Smolder (2 page)

In
that moment I felt a slight pang of jealousy at them and suddenly felt myself
wishing I had a relationship like theirs. Thankfully someone knocked on the
door and made me snap out of my thoughts. The last thing I needed in life was a
relationship…Jude Miller didn’t do the girlfriend thing. My dick just needed
some fun.

I
looked up and saw Ryder and Everleigh coming in the room with Max followed by
Danni and Beau, who had their little girl Harlowe in his arms.

“Hey
everyone,” Jessie greeted them, smiling. “I’m so glad you’re all here.”

Danni
and Everleigh both had tears in their eyes as they rushed to her side. I smiled
and backed away, letting Jessie have her moment with her friends. I joked and
laughed and made conversation but as I watched everyone basking in the joy of
their families I had never felt more out of place in my entire life and it was
beginning to bum me out.

After
we’d visited for a few more hours, Jessie was finally starting to crash from
exhaustion so we all decided to leave and let her get some rest. I’d kissed her
goodbye and gave Kris another bro hug before stepping out into the hallway to
wait for Sadie. I had my back to the door and was mindlessly scrolling through
my phone and hadn’t noticed she was in the hallway until I felt her jump on my
back and wrap her arms around my neck, startling me.

“Damn
it Sadie,” I chuckled. “I almost dropped my phone.” I was still holding onto
her legs and turned to see Everleigh walking out of the room holding Max while
Ryder and Danni followed.

“Sorry
big guy,” she laughed and gently pulled my Mohawk. “Come on, feed me before I
stomp your ass.”

“Better
do what she says, man,” Beau said, grinning as he walked out in the hallway
with Harlowe still on his hip. “When that monster gets hungry she’s liable to
rip someone’s head off until she’s full.”

“Oh
go f-uh, I mean, go fly a kite,” Sadie quipped back at Beau, quick to censor
herself from Max and Harlowe’s little ears.

“Let’s
go before you start to corrupt the kids,” I answered as she slid off my back.
She playfully shoved me before she kissed Harlowe and Max and said goodbye to
Ryder, Evie, Beau, and Danni.

After
we got into my car and drove to a diner, we went inside and Sadie was quick to
order her food. As I watched her plow through her food like a starving woman, I
wondered where in the hell she could put so much food. The girl was so tiny
that she looked like a large cheeseburger would make her explode.

She
had just taken a big bite of her food when her cell phone started ringing. She
picked it up and glanced at the display and groaned. She chewed and swallowed
some of it before swiping her screen and answering, “Hello?” with her mouth
still half full.

“Who
is it?” I mouthed.

Rolling
her eyes, she said, “Hey Jagger. What’s up?”

I
squared my jaw and took a drink of my soda. Why in the hell would Jagger be
calling Sadie this early in the morning on a Sunday?

I
used that moment to pick up my phone and scroll through some messages. I
mindlessly read them and answered a few as I tried not to hear the
conversation. I stole a few glances at her and saw that she was irritated and
it made me feel a little more at ease.

“Okay,
go get some sleep, Jag. You probably aren’t even going to remember this
conversation in a few hours and that’s probably a good thing. Talk to you
later,” she said and swiped her finger across the screen on her phone and
frustratingly set it down.

“Everything
okay?” I asked her, putting my phone back in my pocket.

“Ugh,
it’s fine. He’s still a little drunk from last night and was more than likely
touching himself on the other line while he was talking to me,” she laughed,
popping a French fry into her mouth.

“What
was he saying?” I asked, getting more annoyed.

She
looked at me and smiled. “God, Jude, no need to get irritated at him. He’s just
being more annoying than normal.”

“Does
he usually call you like this?”

She
shrugged her shoulder and answered, “Sometimes but I don’t let it get to me. He’s
been flirty and shit since Danni and Beau’s wedding and sometimes he’ll send me
texts. Or, in times like this when he’s horny and still buzzing, he’ll call me
and tell me that he wants to fuck me as hard as he can until I come like a
river.”

I
had just taken another drink of my soda and just about choked on it.

“What
the fuck, Sadie? Why the hell am I just now hearing about this?”

“Because
he’s harmless, Jude. He’s not really into me. He’s just a guy that likes the
chase. Even if I wanted to go for it, which I definitely don’t, I wouldn’t do
it because he’s the ‘hit it and quit it’ type. Relax, it’s all good.”

