Star (52 page)

“She’s leaving Zeb with us?” Hiroko nodded and Boyd was touched. It was the ultimate sign of how much she trusted them. They knew how desperately Crystal loved her son, and in June, Crystal cried constantly for a week before she left him. It was like tearing her heart from her soul, but she knew she had to do it, for his sake. It was better now than ten years later, and by then it would be too late for her. By Hollywood standards, she wasn’t getting any younger.

“What if he forgets me?” she cried softly to her friend, as Hiroko watched her agonize about leaving him. She wondered if she would be able to do it.

But on a clear day in June, she kissed him for a last time, and stood for a long time on the porch in the morning sun, looking out over her land, feeling the same tug at her heart she always felt when she looked at the earth left to her by her father. She held Zebediah close to her, and smelled the sweetness of his flesh, and then with a strangled sob, she handed him to Hiroko.

“Take good care of him….” He cried and stretched out his arms. He had never been away from her for a single hour since his birth. And now she was leaving him. She had promised to come back as soon as she could, but her finances wouldn’t allow her to come back often.

Boyd drove her into town, and watched her get on the bus. She wheeled and hugged him again, her eyes filled with tears as he held her. “Take care of my baby. …”

“He’ll be all right. Just take care of yourself.” He
couldn’t help but think of the disasters that had befallen her before, but this time she was older and smarter.

She stopped in San Francisco for a day to buy clothes, and she was careful with her purchases. She had to be cautious with the little money she had, and this time she knew exactly what she needed. She bought dresses that showed off her figure without being vulgar, and realized how thin she had gotten working on the ranch. In jeans, she never thought of it, but now she could see how much weight she’d lost, but it only made her legs look longer, her waist smaller, and her bust fuller. She bought hats that accented her face, and high-heeled shoes she could hardly walk in. And she stopped to see Harry and Pearl, and she had dinner with them. She sang for them at the restaurant one night, just to see how it would feel, for old times’ sake, and she was surprised she could still do it. But being there again reminded her of the night Spencer had found her there after his engagement. Everything everywhere always reminded her of him. She only hoped that L.A. wouldn’t remind her of Ernie.

She arrived in Hollywood the next day, and felt like a forgotten face. No one seemed to notice her as she checked into a cheap hotel. She was just another pretty girl coming to Tinsel Town to be discovered.

She waited one day, to get her bearings, and she called home twice. Zeb was fine, he was eating well, and he had gone back to the big house looking for her, but Jane had followed him and brought him back, and Hiroko insisted that he seemed happy. And on the following morning, with trembling hands, she dialed one of the agents she had met years before. It had been five years since she’d first come to L.A. with Pearl, but this time she knew what she was doing. He gave her an appointment and she went to see him that afternoon, but he was blunt with her.

“I couldn’t give you away, if you want to know the truth.”

“Why?” Her eyes were wide and sad, but she was still breathtaking as he looked at her. It was a damn shame, but it was the truth. He couldn’t use her.

“You killed a guy. This is a funny town. Everyone would do anything they could to anyone, and they’ve got the ethics of a dog in heat. But when it comes to the morals clause in their contracts, the studios want virgins. They want everyone to stay clean, act nice. You can’t be queer, or crazy, or act horny. You get knocked up, you shack up with someone’s wife, you kill someone God forbid, and it’s all over. Take my advice, sweetheart, go back to where you been for the last two years and forget it.”

It was as simple as he said, and she thought of taking his advice. But she had enough money to stay for at least two months, and she wasn’t ready to give up yet. She saw three more agents the next week, and they told her the same thing, although in slightly subtler terms. But the message was the same. Her Hollywood career was over. They admitted that her last two movies had been good, and her voice was great, and all of the directors she’d worked with had liked her, but in spite of all of that, the studios wouldn’t touch her.

Two weeks after she’d arrived, it was a blisteringly sunny day and she sat wilting in a restaurant drinking lemonade and she saw one of the men she had starred with. He stared at her from afar at first, and then he walked slowly toward her.

