SHIVER: 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror

SHIVER

Thirteen Sexy Tales of Humor & Horror

Belle Aurora

Jodie Beau

Ruth Clampett

L.H. Cosway

R.S. Grey

Z.B. Heller

Jennie Marts

Liv Morris

Daisy Prescott

Ashley Pullo

Penny Reid

N.M. Silber

C.C. Wood

DEDICATION

St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

100% of all proceeds for the life of this anthology go towards St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

-Table of Contents-

Better The Devil You Know by Belle Aurora

Lights Out by Jodie Beau

Spandex is for Superheroes by Ruth Clampett

Macabre Magic by L.H. Cosway

Candy, Dentures, and Way Too Much Spandex by R.S. Grey

Mystery, Matzo Balls and Moxie by Z.B. Heller

A Halloween Hook-Up by Jennie Marts

Peckers by Liv Morris

Bewitched by Daisy Prescott

Red Rum by Ashley Pullo

Double Dare by Penny Reid

Nightmare in Night Court by N.M. Silber

One Little Bite by C.C. Wood

When you know, you
know

I remember the
exact moment I fell in love with Bastian Lee.

It was a warm summer’s night.

Not that he had been there or anything. But that’s beside the point.

We had been dating a single week. A short time, I know.

But when you know, you
know
.

Insert dreamy sigh here.

He had been working late at the bar, the one we met at. I was just getting in from a girls night out. Stacey drank three too many and blew pretty pink chunks all over my brand new Manolo Blahnik knockoffs.

And I gotta admit. I was cheesed.

I paid a fifty for those babies.

Never to be worn again.

So there I was, wasted, slightly pissed, and mourning the loss of my new pumps, when my phone chimes.

Bastian: Wish you were here, beautiful. Sleep good.

And that was that. The exact moment.

It shook me like a thunderbolt through the heart. Suddenly, my body felt squishy and pliable, like warm vanilla pudding. A huge smile hit me so hard, my cheeks had to stretch painfully to accommodate it.

When a guy is at work, and at that workplace he’s surrounded by a plethora of gorgeous women, most of them easy, and he texts you to let you know he’s thinking of
you
…

That right there, ladies, is a keeper.

Stumbling around my apartment, bumping into furniture, I attempted parking my ass on the edge of the sofa. And ended up using the arm of the chair as a slippery slide all the way down to the floor, landing with a hard thud.

Whee!

I meant to do that. The floor looked lonely.

Lazily blinking through furrowed brows, I used my Jedi mind powers to focus on the cell phone screen and write back something equally as sweet to my new beau.

Me: My butt hurts.

His immediate response cemented my already strong feelings for him.

Bastian: I’ll kiss it better tomorrow.

Smiling like a loon, I drifted into a peaceful sleep on my living room floor, mouth open, forehead planted firmly on the hardwood floor.

Somehow, I knew we’d be together forever.

Our story

A cool hand gently squeezing my hip roused me from my sleep.

My smile was small and sleepy. The moment that hand moved lower to slide up my nightgown and lips connected with my tush, I jumped and squeaked. But he held me firm. His rough rumbling chuckle hit me right in the solar plexus.

I was
so
in love.

“Bastien, get your lips away from that. You have no idea where it’s been,” I mumbled sleepily through a smile.

His slow kisses stirred something inside of me. It never took long for Bastien to set me alight.

We’d messed around a lot, but we’d never been
there
. Not just yet anyways.

Hey, I’m a lady.

It would take him at least another thre- Okay, another two weeks to get there.

If foreplay was anything to go by, Bastien was a very giving lover. I couldn’t wait to take it there. But the anticipation of waiting would make it all that much better.

He placed gentle kisses on my hip, trailing up further, kissing the side of my breast, then my shoulder, up my neck, along the underside of my jaw.

When I suddenly realised something.

Bastien didn’t have a key to my place.

My eyes snapped open. “How did you get in here?”

I wasn’t really pissed about it when I was being woken up the way I was, more curious, was all.

His breath caressed my skin as he spoke against my cheek. “Security in this place is shit, babe. Took me all of twenty seconds to work the lock.” Suddenly, his green eyes were all up in my biz. “You didn’t even attach the chain, Em.”

I blinked. Then pouted. Was I seriously getting a lecture at this time of the morning? “In my defence, I was hammered when I got home.”

His full lips curved into a soft smile as his eyes softened and searched mine. “What am I gonna do with you?”

My fingers touched his shirt-covered stomach and lingered there. My voice turned to a hoarse whisper, “I have a few ideas…” Lightning fast, I was on my back, arms pinned. I scowled, “Hey, I wasn’t ready!”

The tip of his nose touched mine. I felt his smile against my lips. “Never are, babe.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not my fault you’re super fast, and quiet as a cat. You’re like a superhero or something.”

A choked sound escaped him. “Uh, no.
Very
no.”

I pulled away to get a good look at him. “Why no? Superheroes are awesome. They help people and make sure the bad guy always gets what’s coming to him. And you’re hot. And they’re
always
hot. It’s like a rule or something.”

Without asking, he lifted the covers and slid under, still holding himself above my body using his strong arms as leverage. “I never really liked superheroes. I always liked the villains.”