I
relaxed a little but looked pointedly at her and said, “It better be. Nobody
had better fuck with you, Sadie. If that shit keeps up I’m going to have to
talk to the guys or Jessie.”

“Jesus
Christ Jude, it’s fine. I don’t need anyone to defend me or tell him to back
off. I can take care of myself and besides, there’s absolutely nothing to worry
about. I do
not
have a thing for Jagger Riggins, trust me.”

“All
right, fine, I’ll let it go. I just think it’s unprofessional for an artist to
be sexually harassing their producer, who happens to be a close friend of the
head of our label. He’s an ass that’s only after some pussy and he’s fucking
with the wrong girl.”

Sadie’s
face split into a wide grin and she laughed loudly. “Boy, are
you
the
pot calling the kettle black.”

I
snorted out a laugh and replied, “Shut the fuck up.”

After
she stopped laughing, she put her hand on mine and said, “Jude, seriously, it’s
fine. Let’s talk about something else, okay?”

I
nodded and agreed to let it be for now. I couldn’t figure out why the idea of
Sadie being with Jagger annoyed me. It’s not like I was into her. I had toured
with Jagger for many years and knew what an asshole he could be to women…that
had to be what was bothering me. Besides, Sadie was right. I was the very
slutty pot calling the equally slutty kettle black when it came to the subject.
Even though my sex life had come to painfully screeching halt, I had no room to
complain about him. Just as long as he didn’t keep messing with my friend
everything would be fine.

We
sat together and finished our food before she had to leave to head to the
studio. I gave her a ride and after I dropped her off and told her I’d pick her
up later, I looked at the time display on my phone and tried to decide what I
was going to do with the next few hours. I definitely wasn’t ready to be tied
down to one chick and start pulling diaper duty, but it really did suck
sometimes being the odd man out. Ryder, Beau, and Kris were all wifed-up and
reproducing and I hated to admit that I was a little lonely.

I
decided that the best way to release pent up sexual frustration was to work out
so I turned my car around and headed to my gym. As soon as I was inside, I
quickly found a free weight machine and got to work pushing out all my sexual
angst and try to distract my mind from how lonely my dick had been.

It
was proving to be a pretty difficult thing to do because as soon as my mind
started to focus on my workout, a hot brunette in tight work out gear came
walking into the gym and began using the elliptical machine in front of where I
was lifting weights. I tried my hardest to look anywhere but at her ass but it
was impossible. I was pretty sure in that moment that the universe hated me
with the flames of hell. Of course there would be a ridiculously hot girl with
an ass that wouldn’t quit flexing and toning it in front of me when all I was
trying to do was think of anything but sex and the fact that I wasn’t getting
any.

I
tried my best to continue my workout but after two more minutes of torture, I
gave up and headed for the showers. After I got cleaned up, I quickly walked
toward the exit, having every intention in the world to just head home and
spend the rest of the day playing video games. Before I could walk outside, the
brunette that had been working out in front of me suddenly blocked the exit.

“Hey,”
she said, smiling sweetly at me and twirling a piece of hair around her index
finger. “I’m Lacy.”

“Jude,”
I replied, grinning back. I could see from my peripheral vision that this girl
was a stone cold fox. She had long, chocolate colored hair and eyes that
matched, creamy pale skin, and a beautiful mouth.

“I
know,” she answered before lightly giggling. “I saw your band play at Riverbend
last summer. You were amazing.”

“Thank
you sweetie,” I replied as I fished my keys out of my pocket.

“So,
I see you’re on your way out. Any big plans?” she asked, lightly tracing her
fingers on my forearm. “Maybe we can get out of here together.”

I
thought about lying and saying I did have something to do, but I was coming up
empty. Instead I decided to go with the truth.

“No
big plans, but I’m going to have to pass, darlin’,” I replied. “I’m not really looking
to date anyone right now.”

“I
wasn’t asking to be your girlfriend, Jude,” she said. “I’m okay with just an
afternoon of fun.”

Seriously?
Why did God hate me? I had a smoking hot girl asking to spend a few hours in my
bed with seemingly no strings attached and I was saying no. What was wrong with
me?

“That’s
tempting but I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

Feigning
a frown, she stuck her bottom lip out and said, “Bummer. Well, if you change
your mind, here’s my number. Give me a call when you decide you want to have
some fun.” She handed me a folded up piece of paper and with a wink, she turned
and walked out of the gym. I frustratingly put it in my pocket and stomped off
toward my car.

