Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (28 page)

I left Natalie in the living room with Trent and the rest of the counselors and made my way to the bedroom where Robbie was. He knew he was going somewhere, according to Trent, just not where. When I opened the door, his eyes met mine and he smiled.

“April!” Since I’d been visiting him every day this week, he’d opened up to me. Hopefully, that wouldn’t change with what I was going to tell him now.

“Hey, Robbie. So you know how you’re going to a new home?”

His eyes dropped. “Yeah.” He kicked the toe of his shoe against the rail of the bed. “I’m scared.”

I crouched next to him, so he lifted his eyes. “You don’t have to be scared, Robbie. You know why?”

His big eyes widened. “Why?”

“Because you’re coming to my house.”

His mouth opened in a little o. “
Your
house?”

I nodded. “With me and Natalie.”

“Natalie? Will Beau be there?”

God, I couldn’t wait until Robbie knew the truth. “He’s still in the hospital, buddy.”

“He’s still sick? Can I see him? Is he going to die?” His little lip wavered, and tears shone in his eyes.

I thought of Beau, standing on the edge of the bridge looking at me, his eyes dead inside as he went over the side. As long as I lived, I’d never forget that.

“He can’t have visitors right now, but he’s doing okay. He should be out soon, and then you can see him.”

Robbie smiled. “Why do I get to live with you? Are you going to adopt me?” Hope shone in his adorable brown eyes.

“Natalie and I are going to take care of you for right now because we both think you’re an awesome kid.”
Please don’t ask me any more questions. I can’t break your heart, and I can’t tell you about Beau.

He stared at me for so long I wondered if he saw right through my charade. But when he smiled and grabbed his bag, relief spread through me. “Awesome. Can we go now? Do I get my own room?”

I thought of the room Natalie and I had set up, mostly blue with some red accents. We figured we’d let him tell us what else he wanted in there. “You sure do, buddy.”

Robbie ran ahead, spotting Natalie. She smiled at him and then at me. I nodded my head, and she took his hand, leading us out of the group home.

If I had anything to do with it at all, this would be the last time Robbie saw the walls of any foster home.

“I need your help,” I said, watching the blades of the ceiling fan rotate. It was time for me to ask for assistance. I hadn’t been able to sleep a wink in over a week, replaying that day over and over again in my exhausted mind. And now that Robbie was in the house, I was a nervous wreck making sure he was okay.

Robbie had been here three days, and he was adjusting well. He was coming out of his shell. The band had taken him to that music store that was closing and he’d gotten to play guitar with Johnny and sing with him and Bex. He’d tried out banging on some drums they had there. They’d said he had natural talent. Imagine that. Natalie had been stuck to him like glue, and while he didn’t understand it, he had accepted it. We hadn’t seen any signs of mental distress, but I still couldn’t relax. I needed Beau to get out of that place so we could make things right, and so we could tell Robbie what he was doing with us. He asked about Beau daily, but, of course, we didn’t get into why he wasn’t back yet. Robbie was smart and had been through a lot, though, and I had a feeling he knew we weren’t being entirely truthful.

“What’s the matter?” My dad’s voice was immediately concerned, and I guess he had reason to be. I hadn’t told him or my mom a single thing that was going on with me, and there was a lot to tell.

I took a deep breath. “It’s been a terrible week.”

“April, you don’t sound okay at all. What’s going on? Is it work?”

I hadn’t worked since all of this happened, with the exception of the emergency hearing for Robbie. Who knew if I’d still have a job after all this, but I couldn’t worry about that right now. “No. It’s not. It’s about Beau.”

“Are you home?”

“Yes.”

“Your mom and I are coming over. We will be there in fifteen minutes.”

I was never so glad that my dad was off today. I paced the living room while I waited, glad that Natalie and Robbie were out. They’d hired a tutor to assess where Robbie was at in school, so she had taken him there. My stomach was in knots, and I knew I looked like hell. My pants hung on me; my hair was in a messy ponytail, and I had no makeup on. Yet, I couldn’t make myself care.

When I heard their car pull in, I opened the front door. I felt like I could collapse at any moment, and I didn’t know why I waited so long to ask them for help. My mom walked up to the front porch first and stopped when she had a chance to inspect me.

“April.” She wrapped her arms around me. “Honey, what is the matter?” I broke down, sobbing on her shoulder as the weight of the past week fell around me. There was something about being in your mom’s arms that made everything better, even if it wasn’t. But then I realized that wasn’t true with Beau and his mother, and it made me sob harder.

My parents guided me into the house and sat on either side of me on the couch, both of them waiting patiently as I gathered myself. My dad held one of my hands while my mom caressed my back. I could see them looking at each other over my head, and I knew I was scaring them.

“You said this was about Beau,” my dad said after a few minutes.

I sniffled. “Yes. Dad, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked for your help a long time ago.”

“Sweetie, we’re here now. What happened, and what can we do to make it better?”

I took a deep breath and started with us deciding to try a relationship, Beau coming to Orlando and us seeing Robbie. They nodded their heads and listened intently. My voice broke as I got to Robbie talking to Beau in his room that day. I fought through it, needing to get it out. When I explained what had happened after Beau ran out of the house, my mom gasped, and my dad’s hand tightened in mine.

“He’s in the hospital.”

My dad nodded. “Who are his doctors?”

“Dr. Viola and Dr. Grant.”

“Great doctors. He’s in the best hands. Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry you had to witness that. You’ve been there with him all this time? Why didn’t you call me?”

