Stay Well Soon (14 page)

Dad Ben thinks a bit. ‘No. I worry about people I care about dying, like when Rhys got sick, but I'm not scared of dying myself.'

‘Really?'

‘Yeah, sure. Anyway, Stevie, you're not going to die for a very long time.'

Dad Ben doesn't understand. ‘Who cares how long away it is? It's still going to happen and then I won't exist anymore.' My chest starts to feel tight again.

Dad Ben rubs his eyes. ‘You're right,' he says. ‘That was bull.'

He leans back against a pillow. ‘To tell you the truth, sometimes I am scared of dying.'

I knew it. Everyone is scared of dying. We are all just pretending to be happy.

‘But the thing is, Stevie, what can you do?' Dad Ben smiles and shakes his head.

‘Nothing,' I say. ‘We can't do anything. That's what scares me, that we can't stop it. And there's no point in doing anything if we're all just going to die anyway.'

‘It's true that we can't stop it. And you can't live forever. But you can choose what you want to do while you're alive. For example, we are going to die one day, but right now we can have a Milo,' he says. ‘Would that be good?'

I nod.

We go to the kitchen together and make the Milos and take them back to the lounge room.

‘Stevie?' says Dad Ben.

‘Dad Ben?'

‘Your mum wants me to talk to you about Rhys's money box.'

I look at my cup. A milky skin has formed on top of the Milo. I don't like the skin; I usually give it to Angel.

‘Did you take the money?' he asks.

I don't want to pretend anymore. ‘Yes.'

‘Why? Was there something you needed? You know I'd always help you out.'

‘You weren't here.'

‘I know. Sorry. Things between your Mum and me have been complicated. I wanted to come back when Rhys got sick but . . .'

Dad Ben looks like he feels bad so I say, ‘That's okay', even though it's not okay, it's been horrible here without him.

‘But what did you need the money for?'

‘I was just trying to save up.'

‘What for?'

‘A horse.' I add quickly, ‘I know it's dumb. I know I'll never have a horse.'

‘Of course you'll have a horse if you want one. When I was your age I wanted a motorbike, and now I've got one.'

‘But that was ages ago! I can't wait that long.'

‘At least you've got something to look forward to.'

I sip my Milo. Dad Ben makes Milo really strong; he doesn't try to save Milo like Mum does. It is delicious.

‘Lara doesn't have anything to look forward to.'

‘Who's Lara?'

‘She's my friend at the hospital. She's going to die.'

Dad Ben puts down his Milo. He sits beside me on the couch, and puts his arm around me. I lean my head on his shirt and I can hear his heart beating and feel his warm skin through his shirt.

When I get back into bed, in the dark, I start to feel afraid again. I try to think about the things Dad Ben said instead.

Tomorrow we are going to go for a picnic at the lake. If it is warm enough, we will go swimming. Sometimes people ride horses around the lake. When I get Atta Girl I will do that too.

15

Invitation

Dad Ben picks me up from school because Mum and Rhys are at the hospital. Morgan has never met Dad Ben or seen his motorbike before so she is very impressed. Dad Ben says he will give her a ride one day. Charlotte was always too scared, but I bet Morgan would do it because she has a sense of adventure like me.

At home we have a Boston bun for afternoon tea. There is a lot of bun for only two people. Dad Ben says we could save some for tomorrow. But I say it is not nice the next day because the icing goes all dry. Dad Ben agrees, and we live in the moment and eat it all.

Dad Ben is doing the dishes so I go to my room. I don't want to draw about my day because nothing happened today except that Rory got in trouble for singing in maths. It was funny at first, because Rory kept singing out the maths problems, but it got annoying and Mr Parks yelled at him. Even then Rory kept singing and got sent to Time-Out. Rory is brave.

Even though I am having a nice afternoon with Dad Ben, I can't help wondering what Lara is doing at the hospital. I have not seen her since we went to visit Finnigan but I think about her all the time.