This
was nuts…I had to find some way to deal with my pent up frustration. I just had
a beautiful girl hit on me and I turned her down flat. I didn’t really know
what I needed (well, I did…I needed some pussy
bad
) but one thing I was
sure of is that something had to change. I didn’t want to let Sadie down and
break our celibacy pact but something had to give…and it had to give soon.

The
next few days went by like they usually had for the past few months; sleeping
in late, playing video games, working out at the gym, and coming home to an
empty house since Sadie had been helping Jess out. With a lot of alone time on
my hands, I’d found myself with my hand down my pants more often than not
lately and this afternoon was no exception.

I’d
decided to skip the shower at the gym that day and come straight home so I
could take care of business in private. Once I was under the hot, steamy water,
I immediately took my erection into my fist and started pumping, craving any
kind of relief from this deep ache. I closed my eyes and tried to picture a
nameless girl I’d been with in the past to help but for some reason when I
tried to think of someone, all I saw was brown eyes. They were beautiful and so
familiar to me but I couldn’t place where I’d seen them. Whoever they belonged
to I wasn’t sure, but they were intriguing enough for me to finish what I’d
started.

As
I drained the last of my release into the shower, I leaned against the wall and
tried to catch my breath. I thought I heard my door creaking and I peeked my
head out to see if Sadie might be out there but thankfully I didn’t see anyone.
As I turned off the shower and stepped onto the carpet, I thought of those
mysterious eyes and I wished I remembered who they belonged to.

Sadie

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

I’d
just seen Jude naked…naked and masturbating in his shower. His hard, bulky body
was wet, soapy, and delicious and I couldn’t look away. I stood in his doorway
and stared shamelessly as he stroked his massive erection with his large,
strong hand. Oh my God, I was in trouble. That was the single sexiest thing I’d
ever seen in my life up to that point and just about everything that man did
was sexy to me.

I
quietly moved back down the hallway and went into my room, shutting my door
softly behind me just in case he happened to hear me. I collapsed against the
door and took several deep breaths to try and calm myself down. I needed to get
myself in check before I saw him so he wouldn’t know anything was up.

I
walked across my room and went into my bathroom to splash come cold water on my
face.  After that I was pretty sure I was going to fake being sick and stay in
my room the rest of the night because after seeing the man I’d been in love
with forever naked for the first time, there was no way I’d be able to face
him.

A
few weeks later, Jessie was home with Kallum and had taken some much-needed
time off adjusting to being a new mother. I, however, was feeling completely
swamped and overwhelmed as I tried to not only fill in for her but finish up
Eternal Down’s album as well. Being a sleep deprived and exhausted mother of a
newborn sounded like a dream compared to the stress I was under and I had to
admit that I was a little jealous of Jessie. I’d gotten most of the work I
needed to do that day finished but just when I thought I’d be able to take a
quick break to eat or hell, just sit down, Jagger called to talk and I was
currently trying to get through the phone call as fast as possible.

“Okay,
so I’m sending over two more tracks and as soon as I am done mixing the one I’m
working on now, I think we should have this album in the can,” I said to Jagger
as I held my phone up to my ear with my shoulder.

“I
can’t wait to hear them. Everything you’ve done so far has sounded fucking bad
ass,” he replied.

“Of
course it has,” I replied quickly as I clicked ‘send’ on the email I was
sending to him. “There, I sent it.” I moved my hand up and grabbed my phone and
was preparing to end the call when he cleared his throat.

“Sweet,”
he answered. “Hey listen, while I’ve got you on the phone, I wanted to
apologize for the phone call a few weeks back.”

I
groaned internally…I knew this was coming. It always did. Jagger had a bad
habit of getting drunk and calling me when he felt horny and then he’d always
apologize for it later. I had too many things to do and really didn’t want to
sit through another speech.

“Jag,
it’s fine. I’m used to it,” I answered, snorting out a laugh.

“Seriously,
are we good?”

“We’re
good,” I replied. “I have to ask you something though. You’ve been hitting on
me then apologizing over and over for, like, a year now. Why do you keep doing
it?”

I
heard him chuckle through the phone and he said, “Come on, Sadie, don’t tell me
you haven’t thought about it.”

