Authors: Len Deighton
âI see.'
âOh, you'll be able to carry on with the historical games, if that's what you want, but gone are the days of the horse and buggy â and you'd better be sure Foxwell knows it.'
âI'm sure it will become evident, Colonel.'
âYou're damn right it will,' said Schlegel. He consulted his watch. âMaybe we'd better get your coat â remember that damn station is running fast.'
No game decisions or plays are valid or binding except those made in writing during game time.
RULES
. â
TACWARGAME
'.
STUDIES CENTRE
.
LONDON
Ferdy Foxwell had this solid fuel stove in his office. He was some kind of fire freak, because he'd bribed five successive porters to bring him coal from next door without a chit. I thought the porters changed over just to make him go through the bribe business all over again, but Ferdy said that was just my nasty mind.
Anyway, he had this stove and I liked to go into his office in the winter time because I was a fire freak, too, in a small way of business.
When I entered I found Ferdy reading
Red Star
, the Soviet Defence Review, designed by Smersh to kill by boredom.
âThere are one hundred and twenty military academies in Russia,' said Ferdy. âAnd that's not counting technical staff colleges.' He turned the page and folded it into a small wad again, turning it in his hands as he read down the column. He looked up as he got to the end. âIs Schlegel Irish?'
âThat's it,' I said. âOne of the Boston O'Schlegels.'
âI thought he must be,' Ferdy said.
âThat last programme failed, Ferdy. They'd set the bloody label twice. When one of the boys corrected it, it read-in but then stopped. The intermediate print-out is on its way.'
âUmmm.'
âSomeone will have to stay tonight.'
âWhat for?'
âIf we don't finish today, we won't have machine time again until Thursday. Unless you know some way of fiddling the computer charges.'
Our programmes were written in
FORTRAN
(Formula Translation Language) and fed into the computer on tape together with a âprocessor tape', that translates it into instructions of a sort the machine can comply with. By means of the
FORTRAN
, certain common errors (like the double printed label that was Ferdy's fault) were programmed to respond on the print-out. On this tear-off sheet the machine had written: âI'm only a bloody machine but I know how to print a label once only.'
I thought Ferdy would laugh, and I pushed the sheet across the desk to him, half expecting that he would pin it up on his board. He looked at the machine's message, screwed it into a ball and tossed it in the direction of his waste-basket.
âBomber bloody Schlegel will have to hear about it, I suppose.'
âHe looks at the sheets every day.'
âOnly because you take them up to him.'
I shrugged. Ferdy had no need to do these programmes personally, but since he'd done this one it was his error and a stupid one. There was no way to hide it from Schlegel.
There was no real need for a clash to come between Ferdy and the boss, yet it seemed to have an inevitability that they had both recognized already. Foxwell regarded my job as Schlegel's personal assistant as blacklegging; Schlegel was convinced that I spent half my working hours covering up for the incompetence of my cronies.
Ferdy dropped the wadded journal into his out-tray and sighed. He'd not been reading it, he'd been waiting for me to come back from the computer. He got to his feet with a lot of creaking and groaning. âFancy a drink?'
âAt the Lighthouse?'
âWherever you like.'
Ferdy was usually more imperious in his invitations. I interpreted it as a plea. I said, âAs long as I'm not too late home.'
It was a cold evening. The Lighthouse was crowded: regulars mostly, some medical students and a Welsh Rugby club that had been infiltrated by hard-drinking Australians. âI knew he'd turn out a bastard,' said Ferdy, pulling a cashmere scarf tight around his throat. The drinks came and he pushed a pound across the counter. âHave one with us, Landlord.'
âThank you, Mr Foxwell, a small bitter,' said the barman. Characteristically, Ferdy chose a sheltered piece of bar counter under one of the huge sherry casks that formed one wall.
âYou're the only one who can run the Russian desk, Ferdy,' I told him. âWhy don't you talk to Schlegel tomorrow? Tell him that if he doesn't give you the two girls and your programmer back you'll do something drastic.'
âDrastic?' said Ferdy. âYou mean the old karate chop: zap! Pow! Wallop!'