Dad Ben comes to my room. ‘What are you up to?'

‘Nothing.'

‘Do you feel like coming for a ride?'

‘Maybe.'

‘Do you want to go down to the beach?'

‘Okay.'

We go out to the bike and Dad Ben hands me my helmet.

‘Um, Dad Ben?' I say.

‘Stevie?'

‘Can we go to the hospital instead?'

At the hospital, Dad Ben asks the nurse at the desk if we can visit Lara. It is Lara's favourite nurse, Cecilia. I think she must like Dad Ben because she keeps touching her ponytail, which I read in a magazine is a sign. I guess Dad Ben doesn't like her, though, because he doesn't touch his ponytail.

Lara is sitting in the chair next to her bed.

‘Hi, Stevie,' she says.

‘Hi, Lara,' I say.

‘How are you?' she asks.

‘I'm fine. Thanks for taking me to see Finnigan and for the ride on Buttercup and everything.'

Dad Ben says, ‘Hi, Lara, I'm Ben. I'm Stevie's friend. How are you feeling?'

‘Better this week.'

Dad Ben sits in the chair next to the bed. Lara tells me I can sit on the bed.

Dad Ben asks Lara all about what it's like being in the hospital and what the nurses are like. Lara tells a funny story about a girl who couldn't find the toilet and wet her pants in the corridor. I guess it wouldn't be funny if you were the girl, but we all laughed because Lara made it funny.

‘So do you live around here or are you just visiting?' Lara asks Dad Ben.

‘Well, I've been working up in Queensland recently. I've come back for Grandparents and Friends Day at Stevie's school.'

‘What's that?' asks Lara.

‘It's just a thing,' I say. ‘We all have to dress up for our Australian history project and do a presentation for all the Grandparents and Friends. And then there'll be a sausage sizzle and a craft stall.'

‘Is this the one where you're going to do your suffragette presentation?'

‘Yes.'

‘I wish I could go,' says Lara.

On the way out of the hospital I say to Dad Ben, ‘Don't tell Mum we went to see Lara'.

‘Why not?'

‘She doesn't want me to be friends with her because she's a teenager.'

‘I don't like lying to your mum, Stevie.'

‘Please?'

He doesn't answer.

That night I can't sleep again. I keep thinking about visiting Lara. I want her to come to Grandparents and Friends Day. I just don't know how I could keep it a secret from Mum. Also, Morgan would keep asking Lara questions about having cancer, which would be really embarrassing.

I will get up for a glass of water. Maybe Dad Ben and Mum won't notice if I sit down and watch the television very quietly.

Mum and Dad Ben are talking in the lounge room. I sit on the floor in the corridor. I know I'm not supposed to eavesdrop, but I always do. That was how I found out that Dad Ben was going to Toowoomba because he couldn't get a job here and Mum was sick of it.

‘But they're friends!' says Dad Ben.

‘I just think it's too sad for her,' says Mum.

‘Life is sad. She already knows about that with Rhys being sick. You can't protect her from it, it's already happened.'

Mum's voice gets louder. ‘Don't compare Rhys with Lara. Rhys is going to get better. It's a completely different situation.'

Then Mum is crying. I go to the bathroom and have a drink from the tap.

It's not fair that Lara can't come to Grandparents and Friends Day. We all need something to look forward to. And Lara is my friend.

I go back to the lounge room and open the door.

Mum and Dad Ben look up as I come in.

‘I want to invite Lara to Grandparents and Friends Day. She wants to come.'

‘It's not that easy,' says Mum.

‘Why?'

‘Because she's very sick, Stevie.'

‘So is Rhys. And you want his friends to visit him.'

‘But it's different with Lara.'

‘Why is it different?' I ask. But it is not a proper question. I know the answer. ‘I know she's going to die. But so is everyone.'