“I
actually haven’t,” I answered, rolling my eyes.

“Whatever,
you know we’d be hot together. Just one night with me is all it would take to
loosen you up, baby,” he said, laughing.

“Ugh,
are you finished? I have work to do,” I snapped.

Still
laughing, he said, “Yeah, I am. For now. Later,” he replied and the line went
dead. I put my phone down and ran my hand through my hair in frustration as I
turned back to my computer to get the rest of my work finished, having suddenly
lost my appetite.

I
spent most of the afternoon doing paperwork, filing invoices, paying bills, and
checking schedules for Bad Blooded Rebel and Eternal Down and by the time I was
finished, I decided that Jessie needed an assistant in a big bad way and the
first thing I was going to do tomorrow was to talk to her about hiring someone
to help her out when she came back. I knew Jessie was Superwoman and could
handle all of this on her own, but I knew my limitations and a few more days of
this was going to make me completely melt down. Besides, with Jessie being a
new mom she was going to need an extra set of hands helping her with the day to
day business while she was caring for Kallum.

Thankfully,
the seemingly endless day finally came to a close when I put the last manila
envelope into one of Jessie’s filing cabinets. Sighing, I closed the cabinet
drawer and rubbed my temples as I grabbed my bag and keys and left her office.
I was ready to go home and relax but I had to stop by and see Kallum before I
left…I needed my baby fix. Luckily, Jessie had a home office built onto their
house when she started the label so visiting one of my favorite little men
wouldn’t be too difficult.

Once
I locked up, I walked across their property, climbed the back steps, and
knocked on the back door. After a few moments, Kris answered the door with a
smile on his face.

“Hey
Sadie,” he said. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.
So, how’s little man today?”

Beaming
with pride, Kris replied, “Perfect, what else?”

I
smiled at him and said, “Of course he is. Is he sleeping? I wanted to give him
kisses before I head home.”

“I
think Jess is about to put him down, but he might still be awake. Come on back,
I’m sure he’ll be happy to see his Aunt Sadie,” he said, leading me through the
kitchen toward Kallum’s nursery. As soon as we walked into the room, I saw
Jessie sitting in a wooden glider and she was humming a lullaby while rocking
Kallum in her arms. Kallum was staring at Jessie with a toothless smile on his
adorable face. Ever since he’d started smiling, it was getting more and more
exciting watching him grow.

“Look
who I found at the back door,” Kris said.

Jessie
stopped humming and looked up to give me a smile. “Well, hey there Sadie, so
glad you stopped by. You came at a good time, I just finished nursing him. I’m
sure you don’t want to see my boob hanging out,” she joked.

“Oh
no worries, mama. I’m not Jude, that doesn’t freak me out. Breastfeeding is
beautiful,” I answered and leaned in to kiss Kallum’s head. “In my opinion
that’s how nature intended babies to be nourished. I’m doing it whenever I have
children.”

“Well
I’m sure by then Jude will be okay seeing it,” she said, winking at me.

“Who
said I was having kids with Jude?” I answered, smiling at Kallum, who grinned
back at me.

“I
do because one of these days he will pull his head out of his ass and see you
for the amazing woman you are and grab you up before someone else sweeps you
off your feet,” she replied.

“Uh,
that’s doubtful on both counts. I really think that Jude might have a few
screws loose in that head of his if he hasn’t figured out I have a thing for
him by now. Short of standing in front of him completely naked I don’t know
what else I can do.”

“You
could, I don’t know,
tell him
you have feelings for him, Sadie,” Kris
suggested. “Jude’s not a very observant guy so maybe actually telling him might
be the way to go.”

I
laughed and replied, “Not happening bro.”

“Why
not? You’ll never know until you try,” Jessie said.

I
sighed and answered, “Look, we’ve been through this before. I don’t want to
tell him I love him because if he doesn’t feel the same way I risk losing one
of my best friends.”

“You
know he’d never let that happen,” Kris replied.

“I
know but it would be so awkward between us. I like how things are.”

“Oh
you aren’t fooling anyone,” Jessie laughed. “You’re struggling to keep the lid
on the secret jar more and more every day. We all see it.”

“Just
think about it, Sadie. I really think that it would be a good thing for both of
you, especially Jude,” Kris said.

