Stanton Unconditional (35 page)

“Josh,” she whispers as her body lifts off the bed to meet my face.

I smile into her, this is what I love. When she needs to be filled so badly that she starts to beg me for it.

“Josh, please baby.” She runs her hands over my head as her legs drop all the way to the mattress. My eyes close in pleasure as I inhale deeply.

I keep pumping her hard so that the bed starts to move and she starts to really writhe.

“Josh. Now!” she demands.

“I need to watch, presh,” I whisper as I sit up. I remove my boxers and sit towards the side of the bed. “Face the mirror my beautiful girl.” She frowns and then sits in front of me, her back to my front. I arrange her body to lie back over mine and spread her legs wide to hook over my legs.

“Watch,” I whisper. Her breath catches as she looks into the mirror and sees her beautiful pink vagina spread out in front of our eyes. My cock lies hard beneath her opening. I can see it weeping from here. I bring my hand over her shoulder and down to her beautiful wet opening and slowly start to run my fingers through her dripping flesh. Her eyes stay riveted on the mirror. My eyes are locked on the beautiful woman lying open for me in the mirror, her breasts rise and fall as she gasps for breath, the shadowing on her stomach, the pink colouring of her opening. The second opening … I want to be in there. I need to fuck that beautiful ass so badly. She’s not ready for me there yet, I have to remind myself that every time I take her. I can’t wait for the day when she is. I bring my finger up from her and put it into her mouth, she sucks it as her eyes close.

“Touch yourself,” I whisper.

Her scared eyes meet mine in the mirror and I smile as I kiss her. “It’s ok, presh, it’s just you and me here. You can be yourself with me. You know I love to watch you baby and we need to start doing things my way,” I whisper as I bite her neck. “You want to please me, don’t you?”

I kiss her deeply over her shoulder and she shakes her head nervously.

“I want you to put your fingers into that beautiful tight cunt of yours,” I whisper into her neck as I watch her in the mirror. Her breath catches and she brings her hand around and starts to run them through her lips. I can smell her arousal and I crack my neck hard.

“In,” I whisper, “put them in.” My cock starts to thump with need. I watch as her index finger disappears into her body and my breath catches as her eyes close. “Two,” I whisper. Her eyes hold mine as she adds another finger and I nearly come on the spot. My cock starts to throb with such velocity that I can hardly sit still. “In and out,” I breathe as I run my hands over her body and start to squeeze her nipples. She starts to pulse her fingers in and out as her eyes close. The visual runs through my head of me taking her anally in this position as she does this, and it makes me clench to stop myself from orgasming. I have never been with a hotter woman, she is on fire. She reaches down and picks up my penis and feeds it into her. Both of our eyes are locked onto the mirror as my cock slowly disappears into her body, she moans softly and I bite my lip hard to stop myself from coming. I can’t control it anymore. I pick up her legs and hold them back as I start to lift off the bed to give her what we so desperately both need. Her head drops back to my shoulder as I pound into her as hard as I can. She starts to hold herself off the bed on straightened arms so I can grab her hips and really piston into her. The sight of her open as my penis pounds into her body and the feeling of her deep internal muscles contracting around my cock tips me over the edge and I cry out.

“Keep fucking going,” she moans, chasing her own orgasm and I give her everything I have until she screams out and falls back onto my chest and we both fall to the mattress.

Her tongue swipes through my open lips. I will never tire of the perfect intimacy between us.

“I love you,” I breathe.

She giggles into my neck. “You are the Lamborghini of all Lamborghinis and I love you.”

I smile as I gently pull out, we both lie silent and try to catch our breath as we look at each other and I smile broadly.

“What?” she whispers shyly.

“You like to watch too.” I smile.

She bites her lip as she giggles. “You are a bad influence on me, Mr Stanton.”

I lean in and kiss her passionately. I love this woman. We lie in each other’s arms for another ten minutes.

“I’m having a shower,” Tash whispers as she kisses me again quickly on the lips. “I smell like semen.”

I smile and rub my hand over her ass. “I like you smelling like my semen.”

“Shower,” she repeats.

“Hmm,” I sigh as I put the back of my forearm over my eyes. “Meet you in there presh.” She stands and I roll and grab her ass. “Seconds?” I raise a brow in question.

