Small Town Girl (8 page)

But now it was past time to get everybody back on track. The sun would be sinking below the horizon soon, and Jay
Tanner needed to be on his way to wherever his wanderlust took him next. That thought gave her an unhappy twinge, but she ignored it. “You want me to wrap this ice in a towel? I’m sure Mr. Tanner is anxious to get on the road.”

Jay winced a little at her words. “I thought we were on a first-name basis, Kate.”

Kate acted like she didn’t hear him as she slid her eyes over to Aunt Hattie. “I can make an ice pack for him to hold on his cheek while he’s driving.”

Aunt Hattie looked at Kate with her eyebrows lifted, then back at Jay. “You as anxious to be on the road, Mr. Tanner, as it appears Kate here thinks you is?”

“Come on, you two. Mr. Tanner was my daddy. I answer to Jay or simply Tanner if Jay won’t fit your tongue right.” His smile was back, sparkling the charm out on Aunt Hattie. “As to moving on, I’ve had the offer of work here, so being between jobs, I thought I might just settle in for a week or two. I figure President Roosevelt is going to catch up with me with a draft notice anytime now. Might as well enjoy a little sunshine here in Rosey Corner first.”

He shot a grin up toward Kate. A kid’s grin. The kind of grin Tori used to give Kate after she’d talked her into going fishing. A pleased and somehow hopeful look, like she was sure this time Kate would at last start thinking fishing was as much fun as she did. Kate thought it better not to think about what Jay was hoping she’d decide was fun, but that didn’t keep her heart from doing a funny bounce and her lips from tingling.

Aunt Hattie wrapped the ice in the towel and held it to Jay’s jaw. “Pastor Mike hire you on to help him in his preaching job?”

Jay laughed out loud and then groaned a little as he touched his cheek. “I gotta remember not to laugh, but me doing any kind of preaching is pretty funny.”

“You thinkin’ the Lord can’t use you?” Aunt Hattie stood back and put her hands on her hips again to give him a fierce stare.

“I’m thinking he wouldn’t want to. I’m not good enough for that.”

“Ain’t none of us good enough. We’s all broken vessels that the Lord can make whole to do whatever he intends us to do.” Aunt Hattie narrowed her eyes on him. “You just keep in mind, Jay Tanner, that the Lord can hit a mighty straight lick with a mighty crooked stick.”

Jay shifted a little uneasily on the bench, as though finally at a loss for words. Kate almost felt sorry for him. She’d been in his spot often enough, pinned down by Aunt Hattie’s sharp eyes demanding she be a better person than she knew how to be. Kate took pity on him and tried to change the subject before Aunt Hattie got really wound up preaching.

“My mother didn’t offer you a job at the store, did she? She might do that if she thought you’d keep talking poetry with her.” Kate smiled at him.

“Maybe there will be some time for that too. A man will need to wet his whistle with a soft drink now and again.” His smile eased back out on his face. “But no, it was Graham Lindell who offered me a bed and a job. Seems he’s taken on a bigger painting job than he wanted.”

Aunt Hattie chuckled and leaned back over to hold the ice higher on Jay’s cheek. “That Graham Lindell.” She looked over her shoulder at Kate. “Looks like he’s up to something. And from the look on your face, I’m thinkin’ you might not mind.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Aunt Hattie.” Kate willed herself not to blush. But she did know exactly what Aunt Hattie meant and exactly what Graham was up to as well. It appeared Jay Tanner had charmed Graham too.

C
arl was on the front porch when Kate, her mother, and Lorena finally walked home after helping Aunt Hattie clean up. Her father had come home earlier, but he wasn’t keeping Carl company. He was probably out back milking the cow. Tori wasn’t anywhere to be seen either. No doubt she was off walking in the twilight with Sammy and dreaming about the day they could follow Mike and Evie down the church aisle. Carl was all alone, sitting stiff and straight on the swing, his feet planted on the plank floor to keep the swing from swaying the slightest bit.

It was plain he was stewing about her talking to Jay Tanner. Actually Carl had been right. She had been close to doing more than talking, but Kate wasn’t about to admit that to Carl. Or to Jay Tanner either. If she ever saw him again. Jay had held Aunt Hattie’s ice to his cheek for a while before saying his goodbyes and heading down to the church for his car. He hadn’t asked the way to Graham’s room above her father’s blacksmith shop.

In spite of what he said, she couldn’t see him staying there. Not really. What she could imagine was him laughing all the way down the road as he drove toward whatever town was next on his list. Rosey Corner was no more than an amusement for him. She was no more than a challenge. One she’d
almost shamelessly let him win. Just the thought of it made her cheeks burn.

She wasn’t happy to see Carl. She was tired. She was unsettled. She had no idea what she was thinking or how she was feeling. Not the best time to let an old friend down easy.

