Southern Spice (Southern Desires Series Book 1) (21 page)

“Buffalo?”

“The ranch.”

Mark’s laughter echoed. “Hoo-yah!”

Derrick wasn’t sure if that was Mark giving him his seal of approval, but either way, she was going to the ranch, and he wasn’t ever going to let her out of his sight.

D
errick wasn’t thrilled when Mark insisted on leaving one of his
friends
on his ranch with them as long as his sister was there. But after what Ryan had said, having a bit of security probably was a wise choice. He knew he would lay his life down for her and was very capable of protecting her, but until he knew what exactly was going on, he would accept some help.
I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe. This isn’t her fight; it’s mine. I want answers, need them, but there’s no way I’m going to let her pay the price. Penny and Kim wouldn’t want that, and neither do I.

Casey had been quiet the entire flight back to the ranch, without eye contact to him or Mark. He thought once she was inside the house, she might relax a bit. From the look on her face as she sat on the couch, she was still mad as hell. Why exactly she was pissed was a mystery to him. As far as he could see, they’d rescued her from the side of the road when there had been no help in sight. He thought she’d be grateful, if not to him, at least to her brother.

He went over to sit beside her, but she didn’t turn to face him.
Okay, enough is enough.
Reaching out, he slipped his arms under her small frame and pulled her onto his lap.

Her eyes flew open, and she tried to pull away. “Don’t you dare try kissing me, not after—”

It hadn’t been his initial intention, but he wasn’t one to back down from a dare. Claiming her lips, he felt only the slightest resistance from her before she was tracing his lips with her tongue.
I’ve missed you too, sweetness.

Derrick opened to her, letting her have some control after having it ripped from her earlier. It wasn’t easy because everything in him wanted to pick her up, carry her to his bed, and make love to her until neither of them had any strength left. But no matter how much he wanted and needed her, they had unfinished business to talk about.
But your lips are so damn sweet that stopping is not going to be easy.

As though she was reading his mind, Casey slowly pulled away. “Derrick, we need to talk.”

The dreaded words no man ever wanted to hear. Talking meant listening, and then sharing. None of these things were his strong point. He’d always been the aggressor, in business and in his personal life. Even with Penny. They’d shared many things, but he couldn’t remember sitting down and talking through issues.
Had there been issues? Had she felt bulldozed by me?
She had never said anything, and he never brought up the subject either.
We really should have talked. I really should’ve listened.

“I agree.” He gave her butt a light tap. “But if you want me to comprehend anything you say, you better not sit on me. In fact, don’t look at me like that either.”

Casey batted her long brown lashes at him playfully and laughed softly. It was a squeaky little laugh that one would expect from someone her size.
Quit being so damn cute or this conversation isn’t going to go very far.

As she slid off his lap and back onto her seat, she started the conversation. “Can I go first?”

What was he going to say? No? There was a lot he needed to say, but nothing he wanted to.
You start. If I don’t like the topic, I’ll change it. Simple.
“By all means.”

He waited for her to start. Nothing. Then she got up, paced a bit, and then sat back down.
This is going to be a long-ass conversation unless someone starts talking.

“Would you rather I go first?”

“No. I want . . . need to do this.”

“Okay then. I’ll wait till you’re ready.”
I’ll wait an eternity if I need to. For all I know you’re about to tell me all the reasons you don’t want to give me a chance, can’t forgive my rude manhandling behavior, or saying goodbye in a text. Oh, the list is so fucking long we could be here for days talking about the reason I suck as a human being.

He’d spent years missing his family. What Casey had given him in only a week, opened his eyes to so much. Had he really been the best father he could’ve been? And how about a husband? He’d loved them so much, but had it been enough? Those business trips took days, sometimes weeks, away from home. For what? To show them love? Did they even know how much he loved them? Had he said it enough?

Derrick wished he had answers to those questions because they haunted him deeply. He couldn’t go back in time and fix his mistakes. They were his, and he owned them. But was it possible for him to change after all these years?
I am who I am, an arrogant, self-made son of a bitch.

Casey finally began to speak but not what he’d been waiting to hear. Talking about the report had been all that was important to him before, and it still was important, but there were things equally important now.

“There is something I need to tell you. I know you asked me not to pry into your private life, but I asked for a copy of the FEMA report. It was with the best of intentions, as I knew you were—”

“Not the easiest person to be around. I get it.”
That is putting it nicely. He knew how he treated people. The sad part is I still don’t regret it. I wanted to be alone. Asked to be alone. If anyone chose not to respect my wishes, they got what they deserved.

“I was going to say looking for answers.” Casey crossed her arms looking at him sternly.

Oh, sweet Casey. You can’t even bring yourself to say what an ass I was to you and everyone else. I bet I can make you.
“I don’t want help from you or anyone else. I do things alone.”

He could tell that stung. Why was he doing that? Trying to push her away? Was it because she was talking about reports, sounding all professional just like a good little FEMA agent?

“What’s your problem?”

“I don’t want another by-the-book breakdown about what happened five years ago.”

Her expression softened. “That’s not how I intended for it to sound. I guess I’m so used to coloring within the lines that when I need to break away, I revert to my safety net. Rules and regulations.”

