Star (49 page)

“He always did. What about the ranch? Are you going to sell it?”

“That’s up to you now. It was always too much for me, but your daddy left it so I couldn’t do anything except live here till I died. And then it’s yours. Becky was mighty mad for a while. But she’s got a good life now. A good man. Did you know that Tom died in Korea?”

“I heard.” But her mind was racing over what her mother had just said. She sat down carefully in the rocking chair near the bed, and gingerly reached out for her mother’s hand. Olivia didn’t object, she just left it there, like a little twig in Crystal’s fingers. “What do you mean about the ranch?”

“It’s yours. That’s how he wanted it. I got tenancy for life, I think they called it, something like that. But after
that he wanted you to have all of it. He said you were the only one who ever cared about it.” And as she listened, her eyes filled with tears. Her father had left the ranch to her, and they had never said a word. They had let her leave, without telling her that one day the ranch would be hers. “You can even stay in the cottage now, if you want. No one’s used it in years. I won’t be long,” she said, and withdrew her hand. “It’ll be yours anytime now.”

“Don’t talk like that. Is anyone cooking for you?”

“Yeah. Some of the girls from church still come around. I got plenty here, and Dr. Goode comes twice a day, he brings his nurse with him most times.” But she closed her eyes then, she was too tired to talk any longer. And as she drifted off to sleep, Crystal stood and looked down at her, the woman who had caused her so much pain, who had never been able to understand her or love her, who had kept the secret from her for all this time. It was hard to feel much for her now, except pity. She was almost gone. And then, all this would be Crystal’s. It was incredible. She quietly left the room and found Spencer standing there. She signaled to him to leave, and as they walked outside, she sat down on the front steps and stared at him in amazement. “You’re not going to believe what I just heard.” “She’s forgiven you everything.” He smiled, and she smiled back.

“No, it’s too late for that. She’s too sick even to care about all that.” She looked out over the fields that were almost hers, and felt a warm surge of love for the land, which was precisely why her father had left it to her. And then she remembered his last words, “… don’t ever give this up … the ranch …” And she had felt so guilty when she’d left it. She looked back at Spencer again. “My father left me the ranch when he died, and
they never said anything. I guess that’s why they hated me so much. Because he left it all to me.” She looked as though she was in shock. Seeing her mother again after all these years, and now this. She shook her head and stood up slowly again. “What am I going to do with all of this?”

“Live here, have a good life. It’s a beautiful place. Or it was once, and it could be again one day. I bet the vineyards are profitable as hell. And maybe even the corn.”

“Spencer,” she smiled up at him suddenly. “I’m home.”

“Yes, you are,” he smiled. “You sure as hell are. And you didn’t even want to come here today.” They both smiled, and then remembered the woman dying in the house. They walked slowly back to the car, wondering where to go next.

“She said we could stay at the cottage if we want.”

“We?” he smiled. “Did she know I was here?”

“No … all right … she said I could. But I’m sure it’s a mess.” And she didn’t want to be there while her mother was dying. “Let’s go away somewhere, and come back here later.” He nodded and they walked back to the car. They drove to the gas station then, said good-bye to Boyd and told him they’d be back. And he called them that night at the hotel where they were staying. Crystal had called Hiroko to leave her the number. Her mother had died, shortly after they left. And Crystal sat quietly for a long time, trying to decide what she felt. It wasn’t sorrow or loss, or even anger anymore. Almost everything was gone, except a distant memory of the woman she’d known when she was a child. And now the ranch was hers, just as her father had wanted. She had no idea what she’d do with it. But at least she had somewhere to live now.

She and Spencer went back the next day, and two days
later her mother was buried with the others. Crystal hesitated for two days while they stayed with Hiroko and Boyd, and then finally decided to move into the main house on the ranch and even stayed in her old room with Spencer. Her old bed was still there, and the floor still creaked just where she remembered it. In an odd way, nothing had changed. And yet everything had, as they walked across the fields at sunset that night, to the place where they had met, and he smiled as he looked down at her. It was strange how life went sometimes. Crystal still couldn’t get over it. Only a few days before she’d had nothing in the world, and now she had the ranch her father had left her.

