Authors: Bill James
âYour headquarters said two people had given my name, constable,' Lepage replied.
âYes, sir. Perhaps you could accompany me.'
The three of them walked across the lawn, Lepage and Indippe following the officer. âThis will about wrap up my researches, George. Closed book.'
âWhere did you disappear to after the tip?' Lepage asked. âI was worried.'
âI had an experience.'
âYes? What kind, Ber
nard
?'
Lepage had the feeling it would turn out to be at least mystical, and possibly magical.
âI thought I saw someone ahead.'
âYou did. Me.'
âNo, I don't think so, George. It wasn't like you.'
âOh? Who
was
it like?' He knew the answer. Yes, mystical or magical or hogwash.
âGeorge, it could have been Flounce, dressed in the robes and large academic hat of the degree ceremony in Africa. It's so crazy, I know â so disgracefully irrational, so occult.'
âHow did he manage with that headgear among all the branches?' Lepage replied.
âI wanted to get close to him. I left the path.'
âAnd?'
âNo, I didn't get close. Well, no, of course not. A delusion, obviously. And I found I'm very unfit and failed to keep up â I mean, if he'd actually been there to keep up with.'
âCarrying the box would slow you.'
âI have to look after it. I've left it in my hotel's safe for now.'
âYour notes?'
âMine, and some from my sources and contacts.'
âWhich?'
âHere we are, gentlemen,' the constable said. They entered the gymnasium. A couple of police sergeants were talking through a steam cloud to Nev Falldew, seated naked in the sauna, a piece of wood that looked like a rough, improvised paddle in his hands. As Lepage and Indippe went nearer, the conversation with the two sergeants ended and Falldew began to sing, or rather chant, an extremely high-pitched number, its words unintelligible and probably not English, or any known language.
âAh,' Indippe declared ecstatically. âCommunion with Flounce.'
âDr Falldew said you could vouch for him,' the constable told Lepage.
âCertainly,' he answered.
Falldew broke off from the music for a second: âNow, altogether in the chorus!' he shouted at the police and resumed his anti-melody. The officers didn't seem to respond, but Indippe, quickly taking off his clothes, joined Falldew on the sauna bench and, smiling blissfully, tried to pick up what there was of the tune. For a while, the steam aggravated Indippe's wound, and the sauna, already a bit bloody, became extra bloody. But then clotting stopped the flow.
âFlounce brought back ditties from Egyptian boatmen, didn't he?' Indippe said. âI've heard of this, but never expected to be able to participate. Such good fortune!'
âWe understand Dr Falldew has a key to the gym while Her Ladyship is away,' a sergeant said.
âQuite possibly,' Lepage said. âSo there'll be no evidence of a break-in â no crime involved.'
âNot at the gymnasium. It's the house. Someone's in there. Through a forced window, we think.'
âA burglar? Did he give my name, too?'
âNo, sir. We haven't got him yet. But we will. We think it's someone we've been waiting for for years. Known as Nothing Known, to date. It would not be proper for me to give his true name at this juncture. We've got a cordon all round. He can't do a bunk this time.'
Indippe seemed to resent that Lepage had switched his interest from the professor to the sergeant. Indippe stopped singing and turned to Lepage. âGeorge,' he said. âThe box.'
âThe one you were carrying?' Lepage asked. He felt guilty about being clothed, like someone in a suit on a nudist beach.
âAs you'd expect, I've been in touch with friends and colleagues of Uwe Koller, as crucial to my researches,' Indippe said.
âAbsolutely.'
âOne such colleague had been asked by Koller to look after a manuscript he was working on up until his attempted escape â too bulky to carry when he did his run. The plan was that it should be brought out to him once he'd made it to the West. It was to do with the provenance â the authenticity â of certain famous works of art.'
âYes?' Lepage said. âYes?'
âI knew you'd be interested. I asked if I could photocopy the El Greco pages.'
âYes?' Lepage said. âYes?'
âOf course, they were written a long time before the present controversy to do with the Youde purchases. In my view, that makes these pages more, not less, valuable as statements. Koller didn't have to take sides, put a slant on things, because at the time there were no sides.'