âWell he couldn't get anyone else for weeks, Ferdy. And they couldn't leave the desk unmanned, could they? Hell, you don't need the money anyway. I don't know why you've stuck it as long as this.'
âZap, pow, wallop, Schlegel,' said Ferdy experimentally. âNo, I don't think that's my style.'
âMore my style, you mean?'
âI didn't say that, old chap.'
Ferdy twisted up his face and gave an impression of Schlegel. âAnd cut out this zap, pow, wallop crap, Foxwell. You show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser.' He let a trace of Schlegel's suppressed Southern drawl creep in at the end. I dreaded to think what Ferdy did to imitate me when I wasn't around.
I said, âYou should get some of your titled relatives down to your place one weekend â¦'
âAnd invite Schlegel and his “bride”. You know I had considered even that â¦'
âBig heads think the same.'
âBut it's a bit feeble, isn't it?'
âYou know your relatives better than I do.'
âYes, well, not even my bloody titled relatives deserve a weekend of Schlegel. Drink up, old lad, he's bringing some more.'
Ferdy had ordered more drinks by raising an eyebrow at a garrulous barman that he treated like an old family retainer. I paid for them, and Ferdy laid into his brandy and soda as though he didn't want to risk it being knocked over. âWhat's the difference,' he said, after draining it. âIt's obvious the bloody Yanks are going to close us.'
âYou're wrong there,' I told him.
âTime will tell,' he said portentously.
âNo need to wait. I can tell you that they are pumping a couple of million into the Studies Group over the next six months. We're going to have five hours a day computer time, including Saturdays and Sundays.'
âYou can't be serious.'
But Ferdy knew that I was in a position to tell him. âScenarios,' I said. Instead of the studies, we were going to do projections forward: strategic guesses on what might happen in the future.
Ferdy is only a few inches taller than me but he is able to make me feel like a dwarf when he leans forward to murmur in my earhole. âWe'd need all the American data â the real hard stuff,' he said.
âI think we're going to get it, Ferdy.'
âThat's pretty high-powered. Scenarios would be top level security. Joint Chiefs level! I mean we'd be running alive with Gestapo! ⦠plastic credit cards with our photos, and Schlegel looking at our bank balances.'
âDon't quote me, but â¦' I shrugged.
Ferdy tucked into his brandy and soda. âOK,' Ferdy muttered, âindustrial action it is then.'
As if on cue Schlegel came into the saloon bar. I saw him look round for us. Systematically he checked everyone along the counter and then came through into the public bar. âI'm glad I found you,' he said. He smiled to indicate that he'd overlook the fact that it was still office hours.
âBrandy and soda for me,' said Ferdy. âAnd this is a Barley Wine.'
âOK,' said Schlegel; he waved his hand to indicate that he'd understood. âCan you do the Red Admiral tomorrow for some visiting firemen from
CINCLANT
?'
âZap, pow, wallop,' said Ferdy.
âHow's that again?' said Schlegel, cupping his ear.
âBit short notice,' said Ferdy. He shuffled his feet and bit his lip as if trying to work out the difficulties involved, although we all knew that he'd have to do it if Schlegel asked.
âSo was Pearl Harbor,' said Schlegel. âAll I'm asking for is a simple ASW run-through, to show these idiots how we work.'
âAnti-Submarine Warfare run-through,' said Ferdy patiently, as though encountering the expression for the very first time. It was easy to understand why Schlegel got angry.
âAnti-Submarine Warfare run-through,' said Schlegel, without concealing the self-restraint. He spoke as if to a small child. âWith you acting as the C-in-C of the Russian Northern Fleet and these
NATO
people running the Blue Suite to fight you.'
âWhich game?'
âThe North Cape Tactical Game, but if it escalates we'll let it go.'
âVery well,' said Ferdy, after stretching his silence to breaking point.
âGreat!' said Schlegel, with enough enthusiasm to make some of the Welsh Rugby club stop singing.
He looked at the two of us and gave a big smile. âThere'll be Admiral Cassidy and Admiral Findlater: top brass from
CINCLANT
. Well, I've got a lot to do before they arrive.' He looked around the pub as if to check on our associates. âDon't be late in the morning.'
