Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (38 page)

April’s mouth dropped, and a buzz started in the room as Robbie came up next to me on the stage. He walked over to Tanner and played a few notes on the pedal steel that he’d practiced with him. April’s eyes widened as she saw Robbie playing.

I waited for the point in the song when I’d ask April to come up onto the stage with me. When they approached the part I was waiting for, about hoping it never ends and wanting it forever, I walked to the edge of the stage and held out my hand for April. She took my hand and came up next to me, her expression one of apprehension and confusion. She’d know soon enough what I wanted from her. All I could hope and pray now was that she was ready for it.

As Bex and Johnny reached the chorus, the song winding down, I took her hands in mine and began to mouth the words to her. I wasn’t a singer, and I wouldn’t want to overshadow the powerfulness of this song by distracting from what they were doing. But I wanted her to hear the lyrics—
really
hear them. I meant every word of this song. She was my lifeline, my medicine, my light in the darkness. Every part of her was tangled with me, and I wanted it to stay that way. I never wanted to be without her again.

As the song wound down, I licked my lips nervously. My throat was dry, and I felt like I’d swallowed rocks with my dinner. But I had to push that all aside and tell her exactly what I wanted her to know.

The crowd clapped and hollered, but they got under control quickly as they realized whatever they saw onstage wasn’t over yet. I cleared my throat. I hated talking in front of people. I caught Natalie’s eyes, and she had her hands over her mouth, obviously figuring out what I was doing. I was glad I hadn’t told her. Robbie came up next to me, his debut of playing now complete.

“April,” I said, my voice shaking. “I wish I would’ve written this song because I could’ve written it for you. From the second I saw you, you’ve had me tangled up over you. I never thought I deserved you, and I still don’t. But that’s neither here nor there because I love you. You’ve been there for me at my lowest, and I want you to be there at my highest. You love my son like he’s your own, and you make me feel like I can do anything.” I watched as Robbie took the small pouch out of his pants. Yes, I had entrusted my nine-year-old with the ring. He was less nervous than me.

Her eyes zeroed in on the ring Robbie placed in my hand. “Apr—Mom,” Robbie said. “I never had two parents before. I love both you guys, and I want us to be a real family. Will you marry my dad?”

When the words crossed his lips, I dropped to one knee, holding the ring between my fingers. April took her hands and covered her mouth, a small squeak of surprise coming before she began crying. The crowd gasped and then awed, waiting for her response.

“April Knight, will you be my wife? Will you grow old with me?”

The soft chords of the song started again as Bex and Johnny began playing softly. April’s eyes shifted to them, out at her parents in the crowd, and then back to us. My stomach was in knots wondering what in the hell she was thinking.

“Yes,” she whispered. “YES!”

I stood, grabbing Robbie and both of us held on to her like she was the last life preserver we had. Well, maybe she was. I slid the ring on her finger to deafening applause and cat calls.

“I love you,” she cried against my chest. “I love both of you. This is the best day of my life.”

Robbie and I exchanged a glance. “Us too.” I kissed my fiancée while our guests continued to cheer. I knew Natalie was probably sobbing and possibly Bex, too. Years ago, I would’ve said no, but now it was probable. Johnny was probably holding her, remembering his proposal. Tanner was more than likely shaking his head that he was now the only single one in the band, but happy he’d get all the ladies for sure now. I couldn’t worry about any of them. I had everything, right here in my arms. I’d thought love would never be in the cards for me, and that banging my drums would have to be enough to fulfill me.

I’d allowed life to snare me into believing I wasn’t worth anything and was incapable of loving anyone. I’d met my son because of April, and the two of them had shown me life doesn’t have to hold you down or keep you trapped under years of self-imposed lockdown. I couldn’t imagine my life without either one of them now, and now I knew I wouldn’t ever have to be alone again.

Love was a snare I would gladly choose over, over, and over again.

THE END

One Year Later

I WALKED INTO
the darkness, searching for April. She’d come in here to change an hour ago and hadn’t come back out. I’d been in Robbie’s bedroom playing with him before bed and hadn’t noticed she wasn’t back out in the living room.

I was trying to be quiet but, of course, I stubbed my toe against something. “Shit.” I stopped for a second to bite my lip against the pain. It was probably something Robbie had left out. At least I hadn’t stepped on a damn Lego. That was enough to send you screaming into next week. He was passed out from all the excitement of today. At almost eleven years old, he was my absolute pride and joy. We’d taken him everywhere with us for the last year, including another tour across the United States that took us from home for three months, and being with him twenty-four seven was awesome. He loved playing the guitar and keyboard and was tearing up lessons. He was a natural, and it helped him with stress, just like me. With regular therapy sessions and a lot of talking, he was doing well and was as normal as any ten-year-old boy could be. We’d watch him as he got older, but with the stability of having a family, he’d been able to stay medication free.

My eyes adjusted and I spotted her, curled up on the bed. I walked closer and settled myself on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb either of them. I watched as both of their chests rose and fell with slumber. I knew my wife was exhausted, but she refused to admit it. We were alike in more ways than we might have originally thought.