I made a face of mock disgust. “Seriously? We are so going to have issues over this.”

The moonlight struck his face and my stomach dipped.

I had never seen a man more handsome than Bastien Lee.

It was almost as though God ran out of ugly to give so he gave Bastien the whole package.

If I had to put together a list of the things that would make up my dream guy, Bastien would have fit the bill. With dark hair stylishly cut, bright green eyes, full lips, high cheekbones and a beaming, white smile, he was – without being able to find a better work – perfect. His tall, built body towers over mine. And I didn’t just like that. Oh no.

I
loved
it.

I kept asking myself how someone like me was able to land a man like this.

I was no Scar-Jo, that’s for sure.

Being average height and average weight (a little more in the boob area) with long average brown hair and average brown eyes to match, I was not lying when I said I thought I was punching above my weight. But he never made me feel that way.

To think we only met a week ago. It felt like a lifetime ago.

I thought back to last Saturday…

Stacey, Laura, Ally and I had been talking about going to Frost for months. The problem with this was that Frost was an extremely popular cocktail bar and rarely let in people off the street. You could wait in line all night long and get nowhere.

This just wasn’t a risk I – or any of the other girls – was willing to take.

So as a group, we decided if we ever got someone to vouch for us, we’d go together. We made a vow that neither of us would go without the other and we stuck to it.

Thursday night came along and just as I stepped out of my extremely glamorous workplace, my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out and answered. “Yo, yo. What’s up?”

I smirked as I heard Stacey’s cringe. “Ugh. Must you talk like that? It’s gross, Em.”

Even though she couldn’t see me, I started nodding. “I must. I really must.”

“Whatever. How was work?”

I walked on to the bus stop, my shoulders slumped. “Awful. I swear, it’s like every time I ask my boss to stop doing something, he does it twice as much.”

Sounding none too impressed, she asked, “What was it this time?”

Last week, I had asked Mr. Vozzo to stop calling me sweetheart. The week before I asked him – ever so kindly – if he could please stop tapping me on the tush every time I walked passed him. Every time I bring something up, he has the same response. “I didn’t realise I was doing it… sweetheart.”

I wouldn’t mind so much if Mr. Vozzo were an eighty year old. The fact is that Mr. Vozzo is barely forty, married and thinks he’s God’s gift to women. The sad thing is, I need this job. Yes, it’s a crappy office job, but the pay is above average, I get four weeks of vacation a year plus dental. A far cry better from working in the diner I had been working at.

“Oh, you know, the usual. Just that he please only ask me to lunch if it’s business related.”

Stacey gagged. “The little worm! He’s married!”

“Oh, I know. I reminded him. Subtly, of course.”

Yeah. About as subtle as a mule wearing fishnets.

Stacey sighed. “I’m sorry your boss is a dick.”

Smiling, I muttered slyly, “Are you sure you don’t work for Hallmark with phrases like that?”

At least that managed to get a laugh out of her. “Okay, enough chitchat. You’re gonna freak when I tell you what we’ve got.”

That peaked my interest. “We’ve got something?”

She responded in a singsong voice. “We’ve got something!”

“Alright then. Lay it on me.”

She puffed out a long breath. “Are you sitting down?”

I shook my head. “No.” Taking a long look at the questionable stain on the empty bench next to me, I muttered, “It doesn’t look safe to sit right now.”

Completely ignoring me, she let out a shrill, “Good! Are you ready for this?”

“I’m ready, baby. Sock it to me.”

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

I rolled my eyes and let out a long drawn, “Stacey!”

She giggled into the phone. “Okay! Alright! I’m just giddy. Sorry. I’ll tell you.”

“You better because I’m about to hang up on yo’ ass.”

She let out an exasperated. “There you go again!”

I burst into laughter. “Oh my God, will you just tell me!”

She blurt out. “We got vouched!”

Confusion crossed my expression. “What?”

“We got vouched. We’re vouched!”

Clearly not following, I mumbled, “Uhhhh…”

“Frost! We’re finally going to Frost!”

I gasped, “Really?” I gasped again, “
Really
really?”

She laughed in my ear. “Really really! The guy vouching us uses the family business. His name is Christopher Robin.”

I bunched my nose in an attempt to not laugh. “Isn’t that the kid from Winnie the Pooh?”

“What? No. He’s a real guy. He’s real. And he’s vouching for us this Saturday!”

I shook my head in disbelief. “How did this come about?”

She sighed. “Well, he’s been trying to get me to go out with him for a while and every time he asks, I tell him I can’t, but when he asked me to Frost…”

I wince. “Oh, Stacey. Tell me you didn’t. You did not whore yourself out so we could go to Frost.”

Her hesitation is as clear as day. “I- Um- Okay. I won’t tell you then.”

I can’t believe she did that. “Stacey! Don’t you even like him a little?”

Her words tumble out in a rush. “I do! I really do like him and he’s a total fox, Em, b- but every time my dad’s around he’s a total kiss
ass
, and I hate that.”

Oh. I saw the problem.

No one wanted a man without backbone.

But I always believed in giving people a chance. “Maybe you should make Saturday a day to see him on neutral ground. It’s true that he might only be doing that because of the business your dad offers. Give him a chance.”