Dad Ben picks me up after school again the next day. Morgan is getting used to seeing his motorbike. We go to the bakery cafe and Dad Ben has a coffee. I have a chocolate milkshake. It is delicious.

We are sitting in the window and Charlotte and her mum walk past. She sees Dad Ben and waves. He waves back. So of course Charlotte's mum comes inside.

Charlotte stays outside reading the noticeboard.

‘Hello, Ben!' says Charlotte's mum.

Dad Ben stands up and they kiss each other on the cheek. ‘Hello, Joy,' he says.

‘I didn't know you were back from Queensland,' she says. ‘Charlotte never tells me anything!'

As if Charlotte would know. As if she talks to me anymore.

‘Yeah, no, I've only just got back. I arrived on the weekend,' says Dad Ben.

‘It must be great for Miranda having you back. It's been hard.'

‘It's great to see everyone again,' says Dad Ben.

‘What were you doing up there?'

‘This and that. Working.'

‘It's been such a hard time.
Such
a hard time. I haven't seen Miranda around recently, she must be terribly busy, and Stevie hasn't come over to play for a while. How is Miranda?'

‘She's doing well. You know what she's like – never complains.'

‘Yes, but sometimes it's the tough ones who fall apart.'

‘Well, so far she's in one piece.'

Dad Ben sits down.

Charlotte's mum bends over to get closer to him. ‘And how is Rhys?' she whispers. ‘I heard, well, I don't like to say in front of . . .' She nods towards me.

‘He's having chemo, it's going really well,' says Dad Ben. ‘We're just going to the hospital now.'

‘Well, that's good. But it's hard isn't it?'

‘We're doing pretty well.'

Outside, Charlotte is getting impatient. She is staring through the window at her mum with her arms crossed.

‘Well, I'd better keep going. This one runs me ragged,' she says, pointing at Charlotte. ‘We're off to buy more earring hooks before the shop closes. I'm sure I'll see you again.' She winks at Dad Ben. ‘And, Stevie, you must come over for a play again sometime. You still haven't met Cinnamon, have you?'

Charlotte's mum gets her handbag jammed in the door on the way out and the bells jangle like mad as she yanks it through.

‘That woman,' says Dad Ben. ‘Joy, not. She should be called Misery.'

At the hospital Lara is in bed and her mum is sitting beside her in the chair.

Dad Ben introduces himself. ‘I'm Ben,' he says. ‘I'm staying with Stevie's family at the moment.'

‘Nice to meet you – I'm Sarah,' says Lara's mum.

‘Stevie has something that she'd like to ask Lara,' Dad Ben says.

‘Do you want to come to Grandparents and Friends day?' I say. ‘It doesn't matter if you don't. It's probably going to be really boring and stuff.'

But Lara smiles. ‘That would be great!'

‘Okay. That's interesting,' says Lara's mum. ‘How about you and I go for a little walk?' she says to Dad Ben.

‘Sure,' says Dad Ben, and they go outside.

‘She's hopeless,' says Lara. ‘She never lets me do anything.'

‘Do you think you'll be allowed to come?'

‘Hopefully. But by the way, who is that Ben guy?' says Lara.

‘Oh, he's my Dad Ben. He was away but now he's back. But it might just be for a visit, I'm not sure.'

‘He's hot!'

I don't want to talk about this; he's just my Dad Ben.

‘Will you draw me another horse?' I ask her.

Lara draws a picture of me riding Buttercup.

Dad Ben and Lara's mum come back in.

‘So can I go?' asks Lara.

‘Alright,' says Lara's mum. ‘We'll ask the doctors, and if they say it's okay and you're well enough on Friday, we'll see.'

*

At recess on Thursday, Morgan, Teegan and I talk about Grandparents and Friends Day. Teegan's gran is coming from Wodonga. Teegan says when she goes to visit them in Wodonga they walk across the bridge over the Murray River and in the middle you can have one foot in New South Wales and one in Victoria. It is one of my dreams to go interstate.

