Slide (21 page)

T
hat night, I peer through my telescope, wondering why the sky looks the same when the universe has been turned completely upside down.

“Vee,” my sister says. I turn to see her hovering near my doorway.

“Yes?”

She takes a few steps into my room and lowers herself into the rocking chair. She draws her knees up to her chin and looks at me thoughtfully. “Are you going to be okay?”

I look out the window again, searching. First I see Polaris, shining bright. From there, I make out Ursa Minor, the baby bear. Close by, as always, is Ursa Major. The mother bear.

“Yeah,” I say. “I’ll be fine. Just give me a while.”

“Do you want to talk about him?”

“Who? Zane?” I turn back toward my sister.

“Yeah, tell me about him.” She cocks her head to the side, the way she used to when I read her stories before bedtime.

I climb onto my bed and think awhile.

Finally, I speak. “He wasn’t afraid. He’d gone through so much pain in his life, but he didn’t hide himself away. Even though he knew how fragile life was—maybe
because
he knew—he seized every moment and made it his own.”

She is quiet, as though she’s digesting my words.

“Did you love him?”

I have to think about this for a minute. When Zane told me he was falling for me, I was kind of paralyzed. I was so afraid to admit that I loved him, even to myself, because that would mean it would all come to an end and I’d get hurt.

And that’s what happened. When I found out who he was, that he’d known what his mother was doing all along, that he was just going to let Mattie die . . .

I got hurt.

Badly.

But that doesn’t take away the fact that I cared for him. If only for a little while.

“Yeah. I think I did.”

Mattie sighs.

We both sit quietly for a few moments. “What happened to Rollins?”

I fluff my pillow and lean back on it. “We got into a fight. Just dumb stuff.”

“You know he’s in love with you, right?”

I pause.

“Yes,” I finally admit. “I know.”

“You should make up with him. He’s a good guy.” Mattie’s voice is soft, and she reminds me of how she used to be as a child. Sweet. Kind.

“Maybe we will,” I say, but only to appease her. Rollins has been keeping his secrets so long. I have a feeling it’s going to take a while for him to forgive me for what I know.

“Hey,” I say, pulling myself up. “Do you want to learn how to use Mom’s telescope?”

“Sure,” she replies, grinning.

I show her how to adjust the lens. She bends over and peers into the telescope, squeezing one eye shut. I watch her for a little while, noticing how she looks kind of like Dad when she’s concentrating on something. She’s grown up so much in the past week. Her expression is more mature. More adult. I think maybe I should tell her about my sliding sometime. Not tonight, but soon.

When my sister leaves, I lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling, thinking about what she said—how Rollins is in love with me. I don’t know that I have much to offer him right now. But one thing is for sure.

I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

I turn over on my side and reach down to my backpack and pull out a notebook and pen. I flip open to a new page. I chew on my pen for a minute, waiting for the words to come to me. When they do, it’s in a flood, and I have to chase them with my pen, hurrying to get them all down before they escape.

I rip the page out, fold it half, and stuff it into my backpack. My breath has quickened with the exhilaration of putting myself out there. It feels good. I’m not used to being so bold, but I’m proud of myself for reaching out to Rollins. It’s a little scary, I must admit—who’s to say Rollins won’t sneer at my heartfelt letter, crumple it up, and throw it in the trash?

But maybe he won’t.

M
attie and I decide our new Friday-night tradition will involve board games and pepperoni pizza. Even Dad gets in on the action, after he finishes complaining that Pizza Hut can’t hold a candle to his homemade Chicago-style pizza.

“Where did you get all those twenties?” Mattie asks my father in a whiny voice. “I don’t think you should be the banker anymore.”

I laugh, pushing my newly blond hair away from my face. Something about the transition back to my natural color just made sense. I am tired of running away from who I am. I’m ready to embrace all of me, good or bad.

I have just purchased Park Place when the doorbell rings. I toss the dice to my sister, who misses them and has to crawl under the table to find them.

“I’ll get it,” I say, rising and stretching.

I am still smiling when I pull open the door.

He stands there like he belongs on my front porch. He stands there like he used to.

His hands are behind his back.

“Choose,” he says.

“I’ve already made my choice,” I say, and I grab the sleeve of his leather jacket and pull him inside.

Jill Hathaway
grew up in Iowa and is a high-school English teacher, having graduated from the University of Northern Iowa. She subsequently received her MA in Literature from Iowa State University. She now teaches, writes and lives with her husband and small daughter in the Des Moines area.

SLIDE
is her debut novel. www.jillhathaway.com

First published in hardback in the USA by HarperCollins
Publishers Inc
in 2012

First published in hardback in Great Britain by HarperCollins
Children’s Books
in 2012

HarperCollins
Children’s Books
is a division of HarperCollins
Publishers Ltd
, 77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London, W6 8JB

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Slide
Copyright © 2012 by Jill Hathaway

ISBN: 978-0-00-744637-7

EPub Edition © 2012 ISBN: 9780007446384

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Jill Hathaway asserts the moral right to be indentified as the author of the work.