Silent No More (23 page)

“I’m sorry for everything I said last week. I
didn’t mean any of it. I was…just so fucking mad. He walked in my office and
had this smug look on his face. I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever he was
there to say. I didn’t believe him at first. I swear I didn’t. But he left,
and…and the way Teresa made it sound…it sounded so fucking believable.” So I
have her to add to my shit list. Bitch.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I am. I shouldn’t have assumed,
but you wouldn’t say anything. Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?” I guess
it’s now or never.

“Nick…I didn’t know how. I still don’t. He…” I
stop myself. This is too hard.

“Did he hurt you?” he asks. His voice is low. He
pulls his head off the couch and drops his hands to my thighs. I momentarily
tense up. I’m not hurting between my legs, but the memory of that monster
pushing inside me is still fresh. Nick catches the change in my body and I nod.
He fists the hem of his shirt that I’m wearing.

“Shannon, I need you. I need you like I need the
fucking oxygen I’m breathing right now. Whatever it is that you couldn’t tell
me last week, just say it. Just tell me already. Please.” He releases the shirt,
moving his hands to hold me at my waist. I have to do this. I have to find
whatever strength I have left and tell him…everything. I have to do this for
us, for our child. I just pray we have a future when it’s all said and done.

“I’ll try, because I need you, too. Because I love
you.” He stills and I think he stops breathing. “I know the woman isn’t
supposed to say that first, but I’m tired of not saying what I feel. The way I
feel for you is crazy. It’s heartbreaking. It’s uncontrollable love. I love you,
Nicholas Lockhart.”

“God, you know how to cut a man down to his
fucking knees. I never knew I wanted to hear those words until you just said
them. I’ve loved you from the moment I laid my fucking eyes on you,” he tells
me and my heart swells. I lean forward and kiss him on his lips. He takes
control and deepens the kiss. I could do this for the rest of my life and be
content. I love him so damn much.

He releases my lips and leans his forehead against
mine. “Whatever it is, we will get through it. I promise.”

I believe him, and I’m ready to get this out.
Nothing can stay buried forever. Secrets always come out, and no matter how
much someone tries to forget, there are things in one’s past that are too great
or too tragic to forget. The only thing you can do or control is yourself. You
have to be honest and hope that those you love are there to help you get past
the hurt.

“I’m going to tell you everything, but first you
have to promise me two things.” I wait for his response.

“I promise. Whatever it is, I promise,” he says.

“I need you to let me tell you everything without you
saying anything. If you interrupt me, I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish.”
He nods in agreement. “Second, I don’t want you to leave here tonight. I need
you to stay here, even if you get really angry.” Again, I wait for his
response.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I promise. Just
being away from you this past week nearly killed me. I’m never fucking going
anywhere.”

I take a deep breath to prepare myself. I try to
work it out in my head, but really, there isn’t enough time, so I just spill
everything before I lose the need to tell him.

“I worked for your father when I was sixteen. When
I was still in high school. I was the file clerk and sometimes a runner. I
worked in his office after school three days a week, and then every afternoon
starting in the summer. I actually loved working there. Well, what I really
loved was the money not the work. The work was boring; however, your father pays
his staff really well, so it was worth it, at the time.

“It was a Friday. It was my seventeenth birthday.
When I walked in the office, immediately, I noticed how quiet it was. The
receptionist wasn’t at her desk and she was always there. The woman rarely left
to take a restroom break. Your father’s partner wasn’t there, nor was any of
the paralegals. It was strange, but I was also pretty naive back then, so I
didn’t question it. I went directly back to the file room and started from
where I left off the previous day.”

I briefly pause to take a cleansing breath. So far
this isn’t as bad as I thought, but then again, I haven’t told him much. Nick
has both of his hands holding onto my hips, and he’s looking directly into my
eyes. He kind of has this “where is this going” look plastered on his face. I
place my hands on his chest and continue.

“I was listening to my iPod. Usually, I didn’t do
that. One of the paralegals had warned me that your dad wouldn’t approve. He
saw music as a distraction from getting the job done. However, there didn’t
seem to be anyone in the office, so I put my ear buds in and started to work.
Honestly, I probably got more work done with the music than I would have
without them. If I had been a little smarter, I might have actually checked to
see who was and wasn’t there when I arrived.

“About a half an hour later, I heard a sound. I
heard it even with Papa Roach screaming in my ears. It was the sound of
something breaking. It startled me and I froze in place for a moment. When I
turned around, your father was standing in the doorway of the file room. He
looked angry, but I think he became angrier when he noticed the iPod in my
hand. I quickly set in on the filing cabinet and told him I was sorry.”

Nick’s eyes grow wide the moment I mention his
father was angry with me. I close my eyes and I force myself to continue as the
sick memory filters through my mind.

“Follow me to my office, Shannon,” he said and
turned on his heel, walking out of the doorway. I followed behind him with my
head hung. I knew I was in trouble. I assumed he was going to fire me.

I entered the office as he was removing his
jacket. It seemed a bit odd. I noticed broken glass on the ground across the
room. It was shattered, as if it had been thrown against a wall. I also noticed
an open bottle of dark amber liquid sitting on the desk behind his chair. 

“Sit,” he ordered, with an icy cold voice. The man
wasn’t a warm and fuzzy boss, but I had never seen this side of him. He walked
to the desk with the alcohol and retrieved it. He turned around and looked
straight at me. His eyes were just as cold as his voice, perhaps even colder if
that’s possible.

I wasn’t initially scared, but I was uncomfortable
in his office…with him. I knew he shouldn’t be drinking at work, and I really
wished I hadn’t taken out my iPod. I took a seat in one of the chairs facing
his large wooden desk and placed my hands in my lap.