I reached out and stroked my daughter’s face. She was so angelic, laying next to her mommy. She had dark hair like both April and me and blue eyes, though we’d heard that they could change. When April had wanted to name her Olivia after my middle name, I’d hesitated. Robbie had my middle name, even though I never knew Robyn had known it. Would my daughter want to be named after me, too? In the end, April got her way and Olivia Lucia Anderson was named after me and April’s sister, Lucia. She’d been born three days ago, and we’d brought her home today.

April had officially adopted Robbie just months after we got married. After I had proposed the night the center opened, we put together a small ceremony within weeks and got married. There wasn’t any reason for a huge affair, and we hadn’t wanted to wait. Right after that, we’d gone back on tour.

My sister had bought her own house after April and I got married. She was a wonderful aunt to Robbie but still hadn’t moved on from living her whole life to manage Jaded Regret. While we needed her, it was time for Natalie to have her own life, too. She no longer had to worry about babysitting her little brother all the time.

Being married to April was beyond my wildest dreams and expectations. She was the most caring, selfless person I’d ever known in my life. While living on the road for three months was a hard thing to endure, we’d made the most of it and bonded as a family.

When we’d returned from tour, April had gone right back to working at the center like she did the whole time we were home. It was then that she met Lindsey, a young teen who was new to the center. She’d been in foster care almost her whole life and was about to turn eighteen and be on her own. Bex and April had been working on getting her into Bex’s subsidized housing for kids who were about to age out when she’d come to April saying she was pregnant.

She’d wanted to get an abortion.

April had given her a better idea.

I’d never forget the day April came home and broached the subject of us having another child in our home. April knew I didn’t want any more biologically and the conversation about me having a reversal had never been brought up since April respected my feelings. But when she told me about Lindsey, I’d gotten that same stir I felt when I saw Robbie. We had the chance to raise a baby together without me having to worry about the implications of one with my DNA. I’d had no further episodes since the one over a year ago, and I wanted to keep it that way.

Lindsey had given birth to Olivia three days ago. The night she went into labor, she was at our house, where she’d been a lot over the last nine months. We loved her and wanted what was best for her. We’d told her she could be as much a part of Olivia’s life as she wanted, but we wondered if we would see her again, despite how close she and April had become during this whole process.

Olivia stirred, and I lifted her from the bed, settling her in my arms. She squirmed and then stilled, pursing her lips in her dreams. April had stayed with Lindsey every moment in the hospital. It had been touch and go there for a while since April wasn’t sure if Lindsey would change her mind once she saw her daughter. But if anything, she’d been more resolved than ever to give her to us. She was in no position to be a parent and knew Olivia would be better off with us.

“Your mommy is exhausted,” I whispered to the sleeping baby. “She’s been worried about you for a long time.” We’d found out months ago that we were having a little girl, and April had been over the moon. The nursery was decked out in frill and lace, as was the large closet holding all of her little outfits.

We’d been worried about Robbie’s reaction to having to share the spotlight with us, but since we’d been home, he’d wanted to hold her and be next to us with her the whole time. We weren’t naïve enough to think it would be all smooth sailing, but we’d had a full year with him to adjust to our family.

I knew April wanted Olivia in the little bedside crib thing she’d gotten, so I kissed her forehead and lay her gently in there. She shifted and then stilled. I watched her chest rise and fall and thought about how much my life had changed in the last year. Almost a year and a half ago I first laid eyes on April Knight, now April Anderson. I walked over to our bed and covered her sleeping body with the blanket. April’s dark hair was fanned behind her, and her lips were open slightly. The urge to kiss her almost consumed me, but I knew I needed to let her sleep.

From what I knew about babies, we would be up soon to feed the little angel. I thought back to that scared little boy, five years old and having lost everything when his dad killed himself. For the first time in a long time, I knew my life had a purpose. In this case, it had three—okay, four if you counted drumming. I no longer heard my mother’s evil voice or felt like the world was better off without me. I’d put both her and my father behind me. I was only moving forward now.

I had people in my life who loved me, and I loved them, too.

I slid into bed next to my wife and pulled her flush to me, right where I loved her. She sighed in her sleep and rested her head on my bare chest, snaking her hand around me. My new daughter slept next to us, and my son down the hall.

Somewhere along the way, I’d learned to listen to more than just the beat of my drums. The beat of my heart became the most powerful sound of all. I knew now that April, Robbie, and now Olivia were my purpose in life, and that I was more than just a drummer, after all.

THANK YOU TO
my fantastic readers, both those that have eagerly awaited every one of my books and the ones that will choose this book to be your first L.L. Collins romance. Thank you for taking a chance on me.

To Kristen, my #POS4Eva. I can’t believe we weren’t in each other’s lives before this year. Now I don’t know what I would do without you, and I don’t want to know. It was totally fate that put us together that day. Thank you for needing to mail packages that day, too. Also, thank you, thank you, thank you, for the hours you spent on this book, and for being an amazing confidant and friend. Here’s to many more Starbucks dates. I love you x1,000.

To Tracey, my right hand woman. Thank you for your continued love and support. One more book down, many more to go.