‘Who are you bringing?' Morgan asks me.

‘Dad Ben,' I say. ‘And I might bring someone else too, but I'm not sure yet.'

‘Who?'

‘I'm not sure if she can come yet.'

‘But who is it?'

‘You'll find out.'

‘Fine, keep your secret,' says Morgan.

Teegan and I look at each other, wondering if Morgan is going to get in a huff again.

‘Anyway, I thought it could only be old people,' says Morgan. ‘And Ben's not old.'

‘I didn't know that was the rule,' I say.

‘Well it is
Grandparents
and Friends Day. They only added the Friends part for kids who don't have grandparents. But you're still supposed to bring an old person as a friend. Like how Rory's bringing Mrs Potter from the butcher's shop.'

Mrs Potter is very old. She is wrinkly and doesn't understand the internet. Maybe Morgan is right.

*

In silent reading I can't enjoy my book because I am too busy worrying about Grandparents and Friends Day. Even though Lara is in a wheelchair, she doesn't look old, she just looks sick. Maybe Lara will be the only young person there and the only person in a wheelchair. And Dad Ben is not an old person either. He is very strong. But Dad Ben has come all the way from Queensland for Grandparents and Friends Day. They are both really looking forward to it.

At lunchtime I go out to the bench with Morgan.

‘Where's your lunch?' she asks.

I slap my forehead. ‘Oh, I'm so silly – I forgot it,' I say.

I go back into the portable. Mr Parks is wiping off the board.

I stand behind him.

He turns around. ‘Can I help you with something, Stevie?' he asks.

‘I forgot my lunch.'

‘Okay, go and get it then.'

I get out my mandarin and fruit roll-up from my bucket. I walk back to the door. I have nearly missed my chance.

‘Um, Mr Parks?' I say.

‘Yes, Stevie?'

‘You know Grandparents and Friends Day?'

‘Yes, I do know it.'

‘Well, who can you bring? I mean, if you're bringing a Friend instead of a Grandparent, do they have to be old?'

‘You can bring whoever you want, as long as it's okay with your parents,' says Mr Parks.

‘Oh. That's good. I thought it was just for old people.'

‘No. Not everyone is going to be old.' Then he adds, ‘Although, it depends what you mean by old.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘Well, am I old?'

‘Yes. I mean no. You are old, but you're not grandparent old,' I say.

‘Well, not everyone at Grandparents and Friends Day will be grandparent old,' he says. ‘Brendan's bringing his Uncle Liam and he's my age. Liam and I went to school together.'

I've never thought about Mr Parks going to school before. I think maybe he might have been like Rory when he was at school.

I walk down the steps of the portable. Then I think about Lara in her wheelchair. She won't be able to get up the steps.

I go back into the classroom.

‘Yes, Stevie?'

‘One of the people I'm bringing has a wheelchair.'

‘That's not a problem.'

‘But she won't be able to get up the portable steps.'

‘Good point. I can arrange a ramp for the day. But thanks for letting me know.'

When I go back out to the bench Morgan is talking to Kaylee.

‘You took forever,' says Morgan. ‘What were you doing?'

Questions, questions, questions.

For the last class Mr Parks gives us Free Work Time. It is like Free Time except you have to do actual work. Most of the class are putting the finishing touches on their history projects. Morgan and I don't really have anything to do. We finished ours weeks ago.

‘We could do a black outline for the bubble writing,' I say.

‘Nah, that will make it too heavy,' says Morgan.

‘We could practise our talk again?' I say.

But when we start to practise we just end up laughing because we have practised it so many times. Morgan starts doing a funny voice and I can't stop laughing. Mr Parks tells us to quieten down or Free Work Time will be over.

At the end of the class Mr Parks announces the order for the project presentations. Morgan and I have to go first. Mr Parks did not even draw names out of a hat, he just made a decision. It is not fair, so Morgan and I go to talk to him at the end of the day.