Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) (8 page)

On the first day of Christmas holidays, the sun streamed through my window, waking me up early to swim some laps, pack and eat breakfast before Peter had even shown his face.
The first night he’d slept in his bed for months. He told us it was so he didn’t have to wake up extra early. But I had a feeling something had happened between Phoebe and him.

‘Is that all you’
re taking?’ Mum glared at my small roller bag.

‘
Sure, three swimsuits, towel, pyjamas, strapping tape and a novel. What else do I need? I’m chillaxing this holiday.’

‘
Guess you deserve to relax. You did work hard this semester.’

‘
Tabbie.’ Dad shuffled on the spot. ‘Can you go wake up Peter? It’s a long drive. We really should get going early.’

I rumble knocked with both hands a
s hard as I could on his door. ‘Up, up, up. We’re off on our family journey. Come on. Up, up, up!’ Dr Seuss, eat your heart out.

‘
Seriously, Tabbie.’ He pulled the door open, rubbing his eyes, squinting. ‘Way too perky for this time of day.’

It took him another half an hour to pack before we piled into the family car
to head to Terrigal, on the Central Coast. When we entered the apartment a few hours later, I flung open the balcony doors to see the ocean. We were close enough to check out all the hot boys. The only annoying part—I had to share a bedroom with Peter—a serious snorer!

‘
Are you really going to have a sleep?’ I asked as Peter fell onto the bed. ‘We just got here. It’s beach time.’

‘
Sleep,’ Peter mumbled. ‘More sleep.’

Leaving him o
n the bed, I found my cutest red bikini and slipped into the bathroom to change. Then I strapped my ankle to keep it from further damage while walking on the sand.

‘
Do you have a beach cover or something, love?’ Dad looked up from the paper as I walked through the unit.

‘
Yeah, this.’ I wrapped my towel around my waist. He had a point. I didn’t need to show off my thighs. ‘Need to get a tan. I’m so anaemically powdery white.’

‘
Do it gradually love.’ Mum stood in the doorway. ‘How about I rub some sunscreen in before you head out?’ 

I had
no choice but to accept the sunscreen application before leaving for the beach.

Day one
: expectation of meeting Mr Dream-Boy—high.

But t
he beach was bare. Everyone must have stayed home out of the wind. The sand kicked up, stinging my legs as I searched for a spot to lie. Just when I found the perfect position, my towel wouldn’t stay flat until I lay on it. Within minutes another gust came and the sting of sand pitted into my skin, gluing itself to the sunscreen. Not comfortable at all. A sand-coated Tabbie was definitely not the look I was hoping to achieve.

I stretched my ankle
backward and forward a couple of times before I jumped up. My towel blew over and over, rolling down the beach until I caught it and pushed half of it under the sand. I jogged towards the surf, jumping over the small curls of water until it was deep enough to swim past the wave break.

I bobbed up and down on the
ocean side of the crashing waves, watching for any interesting people to arrive on the beach. No hot boys, but plenty of interesting people. A large man with an overhanging stomach stood knee-deep watching kids in full sunsuits splash in the shallows. Over-weathered women power walked on the hard wet sand. They must have spent every hour of their lives on the beach.

Perhaps tomorrow would bring some hot boys.

We ate dinner together then Mum pulled out Trivial Pursuit. Peter, the brother of all trivial knowledge, blitzed it and won the game before I had a chance to get any questions right.

I was over it and
pushed my chair out. ‘I’ve had enough family fun. I’m off to read a book in bed.’

‘
Or look out the window and perv,’ Peter called after me.

‘
As if!’ I called back without looking. My face glowed. How did he know?

But that
’s exactly what I’d planned to do. I took in the fantastic view from our window. With my novel open on my lap, I sat on my bed, leaning against the window, watching everything that happened on the street. Not much. And again, no hot boys.

‘See, I knew you’d be perving on someone.’
Peter sprung me with my forehead on the window.

‘
Just people watching.’

‘
When are you going to get a boyfriend, sis?’

‘
They’re way too much trouble. I’ll just dream about the ‘one day when’ of having one for a while longer.’ I smiled as an image of Danny flashed in my mind. With a few rapid blinks, I cleared it away. ‘What’s happening with Phoebe anyway?’             

‘
I don’t know. We want different things.’

‘Does
she want to get married?’

‘
Yeah.’ Peter shook his head.

‘
And you don’t?’

‘
Nah, no way. Not yet.’

‘
But what if she was the one?’ I closed my book.

‘
I’m way too young to even think about it.’

‘
Guess she is too, then.’