“Where is everyone this afternoon, sir?” I asked
him. I wasn’t really sure what to say or do. I had already told him I was
sorry. Wasn’t that enough? What more did he want from me? I was seventeen for
Christ’s sake. Surely, I was allowed a mistake or two. It’s not like I was a
bad employee and broke the rules often. Before then, I had never been in his
office. I had never really been in trouble before, so I wasn’t sure if the
feeling I was experiencing was guilt for doing something wrong, or if the
feeling was something else entirely. I knew I didn’t want to be in the same
room with him. I wanted to run. Goosebumps formed and ran down my arms.

“I made them all leave a few hours ago. Now, do
not say another word unless I give you permission to speak. Do you understand?”
he asked. I was left speechless, and wondering who the hell he thought he was.
Apparently, my silence meant that I didn’t respond quickly enough.

“You better answer my God damn question, Shannon!”
His eyes darkened. They looked a little evil and I wondered briefly if it was
possible to be possessed by the devil himself. I learned later, he wasn’t
possessed by the devil. He was the motherfucking devil.

“Yes, sir.” My voice trembled, but only for a few
seconds.

“That’s better,” he said, taking off his tie
completely and holding it loose in his hand. He set the bottle down after
taking another large gulp. Standing, he stared at me for a long time. He looked
like he is trying to hash something out in his head.

“Get up and come here,” he demanded. I hesitated,
but eventually did as I was told. I actually believed that maybe it would get
me out of there a little faster.

I’d never had sex before, but the look on his face
was undeniable. He still looked evil, but his eyes were full of lust. A
sickening dread filled my stomach.

Somehow, I found the courage to speak. “Mr. Lewis,
I’m really sorry. I will not do it again. I promise.” I told him as I walked to
stand in front of him.

“You’re not half as sorry as I’m going to make
you.” His voice was eerily calm as he grabbed my arm, pulling me to him. I
tensed as he forcefully embraced me. He crashed his lips into mine, hard.

I tried to pull away out of his hold, but I wasn’t
strong enough. He moved his lips from mine, and moved against my ear. “I’m
going to teach you a lesson about following rules as I take your virginity,” he
laughed.

My eyes widened and my mind screamed at me to run.
“NO!” I yelled and tried to squeeze out of his grip. He simply laughed as he
reached for my hair and yanked it back. I knew at that moment that I was in
deep shit. The deepest kind imaginable.

“You have two options here. You can be a good girl
and take your lesson, or you can be a bad girl and I’ll make sure you regret
every second of it. I will show you pain like you have never imagined.” He bit
down hard on my earlobe, causing me to yelp in pain.

“Please don’t do this. Please let me go,” I begged
him. The sadistic bastard smiled down at me.

“Begging is allowed. The more you beg, the more my
dick grows harder,” he said as he ground his erection against my hip.

“Please stop,” I whimpered. I couldn’t believe
what was happening. Not to me, I thought to myself. I had no way out, no idea
how to escape. I think my emotions finally caught up to my brain as tears clouded
my vision.

“All bad girls must be punished, Shannon. This is
part of your punishment. Next time, I doubt you will do something you aren’t
allowed to.” He pulled his tie out of his pocket and grabbed both of my wrists.
With the tie, he bound my wrists together tightly. I tried to struggle free,
but there was nowhere to go. He had me pinned against his desk;. I struggled
anyway. He yanked my hair back for the second time, forcing my head backward.
His eyes meet mine as a sinister grin spreads across his face.

It was too late. The pain, as he forced himself on
me, was too intense, too painful, too sickening. My world and my body were ripped
apart.

I wanted to cry out. To scream at him to stop, but
my voice was lost.

I don’t know how long it went on. It felt like it
lasted forever. I know it didn’t, but it felt like I was falling into hell. The
more he pushed, the closer to hell I got. The devil was right there with me,
bringing me down into hell with him. I didn’t know how much more I could
handle. Finally, I felt my hands become free of the bind around them.

“Get dressed,” he ordered. I obeyed as quickly as
possible. I didn’t want the chance of anything else happening to my body or me.
Once I buttoned my shirt and tucked it into my dress, I scooted off the desk
and nearly lost my balance as my knees buckled. It hurt so much between my
legs. More tears fell, hitting the ground. I caught myself with the edge of the
desk right before my knees hit the ground.

Standing back up, I wrapped my arms around myself,
not knowing what to do. I looked at him, past him to the door.

As if reading my wind he said. “I wouldn’t try to
run if I were you.”

He walked closer to me and I tried to back up. I couldn’t.
The desk was directly behind me. He grabbed the back of my neck pulling me into
an embrace. Any other embrace would have been warm and comforting. This wasn’t one
of those. He kissed my cheek softly then moved to my ear. I shivered.

“If you ever tell another soul about this
encounter, you will not live long enough to regret it.” His tone is ice. I
tensed, and my breath caught in my throat.

“That is a promise, Shannon. Nod if you understand
me.” I immediately comply.

Releasing me, I ran before it registered in my
head. I was opening my car before I realized it. Once I was safely inside, I
still didn’t think. If I’d allowed myself to think, then I’d have to remember
it all over again. I never wanted to remember any of it. I wanted to forget
about the hell he took me to.

When I finish recounting all the horrible details
to Nick, I’m crying on Nick’s chest. His shirt is soaked with my tears. He has
a death grip on the end of his shirt that I am wearing, but I don’t care. I
can’t control the tears anymore now, than when it happened ten years ago. I
don’t dare look up at him. I’m too scared of the look that might be on his
face. Does he believe me? Does he think less of me? Does he believe his father
is even capable of rape?

“What about today? What did he do before I got
here?” I lift my head off his chest, and I meet a set of blue glassy eyes
surrounded by red. He’s crying. Wet streaks run down each side of his face. I
know he believes me.