Starless Nights (Hale Brothers Series Book 2) (32 page)

I’M LOST IN my own personal hell as I retell this story. I almost forgot Leila was even here. I must have been on auto pilot because I realize that at some point, we’ve made our way over to the couch, and she’s kicked her boots off. She’s sitting in what I now refer to as her spot, with her legs curled up almost like she’s in a ball, trying to protect herself from my words. The expression from beneath her tears is one of pure horror, but then again, why wouldn’t it be?

“I remember waking up in the hospital after the fire lying on my stomach. Some machine was beeping and I could hear voices coming from outside my door. The lights in the room were so bright, and I tried to move my head but nothing was happening. I didn’t know why I was there or what was going on. In the midst of my mini panic about my surroundings, that’s when the smell hit me. I will never forget that smell. It haunts me,” I whisper. “It was a mixture of hospital antiseptics, smoke, and burnt skin. That’s when I remembered the fire.”

Leila sniffs next to me and wipes her face on her arm. I don’t have any Kleenex. It’s not something I’ve ever thought to buy. I’m still getting used to the whole shopping and living independently thing. Mom would have bought the tissues. I look around and my eyes zero in on the paper towels I have in the kitchen. I go grab her one and then return to finish the story.

“Images and flashbacks of the fire started stirring through my mind,” I tell her. “The beeping on the machine began to get louder and faster. I started crying. I was so afraid and worried about you. A nurse pushed through the door to my room and my mom was right behind her. She took one look at me and started crying too. I can remember thinking,
why is she crying?
I couldn’t see what the nurse was doing. It didn’t matter. I just kept my eyes on my mother. Pretty quickly after that my body started to relax. That nurse must have put something into the IV, but I remember whispering out your name and my mom telling me that you were fine and already back to Aunt Ella’s.” I smile softly at her, “I have never felt as much relief as I did in that moment. Knowing you were safe.”

Looking at Leila now, even after all these years, I would do it all over again. I saved her and I’m proud of that. There would be no question. I’d even take the scars again if it meant that she didn’t. I can’t imagine anything ever scarring her like that. She has the most beautiful flawless ivory skin. It’s always so soft and smells so good.

“I’m so sorry, Beau. I didn’t know any of that. Why didn’t anyone tell me?” She’s looking at me and there’s wonderment in her eyes. She wipes her nose again.

“I don’t know. All these years I thought you knew.”

I WATCH AS Beau walks into his room and into the closet. He’s headed for the roof. He needed to walk away from me. I understand this. After everything that was just said, I want to walk away from me too.

My eyes scan Beau’s loft. It looks different to me. He feels different to me. It’s like when you think you know someone but then realize that you really don’t. Whatever perceptions you had of them change, either for the better or the worse. I’ve been sitting here listening to how he saved me and I’m in awe.

Bits and pieces of his story replay in my mind. He was so brave and fearless to run in after me. The fire, the smoke, his broken arm, his dad . . . no one should have to experience the things in life that he has. All of a sudden, I feel like the worst person in the world.

Just thinking about Beau sitting up on the roof by himself, my stomach begins to ache. I don’t want him to be by himself anymore. I don’t ever want him to feel alone again. I want him to know that he has me in whatever capacity he wants me. Getting up off the couch, I grab the throw blanket, wrap it around me, and walk straight into his closet and up the stairs.

Pushing open the roof top door, I find him sitting in the middle of the couch. His head is lying on the back of it and his fingers are linked together and resting in his hair. His eyes are closed and he’s wearing a look of intense concentration. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

The chill in the air from the cold front swirls around me and I see that Beau has turned on the two outdoor heater lamps that are behind the couch.

I look up into the cloudy cold night and notice that there is a single star shining down on us. I wonder which one it is. I’m certain that Beau would know. The fact that it’s there though, in what is essentially a starless night, gives me hope. Hope that I have been hanging on to for so long.

He hears me approach him and his eyes connect with mine. They glisten brightly, and I can’t tell if it’s from unshed tears or just the onslaught of emotions from the last twenty-four hours. Either way, they are beautiful and tonight they are more whiskey than hazel.

Slowly he reaches out, grabs ahold of my arm, and pulls me between his legs. My heart squeezes and my tears return. Neither one of us says anything. Really, nothing more needs to be said tonight. Yes, there are still things that we need to talk about and I’m sure that both of us still have many questions, but right now, in this moment—the quietness of the connection to each other is more important.

Beau slowly sits up and leans forward. Letting out a sigh, he lays his head on my stomach, wraps his hands around the back of my legs, and just holds on to me. It’s such an affectionate move that the love I already feel for him swells even more.