“I can see you’re holding back. Casey, for once, fuck the rules and say what you really want to.” Derrick was pushing her. He, on the other hand, never had an issue saying what was on his mind, no matter who it offended.
That’s probably not a good thing, but it works for me.

“Fine.” She stood up with her hands on her hips as though it made a difference. Even standing, she was far from intimidating. “I looked into it because I care so much about you, and I couldn’t watch you shutting yourself off from the rest of the world like you’ve been doing. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone.”

“You leave me a goodbye note and tell me you don’t think I should spend my life alone?” He hadn’t forgotten about the note in the poetry book. He’d just chosen not to read it.
Say it to my face. Tell me you don’t want to be in my arms again. That for the first time in your life, someone made you feel alive and loved, that when we made love you felt it in your soul, and you want to feel that again more than breath itself.

“What note?”

“The one in the book you left on my desk.”

She looked puzzled. It had to be from her. No one else would dare to touch his shit.
They all knew the price. She, somehow, didn’t seem to fear me one bit. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

“You didn’t read it?”

“I want to hear it from your lips, not some paper.”

Casey came to sit beside him again, reaching out she touched his hand. “Derrick, you need to read it.”

“Why?” he asked as he watched her closely.

“Where is it?”

He pointed to the hook by the door where he’d hung his suit coat earlier. “Still inside the book.”

Casey got up and searched the pockets until she found it. She walked back to the couch and sat quietly with her eyes closed. Without opening it, she held it pressed firmly between her hands.

What’s all the drama about a damn note? Can’t you just tell me you don’t want to be with me? Is it so hard? Do you think I’ll be so crushed I’ll never recover?
When she opened her eyes, they glistened as though she was about to burst out in tears.
Please, no tears. I’ll stop pushing you if you promise not to cry. I’ll even read your damn note if you don’t cry.

“Derrick, this is something you need to read. And you should be alone when you do.” Casey handed him the book. “Please, this is important. Not just for you, but for Penny as well.”

Penny? What does she have to do with this?
Before he could say anything she got up and kissed him on the cheek. “The sun is about to come up; I’m going for a walk. While I’m gone, read it. Please, Derrick, read it.”

He held the book as he watched her walk out the front door.
Afraid
wasn’t the word to describe how he felt about reading it, but he didn’t like the look in her eyes as she pleaded with him to read it.
What’s in it that’s so damn important, and why don’t you want to be here for it? You obviously know what it says. Or is that the problem?

Derrick opened the book and pulled out the paper.
My Love.
He knew the handwriting instantly.
Penny.

He was sick; he’d never seen this before. Derrick had gone through the entire house after they’d died and packed away everything that held a memory of either of them. He couldn’t bear looking at them. Where could Casey have found this if he’d never seen it?

Derrick didn’t believe in many things, and he’d also never believed in coincidences. He believed now and was filled with fear and anxiety at what might be inside. It was like getting a note from the grave. Did he want to read it? He couldn’t respond to her; she’d never know how he’d felt after reading it.

Derrick sat several minutes just staring at it. So many memories flooded his mind. The hardest one was the day he’d left her. The disappointment in her eyes as he’d said he had to go to work. How lonely she must’ve felt that day as well as so many others. Her smile had covered the pain she’d never shared with him.
Or worse, I chose to never see.
Whatever was in the note, he deserved to read it. Whatever pain he felt from it, he deserved it.
That and so much more. I’m sorry, I wasn’t a better husband. Sorry, I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.

Opening the note slowly, he saw the date she’d written it.
She had written this right before we left on vacation. Why hadn’t she given it to me?

As he read it, he saw it was a poem. Penny never wrote poetry, didn’t even read it, but here she was writing one to him. It wasn’t long, but the words raked through him like nothing else. It was as though she knew their time may be cut short.
How?
She couldn’t have predicted the dam breaking. But the last line ripped at him.
So your tomorrows will always be as sweet as our yesterdays.

For so long he hadn’t believed in tomorrows. Penny was wishing him happiness, tomorrow.
For the tomorrows we would never have together.

Derrick held the paper in his hand, got up, and walked out the door. There was something he hadn’t done, and he needed to do it today.

Once outside he looked up at the tree. The sun was just rising, and the rays seemed to shine through it. It was time he took that walk up the hill. Something he’d never let himself do before.

When he approached the two crosses, his heart pounded as though he was losing them all over again. Seeing their names engraved there, knowing they were engraved on his heart as well. He dropped to his knees, and something inside him broke. Tears. First one then two until it was a steady stream. He’d never shed a tear in his life before. Not even when the policeman came to his office and delivered the fatal news to him. Until now, he hadn’t truly accepted they were gone. But they were. And he was still there.

I’m sorry, my beautiful girls. I’m sorry, it took me so long to get here. But, know that no matter what, you’ll always be with me.

Did you make sure Casey found your poem, Penny? Did you want her to be the one to give this to me?

Thoughts of Casey filled him. He’d lost so much already. There was no way he was going to add another cross to this hill unless it was his own. If Ryan’s little speech hadn’t opened his eyes to what was at stake, the look on Mark’s face had. Everything about his said her life could be in danger.