Soiled Dove (25 page)

“I have an opinion, Cyrus, but what’s done is done. It’s time to move on. People change, life changes, situations change. Often when least expected.”

Cyrus took Loretta’s hands in his and squeezed them. “So far everything has changed for each of us and all for the best it seems.”

“Has it?”

“Of course! Coming to Trinidad has been the answer to all our prayers,” he smiled benignly. “Let me find Hettie. We have something to tell you.”

“As long as you promise not to pray for me any more.”

“I cannot promise that.”

“Then at least promise to pray silently.”

LORETTA STOOD GAZING into the unused fireplace in the pastor’s study on the second floor of the Trinidad Presbyterian Church. Dark walls shone from polishing. A small banker’s lamp on the desk was turned on to provide some illumination. Loretta found the room oppressive and it matched her mood.

While she waited for Cyrus and Hettie to join her, she moved to the window overlooking the park and opened the drapes a slit. What made her foolishly think she could leave her past behind? What was that old phrase her mother told her when she was younger? “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” Until she left home, Loretta had never lied to her mother. There must surely be another proverb to explain what to do when your mother thought the truth was a lie. By not believing the truth, Mildred Digby had set her daughter on her future course.

When Hettie entered the study she smiled at Cyrus and moved to stand behind him at his desk.

“What was it you wished to tell me?” Loretta asked.

Cyrus gently slipped his arm around Hettie’s waist and gazed up at her. “Hettie has honored me by agreeing to become my wife.” Cyrus looked as giddy as a school boy.

“I wondered how long it would take you to work up the courage to ask her,” Loretta said as she embraced each of them warmly. “I’m very happy for you both. Have you set a date yet?”

“The bishop has agreed to perform our ceremony, but he won’t be able to make the journey from Denver to Trinidad until November,” Cyrus beamed. “I hope you will join us on such a joyous occasion.”

“I wouldn’t miss it. Three months will pass quickly.”

“I was hoping you would be my maid-of-honor,”

Hettie said.

“I’d be honored, Hettie,” Loretta said with a smile. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have one of the ladies in town?”

“There’s no one I’d rather have stand as my witness than you.”

“Who have you chosen as your best man, Cyrus?”

Loretta asked.

“Elder Jessup. He has worked with me extremely closely while I was settling in and learning about my flock here.”

LORETTA WAS QUIET during the ride back to the ranch Sunday afternoon. With the announcement of Cyrus and Hettie’s upcoming wedding there hadn’t been an opportunity to speak with Cyrus concerning Clare. Everyone else seemed listless as well, but she suspected their silence was due to an overabundance of alcohol and lack of sleep. When Ino helped her down from the buckboard, she carried her valise into her cabin and changed clothes. She checked her garden for weeds and fed the chickens before entering the back door of the main house to begin preparing supper. The house was unusually quiet and she wondered where Clare was. She still had a few hours before supper should be on the table and decided to make her favorite meal.

She walked outside and entered the wire enclosure Ino built for her chickens. She made soothing clucking sounds, waiting until she saw the chicken she wanted. It never strayed far from the feeding stations and as a result outweighed every other chicken in the coop. As a result its legs could barely hold up its body. She scooped the chicken up and carried it from the coop, away from the other chickens. “This is the price you pay for gluttony,” she said as she twisted the chicken’s neck, killing it instantly. Removing its head with a hand axe, she hung it by its feet to drain the blood and gathered wood to start a fire in a small fire pit behind the main house. She set a large black pot in the fire and made three or four trips to the nearby stream to fill it halfway with water. While she waited for the water to boil she went to the root cellar next to her cabin and found six large potatoes. She carried them into the house where she peeled them and placed them in a bowl of cold water.

By the time she returned to the fire to check the water, it was already boiling. She grabbed the chicken by the feet and immersed it in the hot water, holding it there several seconds. She rolled a short log closer to the fire and sat down to begin plucking the chicken. It wasn’t long until her hands were covered with wet feathers and small down-like feathers floated in the air around her, catching in her hair. It was mindless work, but it gave her a chance to think.

