Speed of Light (25 page)

Sergio began writing on the back of his hand with a pen.
Odd
. It seemed as though he jotted down notes each time Fara spoke.
As if there is a quiz later
.

My pages of mistakes dragged down my pocket. A tension built in my gut as Fara became very serious. With each new word, I knew she was going to make me read my list.
When will she make me share my letter of mistakes?

But instead she asked Meridian, “Did you bring Auntie’s diary?”

“Yes.” Meridian grabbed her bag. The thick book of leather and parchment seemed to radiate the power of many lives, many words of wisdom and past mistakes. I wish I had that much to my past, my history.
Is that the book Ms. Asura wants? Can it possibly be? How will I ever get that away from Meridian and Tens? I can’t steal it, betray my friends and live with myself. I’ll have to leave. If I do this, it means exile
.

My lungs felt like overcooked noodles. Saturated and falling apart, they were unable to take in air.

Sergio reached to take the journal from Meridian and bumped her arm accidentally. The journal thunked against the ground. “I’m sorry. So sorry.” He clumsily picked it up and dropped it again until Tens stepped between them.

Sergio moved closer to me instead, his face doused with embarrassment and his hands shoved deep into his pockets.
I feel sorry for him
.

Fara reached into her jacket and pulled out my mother’s book. “I have the sonnet book.”

“When did you grab that?” I asked.
Is this the book? Do I have to give Ms. Asura the only thing my mother left me?
But I’d never seen that symbol on its pages.
It can’t be the one
.

My voice must have carried more upset than I knew, because Sergio jumped in. “Do you want it back?” he asked while advancing toward Fara.

“It’s fine,” I said quickly. I stepped back and around him, careful not to touch him until I was next to Fara again. He stood too close, wanting something I couldn’t give him.

Fara simply ignored him and asked that we all sit by the bonfire. “The tenets or pillars of my people, of our people”—she waved her hands to include all of us—“are knowledge and love. When taking on enemies, these are powerful weapons. Love is Light. Knowledge is Light. Light is our most pure form.”

Bodie and Sema both crawled into my lap. It was almost
like old times with a story for bedtime.
Once upon a time, there was a girl trapped in a castle with no one coming to rescue her
.

“Think of a question in your minds. Something you very much want guidance with in this coming year. We use our holy texts, our ancestors’ writings. Baba tell me to use those most special to you. Now everyone wish for an answer.” She waited a heartbeat or two, then asked, “Ready?”

Fara looked at Meridian, tapping her temple. “You think yes?”

Meridian nodded. Fara randomly opened Auntie’s journal and pointed.

She turned to Tens, who nodded that he, too, had a question in mind. After closing the book, she repeated her flip and point.

What questions are they all thinking? Can these point-and-speak answers possibly impart any wisdom?

To Nelli and Gus, she also asked them to think of a question. Their answers were both from the same writer, Jocelyn Wynn:

All their faces registered surprise and understanding. Then she gave the book back to Meridian and held my mother’s. “Tony?”

She swiveled to read the margin notes. To Tony she read, “ ‘The sun is relentless this week. For all I’d like is a tall glass of punch and a nap in the cool shade for all time.’ ”

He nodded, thoughtful, though I was unable to decipher what he was thinking

Finally, Sergio’s turn arrived. “Which book is your most sacred?” Fara asked.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t know—why don’t you just skip me tonight? I didn’t bring it with me.”

“But—”

An electronic beeping interrupted. “Sorry, sorry. That’s my cell.” He dug into his back pocket and read the
screen before tucking it back. “I have to leave in a minute. Why don’t you go on to Juliet now?” he insisted.

I squirmed, feeling all their eyes on me. Not even the sleepy heartbeats of my littlies in my arms calmed me.

Fara turned to me. “Think of your question.”

Mommy, what should I do? I can’t go on this way. I don’t know which way to go
.