Guilt assuaged me.
Because I didn’t want you to know
.
I didn’t want you to think Beau wasn’t the guy for me.

“I guess you haven’t seen the news this week, huh?” Jaded Regret, despite trying to contain it, had been quite the buzz this week while people tried to figure out what had happened with their drummer. While no one had any concrete proof, the rumor mill was rampant. Heath had brought in a few more guys while they were still in Orlando to keep the press and rabid fans away from them. Bex, Johnny, and Tanner already had to move hotels twice. Thankfully, they had no shows planned anytime soon, so they could lie low and try to ride out the paparazzi wave.

“I’ve clocked over a hundred hours this week,” Dad said. “I’ve been traveling around to other hospitals, giving classes on a new technique in brain surgery. But I still would’ve been there for you, April. I’ll always be there for you.” He peered over at my mom. “I guess you didn’t see anything about this, either.”

She shook her head, tears running down her face. “Why didn’t you tell us, April? You’ve seen something terrible happen to someone you care about, and you need to talk to someone.”

“I’m sorry. I was . . . afraid you’d judge him.” They both shook their heads at me, like I should’ve known better. I guess I should’ve. “That’s not all.” My mom’s eyes widened.

“What started this whole thing was he found out that little boy we’ve been visiting? Robbie? He’s his son.”

It took me a few minutes to explain why that was such a devastation for Beau and that Robbie was now here with Natalie and me, but when I finished talking, neither of my parents had dry eyes. My dad patted his eyes with a tissue, handing my mom one as well.

“What do you want to do, April?”

“I want him to talk to me, Dad, but he doesn’t think he’s good for me. He won’t let me see him in the hospital. I want to be with him. I want it all.”

“Are you sure you can get past what you saw, April? That’s hard to unsee.” My mom was right, and I knew the image of him falling would be seared in my brain for a long time. But that did nothing to the feelings I had for Beau. If anything, it made them stronger. I wanted more than anything to make him feel the love I had for him—the love he was worthy of even if he didn’t believe it.

“I love him. The rest of it I can work through.”

She nodded, her eyes meeting my dad’s. A knowing look passed between them, and I knew they were thinking about when he’d saved her from the life she’d led.

“I have an idea,” Dad said. “But first, you need to eat some food, and I’m going to get you an appointment to talk to Buddy. Before you’re going to be any good to Beau or his son, you need to work through this.” Buddy was my dad’s best friend, and I’d called him Uncle Buddy my entire life. He was also the most sought after psychiatrist in our area.

Beau

THEY SAID I
could get out of here today if I promised to stay in the area for another week and come to daily therapy sessions. I’d said anything I could to convince them to let me out of here. I’d seriously go out of my mind if I didn’t see the sunshine, my band, my sister, and a set of drums soon. I was as ready as I was going to get to confront the hard things in my life: Robbie and April.

My stomach clenched as I thought of Robbie. I knew Natalie hadn’t told him why she had him at April’s house. I was going to have to tackle that. Dr. Viola, Dr. Grant, and I had been working on that for the last several days, and I knew what I had to do. That didn’t mean I felt confident or assured of raising a child, but I knew it was what my job had to be now. Robbie didn’t ask to be born or left by a mom who chose drugs over him. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the person who chose myself and my insecurities over him, either.

What was it going to be like to see April again? She had my son at her house which meant I’d be staying there, too, so facing her was inevitable. My fingers itched to touch her smooth skin, and my body had woken up aroused more times than not over the last week after dreaming of sinking into her warmth. But I held fast to the opinion she could do better than me. I wasn’t sure what would happen once I saw her in front of me, though. I’m sure I’d hurt her by not allowing her to see me while I was in the hospital. It was bad enough she had to witness me attempting to kill myself; she didn’t deserve to be saddled with me while I figured out where my life went from here.

But I ached for her in every way possible.

The door opened, and I turned, expecting it to be Dr. Grant with my release papers or Natalie. Instead, I came face to face with Dr. Knight, April’s father. I stopped short, my feet squeaking on the linoleum as we had a silent conversation.

“Beau,” Dr. Knight said, shutting the door behind him. “You’re looking well, son.”

I appeared to be a lumberjack who had lost his flannel shirt. I needed a razor and STAT. Not to mention a good meal and a nice hot shower. Oh, and maybe about three days of sleep. He reached his hand out, and I shook it with my good hand, my mind racing a thousand miles an hour. What was he doing here? What did he know?

“Dr. Knight. How did you know I was here?” Might as well get right to the point.

“Let’s sit.” He indicated the chairs where I’d spent way too many hours already talking. I’d talked more in the last week than I had my entire life. Even Dr. Mia had gotten involved, being part of a few of my therapy sessions via Skype.

I obeyed, afraid not to for fear the man might kill me.

“April came to me a few days ago. I’ve never seen her so upset. She looked like she hadn’t eaten in a week, or slept for that matter.”

My gut clenched. I had done that to her. If there was ever a moment I was sure letting her go was the right thing to do, it was right now. “Sir, I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Beau, if there are a few things I understand, it’s that sometimes life gives you curveballs you can’t anticipate. You know the story of how I met my wife, right?” I nodded. “And you also know that my oldest daughter, Lucia, died of a brain tumor at the age of four.” I nodded again, not trusting my voice. “I didn’t anticipate falling in love with Sophie. I had no control over it whatsoever. If I had to guess, that’s what happened with you and April.” He paused, and I thought about what he said. Did I love her? Did I even know what love meant? I wasn’t sure.