“He
just seems so lonely,” Jessie answered with sadness in her tone. “I know that
he has friends and is a happy guy most of the time, but I really think maybe
he’s feeling like the odd man out. I just…I worry about him and I know you two
being together would make you both so happy.”

“Aw
Jess,” I replied, “Jude and I are fine, I promise. It’s no secret that I would
love more with him but I’m okay just being his friend, really.” I was lying
through my teeth and I’m sure they both knew it but after the day I’d had I
didn’t have it in me to argue. I dropped another kiss on Kallum’s head and
said, “Listen, I’ll think about it, okay? For now, I’m going to head home and
get some rest.”

Jessie
smiled at me and seemingly admitted defeat. “Okay, fine, you win for now. Thank
you so much for all of your help, Sadie. You’ve been a God send, truly.”

“Anything
for you girl. Night, love you,” I said, hugging her around her shoulder. I
hugged Kris and replied, “Love you too.”

“Love
you kid. See you tomorrow,” he replied and I left the happy family in the
nursery and left their house.

As
I drove home, I thought about what Kris and Jessie suggested and wondered for a
moment what would happen if I confessed my feelings to Jude. I knew that I was
afraid of things going wrong, but…what if they went right? What if he had the
same feelings for me that I had for him and we were happy together? The thought
made me smile as I imagined what it would feel like to be in Jude’s arms.

As
quickly as I thought of all of the good things that would come of a
relationship with Jude, I thought of the bad things as well. Despite the fact
that he’d gone two years without being with any women, he was still a man who
happened to be a reformed slut. He’d made it so far and I was proud of him but
he could decide to get back on the horse at any time and it worried me. I hated
to admit this, but it would always worry me. After being a borderline sex
addict for years he could always go back to his old ways even if we were in a
relationship and that was a very difficult pill for me to swallow.

As
I turned the corner of our street, I chuckled to myself. Who the hell was I
kidding? Nothing would ever come of my feelings for Jude. I knew that he’d
never go for something with me because if he’d been interested he’d have
already gone for it. Sighing in defeat, I drove the short distance to our house
and pulled up to the gate, punched in the security code, and drove through the
gates as soon as they opened.

When
I pulled into the garage, I was relieved to see that Jude’s Viper was parked in
its usual spot. He’d been home pretty much every night when he wasn’t on tour
or recording but it still made me relax a little knowing he wasn’t out plowing
his way through Cincinnati. I quickly got out of my car and went inside the
house and called out, “Hey, I’m home,” as I walked through the door.

“In
here,” I heard Jude call back. I walked into the living room and saw him
sitting in the recliner eating something from a takeout box. “I didn’t know
when you’d be home so I ordered Chinese. I got your favorite, General Tso’s” he
replied, pointing to a Styrofoam container on the coffee table.

I
smiled and sat on the couch in front of my food and opened the lid. “Thanks
man,” I answered, and picked up a pair of chopsticks. As I took a bite, I
moaned loudly and exclaimed, “Mm, this is good.”

Jude
snorted out a laugh and took a bite of his food.

“What
is it?” I asked as I took another bite.

“Nothing,”
he answered.

“No,
what is it? What’s so funny?” I prodded.

Shaking
his head, he answered, “It’s just that…when you eat you moan like you’re having
an orgasm.”

I
almost choked on my food…shit.

“Uh,
how the hell do you know what I sound like having an orgasm? I’ve gone much
longer without getting laid than you have, my friend.”

“I
don’t know, but I imagine you sound like that when you’re, ya know,
coming
,”
he said, lowering his voice an octave.

I
felt my cheeks getting redder by the second and I replied, “Ugh, can I eat my
food?”

Jude
turned in his recliner and stared at me with a grin on his face.

“Oh
my God, are you blushing? Sadie Cavanaugh is actually embarrassed?” he teased.

“Fuck
off,” I grumbled, taking another quick bite of my food and trying to do
anything I could to avoid talking about this with him. “Just eat your goddamned
food before I smack it out of your hands.”

“Aw,
come on, I was just teasing you. Relax princess,” Jude said before taking a
bite of an egg roll.

I
rolled my eyes and stuffed another full bite of food into my mouth before
sinking back into the sofa and propping my feet up. After I chewed enough to
speak, I asked him, “What the hell are you watching anyway?”

“Nothing
really, I was just flipping channels. You can find something if you want,” he
answered, tossing the remote control onto the couch next to me.