Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (24 page)

“He’s stable,” Natalie said. “They have him on a psych hold, but his body is stable. He has a broken hand, and it’s wrapped. Otherwise, his heart and lungs are fine. They say his brain activity is good, too. It’s a miracle he’s alive and not a vegetable . . . or worse.”

Relief washed over me like a tidal wave. “So he’ll be okay?”

“They’re going to transfer him up to psych tomorrow morning after they make sure tonight he’s okay.” Natalie wrung her hands while pacing in front of me. The rest of the band sat quietly behind us in chairs, listening intently to what she’d found out. Bex was holding her head in her hands while Johnny rubbed her back.

“Is he awake?”

She shook her head. “No. He’s sedated. They want him to rest.”

I dropped into a chair next to Bex, my legs unable to hold me anymore. “This is all my fault.”

Bex put a hand on my back. “It’s not your fault, April.”

I lifted weary eyes to her. “If I hadn’t encouraged him to talk to Robbie . . .”

“We don’t know what triggered this.” Natalie spoke from the other side. “And you can’t blame yourself. It’s been a long time since it was this bad, but this isn’t the first time he’s had episodes like this.”

“Has he tried to kill himself before?”

“No,” Natalie said. “That’s a definite escalation.” She shook her head. “I just don’t get it. He couldn’t wait to come up here with you and see Robbie. When I saw you two at our house . . .”

Bex reached out her hand for Natalie. “This isn’t your fault, either. You couldn’t have seen this coming. None of us could’ve. Instead of us focusing on the what-ifs, let’s focus on helping Beau through whatever this is. How long will they keep him in psych?”

“I don’t know. They will evaluate him and see what he needs. The doctor seemed to think he would need inpatient care for at least a week to assess him and make sure he’s stable enough to be on his own. I called his psychiatrist at home and left her a message, too, so she would know.”

Johnny and Tanner were quiet, both of them listening to us discuss what was going to happen with Beau.

“Can we see him?” I needed to put my eyes on him and know he was breathing. After seeing him so still and so lifeless had scared me shitless, I needed reassurance.

“Not yet,” Natalie said. “They don’t want any of us seeing him until he’s evaluated by psych tomorrow. Right now, we need to try to find out what happened. The more information we give them, the better it will be. It’s likely Beau won’t remember what happened or what he did, but once he does, they need to have the tools to help him.”

I thought of Robbie and my heart broke. That child had already been through enough, and I didn’t want to force him to talk to me if something traumatic had spurred Beau’s reaction, but I had to try to talk to him. “I’m going to go to the group home and talk to Robbie. Can one of you take me? My car is there.”

Natalie nodded. “I will. I drove separately from the rest of them, anyway. I’m going to leave my number with the nurses in case something happens, but we can’t see him until tomorrow so we might as well try to figure out what happened.”

“You can stay with me,” I said automatically. “As long as you need to.”

“We got a hotel already,” Bex said. “Our nanny is there with the kids. But thank you, April. We’re going, too, as long as you’re okay with it.” I nodded. They wanted to find out what had triggered him as much as I did. I wasn’t going to deny them.

Heath stepped into place behind us as we walked out of the waiting room. Just as we got to the lobby, I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw the crowd outside the front doors. “What the . . .”

Heath swore behind us and pulled out his phone. After a few seconds, he turned to us. “It’s out. The press is out there. Someone saw Jaded Regret coming into this hospital minus Beau, and someone else said they had a picture of him standing in the middle of traffic.”

“Fuck,” Johnny said. “All he fucking needs is to be accosted by the goddamn media. What should we do?”

“I’m going to need to call Allan,” Natalie said. “He’ll have to do damage control. We’ll ask him if he wants us to put out a statement.”

“Hold on one second,” Heath said, stepping to a nurses’ station. Within moments, he had hospital security leading us out an emergency exit and to the cars without anyone seeing us.

I ached to hold Beau’s hand in mine and tell him I loved him.

Wait.

Did I love him?