When he saw them coming across the yard, he jumped to his feet, making the swing jerk up and down on its chains. On the porch, her mother squeezed Kate’s arm in a silent gesture of understanding before she nodded at Carl and hustled Lorena past him into the house. Kate wanted to follow them, but unpleasant things couldn’t be avoided forever. Toilets had to be cleaned out, floors scrubbed, and fishing worms squished on hooks. And she’d rather be doing any of those than facing Carl Noland on her front porch at that moment.

He was frowning. Obviously mad at her but at the same time looking uneasy. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands as he stood like his shoes were tacked to the porch and peered over at Kate. She knew he was expecting her to say something to smooth down his ruffled feathers, but the only words that came to mind were “Go home.” She couldn’t say that. Not without at least an attempt at being nice.

A full minute ticked past after the screen door bounced closed behind her mother and Lorena. She had to say something.

“Carl . . . ,” she started, as though she needed to let him know she remembered his name. Normally words didn’t desert her so completely. She rubbed her thumb and fingertips together and wished for a pen and paper. It would be easier to write him a letter explaining everything than to tell him face-to-face.

The frown lines between his eyes deepened. “Kate, what’s going on with you?”

He stepped toward her and she had to force herself not to back up. She motioned toward the swing. “You want to sit down?” She was delaying.

“No, I don’t want to sit down.” His voice rose until it wasn’t much below a yell.

Kate looked toward the house. Sound would slide right through the open windows and door, and while she didn’t care what her mother and Lorena heard, Carl might. “Then, let’s walk out in the yard where we can talk.” She nodded a little toward the screen door, and his face colored up.

Neither of them said anything as they moved across the dusty yard toward the maple tree. A rope swing hung down from one of the branches, and Kate wished Lorena was on it, begging Kate to push her even though she was plenty big enough to keep the swing going by herself. Kate didn’t mind pushing her. It seemed to release something inside them both, a tandem of movement that was like poetry in motion.

A few of the maple’s leaves had already turned a bright yellow that reflected the last rays of the setting sun and shed a golden light under the tree. To break the odd silence between them, Kate said, “The leaves are beginning to turn.”

“I don’t care about the stupid leaves.” Carl whipped his hand through the air as though knocking away her words. His voice was tight. “Don’t think you can just start talking about stuff like nothing’s wrong.”

Kate’s insides clenched up. The day was beginning to feel two weeks long. Too much had happened. Evie and Mike. Jay Tanner. And now Carl with a storm darkening his face and demanding what she couldn’t give him. She looked away from him out at the lilac bush her mother loved, losing its leaves now. Her eyes slid to the rosebush she’d jumped over a thousand times just to prove she could. Peony bushes and irises lined the yard fence and were forbidden territory when they were playing hide-and-seek. The clothesline on the other side of the yard had given them plenty of practice ducking and swerving during tag.

“We’ve had a lot of good times in this yard,” Kate said. “You remember the time you hid up in this very tree and we
couldn’t find you? You said you stayed up there hiding for the longest time even after we gave up and went inside.”

Carl looked up at the tree branches over his head. “I wanted you to find me.”

“But we didn’t.” Kate let her eyes come back to Carl for just a second before she looked away again. “We thought you’d gone home.”

“I don’t give up easy. Not when it’s something I want.”

“I know.” Kate studied the hard-packed ground under the swing where the grass had long since been worn away. The words she needed to say were backing up in her throat. She did like him. That made it hard to say what she had to say. He was going to be hurt. Even now he was hurt. She could feel him staring at her, and while she didn’t allow her eyes to travel back to his face, she had no trouble imagining the look that would be there. A little-boy look of betrayal, of the others not playing the game right, of being stuck up a tree and nobody caring enough to find him.

“What’s wrong with you, Kate?” His voice was softer now.

Kate pulled in a long breath and let it out. She looked straight at him. She couldn’t put it off forever. She was the sister who took care of whatever needed taking care of, whether that was Evie making it through getting married or Lorena learning her multiplication tables. She handled things. She’d have to handle this.

“I’m sorry, Carl. I do like you.”

“Like me?” His voice came out in a funny squeak. He stared at her a minute, then ran his hand through his hair as if that might help him take in her words. The pomade he’d used to slick it down now left it sticking up in a mess.

Yesterday she could have smoothed it down with a laugh. Today that wasn’t possible. Why were thoughts of love always getting in the way of friendship? It didn’t have to be that way. Didn’t she love Mike? Foolishly. Stupidly. But that didn’t keep
her from welcoming his friendship, even if romantic love was out of the question.

“We’ve been friends forever, Carl. I don’t want to spoil that now.”

“I love you, Kate. I’ve known we were going to get married ever since we were kids.” He was peering at her as though he didn’t quite know who she was. “Just the way you told me your father loved your mother. You remember telling me that, don’t you? How your father was in love with your mother and then she realized she was in love with him too.”

Kate held in the sigh that wanted to escape her as she looked down at the satiny bridesmaid dress she was still wearing. She tried to smooth off a spot of white cake icing, but it wouldn’t rub off. She should have taken clothes with her to Aunt Hattie’s to change. She should have stayed out of Aunt Hattie’s backyard. She should have done a lot of things differently.