“Crystal, is that you?” She nodded and took off her hat, and smiled. He’d been a kind man despite his fame, and he’d been nice to work with.

“Yes. At least I think so. How’ve you been, Lou?”

“I’ve been okay. Where the hell have you been all this time?”

“Gone.” They both knew why, but he didn’t mention the trial or Ernie’s murder.

“What are you doing here? Are you working on a picture?” He hadn’t heard that she was back in town, he hadn’t seen it in the trades, and they’d never been close, but he liked her. He’d always thought it was too bad that things went wrong for her. She’d been a pro, and he’d always thought she’d make it big one day. But so had Ernie.

She laughed and shook her head. “No, I’m not working.” There was a look of resignation in her eyes when she answered him. “No one will touch me.”

“The guys play rough here.” He had had his own problems over rumors that he was gay. And he had had to marry his lover’s sister. Now everything was fine again. No one was willing to accept the truth in Hollywood. You had to play by their rules or forget it. “Who’s your agent?”

“Same story.”

“Shit.” He sat down in an empty chair, wishing he could help her, and then he had a thought. “Have you gone to any of the directors directly? Sometimes that works. If they want you, they twist the right arms, and presto magic, the phone rings and you’re working.”

She shook her head again. “I think in my case, it may not be quite that simple.”

“Look … where are you staying?” She told him and he jotted it down on a napkin. “Don’t do anything. Don’t move. I’ll call you.” He felt so damn sorry for her as he walked away, he knew how touchy it was, but she didn’t expect him to help and she didn’t expect him to call her.

She had all but given up two weeks later, and she was aching for Zeb, as the phone rang in her stifling hotel room. It was late July, and she was ready to give up and
go home. There was no point staying there through August. But when she answered the phone, it was Lou … “Got a pencil, Crystal? Write this down.” He gave her two names, one was a director, and the other a very well-known producer. They made the kind of films that won Academy Awards and she almost laughed at him for suggesting that she call them. “Look, I talked to both of them, they’re great guys. The director wasn’t sure how much he could do for you, but he wants to try. But Brian Ford told me to be sure to have you call him.”

“I don’t know, Lou. I think I’ve given up, but thanks.”

“Look,” he sounded annoyed, “if you don’t call them, you’ll embarrass me. I told them you really want to work again. Now do you or don’t you?”

“I do … but … do they know about the trial?”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed ruefully. Sixteen people had told him to tell her to go to hell. They knew. They all did. “Just give it a whirl. What have you got to lose except empty pockets?” He was right, and she called both the next morning. Frank Williams was honest with her, he said it would be nearly impossible for her to find work, but he offered to give her a fresh screen test, and if it was worth anything, she could use it. She decided to do that first, and once they had it, she’d call the producer. The first screen test they did was weak, she was nervous and felt as though she’d forgotten everything she once knew. But Frank insisted they try again, and this one was better. He stood watching it critically with her and told her what she’d done wrong. She knew she needed a coach again, but she couldn’t afford one. She wondered if it was even worthwhile calling Brian Ford. The screen test wasn’t great, she was tired and hot, and she had an ugly past behind her. But again for Lou’s sake, she called, so that his efforts wouldn’t have been for nothing. And at least this way she could tell him that she
tried before she went home to her ranch and her baby. She was almost glad it hadn’t worked. She couldn’t stand being away from him any longer.

Brian Ford’s secretary gave her an appointment for the following afternoon, and seemed to know who she was. And the next day, Crystal took a taxi to his office. It was in North Hollywood and she watched the meter nervously. She had forgotten that taxis were that expensive. She’d been in town for exactly five weeks, and her meager funds were dwindling quickly. She was almost afraid to eat some days, and with the heat and missing Zeb, she was never hungry.

