator that a woman’s been amply stimulated. She may be lubricated, but not necessarily aroused. These secretions are part of the vagina’s natural way of keeping it free of bacteria that don’t belong there. Conversely, a woman may be highly aroused, yet not necessarily well lubricated.

In short, a woman’s ability to lubricate can be impacted by a variety of factors—her estrogen levels, diet, and stress to name a few. And while lubrication is connected to the process of arousal and plays an important role in subsequent sexual activity, assessing her readiness depends on a variety of factors and is ultimately more art than science.

Now that we’ve met the various parts of the clitoral network—both visible and hidden—let’s take a closer look at how they interact and come together in the process of sexual response. Again we take our cue from Strunk and White: “Before beginning to compose something, gauge the nature and extent of the enterprise, and work from a suitable design…you cannot plunge in blindly…lest you miss the forest for the trees and there be no end to your labors.”