As the sun set, they kissed, and walked back to the house, hand in hand, grateful for the precious moments they had shared, as softly, like a dim memory, Crystal began singing.

Spencer rode over most of the ranch with her the following day. Much of it was overgrown and there were no more ranch hands. Only the vineyards were still halfway well kept, and there were two Mexicans working as they rode past them.

They swam in the stream she had loved as a child, and sat wrapped in blankets afterward, laughing and huddled together, as she sang the songs she had sung with her father. And for a moment she felt guilty, as though she were laughing on her mother’s grave, but it wasn’t like that. Her mother had been dead to her years before, and the ranch was a final gift from her father.

When they went back to the house, she put the old kettle on, and it brought back visions of her grandmother in her clean white apron. She told Spencer about some of her earliest memories, and he listened raptly. And finally, they talked about Washington, and when he would go back there.

“What about Elizabeth?” They both knew he had to
make a decision. But the decision would come of its own if he stayed long enough with Crystal. He couldn’t imagine leaving her again, and they both knew he didn’t want to. He hadn’t seen Elizabeth in three months, and he was almost sure now that with a little pressure from him she’d divorce him. It was too embarrassing for her to have him drop everything in Washington, and stay in California with Crystal. And Crystal wanted him to stay with her, but she wanted the decision to be his. She didn’t want him to give up his life in Washington, if it was what he wanted. She had nothing to offer him in comparison to the life he’d lived with Elizabeth and the Barclays. She had learned the day before that the ranch barely supported itself now. She would be able to survive there, but compared to Elizabeth, she had nothing. All she had was her love for him, and all that she had felt for him since Becky’s wedding.

He remembered to call the senator back that afternoon, and she washed the dishes while Spencer placed the call. She was listening to the radio, and she looked up when she heard him hang up the phone. She smiled at him, and wiped her hands on the new jeans she’d bought. “What was it?”

He stared at her. Strange things were happening to them. The junior senator from California had been following her trial avidly, and he wanted Spencer to come to work as his aide when he got back to Washington, which he hoped would be soon. He had an important job for him, handling his campaign, and for once, it wasn’t even thanks to Justice Barclay.

“Is that what you want?” she asked him after he’d explained. It was a prestigious job and one he knew he’d love, but he didn’t want to go back to Washington and leave her. He wanted to be there with her, in the Alexander Valley.

“It would have been just what I wanted six months ago. I would have given my right arm for that.” He sat down in one of the old kitchen chairs and she poured him a cup of coffee. “But now, I don’t know. I’d rather be here with you.” He pulled her down onto his lap and looked at her, still amazed at the senator’s offer.

“What did you tell him?” She was watching his face carefully. She needed to know what was best for him and what he really wanted.

“I said I’d call him next week when I got back. He’s flying back to Washington tomorrow afternoon. I can’t believe he’s serious, but he must have been.” From disaster they had both earned wondrous blessings. “But where does that leave us? Would you come with me?” He had almost forgotten Elizabeth. Right now only Crystal seemed important.

“That’s not the point right now. Where does that leave you is more important.” He sipped the steaming brew and looked at her pensively and admitted that it was what he had always wanted. Suddenly the political horizon was opening up to him, but too late, he had Crystal now. He didn’t want to lose her again, not even for a job like the one he’d just been offered. But as she listened to him talk about the world of politics, she knew how much he loved it. And she also knew he would do well, with a wife like Elizabeth. But all his bright hopes would die, married to a woman like her, accused of Ernie’s murder. The scandal would have finished him, and then what would he have? The life of a farmer. He wasn’t cut out for that. He was meant for greater things, and that night when he made love to her, afterward he found her strangely quiet. He wondered what was bothering her, and thought maybe it was the house and her memories of it. It was all so worn out and sad, just as her mother had
been before she died. There was an aura of sorrow here, until one went outside, and saw the majesty of the valley.

