Spark (37 page)

“Don’t let that pig friend of Kevin’s do this to you! He’s a fucker, plain and simple.”

“It’s just been so long.” Hugo heard the weariness in his voice and looked back to see it reflected in his eyes behind all the camouflaging makeup.

“What’s been so long, sweetie?” Her voice was softer.

“Since I’ve let someone so easily steal my dignity like that.”

“It’s not the first time you’ve heard those words. Why was this so different?” She was genuinely confused. She was also right. Summer had seen much more vicious words thrown in Hugo’s face when he dressed in drag and even when he was dressed in nothing but jeans and a T-shirt. She’d been there when Hugo thought he was going to get the shit kicked out of him because some guy thought Hugo was coming on to him when all he’d been doing was asking the time.

“But Kevin. That guy was one of Kevin’s friends. And Kevin saw me like this. He had no idea, Summer.” Suddenly, Hugo turned fully to Summer, and he could feel the tears welling in his eyes, obscuring his vision and threatening to fall over the cliff of his painted lashes.

“None? You kept it
all
a secret? Why? Why would you do that with
Kevin
? You seemed so comfortable, like you were finally willing to show someone your own skin. I thought you wanted to build a life with him.” She sounded sad and worried and
incensed
. She was a very protective friend who didn’t like it at all when Hugo felt the need to hide anything.

“You know why. Because I was afraid he’d walk away… just like he did.”

“What made you think keeping this from him was a better choice than just telling him upfront?”

“You saw him! You saw him running away as fast as his fucking legs could carry him.” Hugo was pissed. Why the hell was Summer trying to lay the blame at Hugo’s feet?

“That’s not what I saw.”

Hugo scoffed, quickly wiping the cold cream off his fingertips with a tissue and then pulling off his wig so he could set it on a Styrofoam head. “How the hell do you explain him leaving, then?”

“I-I think he was just trying to get that guy out of there because he was insulting you and making a scene.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious! Don’t dismiss me. I saw what was happening. I saw Kevin’s face. He was shocked.”

“He was disgusted,” Hugo threw back.

“Yes, he was. By his
friend
! He looked at that man like
he
disgusted him, not you. Not
you
!”

Tears finally fell when Hugo looked at his hands folded in his lap. He wore silver nail polish. The pearly, silver color blurred, and Hugo stood to walk to the bathroom cabinet where he pulled out the nail polish remover. He soaked a cotton ball, the sharp scent hitting his nose, and started wiping the polish away.

“What are you doing?” Summer’s voice was quiet, wary.

“Taking this off,” Hugo choked out.

“But
why
?”

He usually left polish on until it looked too ratty. Hugo just shrugged, not really knowing why.

Summer moved a few steps closer and directed him to sit on the closed toilet lid. She sat across from him on the ledge of the tub and took his hands in her own where she took the cotton ball and gently helped remove all the polish.

“You can try to wash this all away,” Summer gestured toward Hugo’s face and hair before looking back at his fingers, “but this is a part of you.”

“No it’s not. It’s just a part I play. Nothing else.”

A sad smile passed over Summer’s pink mouth as she looked into his eyes.

“No it’s not. It’s not a huge part. It’s not something you need to do to feel
whole
, but it’s something you do for a very different reason than just because it’s a part to play.”

Hugo sobbed once. Twice.

Summer pulled him to her chest and held him tight, shushing in his ear and stroking him with long, smooth touches that comforted him. It reminded him of how Charisse had held him when he finally came out. Rather than pull away like he felt he should, he stayed and let Summer work her magic.

“If he really loves you, you have to give him the opportunity to love all parts of you, not just a few select pieces. That’s what you told me this summer in the canoe. Right?”

Hugo couldn’t talk without an emotion-choked voice, so he just nodded against her shoulder.

“I think you mistook his reaction to his friend’s hateful words as him being disgusted with you. The Kevin I’ve met isn’t like that. Is that the Kevin you know, someone who would walk away just because you were in a dress and makeup?”

“No,” he managed. “But you know what’s happened before.”