She loved the peacefulness around her. She dunked the chicken twice more to loosen the last of its feathers. She took a knife from her pocket and removed the feet and threw them into the fire. She pulled the innards from the chicken and disposed of them the same way. When she was satisfied the chicken was properly cleaned, she dipped her hands in the water to wash the blood off.

Inside, she rinsed the chicken carcass off again and placed it in a large pot on the stove to begin cooking. She was kneading dough for biscuits when the front door opened. She heard footsteps crossing the front room and then receding down the hallway.

She smiled and hoped Clare liked chicken and dumplings.

A few minutes later Clare wandered into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame. “Did you enjoy your stay in town?” she asked.

“Yes, thank you. After being out here though, it was noisier than I liked.”

“That’s what happens when you go to town, I guess.”

Loretta pumped water into the sink and washed her hands. Then she turned to look at Clare. “I brought you a present,” she said.

“Why?”

Loretta was momentarily shocked by Clare’s cool reception to her return, but shrugged it off. “Actually, it was a prize at the church raffle. A cowboy won it, but didn’t want it, so I gave him the cost of his ticket and bought it from him,” Loretta answered. It was a lie, but she didn’t think Clare would accept it if she thought Loretta spent much money for it. “I’ll get it,”

Loretta said. She saw the uncomfortable look on Clare’s face as she moved past her and into the front room. She returned a moment later with a flat package tied with a yellow bow and handed it to Clare.

Clare untied the bow and removed the wrapping.

Loretta watched her anxiously, looking for some sign that Clare appreciated the gift. Clare ran her fingers over the cover of the book in her hands. When she couldn’t stand the silence any longer, Loretta said, “I saw other books by the same author on the bookcase near your chair and thought you might like this one.

Have you already read it? Hettie says it’s a very good book.”

“It is,” Clare responded in a soft voice. When she looked up, she said, “My mother had this book. It was lost when we came west. I’ve been wanting to replace it for years. Thank you, Loretta. I don’t know what to say.”

“Thank you is good enough.” Loretta was touched by the look in Clare’s eyes and turned back to her food preparation. “Perhaps after you read it, I could borrow it. Supper will be ready in about an hour.”

Loretta glanced over her shoulder and Clare was gone. She wandered through the house until she found Clare lying on the bed. “Is something wrong, my love?” Loretta asked as she sat on the edge of the bed and rested her hand on Clare’s chest.

“I had time to do a lot of thinking while you were gone, Retta. I want to make you happy, but I don’t think I can.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I want to live with you and love you as freely as any other couple would. Instead, we spend our time casting a glance here and there, sneaking a touch when no one is looking, while pretending to be something we aren’t. I don’t want to live that way. Do you?”

“Of course I don’t, but what other choice do we have? I love you and if this is the only way I can do that, then I am contented. Is that why you seem so melancholy?”

Clare took Loretta’s hand and kissed it. “All my life I haven’t been able to live the way I’ve wanted to.

I want that now more than ever, but I don’t want you to be hurt. You could still find a good man who could show his love openly and without fear.”

“I don’t want a good man. I’ve already found the person I want, so you’re just stuck with me.”

Clare sat up on the bed and leaned in to taste Loretta’s sweet lips once again. “Forever?” she whispered.

“Forever,” Loretta whispered in return.

FOR THE NEXT few weeks work continued at the ranch at a steady pace. Loretta took care of her chickens and tended her garden. Occasionally she would find worms in the soil of her garden and save them to go fishing, serving fresh fish every two or three weeks. The fresh mountain air made Loretta feel healthier than she ever had. She picked and preserved the vegetables from her garden and dried fruit she had gotten from Hettie or one or two neighboring rancher’s wives. Clare still came to Loretta most nights and their lovemaking was as passionate as ever, but clearly there was something unspoken on Clare’s mind. Despite Loretta’s best efforts, Clare refused to talk about what was bothering her.

One evening as Loretta finished preparing their evening meal, she noticed Clare pacing restlessly in the main room as if looking for a way to occupy herself.

“What’s wrong, Clare?”