‘
Yeah.’ Peter looked away with glassy eyes.

‘
You love her though, don’t you?’

‘
Yeah, I do. It’s hard to stop loving someone.’

‘So what’s the problem?’

‘I know we shouldn’t be together.’ Peter lay on his bed. ‘She doesn’t want to go to uni, or come with me to Melbourne next year. Best we call it off now. Who knows, maybe after a break we’ll work it out again.’

‘
Why don’t you have a long distance relationship? Stephanie and Jason are staying together while he’s overseas and then—’

‘
Long distance relationships just don’t work.’

‘
Why not?’

‘
You’ll understand in a few years.’ He shrugged and pulled out his phone. 

Maybe he was right. But why was Jason okay with distance instead of taking a break and Peter wasn
’t? Relationships were way too confusing. Staying single was best for me.

Day two
: after breakfast, the beach was calling me again. The wind hadn’t picked up and from the balcony, the sun reflected off the sand, showing sure signs of the day being a scorcher. I slipped out the door before Mum could plaster me with sunscreen. This time I decided a jog before a swim would be more fun. That way I could check out the surfer boys further up the beach.

I took my time to jog a fair distance, concentrating on keeping my ankle from rolling, until
my heart pounded and sweat dripped down my back. Then I paddled around in the ocean to cool off. There were some fine-looking boys out on boards. Possibly a little old for me, but none the less, they were enough to get me dreaming about the ‘one day when’ I’d meet Mr Wonderful. 

I
spread my towel out and pulled out my novel. The sun warmed my brain into a groggy haze, urging me to close my eyes. Soon after I drifted off, dreaming about my ‘one day when’ Mr Wonderful, who looked a lot like Mr Biceps but even more like Danny. He swept me off my feet and took me off into the sunset to live an incredibly wonderful, expansive and luxurious life.

‘
Tabbie!’ Peter’s voice woke me. ‘Tabbie, you’ve been down here for hours.’

‘
Oh ... must have fallen asleep.’

‘
Your back,’ he gasped.

‘
Is it bad?’ I didn’t need to ask. It stung as I rolled over.

‘
You’ll need some aloe vera on that tonight.’

‘
Ice, I think I need some ice right now.’ Major pain shot through my body every time I moved.

Mum and Dad
told me off me as I walked into our apartment. That night, I tossed and turned, pulling the sheet up then throwing it off again. My skin must have been burned to the third degree. My clothes clung to all the sorest spots.

Day three
: I asked Peter to turn the air conditioning on. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I had no intention to leave the apartment until my sunburn had calmed down.

After lunch
, I was bored out of my brain and rang Stephanie. She still hadn’t told me whether or not she was going to move back to Sydney. I was sick of waiting and wondering what she was up to.

‘
Look, do you want to move back or not?’ I probably could have at least spent some time on the niceties.

‘
I thought you were going away this week?’

‘
We are. I’m on the mobile, on the balcony overlooking the beach …’ A group of boys distracted me. ‘Just checking out the hot boys.’

‘
Tabbie!’ She laughed like I’d said something completely off the ground hilarious.

‘So
, tell me. Have you spoken to your parents yet?’ I gritted my teeth as the sun hit my burns and retreated back into the air-conditioning.

‘
I did ask, but my timing was lousy—again!’ Stephanie said. ‘I’ll ask again this week—promise.’

Whatever, Steph.
My brain heated up like it was sunburnt too. Maybe she didn’t want to move back. I’d just have to get over it. I guess I’d just pictured her back in Sydney and started expecting it to happen.

Fo
r the rest of the week, the unit became my hideaway. My back came up in blisters that stung when they burst, leaving patchy red and white skin. Not attractive. Definitely not what I’d choose to take into public with my pear-shaped body.

My mood was as fiery as my burns. All I wanted was a best friend
I could rely on. Like the one I’d had since year seven, before the Stronges up and left town. A hot ‘one day when’ boyfriend. And a fit, healthy, toned, to-die-for body. Was that too much to ask for?

Peter bought me some magazines to flick through while my burns were settling down. They were filled with who was dating who in the land of Hollywood, where all the be
autiful people lived. Yes, that’s where everyone starts beautiful and ends beautiful.

I closed my eyes
, resting the magazine on my chest. Hollywood became my home and I had the hottest boyfriend, the hottest body and I was adored by all. I awoke with a vile acidic taste swirling in my mouth and reached for my water bottle.

I had to shake of
f the dream. Those pictures don’t portray the truth. We only see what the stars willingly reveal and what the media wants us to see. We don’t see them with third-degree burns, because they hide away just like I was hiding away. If I had a personal trainer, chef, and a glamour entourage, I’d look that good too.