She met his eyes. A person couldn’t be a coward about some things. “But I’m not my mother and you’re not my father, Carl. Things don’t always happen that way.”

“What are you trying to say, Kate? That you don’t love me? We’ve been going out for two years.”

“I do love you, Carl, but not the way you want me to. I love you as a friend. A very dear friend.” She said the words as gently as possible.

Carl made a sound as if she’d punched him in the stomach. He blinked a couple of times and lowered his eyes to the ground.

Kate reached toward him but then pulled back her hand. “I’m sorry, Carl. I can see you’re hurt, but I can’t change the way I feel.”

“Is it because I’ve never officially proposed? I’ve been waiting for the right time, but maybe I shouldn’t have.” He went down on one knee and grabbed her hands.

She tried to pull him up, but he wouldn’t let her. “Carl, please don’t do this.”

He acted as if he didn’t hear her. “Kate Merritt, will you marry me?” Without waiting for an answer, he rushed on. “You have to love me. You have to marry me.”

She gave up trying to get him to stand up and instead slid her hands free of his. “I can’t, Carl. You deserve a girl who loves you the right way. Somebody who wants to be with you forever.”

“But that’s you, Kate.” He looked up at her like a dog that was being whipped without any idea why.

She didn’t say anything. What more could she say? He didn’t want to hear her refusal. After a minute, he grabbed hold of the swing rope and clambered to his feet. A dreadful silence fell between them while he waited for her to take back her words. She didn’t slide her eyes away from his the way she wanted to, but met his look. It was the least she could do.

At last he said, “I figure I might get my draft notice soon. I thought we could announce our engagement now before I join up, and then Pastor Mike can tie the knot for us after I finish basic training. They usually give a guy a little leave before they assign him to a base somewhere. I hear they’re sending a lot of the guys west to California. You could go with me. You’d like California. You’re always talking about wanting to see somewhere besides Rosey Corner.”

She felt sorry for him, but a spot of irritation was growing inside her. Her voice wasn’t as kind as she said, “We’re not getting married, Carl. Not now. Not then. Not ever.”

Anger flashed in Carl’s eyes. “It’s that fast-talking pretty boy, isn’t it? He’s come in here and turned your head. Got you forgetting who you are.”

“And who am I?” Her anger was rising to match his.

“Somebody who thinks she’s better than the rest of us. Like the world is going to stop and let you climb on anywhere you want. Well, it’s not. You’re just a small town girl from Rosey Corner who doesn’t know half what you think you know.” He spit the words at her.

She tried to back away from him, but the tree trunk stopped her retreat. She pulled in a breath and did her best to sound in control. “I think you better go home, Carl.”

His face got even redder until he looked ready to explode. The words did seem to explode out of him. “I’ll go home, all right. Right after I do something I should have done a long time ago.”

“We’re through talking, Carl.” She pushed away from the tree to move past him, but he clamped his hands down on her shoulders.

“Through talking, but we’re not finished. Not by a long shot. You want a man who just grabs whatever he wants no matter what, then that’s what you’re gonna get.”

She tried to jerk away from him, but he was too strong. He shoved her back against the tree, stepped closer, and mashed his mouth down over her lips. She tried to twist away from him, but his hands on her were like iron. So instead she froze and became part of the tree, stiff and unmoving. Carl didn’t seem to notice as he shut his eyes and kept moving his lips against hers.

When at last he lifted his head, she stared straight at him with disgust. “Turn me loose or I’ll scream.”

He flinched a little at her words and dropped his hands off her shoulders. “You were supposed to kiss me back, Kate.”

“That was no kiss. That was an attack.” She glared at him and pointed toward the road. “Goodbye, Carl.”

“You can’t just say goodbye like it’s over between us.”

“Goodbye, Carl.” Her voice was icy.

Anger and sorrow warred in his eyes. The anger won. “Everybody always told me you were just like your granddaddy—cold, all drawed up inside yourself, not caring about nothing but what you wanted, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t want to believe them. But maybe they were right. I gave you your chance. Believe me, there’s plenty of other girls who know how to kiss a guy.”

She kept her face blank as she met his stare. She refused to let him see how his words were like stones thrown at her heart. Who were these people telling him that? Everybody.

His face changed. The sorrow pushing in front of the anger now. But he didn’t take back his words. Instead he turned on his heel and stalked away. She didn’t move until he was out of sight up the road. Then she lifted up her dress tail to wipe off her mouth. Her lips felt bruised, her spirit wounded.

She dropped down in the swing and pushed her feet against the ground to launch herself into the air. She was glad for the wind against her hot face. Glad it was blowing her hair free from its pins. She leaned back to pump the swing higher. She wanted to be free of gravity, to float in the air with nothing to stop her flight. She imagined Carl’s words blowing away from her, being lost forever. He was angry. She understood that. Maybe it would have been better if she’d simply kissed him. A parting gift. What if he was drafted? She should have told him she’d pray for him. Up and back through the air her thoughts went.