It wasn’t the first time I’d thought the l-word, but it was the first time I’d wanted to express it to Beau. Was it too soon to say I loved him? I didn’t know, but I knew I wasn’t putting a timeline on my feelings. If I hadn’t been sure before, I was sure now. Being faced with a life without Beau had made me realize I loved him.

“Here’s my car,” Natalie said. Heath would follow us in the band’s blacked-out Escalade.

I sat, eyes straight ahead as Natalie turned the ignition on and pulled out of the parking garage. The emotional overload of the day caught up with me, and I began shuddering. Resting my head in my hands, I closed my eyes. “I love him, Natalie.” It felt good to say it out loud. “I know that sounds ridiculous . . .”

“It doesn’t, because I already knew it. You’re the one, April.”

“I’m so scared,” I said. “What if I lose him? What if I’m not enough for him?”

“You
are
enough.”

“What if he hates me now because I saw him . . .”

Natalie nodded, understanding. “Just keep showing him you’re there, April. Through all of it. No matter how long it takes to get him back to being Beau. Don’t give up. He’s going to push you out over and over and over again. Are you strong enough to hold on?”

“Am I strong enough to endure what he’s going through?”

Natalie grimaced. “We have no idea how strong any of us can be until that’s our only choice. The question you have to ask yourself is, are you in this for the long haul? Beau’s had everyone in his life that was supposed to love him leave him, with the exception of the band and me. So if you aren’t able to handle this, it’s time to go now.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“I figured as much, but I wanted to give you the out now. You can’t fix him, April.” Natalie sounded like my parents. “You need to be there for him and support him, but he has to want to live. You can’t want it more than him.”

Tears filled my eyes. “When he went off that bridge . . .”

Natalie let out a loud sob. “I can’t even . . .”

“It was horrible. He wasn’t himself . . . he didn’t see me. I chased him for half a mile, begging him.”

Tears dripped from Natalie’s eyes. “I’m sorry you had to see him like that.”

I shook my head. “No. I’m sorry Beau had to feel that way. He was in so much pain, and I couldn’t figure out why. What are we going to do if he doesn’t come back to us, Nat?”

“I’ve worried about that since he was a child. We don’t know. All we can do is see what happens when he wakes up.”

Heaviness settled over us both as she headed to the one place we hoped we could get answers, from a troubled little boy who had been the last to see Beau.

“He hasn’t come out of his room since you left earlier,” Trent said. “The other kids said he is laying on his bed, curled up, and he won’t move. Are you sure this is a good idea, April?”

I nodded. “I have to try, Trent. Whatever happened between the two of them was the trigger for Beau. I have to find out.”

Natalie and Bex stood behind me at the door to the boys’ room. Johnny and Tanner hung out with the other kids, not wanting to overwhelm Robbie.

Trent nodded. “Okay. I trust you, April. Let me know if you need me.”

He walked away, leaving the three of us standing at the door. I took a deep breath. “We can do this. We can get through to Robbie and get him to help us.”

I pushed the door open, and the three of us stepped in. There were no other kids in here, per our request. Robbie was huddled up on his bed, his arms around the enormous stuffed dog we’d gotten him. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago now. I’d give anything to go back to this afternoon. I’d never seen Beau more carefree, riding around that track with Robbie. And Robbie had laughed . . . actually
laughed
as Beau whipped the car around the track.

I sat down on the edge of Robbie’s bed, fighting the tears that still threatened. Robbie looked up at me but said nothing. His eyes then scanned Bex and Natalie and then came back to me.

“Hi Robbie.” My voice wavered even though I tried to stop it. “You like your dog, huh? Trent tells me you haven’t moved since Beau and I left earlier.” My voice broke, and I cleared my throat. “Are you okay?”

Robbie’s big eyes blinked, but he said nothing. It wasn’t working. He wasn’t going to talk to me. I needed a new tactic. “Robbie, I need your help. Do you think you could help me?”

