Singing Heart (41 page)

Becky accepted Xzan’s absence trusting her mother to bring her home soon. She adored her grandparents. Enjoyed running free in the rambling house and being spoiled. Junior was the opposite. Crying miserably every time his mother left. Treating her shamefully when she was there while trying to make her feel guilty. He was too little to understand. As the weeks turned into months he began to withdraw from her demanding to know why he wasn’t allowed to go home. It broke Xzan’s heart. In her efforts to protect her children it seemed she was inadvertently hurting them.

It was taking longer than she anticipated for Sean to get back on his feet. Despite her nurturing the closeness physically in caring for him she hadn’t been able to bridge the gap mentally. They were strangers politely co-existing. Each wary of saying or doing something that might cause more of a rift between them. One evening when he lay sleeping she needed so desperately to talk about the situation she waylaid Robert who was about to depart. She had closed the parlor door speaking in hushed tones thinking Sean couldn’t overhear. The sound of his voice startled them both. They turned staring at him. He was as pale as the bandages on his head. Unsteady on his feet clinging to the doorknob.

“
So that’s why you wanted a divorce. You left me and found another man. He got you pregnant…deserted you…so you came to England claiming the bastards were your husband’s children. You didn’t want anyone to know the truth. You really must have pitied me to take care of me at the expense of putting them out of the house to hide them from me.”

Before she could respond he turned furiously weaving his way dizzily back to his room. She was horrified. Robert followed in her wake as she rushed to catch her husband.

“
It’s not what you think!” she cried disconsolately. Oh God! She hadn’t meant for him to find out this way. Robert’s voice echoed her own.

“
Give her a chance to explain Sean. You’re jumping to conclusions.”

Sean roared pulling on his breeches tangling his feet awkwardly in the legs.

“
A chance to explain! It’s been five months since we first started talking again! Just when was she going to tell me she had two children?!”

Xzan was trying to take the pants out of his hands. Even at his weakest Sean was stronger than her. He pushed away her puny hands easily. Nothing they said could stop him. He had tuned them out. He dressed himself and was leaving. Xzan begged him to think about his health. He was still too fragile to ride. The jolting would injure his brain. He didn’t care. At that moment he felt so betrayed he had nothing left to live for. Robert tried to bar his path. Sean strengthened by fury shoved him to the side as if he were a child. Xzan’s small shoulders slumped in defeat. She spoke quietly.

“
Sean if you leave now…don’t you ever come back. You will hear the truth and realize how wrong you are at some point in time. But by then you will have damaged yourself so badly it would be all I could do to watch you slowly deteriorate. I won’t go through that. Or put our children through it either because of your stubborn temper.”

He halted. Uncertain. Her words spoken defeatedly had touched him. He turned to stare at her hard. Lip curled downward grimly.

“
You have five minutes. Then I’m leaving.”

“
You’re ill…please…come sit by the fire.”

“
I don’t want to sit down.” he said stubbornly through gritted teeth.

“
You need to. I can’t tell you something this important with you glaring at me like a mean giant about to eat me alive.” she retorted hotly at the end of her patience. He wasn’t the only one that felt victimized here.

He turned around to open the front door.

“
Then I guess we don’t have much to discuss.”

Xzan glared at his retreating back. Robert saw the two were both headstrong enough to end it right there and jumped in to smooth their ruffled feathers.

“
Wait! You’re not being fair Sean. Xzan has a very good reason for what she’s done. She’s sacrificed a great deal to help you. You owe it to her to sit down and listen to what she has to say.”

Sean ignored his cousin. Continued walking until he heard the click of a gun and Xzan’s voice deadly calm.

“
Stop right there Sean Fenierre.”

He turned on his heel his mouth dropping open in disbelief. She was aiming the gun at him. He didn’t know whether to laugh because it was so ludicrous and totally out of character or to hit deck seeing the steely gleam in her eyes. He understood the one thing she meant to make perfectly clear. She was determined to be heard at any cost. If it was that important to her he would listen. Even thought he knew he wasn’t going to like it. He held up his hands swaying unsteadily in defeat. Tramping almost drunkenly into the parlor he plopped down unceremoniously in her rocker by the fireplace. She lowered the gun kneeling in front of him forcing him to look into her eyes. They were full of secrets. The truth hurt. She knew it wouldn’t be easy to tell or for him to hear.

“
Sean I left you because you hurt me. I couldn’t allow that to continue. I didn’t know any more than you did that what changed your behavior was a physical illness. I though you had just turned mean…selfish…didn’t love me anymore.”

He looked away ashamed of that time in their lives that he was powerless to alter. He didn’t even remember a lot of it. Robert and Kerrie had told him the way he acted and he couldn’t believe he’d treated Xzan so vilely. Sean loved her. He couldn’t imagine deliberately hurting her. She reached out holding his hand gently squeezing it with reassurance. His remained unresponsive.

“
I would never have left you if I’d known. You have to understand. After what I had been through with Brett in my first marriage,” she heard Robert’s sharp intake of surprise realizing he had never known about her past “ I couldn’t bear to be abused. I knew it would only get worse. It did. I got out while I still could. Before you damaged me permanently. If I had known what was wrong I would have done everything in my power…like I have now…to help you get through it.”

He was silent waiting for her to finish.

“
I didn’t know I was pregnant till after I left. To be honest if I had known sooner I wouldn’t have stayed that long. I lost my first two children due to being abused. I wouldn’t risk losing my babies a second time. When I left…”

“
Whoa…back up.” he interrupted skeptically.

She had his full attention now. His eyes narrowed almost afraid to get this wrong.

