She Never Knew (23 page)

Tyler giggled. “Do friends get married?”

Kat and Daniel looked at each other. She
replied, “Yes, they do. But people become friends first before they get
married. They spend a lot of time together to see if they will still like each
other for a long time.”

“Then they love each other forever,
right?”

“Well, that’s the idea, sweetheart.”

“Allie’s mommy and daddy don’t love each
other anymore,” Tyler declared, referring to his classmate at church. “She said
her mommy has a new boyfriend.”

“Oh, I—I’m sorry to hear that.” Kat
said. “But sometimes people still love each other, even if they are not
together.”

“How?”

“Well, I’m sure Allie’s parents loved
each other before they got married, but sometimes people change over time. Sometimes
two people don’t agree on certain things, and sometimes they can’t get along.”

“Why?”

Kat studied her little boy’s face. He
was so innocent and so loving. She tried to think of a way to help him
understand when Daniel offered an explanation.

“Hey, buddy. Do you and Eli always get
along?”

“Yes, we—well, uh, sometimes he doesn’t
like to share.”

Kat laughed. “Sometimes you don’t like
to share, either.”

“I know.” Tyler giggled.

“And how does it feel when someone
doesn’t want to share things with you?” Daniel prompted.

“Not too good.”

“That’s right. And sometimes we hurt other
people’s feelings when we don’t share.” Tyler nodded, as if understanding
exactly what Daniel meant.

“It makes me sad sometimes when Eli and
I don’t get along.”

“That’s right, but you make up, right?
You say you’re sorry and you become friends again, right?”

“Yeah!” Tyler perked up. Then his
shoulders sank. “We do that a lot, though.”

Everybody laughed. Kat said, “That’s how
we learn from our mistakes, honey. We learn to find ways of making other people
happy, and one of those ways is to share.”

Daniel chimed in. “And adults do the
same things too. Sometimes they don’t share and they end up hurting each
other’s feelings. Sometimes they can make up and sometimes they can’t.”

“Allie says she doesn’t like her mommy’s
new boyfriend.”

“Did she say why, honey?” Kat prodded.

“Just that he doesn’t talk to her much.”

“Oh. Well, maybe he’s kind of shy. Maybe
he doesn’t know how to be friends with her yet.”

“Well, she said she already has a daddy
and she doesn’t need a new one.”

Kat looked at Daniel. She wanted to tread
lightly in this area. As if reading her mind, Daniel spoke up. “Tyler, her
daddy will always be her daddy, no matter what. But there is nothing wrong with
her mommy’s new friend being her friend too.”

“I guess so.”

Sweetheart, do you remember your first
day of day of bible school?” Kat asked. When Tyler nodded, she went on, “You
were kind of shy because you didn’t know anybody yet?”

“Yes, but then we all became friends.”

“That’s right, because it takes time to
be someone’s friend. You get to know someone a little bit better each day and
before you know it, you’ve made yourself a really good friend.”

“Like Eli!”

“And Allie!” Daniel said.

Kat continued. “So maybe Allie’s mommy’s
new friend just wants to be Allie’s friend too. I don’t think he’s trying to be
her new daddy. He already knows she has one.”

“I wish my daddy was here.”

Kat’s voice caught. “Oh honey, I’m so
sorry.” She pulled Tyler into her lap and hugged her little boy. Tears welled
up in her eyes as she looked at Daniel.

“It’s the same way with us, Tyler.”
Daniel said, a lump forming in his throat. “I would never take your mommy away
from you. All I want to do is be your mommy’s friend and your friend. I don’t
want to ever make you or your mommy sad, okay?”

Tyler nodded, then abruptly jumped up. “Mommy,
can I go back on the playground now?”

“Yes, you may.” After Tyler bounded off,
Kat leaned on her elbows and stretched her legs. “Wow, where did that one come
from?”

“You’ve got a smart boy there.” Daniel peered
at Kat. “You’d be surprised at what kids his age think about, especially when
their classmates talk about stuff like this.”

“Thanks for being here for him.” Kat
lightly touched his arm.

Daniel’s eyes contained a faraway look.
“He doesn’t know, does he?”

“Know what? That Michael’s not his biological
father?” When Daniel nodded, she withdrew her hand and said, “No, he doesn’t,
and I would prefer to keep it that way.”

“Think you’ll ever tell him?”

Kat stared at Daniel, wondering where
this conversation was going. “Honestly, I haven’t thought about it. He’s only
five.”

“Kat, can I share something with you?”

“Of course.” She shifted so that she was
facing him.

“When I found out my father wasn’t my
real father—my biological father, that is—I felt like I didn’t belong in my
family. I felt like an outsider in my own home. I could see in my father’s eyes
that he didn’t want me around, but of course he didn’t know I that knew. Do you
have any idea how that felt?”

 “I can’t imagine.” Kat remembered
Daniel telling her during vacation bible school that he was seven years old
when he discovered the truth. “You were just two years older than Tyler.”

“That’s right.” Daniel wiped his face
with the back of his hand. “The worst part was I never knew who my biological
father was. I still don’t.” Watching Tyler play happily on the monkey bars with
another little boy similar in age, he continued. “I don’t think my mother even
knew. Heck, I don’t think she really cared.”

“Daniel, I won’t pretend to know what
you’re going through, but it’s obvious how much your family history bothers you.
If I’m not being intrusive, have you considered talking to a professional?”

He turned to look at Kat. “I don’t know
what good it will do. It’s been so many years. There’s been too much damage. I
really don’t ever want to see my brother again. And even if I wanted to find my
mother, I don’t know if she’s still alive or where to begin looking for her.”

They sat together in silence. Finally,
Kat spoke. “Are you saying that I should tell Tyler the truth about his
father?”