“Nothing,” Clare answered. “I invited Ino to join us tonight for dinner. We need to talk about a few things concerning the ranch.”

“Then I’ll set another place at the table.”

“I’ll get it,” Clare volunteered. Loretta had never seen Clare this nervous about having Ino join them for dinner before. When the knock came at the front door, Loretta saw Clare jump a little, almost dropping the plate in her hands.

Loretta caught the plate and said, “I’ll get the door. Why don’t you pour coffee for all of us,” she said with a tender pat on Clare’s back as she walked to the door.

Loretta took Ino’s coat and gave him a brief kiss on his stubbly cheek when he entered. Clare approached him and handed him a cup of coffee.

“Why don’t you both take a seat?” Loretta said.

“I’ll get everything on the table.”

Clare cleared her throat as she followed Ino into the dining room.

“Smells good,” Ino said.

Once the food was on their plates, there was no talking. Ino and Clare seemed grateful to have a way to fill the silence between them. Loretta looked back and forth between them and frowned. These very old friends sitting on either side of her could suddenly find nothing to chat about.

Clare finished her meal first and leaned back in her chair, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “I got a telegram from Pueblo a few days ago,” she said.

“About the herd.”

“We gonna drive them north soon?” Ino asked.

“We won’t have to. The army’s sending an agent down to have a look at them. If he can contract enough cattle from this area, the army will drive the combined herd north with their own men.”

Ino smiled. “It beats eatin’ dust for a week behind a bunch of cows.”

“I was worried about leaving the ranch unprotected while we were gone,” Clare said as she glanced at Loretta. “I don’t trust Garner.”

“Wonder what the old man’s up to,” Ino said as he reached into the bowl in the center of the table and began rolling a cigarette. “Ain’t seen hide nor hair out of him since that night at the fence line.”

“Whatever it is, you can bet it’s not anything good,” Clare said as she finished off her coffee. She cleared her throat and added, “I’m moving Loretta into the main house before winter sets in.”

Ino’s eyes squinted as the smoke from his cigarette left his mouth and drifted over his face.

“Think that’s a good idea?” he asked.

“The cabin roof is sound, but when the snow is heavy it’s cut off from the main house by deep snow for long periods of time. I’ve had to dig my way out many times in the past. She’d be safer in the main house.”

“You’re the boss,” Ino said with a shrug. “Your decision, as long as you’re ready to face the consequences.” He look from Clare to Loretta and added, “Both of you.”

Loretta’s face reddened slightly. With Clare’s announcement the room had become suddenly uncomfortable. “I have to go into Trinidad in November,” Loretta said to change the subject.

“You go every month,” Clare said.

“I might stay in town a little longer then. Hettie and Cyrus are getting married and I’m the maid-of-honor. You’re both invited to attend with me.”

“Congratulations,” Ino said. He looked pointedly at Clare and added, “Maybe one day we’ll celebrate your marriage, too, Miss Loretta.”

Clare started to say something, but Loretta stood up and asked, “Who’s ready for some dessert?”

AFTER INO LEFT and the kitchen was cleaned once again, Loretta joined Clare who was sitting in her chair in front of the fireplace. Smoke from her pipe curled lazily above her head as she closed the book she had been reading and removed her reading glasses. She smiled when she saw Loretta. Although Loretta would return to the cabin soon, having her sit with her in front of the fire created the peaceful feeling of a real home. She would enjoy winter evenings alone with Loretta, no longer facing the solitude that had been her life for so long. It left her too much time alone to contemplate the twists and turns her life had taken, none happy until recently.

Even after twenty years the citizens of Trinidad still regarded her with distrust. She hadn’t done much to encourage their friendship. She couldn’t let go of the fight she had faced at every turn when she had tried to claim the property she believed was legally hers. Now the battle for control of her father’s property continued more subtly, especially since the arrival of Thaddeus Garner ten years earlier. It seemed the minute he arrived in Trinidad he was after Clare’s land.

“I finished reading
The Scarlet Letter
today,”

Loretta said as she set a cup of coffee next to Clare.

“Did you like it?”