“I
do
know what’s happened in your past, but this is different. We’re not talking about a stranger who barely knows you. From what you’ve told me, Kevin has loved you for ages. He knows you’re an actor, so dressing the part isn’t really going to shock him. I think you’re so scared of losing him again you’re willing to hide parts of you. You’re willing to be someone else for him.”

Hugo leaned back and looked right at Summer with realization.

He knew exactly what he needed to do.

Choosing Friends

K
EVIN
had never been more furious in his life, not even during the worst shit his father had pulled while still alive, and his dad knew
just
how to get his temper to let loose.

“What
the fuck
did you think you were doing back there?” he asked Mike once they were away from the crowds. They’d been friends for years, and Kevin thought he knew the man. Apparently, he didn’t. Occasionally, Mike would say off-color remarks or run his mouth off on some rant where he thought he knew all the facts, but he’d never done anything like this. Kevin had simply thought of Mike as a know-it-all who talked too much when he was drunk. And Mike was very drunk when he saw Hugo. And he most certainly ran his mouth off.

“I call it like I see it, man.”

“Fuck you. Go home and sleep off your drunk. Maybe tonight you’ll realize what an asshole you were. I’ll help remind you when you’re sober if you don’t.” Kevin walked Mike toward a cab looking for business on the corner. “There you go. Don’t forget to pay the guy.”

Kevin walked away, quickly calling Dena, Mike’s wife, to tell her what had happened, and that he’d sent him home. She was angry, but not at Kevin, at Mike’s behavior and the fact he’d gotten so sloppy drunk.

Kevin hung up and headed back toward the food vendors to look for Hugo, but he was nowhere to be seen. He looked for the purplish-blue dress and for Summer’s long, wavy hair but couldn’t see anyone who even resembled them despite all the blonde women he saw. He asked a few people and each said something to the effect of “They both left on foot after the asshole yelled at the drag queen.” Kevin couldn’t help but correct them by adding, “Miss Cherrie.”

For many minutes, Kevin stood in the center of the art fair staring, hoping the people he’d talked to were wrong, and Hugo would come back so they could talk. He didn’t know what to do. How had the afternoon gone to such fiery hell so quickly? A woman walked by and punched her boyfriend in the arm, telling him to stop texting and to talk to her instead. Kevin shook his head and remembered his phone.

When he tried to text, he got nothing in return, even though he waited as patiently as he could. When he called, it went straight to voice mail. Then he realized Hugo probably didn’t even have his phone on him. Where would it go in that slinky dress? It wasn’t as if dresses like that came with pockets. He’d carried Erin’s phone and ID in his own trouser pockets at enough weddings and special occasions to know that.

He considered walking to Hugo’s apartment but envisioned how badly it could go. Besides, Kevin was still too pissed at the stunt Mike pulled to handle anything well.

Why he’d even thought he needed to nurture a friendship with Mike was beyond him. Just because their kids had played together and they had similar parenting philosophies didn’t mean they should be friends, especially if he was a homophobe. Kevin had always hated such intolerance, which was why his father got under his skin like he did.

But he knew the real reason he’d called Mike about the art fair, and he was man enough to admit it, even to himself. Kevin didn’t want to be anything like his friendless father. It seemed like a safe choice in friendships to nurture, especially if Kevin was ever going to let the world know he was bisexual. It had been Mike and Dena who’d shown up on his front step the previous year to ask him to support marriage equality, sharing stories about Dena’s little brother and his partner. He thought Mike was open-minded, at least when it came to gay people. Apparently, he’d been wrong.

Home seemed like the best place for Kevin, even if he was loath to think about what Hugo was dealing with. At least Hugo had Summer with him.

In the car driving home, he couldn’t help but replay the events in his head. Kevin knew Hugo hadn’t wanted him to come to the art fair. It had been written all over his face as he dismissed it as a non-event when they’d talked about it earlier. But it wasn’t a non-event to Kevin. If Hugo was going to be performing in a new venue he was as excited about as he obviously was, considering the amount of time and energy he and his friend Gilbert had been devoting to it, Kevin wanted to be there.