Daniel swallowed hard before looking at
her. “Yes, I do. Maybe not right now, but when he’s a little bit older. When I
found out the truth, it was very hard for me. It was harder because nobody
bothered to tell me. I found out by accident, and trust me, it’s not a good
feeling.”

Kat let Daniel’s words soak in. As she
watched Tyler and his new friend work their way through the labyrinth, she
tried to imagine what it would be like for him growing up not knowing who his
real father was. What was so terrible about letting her son believe Michael was
his father? Michael was an honorable man and would’ve been a devoted, loving
father. Besides, she didn’t know who her rapist was. It wasn’t like Tyler would
ever have a relationship with him.

“Daniel, I appreciate where you’re
coming from, but I think Tyler’s situation is a little different than yours.”

“How do you figure?” He stared at her,
eyes wide.

“Your mother wasn’t raped,” she said
softly, remembering when Daniel told her his mother had an affair. “Even if I
did tell Tyler who his biological father is, what makes you think he would want
anything to do with that pig?”

“Whoa.” Daniel leaned back and looked at
Kat. “Okay, listen. What happened to you was horrible, I get that. But it’s not
Tyler’s fault. Don’t punish him for something he had nothing to do with.”

“I’m not punishing him!” Kat protested.
Taking a deep breath, she looked at the sky. “Okay, first of all, even if I did
tell him, I have no idea who his father is or where he is. As far as I’m
concerned, he’s dead.”

“What if he’s not? What if you knew who
he was? Would it make any difference?”

Kat stared at Daniel. “What do you
mean—”

“—the fact is, it doesn’t change
anything. It doesn’t matter who the guy is; he’s Tyler’s father whether you
like it or not.”

“I know that.”

“Look, I’m sorry I upset you.” Daniel
reached for her hand and held it in his. “I’m just saying that from my own past
experience, I would probably not be so bitter had I known the truth the right
way. While I know the truth now, it was by accident, and that’s one of the
worst feelings a little boy could ever have. I had nobody to talk to about it. When
I was a camp counselor during my teenage years, I saw a lot of kids who were
messed up because their parents felt hiding the truth from them somehow made
them better off. I’m telling you, it doesn’t.”

Kat sighed. “It sounds like we both have
some thinking to do, Daniel.”

“I suppose we do.” The mood between them
had changed and Kat wasn’t sure she liked it.

“Hey, Mommy! Daniel! Look at me!” Tyler
was on the merry-go-round, holding on with only one hand while waving with the
other. Kat and Daniel waved back.

“Remember the night you came over to
meet Rhonda and Robert? I had mentioned Mary called me?”

Daniel nodded but remained quiet.

“She’s a child psychologist and she’s
flying in this weekend to spend a week with us. I’ll ask her what she thinks
about this, about me telling Tyler who his father is.”

“Well, I’ve already shared my opinion,
even though you didn’t ask for it. I suppose a second opinion—a professional
one, that is—couldn’t hurt.”

“I also need to tell Tyler who Mary is.
I don’t have any pictures of her in the house and I’ve never mentioned her.
Funny, Tyler has never asked about anybody in my family except my parents.”

“He’s at the age now where he’s going to
start asking questions. Look at how he described Allie’s confusion with her
mother’s boyfriend.”

“I know. It’s not going to be easy.”

“You’re doing the right thing, Kat.”

“I’ll just tell him the truth and
describe it the way you did earlier about Allie. I’ll let him know that she and
I hurt each other’s feelings and it was time to make up and become friends
again. Sisters again.”

“I pray that it goes well for you.” He
stood up, straightening his shorts. “I need to get going.” His tone of voice
indicated that things had definitely changed between them.

“We do too. Would you like to come over
and have dinner with us?”

“I can’t. I’ve got some stuff I need to
do.” Daniel turned to wave to Tyler.

“Okay, then, how about early next week?
I’d love for you to meet my sister.”

“Um, Kat. I’m sorry, but I don’t think
that’s a good idea. Besides, this is your time with your sister.” He gave her a
sad smile.

When Tyler caught up to them, Daniel
told him he was leaving.

“Aww, do you have to?”

Daniel squatted down and grinned at
Tyler. “Sure do, tiny man. I’ve got stuff to do at my house, but thanks for
having me here today. I had a really good time!”

Tyler wrapped his arms around Daniel’s
neck and squeezed him. “I’m glad you came too.”

With a high five out of the way, Daniel
stood up and tried to avoid Kat’s questioning eyes. Despite the awkward moment
between the two, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Then he was gone.

Feeling defeated, Kat held back tears as
she drove herself and Tyler home. She didn’t understand what had happened
between them. Why did Daniel suddenly distance himself from her? Was it because
she didn’t agree with him about telling her son who his father was? Just
because she mentioned one time that she would consider it didn’t mean she would
go through with it. Did he somehow believe she was insensitive to his situation
when he was a little boy?

By the way things ended, Kat wondered if
their friendship would ever be the same again. Frustrated, she found herself
with more questions than she had answers.

Kat set her shopping bags on the kitchen
table. She and Tyler had spent the day together at an outlet mall. Tyler would
begin Kindergarten in just under three weeks and Kat wanted to buy her son new
school clothes. They had gone the year before as Kat always found great deals
on various merchandise. This year was no exception. Kat preferred the outlet
malls over traditional ones for the simple fact that the malls had unique restaurants
that offered superior dining service. Kat and Tyler ate lunch at the Train
Depot in which food was delivered on electric toy trains. The trains ran on a
track throughout the restaurant, stopping at designated booths to deliver food
to its patrons. The atmosphere was that of a sixties diner in which hamburgers
and milkshakes were among the top choices on the menu. Part of Tyler’s
FastTrack child’s meal included an antique replica toy train.