Singing Heart (14 page)

******

“
Don’t be afraid, it’s only me…”

“
You…s..s..spoke my language,” she stammered, unnerved by his unexpected presence in the doorway.

“
I’ve known the white tongue for many moons. You must learn all you can about your enemy.”

“
Am I your enemy?” she smiled.

He sat beside her, fierce looking, foreign in his surroundings. He had removed his headpiece but his hair was still adorned with feathers. He wore some kind of leather looking shoes that laced up to his knees like boots, with no visible heel. The same blanket covering he’d worn in all her dreams except he also had leggings made of deer hide. The necklace around his throat was more like a collar. Made with odd-looking beads animal teeth and feathers. Later she would find out it was to protect the jugular vein when in battle, like a sort of armor. She wasn’t frightened. It was after all only a dream. She continued brushing her hair wondering if she had fallen asleep with the brush in her hand. Her silky mane had grown almost to her knees the past few years. Thick, curly at the ends, soft, it felt luxuriously heavy down her back. He watched in fascination as she braided it down her right side.

“
Doesn’t it bother you to have a savage in your bedroom?”

“
Your only a dream why should it bother me? You’ve been in my dreams since I was three years old. We have watched each other grow up. You’re my friend. Not my enemy.”

He threw back his head roaring in laughter.

“
You think your asleep little woman? Would you feel this if you were dreaming?”

Swiftly he yanked her braid. Xzan yelped in protest, rubbed her scalp, turned pale in comprehension, pulling the sheets up to her chin.

“
How did you get in my house?” she demanded.

“
You locked the door, but you never checked the windows. I did.”

She licked her lips nervously.

“
Why are you here?’

“
For the same reason you kept calling me many nights. I want to understand too.”

She blushed crimson. So he had heard her thoughts. The revelation fascinated and scared her simultaneously

“
How did you find me?”

“
I followed you. I never let you out of my sight since that night.”

The thought of him watching her all this time was her undoing. “Now what? Are you going to kill me after all?”

He laughed again.

“
Perhaps. But not until I understand why I didn’t before.”

“
Good luck! I’m as confused as you are. I always thought you were just a dream. A place I escaped to. Someone I created in my mind to fill the loneliness.”

“
Where is your man?” he changed the subject abruptly.

Her eyes widened fearfully.

“
He’s dead. I want no man.”

Jaskarra arched a dark eyebrow in surprise.

“
Why do you hate men?”

She paled visibly.

“
If you want the answer to that you’ll have read my mind.”

He frowned. She was brave. Honest. As proud as an Indian woman. He decided not to press her further on the subject for now. That wasn’t why he was here.

“
I will stay here, until I understand. If you tell anyone I am here, I will kill them.”

The joy and freedom she had felt in her new home dissolved. A look of grief swept across her delicate features and he was instantly contrite. But for his own safety he must not show any weakness.

“
I will sleep downstairs. I will not harm you for now. Go to sleep little woman.”

He was gone. As silently as a cat. Swift, surefooted. Amazingly she did sleep. Peacefully despite the butterflies flitting in her stomach.

*****

She awoke feeling disoriented. Happiness washed over her as she took in her surroundings, only to be squelched as she remembered her uninvited guest. Dressing hurriedly in a rose colored gown, the first time she hadn’t worn black in over six months, she was appreciative of the warmth emitting from the fireplace. It had been recently stoked a gesture that puzzled and touched her by it’s consideration. It also left her feeling even more vulnerable knowing that he had been in her bedroom while she was sleeping.

She walked softly down the stairwell, no easy feat, considering every step groaned loudly. How he climbed those stairs last night without being heard was yet another mystery to be solved. There was no sign of him when she got downstairs. Maybe he’d changed he mind. She knew in her heart he hadn’t. He would be back. She had to go get supplies before she could even have her first cup of coffee. Fetching her reticule and cloak, she stepped out into the frosty morning air. Sean was just coming in the gate, carefully balancing a steaming hot mug. She laughed gaily.

“
I’d love a cup of coffee more than you will ever know. But I have to get to the shops before we are completely snowed in.”

Large flakes were coming down fast. She was right it would be nearly impossible to go anywhere, even down the street by mid afternoon. He grinned tossing the contents of the cup over his shoulder nonchalantly.

“
I’ll come with you. You’ll need help lugging your packages home. By the way Mama said she and Papa would bring your things later today. It’s a little farther than we realized from our house to yours.”

Xzan hesitated. She would need help. But she didn’t want to endanger Sean’s life if Jaskarra reappeared in her absence. Nor did she want the boy to help then have to push him out the door rudely and hurt his feelings.

“
I…uh…” she stammered, desperately trying to think of a plausible excuse. “I appreciate the offer Sean but as soon as I get back I have a lot of unpacking to do and I need to be alone to concentrate.”

His face fell. He grimaced.

“
I get the message. But I still intend to go with you.”

She acquiesced happy for his assistance. He put out his arm. She took it gratefully. It was strong, solid, kept her fingers warm. The snowfall was becoming a blizzard. It was harder to see, little alone walk.

Her nose stung, was running from the intense cold before they reached the mercantile. Inside she ordered her supplies post haste barely taking time to get a good look at the store or the people milling around the potbellied stove for warmth while their orders were being filled. She splurged to the delight of the shopkeeper on several items, knowing she might not only be snowed in but she would in all probability have more than one mouth to feed. Sean teased her about her purchases playfully. “You have enough food to feed an army and material to make a wardrobe for an entire family.”