“Hmm, later.” She smiles as she jumps up and leaves the room, I hear the shower turn on and I lie in the silence for a moment as my heart rate slows. God, she’s incredible. I have never had sex like I have with her. We are so compatible. I start to doze in a hazy state of contentment.

“Joshua, get in here,” she yells and I smile with my eyes closed. Demanding thing. I swing my legs to get out of bed and accidentally knock her diary off the bedside table and onto the floor. I yawn as I bend and pick it up. This is the new one that I haven’t read. I open a random page and smile as I start to read.

“Joshua!” she calls.

Joshua told me last night that he only wants to have sex and has no intention of picking up where we left off. I’m gutted, in tears as I write this, I thought everything was going to turn out between us. It’s becoming more apparent every day that he doesn’t feel the same as I do. Maybe he never has?

Guilt hits me in the stomach. The night in the restaurant—I remember it well. Why am I such a selfish prick? I shake my head in disgust at myself.

“Josh I’m washing myself,” she calls and I smile again as I continue reading.

I think the girls might be right when they say I will one day regret not sleeping with anyone else. I wish I could release myself from Joshua’s grip … for just one night. I want to feel another man’s hands on me … inside of me.

Pain lances through my chest. What?

I already know I will never be able to betray him like that. I belong to him and I guess it is something that I will die wondering about. How does it feel to have sex with someone you don’t love? To have no emotional connection. No pain when they leave. I want it so badly but I love Joshua more. I will stay loyal to him forever, even if he doesn’t want me. The sick thing is even if we get back together deep down I know I will always wish I had done it when I had the chance. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

I snap the diary shut in a rush and put my hand over my mouth as nausea fills my stomach. She craves another man’s touch. I drop my head into my hands as I sit on the side of the bed, and a lump forms in my throat. I had no idea she felt like this … I just assumed. After every sacrifice she has made for me over the years she still craves another man’s touch and no matter how hard I try that is something I cannot give her.

I look out the window as we turn into the hospital. It’s Monday morning and Joshua is dropping me at work. We have a security car in front and one behind us. I bite my bottom lip as I study him.

“Is something wrong?” I ask as I reach over and run my hand up the back of his neck.

He frowns and his eyes flick to me. “No, why do you say that?”

I shrug. “You’re just quiet.”

He smiles softly as he reaches over, picks up my hand and kisses the back of it. “I will be happy when this psycho doesn’t get off today.”

I nod uncomfortably. “Me too, do you think he will?” Coby Allender’s bail hearing is going to court today. Max is going to watch in the public gallery.

He shakes his head in frustration and shrugs his shoulders. “Hope so.”

I continue to watch him, that’s not it. “Are you sure that’s all it is? You have been quiet all weekend and you have hardly eaten a thing since Friday.”

He frowns at me as he chews his thumbnail. “Natasha, a serial killer who has possibly stolen your vibrator and a sexual blackmail case against me is a reason to worry, don’t you think?” he snaps.

I nod sympathetically. “Yes, you’re right. Sorry.” We pull into the drop-off area and my guard gets out of the car behind us.

“Don’t leave the hospital, okay?” He runs his hand up my thigh.

I smile softly as I nod. “Okay,” I whisper.

“Take the guard with you if you leave your office.”

I smile again.

“What?” he frowns.

“You’re very cute when you get all over-protective.” I smile.

“I mean it, do as you’re told. This is serious.” He frowns.

“Yes boss,” I whisper as I lean in to kiss him. “Will you ring me when you hear from Max?”

“If the murderer gets off, I am coming to get you straight away,” he snaps.

“Oh god, Joshua, now you’re being a drama queen.” I run my hand through his stubble. “I love you,” I whisper.

His face drops and his eyes search mine. “I love you too,” he whispers as he forces a smile.

I narrow my eyes at him. “Why do you look at me like that when I tell you I love you?” I ask.

He frowns. “Like what?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Nothing. I will see you when you pick me up.”

He nods. “See you then.”

“Do you want to go out for dinner?” I ask hopefully.

“No,” he answers.

“Why?”

“You know why—it’s like sitting in a goldfish bowl with all the security surrounding us. I don’t enjoy going out at the moment.”