Why was I attracted to good looks? My ‘one day when’ boyfriend had to have more going for him than just looks.
Danny ... now, he had Mr Biceps’ looks but he was such a dork. Jason, Stephanie’s amazing boyfriend, was good looking—so she’d told me—yet she seemed to be a mess most of the time.

Where was the balance?

My sunburn had calmed by the end of our holiday and my mood had cooled as well.

I rang Stephanie. ‘Hey, sorry I was kind of cranky the other day.’

‘You don’t say.’

‘
I got really sunburnt. Dumb, hey?’

‘
Yeah.’

‘
I really want you to move back to Sydney. This year has been pretty crappy without you around.’

Silence.
She didn’t even breathe.

‘What, Steph?’

‘Nothing. Well, I haven’t heard from Jason or anything, and I guess I should move on. I just don’t want to.’ Her voice wavered. ‘I’m such a mess.’

‘
Please talk to your parents about coming to live with us. Just see what they say.’

‘Okay,’ she whispered.

‘Hey, I hope you have a nice Christmas if I don’t speak to you before then.’

‘
Sure.’

I returned to youth group after our beach holiday. It was fresh and new and even more exciting than when I was going before I stuffed my ankle.

The friends I had made through the youth group weren’t replacing Steph. They just filled a void. I still hoped for her return.

‘
I’m coming.’ Stephanie’s voice boomed through the phone.

‘
What? Where?’ I asked. She hadn’t even said hello.

‘
There, next week, if it’s still okay.’

‘
Of course it is.’ My Christmas wish was about to come true. I hung up and tried to gather my spinning head. I hoped Mum and Dad would still be okay with Stephanie staying with us. It hadn’t come up in conversation for a while.

They were.

‘Do you think we could use your old doona cover for Steph? Would that be okay?’ Mum asked.

‘I don’
t think Strawberry Shortcake would be right for her. She screws her face up when she comes into my room. She hates little girlie things. Remember, Steph is sophisticated and elegant. Can we buy some new things?’

‘
Why not?’ Mum smiled, waving her hands in the air.

I could have jumped over the moon at Mum
’s enthusiasm. She even seemed a little more relaxed while she had something to distract her from the fact that Peter was about to leave home.

The next day, Mum and I stood in the driveway and waved them off. Dad drove Peter
’s rusty Datsun, loaded with CDs and clothes, ready to start uni in Melbourne. The plan was for Dad to stay until Peter was unpacked, check out some cricket and whatever other sport they could find, then fly back in a week or so.

Mum and I jumped head first into playing interior decorators. We searched the internet for ideas
then traipsed from one interior design shop to another. We came up with a fresh, sleek look using shabby chic furniture with clean lines. Our approach was to create a minimalist yet warm room, so Stephanie would get nothing but excellent school results. 

After we sorted out the room, I spent a few hours getting crafty. Using my primary school creative talent, I found old paint, glitter and some streamers in the cupboard. The result was an attractive poster. I knew Steph would be more than embarrassed if I made a dodgy one. So she got the best. It looked almost professional. So much so, I
wondered why I hadn’t taken art as a subject.

*~*~*~*

Mum and I stood a couple of metres back from the doorway in the arrivals lounge. People streamed past us. Mum held one side of the poster as we flapped it in the air. We laughed at the super prudish people who shook their heads at us.

Stephanie walked down the tunnel like she was on a cloud.

She cried.

I cheered.

The poster fell to the floor as I wrapped my arms around her. We happy danced while Mum picked up the poster.

‘
I can’t believe you’re really here!’

‘
I know, I know,’ Stephanie said as she kissed Mum on the cheek.

‘
We’ve fixed up your room already. You’re going to love it!’ I said.

Stephanie
’s smile wilted. Hmm, maybe she didn’t trust my decorating skills. Little did she know.

I climbed into the ba
ckseat with her and whispered, ‘Have you heard from Jason? Is he back?’

‘
No.’ She stared straight through the front windscreen.

‘
Maybe it’s for the best.’ I knew it was a lame comment. I wished I hadn’t said it.

Stephanie
’s chin jutted forward, her focus unwavering.

I wanted to say,
“Come on Steph, you’re here with your old friends now. You’ll be fine.” But instead, ‘You didn’t really think it would last forever, did you?’ spilled from my mouth.

‘
Guess that’s what I was hoping.’

I had to help her move on.
Quickly. And watch the words that jumped from my mouth.