She dimpled secretively.

“
Maybe that’s what I have in mind…Christmas is… just around the corner.”

Politely as promised Sean deposited the parcels in her hallway taking his leave without having to be coerced. She searched the house anxiously to see if Jaskarra had returned. It was empty. Taking off her wet cloak, boots and bonnet she was just about to start unwrapping her supplies when there was a knock on the front door. It was Mr. Brown’s assistant Mr. Fogley. Not much taller than Xzan, slight of build, rather a dandy for someone in the rugged western terrain, he instructed two brawnier men to carry in her trunks. There were six in all. She offered the men a freshly made cup of coffee, which they declined, anxious to return to their own homes before the weather worsened. Re-locking the door she rushed to the trunks bursting with excitement.

Everything in them was new. From exquisite china cups in a rosebud pattern to books and supplies she knew her students would need. It grew dark long before her energy or enthusiasm waned. Ravenous she devoured a cold meal of rolls, cheese and dried jerky, washing it down with some apple cider she had purchased that morning. Sated with full tummy-itis she began heating water for a bath lugging the heavy pails up the stairs wanting to luxuriate as she had last night in a hot tub. It would take several soaks before she would really feel clean again after the grime and hardships of the trail drive. She longed to use the rose scented soap she found in the trunks along with the small bottle of perfume she used sparingly. It was her favorite scent. Expensive. Nothing but crushed rose petals and water distilled in a dainty glass vile. She felt extremely feminine and pretty when she wore it.

Aside from the trail dirt and then having to wear black all these months and before that having been distorted by pregnancy she had felt so grotesque. She finally had her slender figure back. Felt healed physically. She wanted to put on her most beautiful gown and fix her hair up like the lady she was raised to be. The water was sensually sinful. She moaned in ecstasy as she eased into the copper tub. Blew out the candle beside her relaxing in the flickering glow of the fireplace.

“
If you moaned that way for a man he would never be tempted to leave your side.”

Xzan jumped so fast her small head slammed into the tub. Tears stung her eyes as she searched frantically for her drying sheet. It had slithered from her grasp into the floor. Embarrassed she sank deeper in the water away from his dark scrutiny.

“
Get out of my room!” she shouted indignantly.

“
You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before. Neither of us are virgins.” He laughed softly.

“
You aren’t my man. You have no right to see me this way!” she protested heatedly.

“
Then why do you dream of me?” he asked bluntly.

“
I…I…I don’t know.” She stammered frustratedly. “I do know that if you don’t leave this room immediately the whole town is going to hear me scream my head off.”

“
Really?” he cocked his head enquiringly. “Have you forgotten I will kill anyone who discovers my presence here?”

Trembling she had no answer for that, turning white as a sheet as he approached the tub.

“
What are you doing?”

He had taken off his shoes and jewelry and was busy untying his belt.

“
I’m going to join you. It’s time for us to get closer. Discover why the Great Spirit has made our minds meet.”

Xzan screamed in pure terror. Jumping out of the tub oblivious of her nudity she ran for her life. She had just made it to the door when his hand covered her mouth. He lifted her up easily against his massive chest his manhood pressing into her buttocks.

“
Be quiet! He demanded. “I’m not going to hurt you unless you fight me.”

She was hysterical, crying uncontrollably, her tears warm upon his palm. To her surprise he let her down gently and took her tiny hand in his leading her shivering back to the tub. Submissively she slid into the warm water as he motioned her to. Sat like a stone waiting for his commands. He slid in the other side facing her. She tried not to think of the intimate parts of their bodies touching but it wasn’t easy. She could feel his arousal on her thigh.

“
Close your eyes little woman.”

She did as she was told.

“
Breathe deeply…relax…give me your hands.”

She complied. Jaskarra clasped her slim fingers lightly.

“
Listen to my voice. See in your mind…everything I describe…”

He spoke of a valley. A green paradise with flowers blooming and a clear rippling stream. Not hard to imagine since she had been there many times in her dreams. They lay under a tree chewing a blade of grass. She could taste its earthiness. He stopped speaking. Visualized an eagle soaring overhead, tried to project the image to her.

“
What do you see?”

She didn’t answer unsure of what he wanted. Suddenly he was no longer in control. An image came unbidden. A fawn. It wandered up to her allowing her to pet its head.

“
I see a little deer. Brown with white spots. I’m petting it.”

He bellowed in rage nearly knocking her underwater from the current as he shot out of the bath. Confused, furious, he snatched his clothes from the floor. Left the room slamming the door. Bewildered Xzan stepped out of the tub hurriedly drying herself by the fire and slipping in to her blue nightgown. She lay down numbly wondering what would happen next.

*****

Jaskarra had evidently dressed and departed. After three weeks Xzan felt safe enough to invite the Fenierre’s over for dinner. She had baked fresh bread, made green beans with onions and a little slab of bacon, the way Mammy had taught her, corn on the cob, fried potatoes and a rump roast with brown gravy. Dessert was the real success. Cherry pie for the grown ups and gingerbread cookies for the children. It was so wonderful to have the little house filled with laughter. Shauna insisted on helping her serve. The men ate with relish as if they’d been starving.

“
Slow down,” she admonished “there’s plenty more where that came from.”

Shauna grimaced.

“
Jane won’t let anyone near the kitchen. Not even me. She insists on doing all the cooking and bless her heart she could burn water.”