Of course, now he realized why Hugo had been reluctant. Hugo had no idea how Kevin would react to him in drag. Kevin imagined that wasn’t something you easily shared, even if you were as deeply involved in the gay community as Hugo was. He’d read about gay-on-gay crimes and how masculine gays hated on effeminate gays. But Hugo didn’t fit in either group, or maybe he fit in both at different times. It didn’t make sense to Kevin, but he knew prejudice existed, and more importantly, he could see why Hugo felt he needed to keep it a secret from Kevin, who had lived the life of a straight man just so he could keep his bisexuality hidden from his own father.

Kevin’s driveway appeared much sooner than he expected, and he realized he’d driven home blind, not noticing a thing around him until he was at his garage. He hit the clicker and waited for the garage door to open. Heading into the house, he tried to figure out what he could possibly do to distract and calm himself so he could talk to Hugo sooner rather than later.

He decided to call Dena, to make sure Mike made it home safely, otherwise he’d worry about him.

“He’s here. I yelled at him,” she said. “I don’t know what the hell he was thinking. Mike’s been angrier than a hornet lately. Something’s up, but he refuses to talk. I’m really sorry, Kevin. Did you know the person he harassed?”

“I’m actually dating the guy he said all that shit to.” The words just mindlessly tumbled out of Kevin’s mouth in a rush, and he gripped his hair tightly until it hurt, mentally kicking himself for allowing his panic to get ahead of his logical thinking. But it was out there now.

“Oh man! That makes it about a hundred times worse.” No judgment. Nothing bad happened.

“Tell me about it. And I can’t get a hold of Hugo. He was gone after I got Mike in the cab.”

“Shit. I’ll let you go so you can get to him.”

“Dena?” Kevin could hear worry straining those two syllables.

“What is it, Kevin?” She sounded concerned.

“Please promise me you won’t say anything to Erin?”

“Okay?”

“No. She doesn’t know I’m bisexual. No one does, and I’m not ready to say anything yet. I shouldn’t have said anything to you. I don’t know why I did. I’m just so worried about Hugo that I’m not thinking straight.”

“Kevin, that’s your secret. If I’ve learned anything over the years from my brother, it’s that coming out has to happen when you’re ready, and it doesn’t happen all at once. Kevin?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you felt comfortable enough with me to share that. I’m sure it wasn’t easy if this was the first time you’ve told anyone.”

Suddenly his quick call to make sure Mike got home was turning into a therapy session.

“I’ve known since I was sixteen. I was with Hugo in high school. He was my first boyfriend and my
first
.”

“And you’re back together? How romantic.”

“I don’t know. It might be if I could talk to him. I had no clue he was a drag queen. I need to talk to him, but I had to get Mike away because he was
way
out of line.”

“I’m taking care of that. Don’t think about Mike’s assholishness for even one more second. I’m going to kick his ass all day tomorrow. I have so many chores that need to be done around the house, and he owes you and me. I’ll text you with regular reports of his apologies. I think I hear a really loud leaf blower in his future. I’ll send you photos of his misery.”

Kevin couldn’t keep his laughter in and let it fly through the room. “You do that, Dena. You are such a riot. Good luck getting him sober. Food might help. He refused to eat anything while we were there, claiming he needed a good buzz before he’d ‘allow himself sustenance.’”

“No wonder. He’s usually good with his booze. And Kevin?”

“Yeah?”

“Just think about how you’re going to respond when your boyfriend talks to you. For him, this is a lot like coming out again.”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, realizing just exactly how hard being surprised by Kevin must’ve been for Hugo now that he’d just outed himself for the first time ever. Kevin could actually feel adrenaline coursing through his veins. “Thanks. Have a good night.”

“Night.”

Kevin hung up and immediately called Hugo again. Voice mail.

And then a knock sounded at his front door.

Out in the Open

K
EVIN
opened his front door and didn’t even get a chance to take a breath let alone say hello to Hugo or invite him in before Hugo was talking.

“That’s not how I wanted you to find out. Not at all.” Hugo walked right into Kevin’s house and headed toward the sunroom, not hesitating for a second, as if he knew exactly where he wanted to be. Kevin followed. “And I told you not to come to the art fair because I wasn’t ready to tell you yet. But now you know. I’m a fricking drag queen. And I’m not ashamed of it.” The minute he got to the wall of windows, he stopped talking and looked out toward the trees. He was utterly silent.