‘
Everyone is going to be so happy you’re back! School just hasn’t been the same.’

She mumbled something I couldn
’t quite make out.

‘
Did you get your classes sorted?’ I asked.

‘
Yeah. I couldn’t get into all the subjects I wanted. Some were full. Are you going to get a part-time job this year?’

A job?
I was talking about school. ‘Mum and Dad aren’t pushing me to get one. I’ll see how I go.’

‘
When I was working over the holidays—I loved it. I’d rather work,’ she said.

‘
No way, Steph. You’ve got to finish school and go to uni.’

‘What if I don’
t want to go?’ Stephanie said. ‘I can’t think of anything I want to do that needs a degree.’

‘
Or at least finish so you get some qualifications. You used to want to dance and perform and get your Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.’

‘
I’ve changed. I told you I don’t want to dance anymore.’

‘
I thought that was just because you were in Toowoomba.’

‘
No. No more dancing.’

She had said it several times to me over the last year, but surely that would change now that she was back. I looked her up and down. It was like she was trying to be someone else.
 I knew all too well what chasing someone else’s dream looked like. I glanced at her. Had she become someone else?

‘I’
m going to look for a job,’ Stephanie said in a low voice.

We drove the rest of the way in silence.

When we arrived home, I grabbed Stephanie by the hand and pulled her up the stairs to see her new room. She walked through slowly, looking over every detail before she pulled open the curtains. She turned, running her hand along the fresh doona and cushions before sitting in the new chair at her desk.

‘
Thank you, Tabbie.’ Stephanie pushed herself out of the chair and hugged me with a little tremble. When we parted, tears were swelling in her eyes.

‘
You’re so welcome, but I didn’t do it by myself. Mum helped. I kind of just pointed her in the right direction and helped put it in place.’

Stephanie dropped her handbag and
luggage inside her room then demanded we go for a walk to our local shops. She found a dodgy shop-slash-café that was hiring part-time juniors. Her eagerness to jump at the opportunity to work a trial shift that night tripped me up. I’d assumed she’d want to get settled into school before she went off searching for work. But I was wrong.

‘Hey Mum, what’
s for dinner?’ I was starving by the time we arrived home.

Mum smiled pointing to the chicken in the oven.

‘Mmm.’ Saliva gushed into my mouth. I could’ve eaten the roast then, but it wasn’t quite ready.

‘
Where did you girls disappear to?’

‘
Steph wants to work at some dodgy place down on Mainland Road.’

‘
I’ve got a trial. Tonight.’ Stephanie glared at me. ‘And it’s not dodgy.’

‘
Are you sure you want to work so early in the term?’ Mum lifted the saucepan lid and stirred the veggies. ‘You don’t really have to. We’re happy to cover any costs the government living away from home youth allowance doesn’t meet. Why don’t you settle into school and see how you go?’

‘
I just want to see what it’s like. I won’t take the job if it’s horrible.’

‘
Let me drive you, then. I don’t like the idea of you walking around on your own at night.’

*~*~*~*

I spent the night in my room, sorting through my desk to start the year fresh. I began to dream of having a job and all the new clothes I could buy. Maybe Stephanie had the right idea and I was wasting time.

The next day
, the owner of the shop rang Stephanie. I waited nearby for her to hang up.

‘
So, did you get the job?’

‘Yep.’
She began to walk away.

‘Did you get the
hours you wanted?’ I asked.

‘
More.’

‘
More? Like?’ I pressed her.

‘
Like ... twice what I hoped for.’

‘
How are you going to manage school, working that many hours?’ I saw double as I dipped my eyebrows.

‘
I told you, I’d rather work anyway. I hate school.’

‘
Since when do you hate school? Didn’t you just hate the school in Toowoomba? Now that you’re back at Hill Top, that’ll all change. You’ll see.’

Her sarcasti
c smile could have set cement.

‘
Hey, I’m going to youth group this Friday night. Want to come with me?’

‘
No thanks. I’ll be working.’ Stephanie walked into the kitchen and turned the kettle on.

I followed.
‘Can’t you take the night off?’

‘
I can’t ask for time off in my first week. Tea?’

‘
Love one.’ I knew she was trying to distract me but I continued anyway. ‘What if you give them some notice? What about next week or the week after?’

‘
They’d probably tell me to get another job if I try to take a Friday night off.’

‘
That sounds like a great idea. There are heaps of other jobs available.’

‘
Okay, okay. I’ll look for another job in a couple of weeks.’

I hoped she would. But I was beginning to see
that I couldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. But it was good to see a smidgen of her confidence return.