âNo,' Lepage said. âNo.'
âOn those pages, Koller, in considerable checkable detail, gives the established, verified, separate provenances of
The Stricken Fig Tree
,
Vision of Malachi
and
The Awakening.
No lacunae, no guesses, no speculation, only meticulous, thorough documentation.'
â
They're the real thing?' Lepage whooped.
âNobody has ever challenged the scholarship of Koller. Certainly, I would not.'
Another constable came in hurriedly and said to Lepage: âWe've picked up a lady in the grounds, sir. She gave your name.'
âOf course she fucking did. Who?'
A policewoman came into the gymnasium with Julia. One of the sergeants closed the sauna door on the two naked men, Indippe duetting again now with Nev. Julia looked very upset and ashamed. He put an arm around her. âWhat is it, darling?'
âI saw your car leaving as I came home from Spud-O'-My-Life,' she whispered in his ear. âI couldn't understand where you could be going so late, so I followed. You know what jealousy can do, George. Out-of-hours calls at the Hulliborn, for example. I've been on edge a little. Now, I find from the police that you have enough trouble here, without my bringing extra. What the hell's that filthy screaming noise?' She stared at the sauna door.
âA little celebration. A get-together: Nev, an American professor, and Flounce. Please, Julia, don't blame yourself for tonight. It must have appeared as if Iâ'
The main door of the gym burst open, and a young, clearly desperate man dashed in carrying a distinguished-looking vase. He had short, peroxide-assisted blond hair and a long, sad, saintlike face. Lepage was still holding Julia and felt her grow almost unbelievably tense as she gazed at this man. And the man stared at her for a moment and stood still. He seemed on the point of speaking but then recovered himself. Glancing about wildly he saw the group of police and spun around as if contemplating retreat back into the grounds. But from out there came the sound of police whistles and snarling dogs.
The man suddenly flung himself at the sauna door, perhaps thinking this was an alternative way out. Steam and the non-music rolled forward and enveloped him. He ran ahead, apparently still unaware that this was not an exit but a cubicle. More police arrived at the gymnasium door, some with dogs. They closed around the sauna entrance. Escape for the man with the vase was impossible. Now, it was much more reminiscent of a Devil's Island chase and recapture.
âOh my God, my God,' Julia muttered, freeing herself from Lepage's arms.
âDon't be upset, darling,' he said. âIt's a burglar, that's all. He's still carrying some of the stuff.'
One of the police sergeants entered the sauna and after a few minutes came out with the young man handcuffed to him. In his free hand, the sergeant carried the vase. A constable handcuffed himself to the man's other wrist.
Again, Lepage saw him stare at Julia, then possibly half smile and shrug. She was weeping. The sergeant said: âYou're going to have to change your nickname, Nothing Known, because something will be.'
âWill be what?' Lepage asked.
âKnown,' the sergeant said.
From the sauna came the sound of the would-be song getting under way again after the interruptions, louder and less catchy than ever.
Lepage said: âJulia, you think you know this crooked intruder? It was almost as though he and youâ'
âAltogether in the chorus!' Nev and Ber
nard
yelled as one.
The wedding of Falldew and Ursula Wex turned into nothing less than a full-scale festival, their own ceremony serving as a starting point for this general Hulliborn day of glorious jubilee. As was so often the case, Dr Kanda put things admirably. He told Lepage: âThis is like the highly meaningful end of many, if not all, Shakespearean comedies, such as
A Midsummer Night's Dream
, I would say, in which the main protagonists are married; this happy bonding also typifying restoration of general social order after prolonged chaos, with all-round reconciliation of previously antipathetic elements.'
âGhost of F.R. Leavis, thank you,' Dr Itagaki said.
Just the same, Kanda was right. Urse and Nev held their reception in the Hulliborn main hall and everyone came, including Sam Vaux, the Minister, and his wife, and H. de T. (Gadarene) Timberlake, chairman of the Museum's Board and Mrs Timberlake. Her thin body was so plank-like that Lepage wondered sometimes whether H. de T. had married her to suit his surname. Itagaki and Kanda had some Japanese embassy people with them, eager to see how the medical exhibition would be housed, now choice of the Hulliborn had been confirmed. Most of the museum staff were also invited, plus relatives and many local dignitaries.