“
You mean to tell me you were pregnant with my baby? So one of your children is mine?”

She sighed. He was as she had always suspected a little dense.

“
Babies. Twins. They’re both yours Sean. We have a son and a daughter.”

Sean’s hand tightened painfully around her fingers. His face contorted with a mixture of emotions each more overwhelming than the last. He looked like she had shot him.

“
I had no idea that you would ever be that man I loved again. From the day that I ran away I never looked back. I refused to even think about you or feel you. Until a few months ago I put you so far out of my heart it couldn’t break. I gave the love I felt for you to our son and daughter. I filed for divorce to free us both. It was senseless to stay married when we would never see each other the rest of our lives.”

“
So there isn’t another man?”

She would never tell him or anyone else about Jaskarra. He would never understand the bond that been forged between them for a lifetime. It would only hurt him. She knew Sean’s sexual appetite. That he wouldn’t have been celibate all these years pining away for her. She didn’t want to know about the other women he had slept with or relationships he might have had. What she had shared with Gray Wolf was deeply personal and too special to allow anyone to taint with jealousy. He was part of her life that was over. Her memories were hers alone to cherish. She shook her head.

“
You’re their father. I wanted to tell you weeks ago. You were so ill I didn’t think you could cope with the additional stress of it. I was going to wait until you were completely well and we had some time to sort out our feelings for each other before confusing the issue with the twins.”

He squeezed her hands apologetically. Too stunned to know what to say.

“
The reason you over heard me tonight was because it’s been over three months since your surgery. Our babies want to come home. They’re hurting because they think I’ve abandoned them. That I don’t love them any more. They don’t know about you either. I have been torn between you and them trying to do what’s best for all concerned. I’m at the end of my rope trying to juggle all three of you. Jr. is rejecting me now. He told me hated me tonight and I can’t tell you how deeply that wounds my heart.”

A single tear slid down her slender cheek and she turned her face trying to move away. Sean captured her hands closer searching her face and his cousin’s who nodded affirmatively. He groaned wrapping his long arms around her dainty form pulling her into his lap cradling her tenderly. It was the first time he’d had his arms around her in years and he clung to her as if he’d never let her go crying with her. Forgetting Robert his lips found her rubicund mouth and explored the corners hopefully. The kiss became more passionate and Robert slipped away into the night grinning to himself not wanting to be an unwilling third wheel. She raised her head breathlessly. They both tasted salty with their mixture of tears. Her breast rose and fell rapidly with swelling passion. She knew he was still too indisposed to become intimate that way. She smiled planting a soft kiss across the tip of his nose.

“
Sleep. Rest. Go back to bed so you can get strong enough to help me take care of our family. They’re a handful. I’m worn out. I need you.”

*****

Xxan caught her husband’s eyes twinkling merrily from across the room. He told her silently how happy he was. How much he loved her. The twins were laughing chasing each other around the Christmas tree. They were three now. Growing as fast as their hearts beat.

They adored their father. Accepted him so readily that it broke Xzan’s heart realizing how they must have needed him all along. He let them get away with murder. Sean thrived in her big family and she was reminded that he had come from one himself and how he must have missed them all these years.

Rebecca smiled knowingly at her eldest daughter. She shared a secret that would be announced in front of the whole family after dinner. She was so happy for Xzan. Glad to see that she had found joy in her life at last. She had grown to care deeply for her son-in-law as well. Sean had taken over the farm for Paul taking half the profits to support his family refusing to live off his wife’s money unless they absolutely needed it.

All of her children were thriving. This would be the best Christmas any of them had ever had financially. Special because they had all come home to share it together. She thought back to another Christmas over thirty years ago when she and Paul had taken fate into their own hands. They hadn’t had anything except each other and a dream for the future. Those dreams were a reality now. They had the home they had built together. Children and grandchildren who had decorated its walls with love and laughter sometimes tears and pain. Her husband still desired her after all these years. The feeling was mutual. She longed for her children to know the love they had shared.

Looking at her daughter as she smiled at her husband from across the room she saw that at least one of them already had. She tried to spot her own spouse sending him an adoring gaze that he reciprocated. Awhile later he worked his way past their chattering offspring kissing a few of them jovially along the way towards his wife. He pinched her behind grinning lecherously.

“
How about we leave them to the festivities and do a little celebrating of our own alone?”

For once she didn’t chastise him embarrassingly The children were too busy to notice his misconduct. She sat their drinks down and pulled him by the arm upstairs. His bushy white eyebrows raised in surprise. Normally she would have protested that they had company. He grinned enchantedly.

“
Becka! I’m shocked!”

She smiled back lasciviously.

“
Not half as shocked as you will be when I’m through having my way with you.”

She pushed him into their private domain. Still after all these years the one place that was their exclusively. She tweaked his nipple under the blue dress shirt pinching his bottom at the same time. She had never reciprocated this kind of teasing in all the years they had been married. His mouth dropped open in astonishment. She winked wantonly. Shut the door with a dainty foot. It was time to enjoy what they had worked all these years to attain. Let the children discover it for themselves. She drew her husband unprotesting on their bed. He wasn’t sure who ravished whom. Only convinced that this woman who remained a mystery would always fascinate him.

Downstairs another man was sharing a similar thought about his wife. He had a surprise of his own later tonight. One his in-laws had delightedly helped to arrange. He cast his lady surreptitious glances making her wonder what was on his mind throughout the evening. After they all dined and before Xzan could make her announcement her husband sprang to his feet asking everyone to retire to the parlor. Rebecca smiled secretly at him. Help usher the puzzled family into the room. Pushing her disappointed daughter into the hallway.