“Are you going to let us be prisoners in my apartment for the rest of our lives?” I sigh. “You think I like this shit!” he snaps.

“Whatever,” I sigh. “See you tonight.” I exit the car in a rush and he waits until I walk into the building. God, he’s so bloody wound up at the moment.

Eight o’clock that night we are sprawled on my lounge watching television as I eat chocolate ice cream. My feet are on Joshua’s lap and he is deep in thought. I can tell by the way he is running the side of his pointer finger back and forth over his lips, his elbow resting on the side rest.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask.

He looks towards me as I pull him from his thoughts. “Just how I would do anything to make you happy.” He picks up my foot and kisses the top of it and smirks at me.

I smile and guilt runs through me. He is trying so hard but I know deep down he is devastated about leaving his life in LA and Willowvale. When I put the pieces together I realised that he has not been himself since he told the boys he is moving here.

“Josh … I’ve been thinking about it.” I bite my lip as I contemplate whether I am doing the right thing.

He raises an eyebrow in question.

“You know I love you too much to let you sacrifice for me.”

His face drops. “What do you mean?”

“I know you don’t want to leave LA,” I answer.

He rolls his lips as he thinks. “You have sacrificed enough for me over the years, presh … it’s my turn.”

I smile sadly. “I don’t want you to ever sacrifice to be with me, Joshua.”

He smiles and kisses my foot again. His eyes hold mine.

“I will move to LA,” I blurt out.

He frowns.

“But … I want Mum and the girls to have unlimited plane tickets to visit me.”

He frowns. “Tash, you love Sydney.”

I smile. “No Josh. I love you and if that means moving to the moon to be with you, then so be it.” I shovel a large spoon of ice cream into my mouth.

He swallows and turns back to the television, seemingly deep in thought.

“Why do you want to move to LA?” he asks.

“Because you have been miserable since you decided to move here and I want you to be happy.”

He narrows his eyes and turns back to the television and scratches his head in frustration.

“We will move to LA on one condition.” His eyes bore into mine.

“What’s the condition?” I frown.

“I want you to sleep with someone else.”

Chapter 28

I
sit up in
a rush. “What the hell are you talking about?” I snap.

“I want you to sleep with someone else.”

I screw up my face. “Have you gone mad?”

“I know you want to.”

I shake my head in disgust. “No I don’t, that’s ridiculous.”

“I read it in your diary.”

My mouth drops open in shock. Dear god, what have I written? “Those diaries are private, Joshua.”

“But in black and white, nonetheless.” His eyes dare me to deny it.

“I don’t want to sleep with someone else. That’s ridiculous. How could you think such a thing?”

“Why would you write something like that if you didn’t mean it?”

I shake my head in disgust and get up in a rush. “I was venting. I don’t even remember writing that. You don’t take it literally.” I’m outraged, how dare he use this against me.

“I do,” he snaps.

“Oh right, so we are going to break up … is this your pathetic excuse to cause trouble with us again? Haven’t we had enough shit!” I scream as frustration pumps through my veins.

“No, quite the opposite. I am going to leave you for a week and you are going to,” he shakes his head at his inability to say it out loud, “do it.” He closes his eyes as if in pain. “And then we will leave for LA and start our life together. With no regrets.”

“You are an idiot if you think I could possibly sleep with someone else,” I scream. “Do you even know me at all?”

“You are going to!” He screams back. “I haven’t slept since Friday knowing this is how you feel.”

“What!” I shake my head in disbelief as my heart drops. “This is what you have been stressed about,” I whisper gently as empathy for my beautiful man fills me.

He fakes a smile. “Reading that your girlfriend wants another man’s hands on her … inside of her … will do that to a man.” He drops his head in sadness.

My heart drops as I rush and wrap my arms around him. “Baby, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to. I would never do that to you.”

“I know you wouldn’t and that’s why I’m giving you permission.” He pulls me into an embrace. “It will have no effect on our relationship or my love for you. I know you love me. I’m asking you to do this for me.”

I shake my head into his chest as tears fill my eyes. I feel so guilty for making him feel like this.

“Josh, you are all I could ever want. Stop talking please. I don’t even want to talk about this.”

“Tash, when I leave here in the morning I am not coming back for a week and you have a hall pass to sleep with one man.” He pulls my face up to meet his and he wipes my tears. “Just fucking one.”