Lady Butler-Minton did not attend, but remained in Jimma with Trudy; apparently they were very content with each other. There'd been hints that Quent Youde might go out there to reclaim Penny, but he seemed to have abandoned that plan. Vaux told Lepage: âYou'll recall I sent my bag man, Lionel Clode, to see Penelope. He's the one who reports their rhapsodical state and good relations with the locals, although older people remember Flounce and call Penny Sir Lady Butler-Minton, which annoys her. Surprisingly effective though he might be, Clode failed to get the tapes. Perhaps anyone would have failed. But the tapes are not important any longer, are they? After all, Penny and Trudy have given up any idea of writing their scurrilous material about Flounce, in view of what everyone now knows Bernard Indippe discovered re Butler-Minton's courage and competence: the tapes, I gather, endorse this favourable version. Given the universal esteem now attaching to Flounce's name, Penny has withdrawn her objections to a memorial. Or memorials. Perhaps we should think of a bust of dear Bernard next! Maybe once in a while or less â oh, yes, less â American scholarship is not such a fart-arseing joke. Did I hear that scratch from Enteritis went septic and could affect the sight of one eye?
âMyself, I'm damn relieved to see it all buttoned up, and I assure you Gadarene is, too. He's been able to settle down to a new canto on the rust epic now this crisis is out of the way. I'm relieved, also, that your Conclave decided so wisely that it would be worth having both busts of Flounce. If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing twice, as it were, particularly when it concerns someone as deep-down unquenchable as B-M.'
âSeveral of us had been hoping to see Sally Jill Ash,' Lepage replied, âto give her the excellent news direct, Minister. As a matter of fact, Angus Beresford is always very interested in talking to people from that part of the States.'
Vaux glanced about, possibly wanting to make sure his wife was not close by. âProbably we'd all gained the notion that she'd turn out bonny. Justified,' he said with a very wholesome smile. âTotally justified. Something of a
tendresse
developed between Sally and me in London during the negotiations. I don't think I'm overstating her attitude. I am definitely not overstating mine, and believe I conveyed everything that needed to be conveyed. You can tell Beresford he can keep his roving hormones caged. Sally Jill's husband is a quite a wâ'
âWanker?'
âIs he? Why do you think that? No, I was going to say quite a wonderful chap, and is highly satisfied with the deal struck for distribution here and in Europe of his stop-baldness balm. Perhaps when Sally's over again I'll bring her down to see their Flounce thing in place. Oh, yes, she'd like that, and there'll be a lot of visits to Britain now, because of Frank W.'s business. I gather the Kalamazoo bust will be done as if looking at B-M from the left, and the Japanese one as from the right. Or vice versa. Anyway, they complement each other nicely, a sort of global view, which is appropriate, given Flounce's international status. It's all turned out a treat, really. The Japanese internal exploration and cutting gear are pulling the crowds, aren't they, and you've got your first-class rating officially blessed by everyone short of the Queen? This, though, I can tell you now was little to do with the Japanese exhibition, but almost wholly a matter of the “El Grecos” turning out to be El Grecos. The credit for that really did make the Hulliborn look golden, Youde standing out virtually alone against all the attacks. Of course, you were among those few who supported him, so the knighthood might yet come.'
To Lepage, this seemed less important now. Why had he sweated so much about that? Julia would probably still like it, but after the strange little display of tremors over the peroxided burglar at Penny Butler-Minton's, Lepage could not feel certain Julia would always be around. Such a puzzle! She had appeared deeply jealous about him at Penelope's house that night, yet had obviously also been obsessed by the young crook, as if knowing him much more than very well. Women could operate on two fronts at once, just like men, couldn't they? Naturally â and why not?
As to Kate Avis, he thought titles would matter little to her. Kate's tastes were basic, though not as basic as what Nev had offered in Folk, thank you. She and Lepage had spent a happy morning on the floor of a stores' Portakabin out at the Iron Age village site. Maybe his future lay with her. For all sorts of reasons, she seemed part of the Hulliborn now. He decided he'd probably hang on in the job for a while.