Steering the Stars (25 page)

       In my life, hope had never been fair. I had hoped my mother would get better, but for years, all she got was weaker and weaker until one day she was too weak to open her eyes ever again. And, once upon a time, I had hoped my dad would step up and be a real parent. But he had proven time and time again that he was broken beyond repair.

       Was it even possible for hope to win? Was it in the realm of reality that Henry could like me back? He had asked me to Homecoming after all. I’d been blowing it off as a gesture of kindness, but there it was. That little
maybe, just maybe
whispering in my ear.

       These were the thoughts I turned over as we climbed back into Henry’s car and started for school.

       I’d been telling myself that the main reason I was keeping things from Hannah was that what I was feeling for Henry would blow over. But deep down, I knew that this was more than just a meaningless crush, at least on my end.

       Maybe I didn’t really believe that Henry liked me like
that,
but I was starting to realize that with the way I was feeling and with the dance coming up, I was going to have to come clean to Hannah. And soon. But, if I told her and somehow Henry found out, wouldn’t that ruin everything? Wouldn’t he be forced to put distance between us, if anything, just to save my feelings? That was just the kind of guy he was and, well, I wasn’t ready to lose him yet. Maybe it was stupid, but I would have done anything just to hold onto the feeling for a little bit longer.

       “Have you heard this song yet?”

       “What?” Startled, I glanced to the driver’s side. Henry had reached forward and was turning the radio up.

       “This song,” he said, settling back into the seat. “Have you heard it?”

       I hadn’t heard it but Henry obviously had. Many times. He had the lyrics memorized and when it hit the fourth verse, he started to sing along. There was something about listening to his off-tune voice botch the song that made me love it. The song was about a lost and forgotten love and when it was over, I clapped. He gave a partial bow as he turned the radio back down to background noise.

       “Henry?” I asked.

       “Hmm?”

     
 
“Can I ask you a question?”

     
 
“That is a question,” he pointed out.

     
 
“You know what I mean.”

       He glanced over so that our eyes met for a split second. “And you know you can always ask.”

     
 
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure why I felt so nervous, but I did. My pulse was pounding in my head and wrists. “Why don’t you ever wear your letterman jacket any more?”

       He didn’t speak so I kept going. “I just noticed that Alec and Jaxson wore theirs and I… I guess I wondered about it.”

       “I don’t know, Care.”

       “Do you still have it?”

     
 
“Yeah, of course I do.” I could make out just a hint of annoyance. I should have taken that as a warning to stop this line of questioning, but now I was doubly curious.

       “Then why don’t you wear it?”

       He let out a heavy sigh and rotated his grip on the steering wheel. “I don’t know. Maybe I don’t bother with it anymore because the last person to wear it was Elise.”

       “Oh.” Her name hit my stomach like a heap of bricks.

     
 
“It seems like it’s tainted somehow.” He chuckled uncomfortably. “That’s stupid, huh?”

     
 
“No, I guess I understand,” I said quietly. “You were together for a while and you loved her, right?”

       He shrugged but I could still feel the tension in the air. It shrouded us like a thick fog. “I don’t know about that. More than anything our relationship was one of convenience. Elise and I have all the same friends and being together just seemed like the next logical step. But I’m glad it’s over.” I nodded and Henry said again, this time with more certainty, “I mean that. I am glad that we aren’t together anymore.”

       “That’s pretty much what Hannah said to me about Owen.”

     
 
“What do you mean?” he asked.

       “They broke up.”

       “What?”

     
 
“Actually,” I said, letting out a breath, “they’ve been broken up since Hannah left for London but she didn’t tell me until last night.”

       “Ouch.”

     
 
I shrugged. “Which explains why Owen was acting so strange when we saw him the night we got pizza. And why he’s been ignoring me since August.”

      Henry steered the car into a spot in the school lot and put it in park. “You should keep trying to talk to him.”

       I got out of the car and slammed the door shut. “I know. I’m just sad about it, which is sort of silly. It was inevitable, right? Obviously they were going to break up at some point. It’s not like you just fall in love with someone you’ve known for all your life and that’s the end of it.”

       “What? You don’t believe in happily ever after?”

       I laughed as we walked into the main building. “I save that for the movies.”

       The lunch bell rang and the hall immediately started to fill with students making their way to afternoon classes.

       “Just in the nick of time,” I commented over the growing noise.

     
 
“Yep.” Henry nodded. “Care, can I ask you a question?”

       I repeated his earlier words back to him. “That is a question.”

     
 
He smiled. “Have you told Hannah yet? You know, about Homecoming?”

     
 
Someone jostled me from behind. “No, um, not yet,” I said, regaining my balance.

       “Huh.”

       Was I imagining things or did he seem disappointed by my answer? Then I had a new thought. Slightly panicked, I said, “Oh no. Did you tell her already?”

       “No,” he answered right away. “I was waiting for you.”

       I blew out an exaggerated breath of relief then waved dismissively. “I mean, it’s not that big of a deal or anything. It just hasn’t come up yet.”

       “I get it, but you
are
planning on telling her?”

       “Of course!” A knot was forming in the pit of my stomach. “Soon, I promise.”