The secretary asked her to wait, and it seemed to take forever, and finally she ushered her in. Crystal was wearing a white dress with a long slit in a narrow skirt, and she had brushed her platinum hair until it shone, and for once she had worn it hanging straight down her back as she had done long ago as a child in the summer. She was wearing high-heeled white sandals and she carried gloves, but she wore almost no makeup. She was tired of dressing up, of pretending she was something she wasn’t. She wanted to go home and put on her jeans, and this was the last stop. She just wanted to get it over with and go home, and there was some of that in her eyes as the secretary ushered her into Ford’s office. It was a huge, beautifully decorated room, with Oscars lined up on a shelf along one wall, a fireplace, a huge glass desk, and a thick gray carpet. As he watched her cross the room, she was aware of a powerful man with snow-white hair, sharp blue eyes, and when he stood up, she saw that he was a giant. He stood six feet five, and he had a deep melodious voice. A long time in the past, he had been an actor. But he had decided early on that other things intrigued him more than learning lines. He had been a director at twenty-five, and ten years later he was producing
major movies. And now at fifty-five, he had two decades of film history behind him. He had been making fine films for years, and was respected by everyone. Crystal was sharply aware of what an honor it was that he was even seeing her, which showed only how much respect and affection he had for Lou.

He smiled at her easily, invited her to sit down, offered her a cigarette which she refused, and lighted one himself, narrowing his eyes as he watched her. He looked as though he should have been riding a horse, or walking through the fields as her father had, instead of sitting behind a desk, producing movies. He had none of the glib, shiny ways of the late Ernesto Salvatore. This man was both dignified and important.

“Lou tells me you’ve had a rough time since you got back.” She nodded, she didn’t even feel nervous with him. He seemed almost like a father.

“I guess I expected it.” And they both knew why, but he was polite enough not to mention it.

“Any luck at all?” He narrowed his eyes in the smoke of his own cigarette, as she shook her head.

“None. I’m going home tomorrow.”

“That’s too bad. I came up with an idea for you.” But she wasn’t even sure she cared. Anything she did here would keep her from Zeb, and she had decided that wasn’t what she wanted. “We’re putting together a new film right now. I’d like to write in a small part for you. Just to get your feet wet again. Nothing big. But it might give us a chance to see what kind of reaction you get.”

“Is it a studio film?” She knew by then they wouldn’t let her work, no matter how small the part, but he shook his head as he looked at her. Frank Williams had already shown him her test and he liked it.

“No, I’m making it as an independent. They’ll handle the distribution for us of course. But they can’t say anything
about who’s in the picture.” He had even thought about suggesting a new name for her, but he didn’t really want to. No matter what else she’d done, Crystal Wyatt had begun to be known as a very fine actress. “Do you want to give it some thought? We’re not starting till September.”

“Would you want me to sign a contract with you?”

He smiled and shook his head again. “Only for this picture. I’m not in the business of owning slaves.” She knew then that he knew her history with Ernie, and he was willing to let her work anyway. She felt a wave of gratitude wash over her, and she was tempted to try it.

“Can I think about it for a few days?” But they both knew it was the only chance she’d get. She wasn’t being coy with him, she just wanted to decide if leaving Zeb again was worth it.

He shook her hand again, and walked her out, and she felt strangely comfortable with him. Lou had been right. Brian Ford was a nice man and he was opening the door to her to get back into pictures. She lay awake and thought about it all that night, and then she called him back the next morning and accepted his offer. He sounded pleased with the news, and told her he’d send her the contract and the script.

“Have a lawyer check the contract out for you.” Again, a far cry from Ernie. “You don’t have to be on the set till September fifteenth.” Which was the best news she’d heard all week. She could go home to Zeb for August and half of September. She called Lou and thanked him and got the name of his lawyer who took care of the contract. Then she flew home that afternoon after giving the Ford office her address. And that night she was on the bus back to the valley. She was still touched by how kind Brian Ford had been to her, and as she sat in her kitchen holding her baby in her arms that night, she
smiled to herself. It had worked! She’d done it! But the best part was being home with him. For six weeks she ran and played with him, never leaving him for more than a few moments.

Boyd and Hiroko were excited for her, and six weeks later she flew south again. The part was small, but Ford had seen to it that it was a good one. He wanted her to do well. He thought she had talent, and he liked her.