His eyes widened, but he said nothing. His fingers moved, and I saw the picture he always had in his hand. For the first time, I could see what it was. It was worn and faded, but it was a little Robbie wrapped around what must’ve been his mother. She was beautiful, with dark hair and bright eyes. It was too bad she’d chosen drugs over her child.

I cleared my throat. “Beau is sick, Robbie. He’s in the hospital.”

Robbie sat up, the dog falling to the side as his eyes met mine. That had gotten a reaction. “When my mom went to the hospital, she never came back,” he whispered.

“We need you to help us make Beau feel better.” I was encouraged that he had spoken to me. “Can you tell me what happened when you brought Beau into your room earlier?”

Robbie looked away and then down at the picture in his hand. “I showed him my room. I talked to him. He’s so nice. He just gets me. Th-then, I showed him my picture.”

“And he got upset?”

Robbie’s lip wobbled. “I-I thought he liked talking to me. He seemed like he was like me. B-but I made him upset. I don’t know what I did. I’m a bad boy. No one will ever love me.”

I glanced at the picture, wondering what about it might’ve bothered Beau. Was it the image of Robbie with his mother? Did that remind Beau of all of the hateful things his mother had said to him? That didn’t seem to be enough to send him into a tailspin.

“Robbie, Beau just got sick. You didn’t do anything wrong, but we need to try to help him feel better. Would you mind showing that picture to Natalie? She’s Beau’s sister and could maybe help figure it out.”

“He told me how to focus on something to stop being upset, but I made him upset. I didn’t mean to, April.”

“It’s not your fault, sweetie.”

Robbie handed me the photo, and I handed it to Natalie. She ran her finger along the worn edges and the faded center. “Who is this?”

“Me and my m-mom.” As he spoke, tears steadily dripped down Robbie’s cheeks. I wanted to take him into my arms, but I wasn’t sure how he would react to that.

“What’s your mom’s name?” Natalie knew his mom had passed away, which was why he was now here.

“Robyn,” he whispered. Natalie’s head snapped up, her eyes wide as her gaze vacillated between Robbie and the picture. Her eyes narrowed as she studied the faded image.

“And your dad?”

The child shook his head. “I don’t know. My mom said we were coming here to find him, but she never told me his name.”

“You aren’t from here?” Natalie was on to something; I could tell.

“We lived in Miami mostly.”

“So your mom, Robyn, said you were coming here to find your dad.” Robbie nodded.

I wanted to ask what was happening, but I was afraid. Bex didn’t seem to know, either, so we had to wait for Natalie to enlighten us.

“And she never told you anything about him?”

His lip wobbled again. “N-no. She’d never talk about him. Right before we came here, she told me I was going to meet him. Sh-she died before I could find out who he is. Now I’m stuck with a dad out there somewhere that doesn’t know I’m alive.”

Natalie blew out a breath and stood, pacing in front of the small bed. “Beau saw this picture?”

“I showed him,” Robbie said. “It made him upset.”

Natalie’s eyes turned back to me. She nodded, handing the photo back to Robbie. “Thank you for letting me see your picture, Robbie.”

The boy took the picture from her. “What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything.” I reached out and touched his arm. He didn’t pull back, so I put my arm around his shoulders. “Beau doesn’t feel good right now, but we’re all going to make him feel better.”

“He scared me.” Robbie broke his gaze from mine. “I liked him.”

“Don’t be scared,” I said. “You know how sometimes people get upset and just have to take a break?”

Robbie nodded his head. “I told Beau I get upset and can’t control what I do. He told me to try to focus on something else when I get like that. But then it happened to him, and I didn’t know what to tell him to focus on to feel better.”

Bex gasped and turned to Natalie. She nodded once, and I wanted to scream. What did they know that I didn’t? What the hell happened?

“Can I visit you tomorrow?” Natalie asked. “While Beau is sick, I’d like to spend time with you.”

Robbie shrugged. “I don’t know if he’ll want to see me again.”

Natalie covered her mouth for a moment. I saw her throat working and her eyes filled with tears. “Yes, he will, Robbie. We all will. Is that okay with you?”