“I’m not doing it,” I stammer.

“Natasha, listen to me. I know I could never settle down with you if I had never slept around. Curiosity would have got the better of me in the end. I can’t expect of you what I couldn’t do myself. I have thought hard and long about this and I know it’s the right thing to do.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Natasha … it’s once, it is between us and nobody will ever know. I appreciate you will be discreet and not tell the girls.”

I step back in shock, he’s serious. “Do you want to sleep with someone else? Is that why you are doing this!” I scream. “Do you want a hall pass?”

He smiles sadly and shakes his head. “Tash, I will not leave my hotel for the week. You have my word. I don’t want anyone else.”

“This isn’t you. You would never allow this!” I scream.

“I don’t want to be the man that you think I am!” He throws his arms up in the air in anger. “Who am I, Natasha?” He screams so loud that he makes me jump.

I frown as confusion grips me.

“The rich, dominant, cage-fighting male who controls his woman!” he yells in frustration. “Is that all I am?”

The tears start to overflow my eyes. “Baby,” I whisper gently as I reach for him. “I love that man. I don’t want you to change, Josh, not ever.”

“I don’t want to be the man who deprives you and controls you,” he whispers as his eyes search mine. “I want to be the man who gives you everything that you want, the man who loves you unconditionally.” His eyes cloud over and I feel the tears start to run freely down my cheeks.

“You do … you are all I could ever want.” I shake my head in frustration. “How could you even think that what we have is insignificant?”

He shakes his head. “You are misunderstanding me, presh.” He tucks my hair behind my ear gently and wipes a tear away from my cheek. “I know you love me,” he says gently. “This is my way of proving to you and myself that I am worthy of your love. That our love is indestructible. That sex is sex and love is love and that you know without a doubt the difference between the two.”

“Josh I know.”

He gives me a small smile. “My mind is made up. I have thought long and hard about this. Tomorrow I leave you for a week, and I will never ask a question about what you do in this week … I don’t want to know.” He hangs his head. “But I will assume that you will do as I ask.” His eyes bore into mine and with renewed purpose he gets up in a rush and goes to the shower to cut the conversation short.

I slump into the lounge chair as my heart pounds heavily in my chest. Now I have heard it all. Joshua Stanton is the biggest mindfuck in the history of the human world. Sleep with someone else—who is he kidding, as if?

“Turkey, swiss cheese and cranberry on rye please, with a skim cap, no sugar,” I mutter flatly to the cashier in the hospital cafeteria as I look into the glass refrigeration cabinet. I’m flat, oh so flat. It is Tuesday lunchtime and I haven’t spoken to Joshua since he left me yesterday morning in what was the worst goodbye you could possibly imagine. Since the time he told me that he wanted me to be with someone else he wouldn’t touch me, he would only cuddle me and even pulled away from kissing me. His way of distancing himself from me … and sending me quietly insane. The sick thing is that if I am completely honest with myself … and I don’t want to be … what he said actually rings true and I feel sick to my stomach. I have regretted not sleeping with someone else and knowing the difference first hand between love and sex … and if I knew one hundred per cent that I wouldn’t hurt him and it would have no consequence on our relationship, I would do it in a heartbeat. I eat my lunch in silence as I look out the window, deep in thought about the conversation we had, a cloud of dread hanging heavily over my head. He said that he could never have settled down if he hadn’t slept around and that he couldn’t ask me to do what he wouldn’t be able to do himself. How many women has he slept with over the years? In ten years’ time will I look back and regret not doing this when I already know I regret it now. Why do I feel like this? I’m so confused. But on the flip side I am so proud of myself that I have only been with someone I love … but then that was never my intention. I never set out to do that, it just happened that way. I put my fingers to my temples as I think. I wish I could talk to the girls about this but I promised Joshua it is just between us and I know he is not telling the boys about it either. He is protecting my privacy, my decision. I don’t think I have ever loved him more than I do now, to know that he would sacrifice what he wants to give me a choice is overwhelming. My eyes tear up at the thought. True unconditional love is what he is offering … and deep down that is all I have ever wanted … truly craved.

So why when I am so in love with Joshua does my mind keep going back to Jesten?