He rolls his forehead and his face back and forth. The warmth of his breath seeps in through the fabric of my shirt, causing my stomach to tighten. My hands run up over his shoulders, neck, and my fingers tangle in his hair. His hair is so soft.

His hands drift up my legs, under my skirt, and his fingers slide under my underwear. He grips me and pulls me tighter to him.

I gasp at the unexpectedness of this but welcome his warm hands on me.

He leans back and watches me through hooded eyes as he slowly slides my underwear down my legs. I step out of them as they drop, and he pulls me toward him and sits back. Climbing onto his lap, I straddle his waist. Without even pausing his hand wraps around my head and his mouth crashes onto mine.

Beau is taking everything that I have to give in this kiss and he is unapologetic about it. He is owning it, claiming it, claiming me, and he’s kissing me like he’s making up for years of lost kisses.

His hands are running all over my body: my back, my neck, my head, my thighs, my waist, my ribcage, and his thumbs pause as they brush over the outer swell of my breasts.

“God, I love the way you taste,” he says against my lips.

Taking his face in my hands, leaving our mouths only inches apart, my eyes lock onto his. Both of us are breathing hard. I can feel how much I am affecting him and I can see the hunger in his eyes.

“I want you. I want all of you,” I whisper out.

Can he read between the lines? Does he understand what I’m saying? I want all of him—every single bit. I want his body, his heart, his good days and the bad. I want his fears and his dreams, and I desperately want him to be my future. He is my life. I’ve always wanted this.

Every day I think about him, and how different life would be if things had never changed between us. If there had never been a fire and if we had never moved, I’d like to think that we would have been together, always. I replay that conversation with his mother, on the day that we moved, over and over in my head and now looking back, I realize she lied to me. She’s been lying to me, to us, for years and I don’t know why.

Never breaking eye contact, Beau leans forward, reaches back, and pulls his wallet from his back pocket. My hands leave his face as I run them down his chest to the button on his jeans. Rising up on my knees, I pull down the zipper, and he shoves everything down.

I’ve never seen Beau naked. Well, actually he isn’t completely naked, but I’ve never seen this part of him. The only other time we were intimate, he was on top and it was the middle of the night.

Nerves are racing through me at the size of him. The irrational part of me says, there’s no way this is going to fit, but I remind myself that it already has. I reach out to touch him and he sucks in a sharp breath of air through his teeth.

Beau rips open the package and rolls on the condom. Gently he takes my hips and guides me over him to position himself.

“Are you sure about this?” he asks looking straight into my eyes.

I smile. This is the same question he asked me before. I love that he always cares enough to check in with my emotions, before anything happens or changes between us.

“I’m sure about you, yes.” There really is no other way to answer the question and the smile that lights up his face is breathtaking.

Slowly, I sit back down. He slides into me and as I fully seat myself on him, neither one of us move.

My hand vibrates on his chest with the intense pounding of his heart. His breathing is getting faster and I watch mesmerized as he licks his bottom lip. Every muscle in me squeezes at being so close to him again. A place I never thought that I would be.

Beau groans and his fingers grip into my hips. “Leila, you can’t do that or this will be over before it starts.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You are already so tight and you feel so good, when you squeeze it almost sends me over the edge.”

“Okay . . .” I giggle.

“Now is not the time for giggling,” he says, while smirking at me.

“I know, but . . . this . . . us . . . together, it makes me so happy.” I brush the hair off of his face and run my thumbs over his cheekbones. He is so beautiful.

“Me too Lei, me too.”

Slowly, he begins to move my hips forward, up, and down. He meets me in the middle of each thrust and it feels so good.

The emotions he brings out in me, are so close, so intimate, I could stay this way forever. I bend and kiss him hungrily, and instantly feel his hand at my cheek, pulling me closer. His mouth and his tongue match the pace of our hips.

I am lost in him. I am lost in this moment, and I smile to myself knowing that this is the second time we have come together under the night sky.

We rock against each other and the movement elicits a thousand sensations. I can’t imagine that anything could feel any better. Beau tightens his grip on my hips, picks me up and flips me over. I land on my back on the couch and he takes over.

I’m beyond turned on as he gathers my hands up in one of his, and pins them over my head, the other begins exploring every part of my body before settling underneath me. His rhythm is hypnotic as he pushes further into me, forcing my legs to widen.

“Oh god Lei, do you even know what you do to me . . .” he mumbles against my lips.

“Don’t stop . . . I want to do everything with you.”

He takes this as his cue, tucks his head into my neck, and loses himself in me. The rhythm, the force, the smell of him, this moment, all of it takes over. I feel like my skin is being warmed by the sun while snowflakes drop on it dozens at a time. Tingles are racing from one end of my body to another. I feel light headed and euphoric. He senses how my body is opening up and responding to him and he quickly follows me to that state of complete bliss.