     
 
He nodded, but his eyebrows scrunched up in consternation. I almost reached up and smoothed the wrinkled skin there with my finger, but, luckily, I stopped myself.

       “Did I do something wrong?”

       “Homecoming is soon,” he said, completely sidestepping my question. “I think you should tell her before it gets too late. Unless you don’t want to go any—”

       I didn’t let him finish. “No, I want to.”

       He didn’t quite smile as he turned to walk away. “Then talk to her. And talk to Owen while you’re at it.”

       “I don’t know if he’ll answer,” I called out.

       He looked back. “That doesn’t mean you get to stop trying.”

****

To: Owen<
[email protected]
>

From: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 9

Subject: Hey friend!  

Hannah told me about the breakup. I understand why you’ve been avoiding me but I still think it’s stupid! And really, really, really (did I mention REALLY?) unfair. We’ve been friends all our lives. This is just a blip and we’ll all be friends again one day. I just know it.

TTYL,

Care             

____________
             

       Like usual, Henry was right. Just emailing Owen during last period made me feel better. I couldn’t be sure that he would respond but I had to keep trying. What I’d written in my message was true—we’d been friends before and we’d be friends again.

       The final bell rang, which meant rehearsal time. In a lame attempt to delay, I stopped by the vending machines that lined the quad and bought myself a peanut butter candy bar and a soda.
       “Hey, you headed to rehearsal?” Miles asked from behind me.
       “Yep, just needed some caffeine and the since the school lacks an on-campus Starbucks, this is going to have to work,” I said holding up my can of soda.
       “Shall we?” Miles gestured for me to lead the way. Even in normal conversation he had theatrical tendencies.
       “So I was wondering, do you have a date for Homecoming?” he asked.
       “Um, yeah. Actually I do.” I sounded surprised even to myself. “Henry asked me actually.”
       “Oh, are you—um, well, I mean, are you guys dating?”
       “What? No! Of course not. We’re just friends.”
       He let out a sigh of relief. “Great! Sooo, maybe we could go out sometime?”
       “Um, yeah, maybe. I mean, I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had much time to even think about—” I stumbled over my words searching for a reason to get away from Miles as quickly as possible. “Hey, I gotta use the ladies room. See you at rehearsal?”
       “Yeah, see you there.”
       I hid in the closest restroom for at least ten minutes—just until I was sure that Miles would be on stage and I could avoid having to give him a straight answer. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Miles—but it was strictly platonic. I just couldn’t see him differently. Not when there was Henry.

       When I finally got to the auditorium, I spotted Henry immediately. He was with the rest of the set crew on stage with Mrs. Cobb. He wrote something down on a notebook and then slipped the pencil he was using behind his ear. Was it crazy for me to think that one small gesture was so hot?
        Embarrassed by my own thoughts, I dropped my bag in the audience seats and slunk backstage with my candy bar and soda. Since it was our first full-length dress rehearsal, it was more crowded than usual, but I made out Miles pacing near the soundboard, obviously running through his lines. He waved when he saw me. I waved back and collapsed onto the floor behind a large amp to munch on my snack.

       “There you are!”

       A girl with short, spiky black hair grabbed my hand and yanked me to my feet. She was moving so fast I wondered if she’d been doing shots of Red Bull. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

       “You have?” I didn’t even know this girl’s name.

       “Emma is in charge of your clothes and I’m doing your makeup and hair. We have
got
to get started if we want to be ready in time.”

       “Okaaay. And what was your name again?”

       She rolled her eyes. “Kristin!”

       Kristin shoved me into a chair in front of a mirror and started pulling on the ponytail holder keeping my hair back. All at once, my red curls exploded around my shoulders. Another girl, who I assumed was Emma, began tugging at the hem of my shirt.

       I swatted her hand. “What are you doing?”

       “We’ve got to get you dressed,” she told me, reaching for my shirt again.

       I glanced around the busy backstage area in horror. At least I didn’t see Henry nearby. “Not in front of everyone…”

       Kristin jerked a round brush through my hair. “That’s the life of an actor. There’s no such thing as modesty.”

       Off went my shirt.

       And so began the most uncomfortable twenty minutes of my life. By the time Mrs. Cobb instructed us to take our places on stage and I was dressed in Eliza’s raggedy first outfit, I wasn’t sure it was possible to blush any harder.

        The music started and with it my already speeding heart turned into a jackhammer. I was breathing so hard and fast that I thought for sure I would hyperventilate.

       Stage directions… choreography… lines… My head was whirling. Where was I supposed to stand again? And what was I supposed to do with my hands? My feet?

       Everyone in the cast was staring at me—waiting for me to screw up. The lights were up, blinding me to the audience, but I knew Mrs. Cobb was out there watching. She had to be cringing by now and so disappointed that she had taken the risk and handed me this role. In my defense, I never wanted it in the first place. I would have been perfectly happy working backstage or in the chorus. Blending in was the kind of thing I excelled at. The background was where I belonged. This? This was crazy.

       “It’s a cold March night in Covent Garden,” Mrs. Cobb shouted, setting the scene.

       Everything was swirling around chaotically in my head. I felt someone bump into me from behind.

       “You should look where you’re going, sir,” Miles whispered loudly from the side stage while giving me a pointed look.