“What are you thinking about?” He stroked her hair and held her close to him, and she smiled sadly up at him, lying in the narrow bed she had once shared with Becky.

“I was thinking that it’s time for you to go back to Washington and face the music.” It was the greatest sacrifice she’d ever make, but she knew she had to do it.

He slowly shook his head. “I don’t want to leave you again. We’ve both been through enough. We’ve earned this.”

She lifted herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. “This isn’t where you belong, my love. You’re meant for greater things than running an old ranch like this.” She was sure of it, but he didn’t want to hear it.

“And you’re not? Don’t be ridiculous. Three months ago you were a movie star, and now look at you. You’re back here, where you started.”

“That’s different, Spencer.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “That was all make-believe. What you do is important. You could be a great man one day. You might even run for president.” But not if she let him stay with her. Not here. Not anywhere, married to a murderess. She could cost him everything. And she wasn’t going to let him do it. He had to go back to Elizabeth. She was exactly the kind of wife he needed. “I want you to go back now.”

“Why?” He looked at her in amazement. “How can you say that?”

“Because you belong in Washington. You’re not finished yet. You have places to go, people to see, ideas yet unborn to share with people who need you. I’ve had a good time, but that’s all it was for me, fun, and at too high a price. I don’t want it anymore. You do. That’s the
difference.” She had seen the look in his eyes after he called the senator. She couldn’t deprive him of that. And she knew that if she did, one day he might hate her.

“And what do I do? Leave you here? Why don’t you come with me?” His eyes pleaded with her.

“To Washington?” She smiled.

“Why not?”

“Because I would destroy you in a minute, no matter how much I love you. Think of what I’m trailing behind me. I was accused of murder, Spencer. And all the jury said was that I did it in self-defense. They didn’t say I didn’t do it. Your career would be over the day I arrived in Washington, and you know it.”

“I won’t go back.” He pulled her down next to him and held her close, suddenly afraid that he would lose her.

But she spoke seriously in the dark, and her words frightened him. “I won’t let you stay here.”

“Why not?”

“Because it would destroy you.”

He didn’t answer her, and after she fell asleep he lay for a long time, just holding her and listening to her breathe, and he knew that if he left her, he would die, or a part of him would. Forever. But the next day she brought it up again, and she was adamant with him. And in the end, she knew what she had to do. She had to send him away, at any price, even if that meant telling him she didn’t love him. In the end, she didn’t have to go that far. All she told him was that she wasn’t ready to settle down with him. She wanted to be alone on her ranch, no matter how ungrateful that seemed after all he’d done for her. At twenty-four, after all she’d been through, she didn’t want to think of marriage. She said she needed to be alone on the ranch but he didn’t believe her. It reminded
him of when she’d called him a year and a half before and told him she didn’t love him, to save him from Ernie.

He looked devastated as they walked back to the house from the stream. “Why do you want to be alone here?”

“I just need to be. That’s all. I want to be alone to do my own thing. I have a right to that. Don’t I?” He looked wounded to the core, and she had to fight back tears all night as he held her. He argued with her for days, but she held her ground, and after a week of agony she knew she had convinced him. He was going to take the job in Washington, but he insisted he was going to fly back to see her often. She knew the kind of scandal that could create, and she vowed to herself she wouldn’t let him. She had to be strong for him. She knew that any hold she kept on him, any contact, any relationship, would destroy him. She was tainted now, and if he had been a different man, it would have been a different story. But his life was ahead of him, and his eyes lit up every time he talked about the new job in Washington with the senator from California. She couldn’t rob him of that, or all that might come of it. He could do great things one day, and she wasn’t going to be the one to stop him. She knew he belonged with Elizabeth too, no matter how much he argued with Crystal about it. And as Crystal thought of giving him up to her, she felt like a mother leaving her baby on a doorstep.