Ferdy watched him all the way to the door. âWell at least we know how to get rid of the bastard,' said Ferdy. âAsk him to buy a round of drinks.'
âGive it a rest, Ferdy.'
âOh, don't think I don't see what's going on. You come out and buy me a drink and soften me up for him.'
âOK, Ferdy,' I said. âYou have it your way.' Just for a minute I was about to blow my top, the way I would have done in the old days. But I had to admit, I was Schlegel's assistant, and it could have looked like that. I said, âJust four beats to the bar, Ferdy. Remember?'
âSorry,' said Ferdy, âbut it's been a bloody awful week.'
âWhy?' I asked.
âI'm sure they are watching the house again.'
âWho?'
âOur burglary last May; could be the same people.'
âOh, burglars.'
âOh yes, I know you all think I go on about it.'
âNo, Ferdy.'
âYou wait until you've been burgled. It's not so damned funny.'
âI never said it was.'
âLast night there was a taxi outside the house. Driver just sat there â nearly three hours.'
âA taxi?'
âSay it was waiting for a fare. Ask me if the meter was on â it was on. But that doesn't mean it wasn't a burglar. What's a cab doing out there in the mews at three o'clock in the morning?'
It was a good moment to tell Ferdy about my visit to number eighteen. I'd have to tell someone sooner or later and so far I'd not even told Marjorie. It was then that I remembered that I'd not seen Mason â the one who'd identified me â in the office lately. âDo you remember that little creep named Mason? Did the weather printouts. Had that tiny dog in his office some days, the one that crapped in the hall and that Italian admiral trod in it.'
âMason, his name was.'
âThat's what I said: Mason.'
âHe's gone,' said Ferdy. âDoubled his salary, they say. Got a job with some German computer company ⦠Hamburg or somewhere ⦠good riddance if you ask me.'
âHow long ago?'
âWhile we were on the trip. A month or so. You didn't lend him any money did you?'
âNo.'
âThat's good, because I know he went off only giving personnel twenty-four hours' notice. Personnel were furious about it.'
âThey would be,' I said.
âHe came to us from Customs and Excise,' said Ferdy, as if that explained everything.
The best way was probably to mention the number eighteen business to Ferdy like this, over a drink. What was the alternative: suspect everyone â paranoia, madness, sudden death, and into the big King Lear scene.
âFerdy,' I said.
âYes.'
I looked at him for a full minute but didn't speak. Confiding is not one of my personality traits: it's being an only child, perhaps. That's Marjorie's theory, anyway. âBrandy and soda, wasn't it, Ferdy?'
âThat's it, brandy and soda.' He sighed. âYou wouldn't want to come back while I look at that programme again?'
I nodded. I'd already told Marjorie that I'd have to stay. âIt will be quicker if both of us do it.'
When I finally left the Centre I didn't drive directly home. I went over to Earl's Court and cruised past my old flat. At the end of the road I parked and thought about it for a minute or two. For a moment I wished I had confided in Ferdy and perhaps brought him here with me, but it was too late now.
I walked back on the other side of the street. It was a fine night. Above the crooked rooftops there was a pattern of stars. The crisp polar air that had driven away the low clouds made the traffic noises, and my footsteps, abnormally loud. I trod warily, moving past each of the parked cars as if looking for my own. I need not have been so cautious. I saw them fifty yards ahead and long before they might have seen me. It was an orange Ford: black vinyl top, rear-window slats and that absurd spoiling device to stop the rear wheels lifting at speeds above Mach One. Frazer. There were undoubtedly others like it, but this was Frazer's car. The long whip aerial and finally the silhouetted triangle of the Admiralty permit on the windscreen confirmed it. It would be just like Frazer to want a mileage allowance instead of using a car from their pool.
There was a girl with him. They were smoking and talking, but they were situated perfectly to watch the entrance to number eighteen.
They say that on his deathbed, Voltaire, asked to renounce the devil, said, âThis is no time to be making new enemies.' That's how I felt about Frazer, and whoever and whatever was behind him. I turned the ignition key and thought about home.