She again randomly opened the book, pointed to a section, and read, “ ‘If my daughter learns nothing from me but trusting in good, I will consider myself a worthy mother.’ ”

I felt as though I’d been punched in the gut.
Is it rigged? It can’t be
. I grabbed the book and read her words slowly, focusing completely. My heart tore. I had done nothing but distrust and second-guess, undermining myself and my friends.
No, my family. These people are my family. The good
.

Fara held the book back out to Tony with a smile on her face.

“Wait, what about you?” Meridian asked.

Fara paused and gestured all around us. “This is my answer.” When she looked at me, it was as if generations I’d never met held their breath. “For Nowruz to complete, we must all clean our hearts, give up the wrongdoings, drop the burdens. You brought your lists?”

Everyone dug theirs out of their pockets or purses. I was surprised to see mine wasn’t the only one of several pages.

“I’m sorry, I can’t stay.” Sergio abruptly stood up,
tossing blank pages on the ground behind him. Sweat beaded along his hairline and his face flushed as if he’d sat too long by the bonfire.

“You must stay.” Fara picked up his paper and tried to hand it back to him. “This is important.”

He shook his head, looking like he felt trapped and scrambling for a way out. “I’m late for a school thing. I can’t miss it. I’ll see you at work tomorrow?” He nodded to Nelli.

“Sergio, wait!” Nelli called, but Bales stepped out and shook his head at her.

Nelli fell silent as Sergio wheeled his bicycle away from a tree stump and down the driveway. Bales melted back into the trees and Nelli frowned.

None of us knew how to respond. No one said anything for a few moments as the flames cracked and hissed and the night settled back around us, but then with a shrug, Fara continued. “It takes strong hearts to see our mistakes. Faith that we can change the path before us is maybe scariest thing. Some people cannot see, cannot change.”

I swallowed.
She’s talking to me
. My throat closed and I hugged Bodie and Sema so tightly they woke fully with giggling complaints.

Fara said, “Normally, we would all share these, to make amends, but that would take us years.” A half smile on her lips, she studied us all in turn. “Instead, we will burn them. But if they belong in this circle, with us, to shed light into our souls, then please tell us all.”

She’s talking to me. She wants the impossible. I’m not brave. I can’t do this
.

She led the way to toss hers on the fire. No one seemed to hesitate, but I kept hearing Fara demanding that secrets come to light. The elders followed quietly, discussing how truthful and honest their textual answers felt, but all I heard was my heart beat in my head. Pounding. Beating.
Be brave. Speak up! Give them a chance to help!

With each step toward the fire, I felt heavier and heavier. I crumpled the papers in my fist. Sweat dripped down my spine.

Tell them. Tell them. Ms. Asura wants you to keep silent. Find your voice. Take back your power. Like with reading, like with cooking, be you
.

Tony tossed in Bodie’s and Sema’s crayon creations. They’d drawn pictures of DG and a blackened blob of harshness that could only be the headmistress.

Meridian waited next to me. I felt her glance.
She knows I’m hiding. She knows my lies
.

I cleared my throat. I started in a whisper but each sound gained potency and depth until I lifted my head, pouring my guts out. “I have something to say. I can only hope you’ll forgive me.”

“T
hey shouldn’t be here.” Tony pointed at the kids, who listened with wild eyes.

“You’re right.” Juliet hugged Bodie and Sema.

“Are you all right?” Bodie whispered in a stage voice. “You’re scaring me. Is she back?”

“You don’t need to be afraid.” Juliet’s voice was strong and forceful. “Joi and Robert will chase away the monsters.”

Bodie nodded but dragged his feet as Joi loaded them up to take them back to the lake. The bleak defeat in Juliet’s eyes broke another piece of my heart.
She thinks she’s
lost all of us already. Oh, Juliet. How can you bend and not break under this pain?

Listening to Juliet spew her truth, her words, pained me. Grief’s drab and hostile colors radiated around us. Sadness enveloped me, wrapped around my heart with icy fingers. I shrank under the obvious wounds Juliet flayed for us. Like cleaning out a gangrenous, putrid limb, Juliet bore down with everything she had and opened herself up. Anger would have been an easy response, but not honest.

How had I failed her so badly that Ms. Asura had any power over her?
What should I do differently?

I had tried to give her what I’d lacked from my mother and during my transition. We’d had time to prepare for hers, so I’d done everything I’d wished for last December.
Maybe what she needs isn’t the same thing I do
. How had I been so oblivious to her need to protect her mother and find her father?
Maybe because mine betrayed me so badly
.

“Is that everything?” Tens asked quietly.

Juliet nodded and Fara confirmed as well with a gesture. “She offered me a trade”—Juliet swallowed—“and I didn’t say no.”

Ms. Asura promised to give Juliet the location of her parents’ remains in exchange for finding information.
Wild-goose chase? Something bigger? Can it really be considered a trade when not cooperating meant threats against the rest of us?

“What does she want you to do exactly?” Gus
questioned, his arm wrapped around Nelli’s quaking shoulders.

She’s taking this personally
.

“Find a book with this symbol on it.” Juliet picked up a stick and drew in the dirt.

We crowded around trying to make sense of it. She’s either not that good an artist or Ms. Asura wasn’t terribly helpful. Based on how Ms. Asura and her cronies toyed with the kids at DG, it wouldn’t surprise me if Juliet was given an impossible task that would leave her feeling guilty when the Nocti attacked us.

“That’s it? Wings and a stick? Is that a snake?”

“A candle?” Rumi asked.

“What’s that circle in the middle?” Nelli questioned.

Juliet seemed near tears as she muddled the picture, trying to make sense of it. “The ink ran all over the page. I don’t know.” There was no hope in her voice. As if she’d already given up.

“Then we have to find out exactly what this symbol is,” Tens said.

“Why ask for a book, though? Is it one of the ones we’ve started studying?” Tony asked.

“I think it goes back to the knowledge thing,” I added.

“We know something they don’t?”

I nodded. “Maybe we don’t even know what we have.”

Tens glanced at Juliet. “Okay, you find and hand over this book or information and then what happens?”

“If I did that, she would tell me where to find”—Juliet’s
voice cracked—“where to find my parents. And leave you all alone.”

“That easy?” Tens questioned. “That’s too easy, Juliet.”

Juliet’s tears fell down her face and Fara held out a tissue. “I know, but I didn’t know what else to do. She’s always around.” Juliet scanned the area as if she expected Ms. Asura to jump out and scream, “Boo!”

“I should have realized she was threatening you.” Tony dipped his head low, his rosary clutched in his fingers.

“What do you mean she’s always there?” I asked.

“At the condo. At the creek. On the path near your house. It’s like she knows where I am before I do.”

What if they’re watching us? How? Is there a traitor in our group?

“She’s been inside our house?” Tony leapt to his feet.

“I don’t know. I smell her after. She chases away food.” Juliet began babbling as if once she let go on the firm hold over her tongue, she couldn’t catch up.

“Did you break the Spirit Stones? Vandalize my shop?” Rumi asked.

Juliet paled and gasped. “No, I promise you. I wouldn’t let you, any of you get hurt, I swear. I thought it wouldn’t matter. That—” She stopped and inhaled. “I took your leather folio, but I didn’t give it to her. It’s in the closet.”

“I never thought I’d be pleased to know a thief,” Rumi muttered.

“It was before that. I tried to put it back, but they’d already been there.”

“That’s what you were doing going to Rumi’s?” Tony asked.

She nodded. “I thought no one would be hurt if I did what she asked.”

“Did she threaten to harm you if you said no?” Nelli wiped away tears.

Juliet shook her head. “No, not me.” Her words hung in the air.

“Who?” My question was quiet but important. If she wasn’t worried for herself, then who?

“All of you.” Her words were low and almost silent.

“Everyone we’ve asked you to depend on?” Tony asked, reaching a hand out to grasp her shoulder. “I wish you’d told me. We could have figured this out together.”

“She tried to say no. Several times. We were trying to make a fake book,” Fara inserted, as if this clarification was monumental.

All I saw was a girl tossed into a world she didn’t know, being asked to choose between what she most wants in this world and inflicting pain on others.
Avoid pain and get what you want—that’s basic survival instinct
.